Work Text:
It was an often discussed matter in the Milverton Manor why Ruskin, the secretary of the household master, Master Milverton, never had any interest to date people. As he was a handsome young man with a fine salary and a polite, quiet and shy attitude which was often found sweet by women, it would pose no problem for him to get into a serious or even a non-serious relationship. This was the reason why everyone thought that it was strange that Ruskin didn't attempt either of them. He rarely left the manor if not fulfilling a task for Master Milverton and he didn't pay attention to the maids who tried to conquer his heart, one by one. Ruskin never refused anyone in a rude manner - he merely treated all of them in a distant, professional way. The maids soon completely gave up on Ruskin and tried to find another boyfriend. After their failure, another gossip began to arise regarding Ruskin's preferences. That he was one of those men who preferred men.
However, this gossip quickly died out as the secretary showed no interest towards his own gender either. No one could catch him in a confusing scenario, not even in a misunderstandable situation. Ruskin isolated himself from everyone who was not Master Milverton. His complete disinterest resulted in several speculations of why he is the way he is - cold, closed, mechanic. Some servants suspected that once he was in love and his fiancé chose someone else in the end, leaving him behind and breaking his heart and trust in humanity. After his first love was in vain, Ruskin never loved again and only lived for his work. The maids started to pity his unfortunate soul - but Ruskin, even if he noticed these looks, made no remark about them, leaving everyone with an uncovered mystery. Ruskin didn't tell the truth - so the household staff couldn't suspect how wrong they were all along.
They didn't know that Ruskin had a love - his first and last and only love.
They were not there in the study to see the looks the devoted servant gave to his master. They were not there in the dressing room to see how much care he pampered his beloved's body with. When his otherwise dull gaze shone up in ecstasy even for the slightest compliment, how he fantasized in his bed before he fell asleep that the blanket he was holding was a body. Ruskin hid his greatest secret well, so no one could guess that he was very much in love - that he only lived for one person, that his heart was beating for the man he served every day. Nor did they know about the wishful soul who never thought about himself. Only Mr. Milverton's happiness mattered to him, even if, just like them, he couldn't see the truth either.
But this truth was meant to be kept away from the surface, only existing in Ruskin's heart. That whatever the future will bring, his first love will last forever. He will never stop loving Mr. Milverton, even if they get separated, and he eventually wanted to give his life for him.
They didn't know - and it was better that they didn't know. They would just pity Ruskin more when he needed no pity. He was already content with only his feelings, that he could be on his beloved's side and he was allowed to make him happy.