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I've had a chance to look at the files for those three you mentioned.
Yeah? What do you think?
Squirrel-guy. He has a history of moving in on chuunin when their jounin start withdrawing. Removing him will be a public service.
Hmm. You're sexy when you're multitasking. Shall we start next week?
Sure. Now come back to bed.
Iruka's neighbors give him pitying looks in the morning. He pointedly ignores them.
His friends are a bit harder to put off, but he pulls his uniform collar as high as he can and steadfastly pretends that the concealer covering the bruises on his neck and cheekbone isn't a bad match for his skin color. (The medic nin at the school pulls him aside and hisses something about getting the person who caused the bruises to buy a better concealer. Iruka just stares at him with moist eyes and mumbles something about not knowing when he'll see him again. The medic tells him to stop making people angry.)
By the end of the day, however, it's all over town that Umino Iruka did something to piss off Hatake Kakashi, who was at least sane enough not to just kill the chuunin and instead is now out on a mission. Those who don't have a reason to worry about some random chuunin assume that this is overblown--the Copy Nin is more likely to have seen the opportunity to make money than to be worrying about whether he's likely to beat a lower-ranked nin. Those who do worry about Iruka eventually get a confused story about a tea bowl, Kakashi-san's mother, and housecleaning--they don't care why the jounin's gone, but they are thankful that it's long enough for the bruises to fade from Iruka's face.
I'm ready, when you are.
You can go ahead and throw my mother's tea bowl away, you know. It's not like I need it to remember her.
I like it, though. I'm going to use one of my mother's.
Everyone in the Mission Room knows when the Copy Nin returns. The sudden spike of chakra makes everyone tense, including Iruka, and then everyone else shifts, leaving a space in front of Iruka's desk. One of the privileges of rank is being allowed to go to the head of the line when turning in mission reports; that the rest of the shinobi in the room have decided that the open line is for Iruka's desk is because they are hoping for a nice bit of juicy gossip.
It takes only a couple hours for the news to get around that Umino Iruka, a mere chuunin, had the temerity to try to touch Hatake Kakashi in public, and the jounin had, quite appropriately, snubbed him.
For weeks afterward, Iruka feels even more eyes than usual on him everywhere he goes. The Copy Nin, his friends tell him, is being rather a dog in the manger about Iruka. He won't come near Iruka, but he won't release his claim, either. Iruka's reduced to chatting with the squirrel that starts to come to his kitchen window.
Finally! I thought you'd never come back.
I can't stay long; there's an extra patrol out tonight.
I've been told to convince you to buy me come decent concealer, by the way. Once we're on speaking terms, again, I suppose.
So in a few weeks, hmm?
You'll just have to watch where your teeth are until then.
Everybody in Konoha knows that Hatake Kakashi spends a lot of time at the Memorial Stone. Everybody disagrees on why he does so, but very, very few know the truth. The truth they all know is that if he is in the village and someone wants to find him, the Memorial Stone is the place to look. So when the story starts making the rounds that Umino Iruka ran into the Copy Nin at the Memorial Stone, everybody knows that the chuunin is getting desperate for closure, which surprises no one. That Iruka was just left at the Stone is the part of the story that the gossips speculate over--that jounin are crazy bastards is the default answer.
The squirrel is still coming around.
Hmmm.
Could you take a moment to talk to me rather than marking my collarbone?
I can multitask; I'm a jounin.
I'm being stalked by a squirrel, Kakashi; it's getting embarrassing. They'll all think I can't protect myself.
Disproving that is the point, isn't it? Shall I leave Pakkun with you, just in case?
Probably a good idea, just in case.
Loud voices and the sounds of bodies hitting walls aren't enough to raise eyebrows, but when killing intent comes into play, especially from an apartment known to occasionally house one of the village's most dangerous nin, Iruka's neighbors call the patrol in a panic. When the patrol arrives, the neighbors watch in fascinated horror as the door swings open to reveal Iruka, blood streaked across his chin from a cut on his lower lip, and the Copy Nin, blood covering his hand, and the body of another of Konoha's jounin, blood soaking his uniform around the kunai lodged in his heart. The patrol closes the door behind them, but the story making the rounds the next day is that the jounin attacked Iruka just before Hatake Kakashi came by to retrieve something he'd left in Iruka's apartment. It's never clear whether the jounin simply wanted Iruka for himself or if he was carrying out some oblique attack on the Copy Nin.
Next time, let's come up with something that doesn't require me to have blood removed from my rugs. It's ridiculously expensive for something that must be fairly common.
Next time? Do you have someone in particular in mind?
Not yet, but I've got some options for you.
Really?
Like I said, public service.
By the end of the following week, the gossips are much more interested in the news that Hatake Kakashi was seen buying concealer in a tone that would match Umino Iruka's skin. By the end of the month, they aren't interested in Iruka except for the stories of his very amusing blow-ups in the Mission Room.
