Chapter Text
I am everything my family never wanted me to be.
Well, what a way to start an origin story. Can’t say it isn’t true though.
I was born in London, Great Britain. I come from a wealthy family, so my house was enormous and very expensive. I lived there with my parents and with my two older sisters, who are called Camilla and Mara. I was given the name Aidan, although that name never felt right to me. Being the youngest of the three and the only son my parents had high hopes in me. Since the minute I can remember I was forced in branded clothes, got hired a soccer coach and get taken to every car dealership my dad visits. He owns one of the largest and most important car dealerships from whole Great Britain, and hoped to when I got older that I could take over his legacy. I, on the other hand, had way other ideas.
You see, I’ve never liked living in London. The lack of botanics there really triggered me, mainly in the heart of the city. My parents never cared much for nature, that’s why our entire garden was just a huge pool and a bunch of fake grass. Luckily for me, our mansion was very close to a forest. I figured this out when I was just exploring around our house since as I was hiding from my soccer coach since I didn’t feel like soccer. That forest became my safe space, from when I wanted a break from all my families needs. They didn’t dare step into it. Ruined their clothes or whatever.
I spent hours, sometimes even days in those woods. My parents, mainly my mom got very angry every time I got back. “Aidan! Where were you? Oh my GOD look at your clothes! This is not how a real man acts!” Real man acts. Right… my parents had massive issues with that too.
Besides the fact that I have loved nature since I was 5 years old wasn’t the only imperfect thing about me. All my clothes either came back dirty or ripped. I didn’t mind this, of course, but my mom was furious about it. Yelling how much they costed an stuff. Personally, I often ripped them on purpose, cause they were so uncomfortable. I ended up buying my own clothes since I was like 7 years old. Another minus for me. I made all the soccer coaches quit. Either by just not showing up, not doing anything, doing stuff really bad or straight up kicking the ball in their faces.
Looking back at it, not my proudest moments. But I hated soccer so much, that I don’t feel that bad. I had no choice but to go along the car dealership stuff though. I learned a lot about how to fix cars and stuff, but I would usually wander away to some flower bushes that were standing outside and observe them. I remember there once was a forest nearby where I slipped to while my dad was on the toilet. They couldn’t find me for about 12 hours. After that my dad stopped bringing me on rides. I’ve heard them discuss the fact that I might be gay. Personally, I haven’t put much thought into that, but it definitely wouldn’t surprise me.
Besides all that, I also much preferred long hair over short hair. I refused to go to the salon to let it get cut. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who liked my long hair. My sister Camilla was a huge fan of it. She wants to become a hairdresser, and loved to try different hairstyles on me. I mainly was a huge fan of the braids she did, she really (but really) had a talent for braiding.
There will come a point where your parents see that all hope in you is lost. For me, that was when I decided I wanted to be called Azure rather than Aidan. It’s a reference to my favourite colour. In order to set this into working, I would only ever respond if the name Azure was used. It took about 6 months of ignored Aidans for my parents to understand I wasn’t just goofing around.
Now, you may or may not be wondering why my parents didn’t do anything against my rebellious actions, right? It’s cause of some “disorder” I apparently have. I would just rather call it anger issues. I’m… really not proud of those. Whenever I didn’t get to do what I wanted to do, I would go around the house and just break whatever I saw. New vase? In pieces. Just bought clothes? Ripped apart. I once got so mad, that I broke the television in the living room. I had therapy and everything, but nothing seemed to help me. It just got to a point where they all just started ignoring me completely, as if I’m not part of the family. Camilla stopped braiding my hair too. I do really miss that still.
I still remember the day. 13th of august, my 14th birthday. On our 14th birthdays we, as family, had a tradition that the birthday person was allowed to choose a place anywhere in the world to celebrate. I really wanted to go to Finland. When I told my parents, they sighed from excitement, thinking I would like to go to popular places there. But no, I wanted to go to one of the many Finnish woods, together with visiting a lot of lakes. When I said it, I saw the hope escape my parents’ eyes. In fear of what might’ve happened if they said no, they just agreed.
So, on the 13th there I was. The forest I dreamed of visiting right infront of my eyes. My family was annoyed that I just picked out a random forest, not even a popular one. We parked our car next to the road. Before anyone even made a movement, I already set foot in the forest together with my equipment. I heard my mom yelling behind me that I could go further already, and that they would grab their equipment from the back of the car. I didn’t feel like waiting for the slowpokes so I did as she said and started walking more and more towards the core of the forest.
After a bit, I thought that my phasing was too fast, as they didn’t catch up yet. I found a fallen tree and decided to take a seat and wait for my family to come.
One minute passed. Not a single sign of them.
Five minutes passed. Not even a single sound was heard, besides the trees shaking in the wind and the birds chirping loud. I started getting worried.
Ten minutes passed. I grabbed my backpack and decided to see what they packed me. Seemed like the usuals: some bread, some snacks, water, flashlight and a piece of paper that I didn’t tell them to bring. I grabbed it and decided to see what it said.
“Dear Aidan,”
Not that stupid name again. God damnit.
“When you’re reading this, you’ve either figured out that we weren’t following you, or you figured it our because of that sentence. Either way, we decided that not only you should have fun in Finland, but also we. That’s why we’ve decided to leave you in those woods so you can have your fun, and we went to… wherever all the cool stuff is. I’m sure you’ll be fine on your own. We will come to find you once we’re done, be on the spot where we dropped you off. Have fun my dear!
Signed, your family”
To remind you, I was 14. They left a 14 year old alone in a huge forest, in a country I’ve never been. For like 3 weeks, cause that’s how long the vacation was. I didn’t walk back to check. I’ve survived in the forest back home for 3 days once with no food, no water, all nature stuff. How hard could it be, right?
I decided to try and find a place where I could hide during the night, like a cave or something, but without success. Days went by as I went deeper and deeper into the forest. I would’ve been lying if I said I wasn’t having fun. I’ve seen so many new flowers, new plants and a lot of different animals around me. It really was the best birthday gift ever, except for one minor detail.
One night, it started storming really hard. Rain poured down from the sky as if the clouds had been holding in their tears for weeks. I needed shelter badly. I luckily ended up finding a small cave after searching for a while. I decided to stay there till the storm would pass.
After about 3 hours of just sitting there, I saw a light in the furtherance. Perhaps, could it be? I decided to shine my flashlight as a signal. If it was someone, maybe they could help me. As the light came closer and closer, to my relief it indeed was another person. It was a man, looked about 35 years old, and wore clothes that looked like he came straight out of a church. “What are you doing here all alone in the middle of the forest, young man?” He asked me with a kind smile. I told him everything. My past, my family and what happened for me to be stranded here. He listened to me non stop, not interrupting once. When I was done talking, the man offered me shelter at the church that he ran, which was nearby. Huh, so he do ran a church. “Let’s go now, it isn’t far from here, and the storm will get worse.” I nodded and started following him.
As we were walking to his place, he told me that his name was Samuel, but he prefers if people just call him Sam. I asked him why he has a church in the middle of a random forest, to which his response was very vague for me back then. Told me about some higher being called “The Spawn” and something with “second life” and that kind of stuff. I just nodded politely.
After about 5 minutes of walking we arrived at his church. He let me inside and offered me new clothes, which I accepted. Sam returned with warm, brown clothes, perfectly fitting my style and the weather outside. They were a bit too big for me, but I didn’t really mind. Although now I do have that symbol on my shirt, which means I’m practically part of whatever is going on here. Eh, whatever. These people seem nice, mainly Sam.
The longer I stayed there, the more and more closer my bond grew with Sam. We both love botanicals to the core. He even has a huge book all about plants and stuff. I often read in it during my free times. In trade for that, he teaches me all about spawnism. I was like his top student, always following the rules and attended every prayer. Sam’s follow-up and best friend Amarah didn’t like me one bit though. Maybe cause I’m stealing his buddy away from him, not sure. It’s not even completely my fault though, Amarah keeps being so secretive about a supposed “blessing from the Spawn”. I’ve heard them argue about it. It sounded like they were arguing over another child. Sam said they should be free to hang around other kids. Amarah said they were too fragile for that, I’m not sure. I didn’t investigate any further.
Life at the church was going way smoother than back home. I found my way around and genuinely believed I already got blessed with a second chance by the Spawn. The scenery was beautiful and I had someone to talk about my interests with. Everything was perfect, except for one minor thing… I still got those anger issues. You see, I wasn’t the only student there (obviously). The other kids and adults often made fun of me for how I was acting. Even there I felt like the black sheep, which well, made me mad. I don’t want to give any further details over my crash outs. Sam noticed the way how others made fun of me for this and decided to help me with it.
After one of our daily prayers, he pulled me aside and told me to follow him into the woods. As I followed him he told me there’s a small wooden cabin not far from the church grounds which is unused. He told me we could give it a makeover to my liking and make it my safe spot for if things get too much. I really liked this idea, since most of us have shared dorms, and agreed to his offer.
The cabin was about 500 meters away from the church. It was overgrown with plants on the outside, the inside still looked quite cozy but there was definitely stuff that needed to change. The next few weeks Sam and I worked on the cabin non stop, with breaks to pray obviously. After about 3 weeks the cabin was fully reworked and looked beautiful. I gave my thanks to Sam and the Spawn for blessing me with this beautiful new house. Sam smiled and told me I could go here whenever, no need to tell when I’m going. I gave him a hug and slept that night in the cabin for the first time.
That cabin became my everything. I went there nearly every day, and at one point I only ever really came to the church for prayers and to hang out with Sam. That went on for about 2 years. The option to just “leave society” for a bit and the advice Sam gave me really helped me to work on my anger issues, and at one point they just faded away. I thought I really had it all.
I too, still remember this day. It was around midnight when I saw Sam and Amarah walking together outside my cabin in the woods. I observed them for a little. It seemed like Amarah really wanted to show Sam something in the woods. I thought about maybe following them to see what was up, but that would be a sin toward the Spawn, so I decided to just pay attention to when they would return back to the church while reading in the plant book that Sam borrowed me.
Around an hour later, I noticed some movement outside my cabin. I moved closer to the window to see if Sam and Amarah had returned. And indeed, I saw… only Amarah walking there. There was no trace of Sam anywhere, although Amarah looks like he had seen a ghost. I payed closer attention and noticed blood on Amarah’s hands and clothes, and he was holding an object, didn’t see what exactly. I had to figure out what happened to Sam.
I couldn’t sleep that night. What had happened to my best friend?
The second a ray of sunshine reached inside my cabin, I ran to the church, hoping to figure out what had happened to Sam. When I entered, I wasn’t the only one standing in the big praying hall. Amarah stood on the spot where Sam usually held his prayers. Looked like he had something important to say.
“My dear followers,
As you’ve noticed our good friend Samuel isn’t here with us today for our morning prayer. I have unfortunate news for all of you: Samuel is no longer with us. The great Spawn has accepted him to live his second life far beyond us. Because he has left us, it means that I shall take full responsibility of this religion, the church and all of you guys.”
Sam is… dead? It doesn’t make sense. Why doesn’t Amarah tell us how he died?
Before I knew it, I was standing right infront of Amarah. “You must know how he died! I saw you two walking into the woods yesterday night, and only you returned! What are you hiding from us?!” To which he responded with something along the lines of me needing to calm down or whatever, I don’t remember. I was feeling anger and sadness at its finest, and a bit of betrayal. I started yelling the word “liar” over and over again, trying to hold in my tears. “Calm down Azure, it’s all a big loss for us, no need to make a scene-“ “YOU WERE THE ONE THAT KILLED HIM, DIDN’T YOU?” I blurted out while pointing at Amarah. I could feel the eyes of my fellow students on me. “How dare you to make such assumptions. You’ve clearly lost your mind, Azure. Until you get your mind together and apologise to me, you are banned from this church. Do you understand?” “Fine.” I said, while pulling my hand away. “I’d rather be alone than with a traitor like you.” Before Amarah said another word, I stormed out of the church.
2 years have passed since that incident. I still haven’t returned to the church to apologise. I’m heavily convinced whatever happened to Sam was fully Amarah’s fault. I’ve stopped praying, stopped interacting with anyone of what I now know is a cult. I’ve searched the woods around the church grounds for clues of what might’ve happened to Sam, and that Amarah is in fact guilty, although I haven’t had much luck. The only thing I found was his brown wizard hat, somewhere randomly in the woods (that I now wear everyday), and a beautiful field full of nightshades, just randomly somewhere mid in the woods. It was close to where I found Sam’s hat. I keep a nightshade on my hat at all times now. Nightshades represent danger, risk, betrayal, punishment, hopelessness and sometimes even murder. The fact that that field was so close to his hat feels like it has something to do with what happened that night. I often spend hours in that field just relaxing.
That pretty much all what has happened to make me who I am nowadays. A day in my life pretty much is sleep, water plants, grow plants, hike in woods, study plants and go to bed. I’m happy my passion for plants has never stopped growing bigger. I often talk to them, cause I feel lonely without another companion around. Did you know that plants grow faster when you talk to them? So it’s a win win situation. I do still wonder if my family ever came back looking for me, but that’s something I don’t worry much about.