Work Text:
For twelve minutes her body acts on its own. Autopilot thanks to years of working as a nurse.
For eleven minutes no one says what they are all thinking. It's Robby who has crashed his bike. It's him who is coming in. Unsure if it is an accident or purpose. Dana thinks if they did she may throttle them for speaking it into existence.
For ten minutes she can feel Jack hovering nearby. He should have left already. She doesn't look at him, because if Dana had her eyes would have held accusations. “You were supposed to stop him. Make him come back to this hospital, to us, to me.”
For nine minutes Dana prays to a God she doesn't believe in anymore inside her head. She lost her faith on a rainy Tuesday afternoon after they failed to save a child. It had hit both her and Robby hard. She lost her faith but grew closer to him. Dana always thought it was a fair trade off.
For eight minutes Eileen Shamsi is in the ED. She doesn't need to be. If Dana had to guess she wanted to be there for Javadi if the worst happened. Javadi, Santos, Whitaker and Langdon have never had to treat one of their own before. It brings a level of unique guilt if you can't save them.
For seven minutes Dana would kill for a cigarette. She picked a hell of time to quit. It had never been for her health. In her mind if she hadn't been outside for a cigarette, she never would have been attacked. It'd been someone else. She feels guilty all the time for wishing it was someone else.
For six minutes not for the first time in her life Dana wants her mom. She wants her to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be okay. The way she did was Dana little and terrified of thunderstorms.
For five her hands shake, Dana doesn't notice it not until Cassie puts her hand on hers to stop it. It doesn't work but she appreciates the gesture.
For four minutes Dana Evans what her life would have been like had she been willingly to leave her husband. If she had been brave enough to try and start a life with Robby. Benji had been the safe choice. A good husband and even better father. If he had given one good reason to leave she would have.
For three minutes she has to fight the urge to cry. Because soon she will know who that person is. If it's Robby, Dana doesn't know what she will do. She only came back to work for him. This place had become hell; they had both chained themselves too.
For two minutes Trinity Santos digs something sharp into the palm of her hands. Dana sees her do it and can't make her mouth work to stop her. The younger woman reminds her of Robby and not for the first time that scares her.
For one minute every second feels like an hour. Dana doesn't breathe. She doesn't look at anyone. It takes every bit of her strength to keep standing. Samira said something but she didn't hear it.
The relief that it isn't Robby, that it's some other poor soul who is likely to die is what makes her cry. It's Perlah who tells her to take a break. It's Jack that makes her go home. Dana doesn't know if can spend every day of Robby's sabbatical waiting to hear whether he's dead or alive. Leaving her or coming back.