Work Text:
Frank loved sleepovers. Specially when Illi was the one to suggest it.
Obviously, he had just as much fun when they spent the night at his place, but he still got giddy when his girlfriend was the one to initiate this kind of affection, despite the fact they've been dating for about six months by now.
Sometimes they'd sit together without talking much, Illi drawing while Frank scribbled lyrics, Frank would never admit out loud how inspired he got just by being near the girl, he didn't want to sound too lovesick as not to scare her off. Which did sound a bit insane, he knew Illi loved him, she said so after a month of being together, and he had corresponded gladly at the time. Honestly, he had wanted to say 'i love you' since the second or third time he met her, but that would've definitely scared her off.
If he were a little smarter, he would've noticed how his girlfriend very obviously filled her sketchbook pages with drawing after drawing of him, his face from different angles, his concentrated expression as he wrote and scratched words on the paper. Obviously Frank knew Illi had drawn him before, she'd show him a couple of her favorite pieces, but she didn't really let him on on the extension of how many of her illustrations were of him. He never even thought of peeking into it when she wasn't near either, it was too personal. He'd hate for anyone, even Illi, to snoop on his lyrics notebook without his permission.
Frank was also pretty sure she liked to draw some. Let's say, even more private stuff than her usual art. A few weeks ago he had entered Illi's room once to surprise her and caught her having some intimate time, he didn't mind much for details at the time, half an hour later, when they were both laying on Illi's bed, Frank noticed her sketchbook open, face down at her side on the mattress. When he asked her about it, she turned beet red from her collar bone to the roots of her hair so quick Frank thought she had a sudden fever. He mercifully didn't insist on it after she stumbled over her words trying to say a whole sentence for the third time.
He thought it was sweet. And a little hot.
There were other times they had sleepovers where they couldn't seem to fucking stop talking, they'd speak over each other, trying to let out as much information in a short period of time as possible. There wasn't a consistent topic, they talked a lot about movies, comics, books, shows and music. They obviously had a lot in common, so it was easy to just discuss which universe's zombie was the most scary on a scale of terrifying to letal, for hours without getting tired, or running out of material of discussion, they've both watched more zombie-related media than the healthy amount. Sometimes they'd talk while there was a movie playing as background noise, after the movie ended, they'd get ready to sleep and just. Keep talking, but whispering, facing each other on the bed until one of them fell asleep first, which was usually Frank.
There was a third kind of sleepover, but those didn't envolve nearly as much talking, or drawing, or writing. It was much more about being close. In any way, really.
Yesterday had been more like the third kind, Frank had been dragged to Illi's room in the basement as soon as he arrived, he barely said hi to Mikey or her parents before they disappeared downstairs, he didn't have time to feel embarrassed before his girlfriend was eagerly pulling him in the bed's direction, kissing him senseless. That was a nice reception to say the very least.
Waking up the morning after was always heaven, all tangled up under the thick covers, surrounded by their warmth.
The best part of spending the night at Illi's was probably waking up in her room, where everything smelled like her.
But today was different, when Frank woke up he didn't have Illi's face pressed on his neck, didn't have her arms wrapped around him, keeping their bodies snuggled up. He blinked at the ceiling in confusion for a second before he heard the water running on the sink, he felt a bit silly, feeling the frown he hadn't realize his face was forming disappear, God had he always been this needy? Or was it the constant affection spoiling him too much? He stretched on the bed like a dog waking up from a long nap, after a little searching, he found his boxers and pulled them over his legs. On the first drawer inside Illi's wardrobe there were a bunch of clothes Frank left there for convenience, he pulled some old shorts out and put them on. He walked over to the bathroom and pushed the door, it wasn't open all the way, he couldn't really see inside but he didn't think there would be any problem, he and Illi had grown accustomed to sharing the bathroom just like any other room of their respective houses.
When Frank opened the door, Illi was staring at him trough the mirror with huge eyes, her face had a soft cream spread on it, she held a, seemingly, very sharp blade.
"GET OUT!" she yelled and kicked the door shut, by a small distance, it didn't hit Frank right in the nose, he took a step back anyway.
Fuck.
Alright.
He froze in place, looking at the door with a wide eyed expression. What was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to say anything at all? He should probably wait for her to come out anyway. Yeah, definitely wait. Not panic. Frank panicked a little bit anyway. Was he not allowed to ever see Illi shaving? He was pretty sure she didn't grow a lot of facial hair, but he wouldn't really know, she never let it grow at all, not even a stubble, Frank has never seen her with as much as a 5 o'clock shadow. Was it an actual big deal or did she just react on impulse? He thought of her scared expression when he opened the door. Fuck, he should've knocked. He realized he was still standing right in front of the door and decided to sit at the bed. He stumbled back and fell down heavily. The best thing was to just wait for his girlfriend to come out the bathroom. So he did.
A few minutes passed, then a few more. Definitely more than necessary to finish up what Illi was doing, but Frank waited patiently, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the bathroom door like it owed him something, then the handle tilted and very slowly Illi pulled it open.
When Frank saw the way she was adverting her gaze to the ground, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, he felt like a heavy weight being placed on his chest.
"Illi, baby I-" he cut himself when he heard a soft sniffle, Illi wiped her eyes harshly with the back of her hand, but didn't say anything. Frank got up and walked to her immediately, stopping only a few centimeters away and raising both arms, ready to comfort his girlfriend like he usually would. When she flinched like a hurt animal, he realized it was different when he was the reason she was crying to begin with.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable baby" Frank pleaded softly, letting his hands fall back to his sides, trying not to feel hurt, she was obviously not in a cuddly mood. He let the seconds stretch, giving some time for Illi to answer if she wanted to. The tension was palpable, he stared at her intently while she kept her eyes locked on her feet.
"I... I didn't want you to see it." she said with a chocked voice, hugging herself, as if trying to appear smaller unconsciously, it broke Frank's heart in a million pieces, all he wanted was to hold her tight until she stopped crying. He pressed his lips in a line, crossing his arms to stop himself from reaching out again.
"Illi, you know I know who you are right?" He asked, doing his best not to look at her with pity, he knew she'd hate that. Illi lifted her face, blinking hard to dissipate the tears, making them trickle down her face, she looked like a doll when she cried, but now didn't seem the time for Frank to mention it. Illi seemed to consider his words, but she quickly shook her head.
"That's not... It doesn't matter, I'd rather you pretend you didn't see me..." she waved behind herself in the bathroom's general direction "doing that." She said, looking genuinely embarrassed, Frank thought of how he'd be able to suggest therapy again without sounding like a dick, maybe in a few days he could bring it up over dinner?
"Baby. I'm not under the impression you're a cis girl, I'm sure you know that?" Illi rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I'd fucking know, wouldn't I!?" She muttered irritated, Frank tried his best not to snap back, he knew she was defensive because she felt threatened, but there wasn't any reason for her to feel like that! Why would he be bothered at all by her shaving? It's not as if he didn't know how her body worked, he had biology class in school just like everyone else. And he did tons of extra research when they started dating.
"Then why are you acting like that? There's nothing wrong!"
"Because!" She looked at him with wide eyes, raising both hands exasperated, blinking a few times before continuing "It's... humiliating." She whispered, feeling her eyes sting and fill with water again.
"Illi." He said softly.
"What!?" She nearly shouted.
"...Can I touch you?" Frank asked carefully. Illi kept staring at him, a confused frown playing on her expression before her bottom lip quivered, she let her arms fall and assented a moment before a loud cry ripped through her chest, Frank stepped forward, pulling her close as she collapsed. He rubbed her back, feeling her body trembling under his hands as she ugly cried on his shoulder, she smelled like lotion and sleep, Frank turned his head, pressing a kiss on her temple.
"It's okay baby, it's alright." He whispered close to her ear, she went on sobbing, tightening her arms around Frank's neck.
Frank knew Illi hated feeling so vulnerable about her gender, even though Frank's sure his girlfriend doesn't really believe he'd think any less of her because of anything she did to feel better about herself. Let alone something as routine as shaving, Frank loved her no matter what, he couldn't understand how Illi could ever feel insecure about something so silly, specially with him of all people, but he also knew dysphoria didn't really make sense, he remembers how he used to get extremely anxious over texting, deathly scared of using emojis and appear too feminine. He had talked about it with Illi once, she assured him she'd never once thought he sounded feminine trough text, saying he was being nonsensical, then she kissed him and the subject was quickly forgotten. Frank wished he could solve Illi's self-doubt with a kiss, as easily as she had done back then.
It took a while for Illi to calm down, Frank stayed there, rocking their bodies slowly, petting her hair until she stopped sniffling. He still doesn't let out of the hug until Illi deliberately steps back, she rubs her eyes and passes her fingers on her hair, she looks behind Frank, then at his face, biting her bottom lip nervously. He holds her hand and pulls her to the bed again before she can overthink it, sitting down and motioning for her to sit too. She sits down heavily and sighs, Frank hesitates, then reaches in and grabs Illi's hand, seeing her smile weakly.
"I'm sorry, Frankie." She mumbled automatically.
"For what?" Frank asked, his tone indicating he wouldn't accept Illi apologizing for existing, she looks at him guiltily, as if thinking on something specific to apologize for without admitting she did it out of habit.
"...Yelling?" He laughed lightly, squeezing her hand as she smiled, they stayed silent for a while.
Frank considers not discussing it now, but he can almost see the gears turning on his girlfriend's head, she's staring at the wall with her eyebrows drawn together, tugging at her bottom lip anxiously.
"Illi." He taps the back of her hand, she whips her head to look back at him.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart." Frank murmurs, seeing his girlfriend tense, her jaw set, her lips pressed together.
"Frankie, I don't- I think I don't wanna talk about it."
"We can talk about it later if you prefer, but we do have to talk baby." They stare at each other, feeling the minutes stretch awkwardly. Illi backs down first, she looks at her lap and sighs, then nods. Frank will do his best not to make their conversation any more uncomfortable than it has to be, he caresses Illi's hand with his thumb, waiting for her to look back up. When she does, he smiles, bringing their entangled hands up too, kissing her knuckles adoringly.
"I love you." Frank reminds her, seeing her face flushing and adorable shade of pink.
"I love you, too" Illi mutters, squeezing his hand.
Frank looks at her now, really looks, her puffed out eyes and red nose, her hair is still disheveled from sleep. She's so gorgeous, Frank has trouble considering how this literal angel from fucking heaven could ever feel insecure about her own appearance, it's so unfair. But again, he knows insecurity doesn't aim on rationality. He stared at Illi's eyes, they were beautiful, just like the rest of her, but right now they transmitted hesitation.
Frank thought of what to say, maybe it'd be easier for Illi to understand if she put herself in his place?
"If I- And you know, that could happen- If I suddenly got my period, am I supposed to expect you to be put out by it?" He asked with a controlled tone, seeing Illi's face go from absent-minded to desperate in a minute, she shook her head vehemently. She reached out to hold Frank's other hand, shuffling on the bed so she can face him properly.
"Of course not!" She breathed out, her eyebrows shooting up, trying to make herself clear "Frankie, I know it can happen, I'd never think you're any less-" she cuts her sentence and holds Frank's gaze, her exasperated expression shifting into a defeated one, as if realizing she fell in a trap. Her lips tugging down.
"But Frankie-" Illi started again, ready to say how it was different when it was her.
"Then why would you be embarrassed about something I know you can't control?" He interrupted her, squeezing her hands, trying to make her understand.
"You're not less of a girl just because you're different, sweetheart." Frank continued, Illi looked away from his piercing gaze, staring at the spot on the wall over his shoulder. Frank sighed, letting go of one of her hands to place it delicately on her cheek, wiping away a insistent tear with his thumb, he tilted her head back to him. She sniffled and placed her hand on tops of Frank's.
"I don't love you despite the things you're ashamed of about yourself." He whispered "I love you because of them, every single thing about you is lovable, Illi. Even the ones you have to yet learn how to love too." Frank says. He wipes away another tear and leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek, when he backs away again to give the girl some space, she shakes her head. Illi lets go of her boyfriend's hands and latches her arms around him, burying her face on the crook of his neck. Frank shushes her, whispering soft words on her hair, his hands supporting her back as she cries weakly on his shoulder. Frank doesn't want to make her cry anymore, it's destroying his heart, but he had to make sure Illi felt seen and safe around him. He waits patiently until he's able to let go of the hug, holding her face in his hands so they can look at each other again.
"I'm sorry too, baby." Frank says, Illi stares at him with a confused frown, "I should've knocked." He clarifies. Illi shakes her head.
"I was- It's not a problem for you to not knock, really, I don't mind." She said "I only reacted like that, 'cause, you know..." she finished sheepishly.
Frank nodded once and Illi pressed hers lips on his quickly, ready to move on from this conversation, Frank laughs and pulls her to lay back down on the bed. They stay there for a few minutes, just holding each other. Every now and then Illi pulls Frank to a lazy kiss, their mouths staying glued until they're both panting, smiling giddily, but it never evolves to anything else, it's more like a need to share the same breath of air. Frank only thinks of popping their hazy bubble when he hears the low rumbling of his girlfriend's stomach, it's just loud enough that they can both hear it in the quiet room, Frank snickers and Illi buries her face on his shoulder, groaning embarrassed.
"Wanna go upstairs? Grab something to eat, maybe?" Illi looked back at him, her lower lip jutting out. Frank raised an eyebrow.
"Do you want me to bring something for you from the kitchen?" She smiles and nods.
★
After a while, they were both satisfied after eating a nutritious meal (Frank brought a bag of chips and yesterday's guac from the kitchen and they ate it like starved animals). They were in the couch now, watching The Silence of the Lambs again, they've seen it together for the first time a few weeks ago, and now every time they didn't know what to watch, they'd circle back to it.
It's a good movie, sue them.
The hours stretched comfortably, Frank could admit he was still a bit shaken up, but he was glad illi was able to move on from their agitated morning. Now they were snuggled up on the couch, sharing the small space and the soft cushions. It seemed like their shared warmth was all that mattered.