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The silence in his lover’s absence is… weird.
It’s been five days now since Iso’s has last seen Chamber in person. While Iso is stationary at base, Chamber is in Thailand. Brimstone leading the mission gives Iso the comfort of knowing their commander is leading the team, but worry doesn’t escape him. Chamber is still risking his life, and Iso is miles away.
Between waiting and training, texting Chamber isn’t enough. He’s restless without the physical proof that Chamber is fine. Anticipating his lover’s return feels like his world is blurring past him while he’s stuck in one place, waiting for a moment that may never come.
Still, Iso stretches his patience with fate, as he’s done for so long; but above all, he trusts Chamber. He trusts Chamber to come back home and return to him. The reassurance and comfort tied with Chamber’s ‘I love you’s tells Iso Chamber trusts him too.
Since he’s started dating Chamber, Iso has spent most evenings in the other man’s room. The barracks (resembling apartments) are quieter now without a quarter of the agents, and Iso’s passing the evening in his own room instead. Once, it isn’t unusual—surrounded by his own belongings and sleeping alone. Nowadays, it’s odd—not sleeping under Chamber’s sheets and dozing off to the smell of Chamber’s vanilla perfume.
It’s unnatural.
Tucked into his bed while skimming through his emails, Iso suddenly receives a message notification from Chamber.
“I hope you’re not staying up late, mon chou.”
A small smile tugs on Iso’s lips. It’s only 7 PM. Thailand’s clock is 12 hours ahead, which means it’s already 7 AM where Chamber is staying. “You’re awake surprisingly early.”
Chamber replies with an angry emoji. It’s immediately followed by a rose emoji and bouquet. Iso feels his own cheeks hurt from grinning. “You have a sharp tongue, but I love you anyway.”
“I love you too. What’s on your mind?”
“You.”
“Seriously.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“The amazing chicken ramen I had with Yoru earlier,” Iso sends with a ‘yum’ emoji with his text.
“You’re making me jealous.” The angry devil emoji Chamber sends somehow doesn’t look threatening when it’s from Chamber. “But it’s fine. I will spoil you with better chicken and ramen when I get back. Just you wait.”
Iso chuckles at the blushing emoji Chamber sends after. “I can’t wait :).”
“You like purple, yes?”
“Mhm?”
Chamber sends a picture of a silver necklace with an amethyst gem center piece displayed on a white mannequin. “This will look good on you.”
Funny how things can appear normal when they aren’t. War goes on, but Chamber still likes jewelry and Iso. Iso knocks on death’s door every battle, but he still thinks of eating dinner and passing the hours with Chamber. War does so little to change people but so drastically to the world.
Iso settles for a question, “Are you shopping right now?”
“You can say…”
Before Iso can finish responding, Chamber texts that he has to leave. An emergency. Iso understands, but disappointment weighs heavy on him. His last text to Chamber is, “Ok. Stay safe,” before Chamber finally goes offline.
The weird silence returns to Iso’s bedroom and weighs down on his chest. The unusual, lonely feeling blankets Iso, fluctuating like the beating of his heart. His body only calms in his sleep.
Sometimes, Iso joins Gekko for training. It’s been a week now since Chamber’s departure. For Gekko, he trains for routine’s sake. For Iso, he trains as a distraction.
The two men take turns at the shooting range. Latino pop plays in Iso’s ears, muting the gunshots from his Sherrif. On the target’s head, all six bullets hit with high accuracy and precision, exactly how Brimstone likes his soldiers. Approving, the training bot on stand-by holds its thumbs up.
“Wow!” Gekko pats Iso’s back after his round, taking off his mufflers. “You shoot exactly like him.”
“Him?” Iso taps an earbud to mute his playlist.
“Y’know, Chamber,” Gekko says. “You frown when you aim but smile you shoot. I’m sorry, s’that offensive?”
“No, no,” Iso rests his Sherrif on the table. “It’s okay. Thank you?” Flustered, he scratches behind his ear as a habit.
The cheerful initiator laughs, “No problem. It’s cute.”
Has Iso mirrored other things too? Can a year have already made either Iso and Chamber a reflection of each other? Days pass by so fast; everything appear like a blur. However, to Gekko it seems clear—Iso and Chamber are each other’s other half.
Frankly, Iso feels comforted by the idea. Anywhere, anytime, Chamber is with him. In words and actions, no matter how subtle.
“Hey, think you can beat my best?” Iso challenges Gekko.
“Hah. Today’s the day, Iso,” Gekko grins.
For the first time in long while, Iso’s afternoon passes him by slowly.
After 9 days, the Thailand team finally returns. Frankly, Iso hasn’t slept since Killjoy received the radio confirmation. In his ears, Iso hears loud gusts of wind while imagining Valorant’s aircraft fly from the East sky.
Rays of dawn sun slips through the gaps of Iso’s curtains. The anticipation of his lover’s return gravitates him to the windows where the carrier plane’s landing can be seen. Iso watches the plane’s silhouette transform from a small dot into the large aircraft as it flies closer to the base, listening to the sound of critters rustling the flora in their wake, the faint drumming of his heart in his ears. He hears nothing else.
Iso hates to think that Chamber may not be on that plane, but his doubts are present—present like the sound of aircraft taxiing on the driveway, gradually increasing in volume as it approaches.
It’s a few minutes past 7 AM when the team finally departs from the plane.
Iso waits for the team to finish their After Action Report at the canteen. He’s hardly touched his coffee, too preoccupied with his thoughts to consider his surroundings. Distracted, he doesn’t notice Raze when she approaches him and when she places a hand on his shoulder.
“Geez, someone’s jumpy,” she says when Iso flinches.
Iso doesn’t have the energy to be embarrassed, “Raze. You’re back.”
The next seconds are a blur. He doesn’t mean to squeeze Raze in an embrace but his body moves before he can think. Understandably, Raze returns the embrace, relaxing in his arms with a sigh.
“I’m glad you’re back,” Iso confesses after leaning away.
“I’m glad to be back too,” Raze says. “Someone’s waiting for you. At the clinic.”
Iso tenses under Raze’s grip—God, oh God—Chamber’s finally home.
“He’s… okay?”
“Yes.”
Raze beckons Iso to the clinic’s direction. His now-cold coffee is left forgotten on the canteen table. Iso walks, jogs, and breaks into a run. He’s spared enough patience for fate; he can’t spare another minute more.
His arrival is quiet—he has been since Chamber left. Now that Chamber’s here, Iso expected anything but silence. When Iso arrives, however, Chamber is asleep, his glasses left on the side of his pillow. A medical tape holds a patch of bandage on his left eye, covering a part of his forehead tattoo; otherwise, he’s fine. Thankfully, the light patches of brown on his arms where his injuries are healing and slowly reverting to its original color.
Now that Chamber is physically present, the silence is unbearably heavy.
“His condition is stable,” Sage says, approaching his side from the bedside table where she was writing a medical report. It’s early and the nurses haven’t arrived yet. “I won’t worry. He’s too stubborn to die.”
Iso huffs, “Good.” Relief sags his shoulders. The weight of worry that accumulated in his heart leaves with the sigh he exhales, replaced by the overwhelming desire to take Chamber in his arms and feel his lover’s warmth again.
For now, he gives Chamber the space to recover. He puts a hand over Sage’s shoulder, “How are you, 前辈?”
“Alive, thankfully,” Sage offers a weak smile. “It’s hard not to help when I can. Brimstone insists moderation,” she looks at her hands then, crystals covering her palm. “But I cannot sit still. I hardly have.”
Iso understands, terribly so. The tireless desire to move rewards him with dissatisfaction. While he hasn’t found a solution, he knows fighting against his body’s protest only ends in pain. He squeezes Sage’s shoulders, “Please rest. You’ve helped enough. I’ll watch over him now.”
“Of course,” Sage smiles genuinely this time. “Thank you, Iso.”
The weight of silence is lifted by time, easing Iso’s shoulders while he sits next to Chamber’s bed. Watching every breath expand and relax his lover’s chest calms the tension that has gripped Iso for so long.
…
“You’ll hurt your back, mon chou.”
Iso stirs awake. He notices the ache in his muscles first, having borne the weight of his head from sleeping. He notices the weight of someone’s hand on his head second. Finally, he realizes it’s Chamber touching him.
Finally, Chamber’s awake.
“Qīn'ài de,” Iso sits up and at last, meets Chamber’s eye. Dimmed by shadow, his caramel eyes look black, but no less kind than when he looks at Iso under the sun. All worries Iso has harbored since Chamber’s leave are forgotten the second he locked eyes with Chamber.
“Coucou.”
“Nǐ hǎo,” he smiles. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” Chamber says. “Although, I wish I could see you with both eyes.”
Iso watches Chamber place a hand over his bad eye, bandaged with a patch. He must be smiling because Chamber is suddenly grinning. “What?” He says.
“It’s just… a pleasure to see you again, my sweet. One eye less or not.”
“I’m glad to see you too,” Iso holds Chamber’s hand, removing the pressure Chamber had against his own wound. “I want to ask you more questions but…”
“I need to rest?” Chamber finishes for him. Iso nods. “You are right. However, please allow me to indulge myself.”
From his breast pocket, he reveals a small black velvet pouch. He hands it to Iso who accepts it. “What is this?” His lover asks.
“Your favorite.”
His favorite? A word hardly narrows down Iso’s favorites, and so does a patch. When he loosens the small thread keeping the pouch close, he’s surprised to find a familiar amethyst necklace. It’s the accessory Chamber revealed he thought suited Iso.
“Lilac—” Chamber says, “—just like your eyes.”
There’s a silence that comes with surprise—the kind that lags your mind and stops words from coming out of your mouth. Love inflicts that same silence—the kind that stops your breath and lifts the weight off your chest. In that moment, Iso is awfully silent.
Iso stares at the gem in his palm and wonders if it’s warm, the same way when Chamber’s hands are on his. The feeling of being cared for and thought of, in his absence and otherwise, already is the warmest feeling. In words, actions, and thoughts—subtly and not—Iso is never alone, because Chamber chose to be with him.
The gem is only part of this promise.
“Thank you,” Iso says. “Thank you, my dear.”
“Je taime,” Chamber smiles before kissing him.