Work Text:
Title: F my x, you’re the one I can’t function without.
Part 1A
Section I
I see through fresh eyes
As if the day is young.
Though your countenance shines and blooms with colour,
Your language is foreign to my tongue.
I had swum through mud,
For a connection, an understanding, a tether,
But had only found tear filled days of sorrow,
Despair…then drought.
And through it all there remained a delightful coldness in your gaze;
Glaring with indifference.
A frozen smile, mockery.
Coward. Stupid. Unworthy.
I turned away with resentment.
Hatred burned in my lungs, and yet…
My awe of you never left the valves of my heart.
At every curvature, be it the crest of pride or the trough of shame,
My heart races in your presence, and my mind drags to halt.
(I can’t function without you)
…
Part 1A
Section II
You crush me at every turn,
Yet my eyes still raise to seek you.
(Are you sin bby cos ur simply irresistible x)
…
Part 1B
I’ve found my confidence.
No longer the child that cared too much.
No longer the child that regarded you with a married standard.
No longer the child that desperately clung to you.
I’ve grown, and I can stand without you.
Flirtatiousness is sewn in my demeanour,
A cold smile to rival yours,
And on my lips, a love for humour.
I’m here for the season, here for the glow.
"Hello darling, it’s been a while."
I let go.
END of Part 1
Part 2a
Title: Thirty-One Point Five.
Time is at a standstill
Just you and I staring at each other, evenly.
Let go, I have told myself
Desperate.
And while I tried to hold you at arm's length,
You have somehow slipped between the cracks of my indifference.
And now my eyes are burning with tears
Heart clenching at your absence
Shame wrought on my face
I can read you better now.
Your cold countenance is laced with an expression of disappointment.
You laid your dictionary at my feet.
But caught in the hazy confusion of life,
Tangled in my own idiocy
And drowned in my own mind;
I pushed the chance away.
The chance to be with you.
And now I’m here to bid goodbye
A farewell that I never expected to hurt…
For all the beauty of language and the arts,
There is none like you.
I’m sorry.
…
Part 2b
I pushed everyone away to be with you.
I made you the source of my joy,
My refuge in times of sorrow
And now you are gone.
You have brought me to ruin.
Crushed me
Beyond recognition.
END of Part 2
…
Will I ever be enough?
Will I always be a fool,
When it comes to you?
Part 3a
Title: Renewal
A new season of colour
Stained with a tide of trepidation
That crashes over every surface of my mind.
You don’t even look at me.
Standing there coldly,
With your gaze fixed elsewhere.
Acknowledge me, remember me
My plea dies on my tongue.
As I try to retreat into the shadows,
To hide from you,
To hide from my fear.
You had laid your dictionary at my feet…
And yet,
Failure.
Failure, failure, failure…the word
Burns on my mind, etched into every
Crevice of my soul.
I give up, I scream
I’m scared.
I’m scared of failure.
I’m scared of humiliation.
But while others taunt me,
Burn me, with their gaze
Heat licking up every strand of my sanity
You are there to cool me.
To comfort
To heal
To calm me.
Fate divides us, my love.
My cowardice catalyses my demise.
Burn with me, please.
An invisible smile graces your lips.
Okay.
Just for the season?
For the season. And stolen moments
Between the gaps of that which barricades us
From joining in unity.
You take my hand.
“Indulge me.”
…
Cracks in the sky
Crescent pool on concrete from the rain
Together we’ll get by
And live within the roadside stain.