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"...beware of guise without smile..."
"...afraid of light without charm..."
"...when all you wanted..."
"...was for your world to be eternally complete..."
/// REGULUS ///
Regulus black was having an awful day.
Granted, he had them often. His workload kept him busy all day, and his anxiety kept him up all night. There wasn’t much room for contentment in that schedule, so he was numb and depressed more often than not.
But today had been really bad. He’d been unable to fall asleep until four in the morning, and then he had to wake up at six, only two hours later. He’d gotten to breakfast late because his hair had reacted badly to the spring humidity, and when he finally sat down at the Slytherin table, Barty’s elbow clipped his goblet and soaked him in sticky orange juice. Evan apologized profusely while Barty cackled.
As if that weren’t enough, he had a transfiguration exam later, and transfiguration was his worst subject. After getting doused, he exhaustedly stumbled into the prefects bathroom to scourgify his clothing. He didn’t have time to change robes, so the charm would have to do, though the fibers of his clothing were now starchy and smelled faintly of citrus.
Regulus could already feel a breakdown building. There were tears starting to collect in his eyes and he felt like he swallowed a stone, but he didn’t have time to cry. Usually, when he was overwhelmed, he took his feline form and curled up somewhere no one could find him, but he had places to be today. He did his absolute best to shove the feelings of overwhelm away, pressing his palms into his eyes to keep the tears in, before he reluctantly left the washroom and made his way to class.
///
The exam went awfully.
It had been looming over him all day like a plague, taking place at the very end of the afternoon so that it would be the last thing they did before school let out for the evening.
They were supposed to be transfiguring sheets of parchment into handkerchiefs, but Regulus somehow set his parchment on fire instead. He hadn’t meant to; normally he had a lot more control over his magic. He was one of the best wizards in his year. But his emotions had been running high, and he was so scared of failing because it meant his whole transfiguration grade would drop from an Outstanding to an Excellent. Regulus found himself with a scorched page instead of a soft handkerchief.
He’d nearly bursted into tears right then and there. His hands were shaking, and his throat was closing up, and he’d completely botched the exam. His perfect lineup of O’s was now ruined, all because he wanted to be a little crybaby in the middle of class. Fourteen was too old for temper tantrums. The moment class ended, he was darting out of the room and heading straight for his little nook on the first floor.
No one knew about it but him, he was certain. He’d discovered it the year prior; a tiny alcove behind a tapestry that he squeezed into when he needed to get away. It had used to be where a trophy case was built into the wall, but at some point they’d moved the case and hid the hollowed out space behind a loom-knitted depiction of the Hogwarts logo. The corridor itself was deserted; no one came this way unless they were looking to get lost.
He ducked behind the tapestry and crawled into the space, curling up as tightly as he could and casting a silencing charm just in case a student wandered nearby.
Finally alone, he let the tears fall.
/// SIRIUS ///
“Hey, Pads? Why is your brother in the wall?” James asked, holding the marauder’s map about an inch away from his face to see better. They were currently hanging out their dormitory for free period, waiting for Peter and Remus to return from Care of Magical Creatures.
“Wait, what?” Sirius looked up from where he was currently buried in Remus’s trunk. He’d been looking for Remus’s winter socks because his feet were cold, but then he got distracted by the scents and ended up just lying in Remus’s clothing.
He got up with a groan, sore from quidditch practice, and padded over to James, peering over his shoulder to get a look. Sure enough, his brother’s floating name was seemingly inside the wall, and moving steadily back and forth, as if he were pacing or rocking.
“That doesn’t look right,” He muttered, frowning. “Maybe the map is, um, glitching?”
Normally, he’d brush off the instance altogether. Regulus wanted nothing to do with him and he wanted nothing to do with Regulus. However, Sirius had clearly seen the look on his brother’s face that morning at breakfast, even from across the Great Hall. Regulus looked exhausted, and Crouch had practically drowned him in orange juice, which probably hadn’t made his brother’s day any better. Sirius found himself a little worried.
“D’you think someone’s charmed him into the wall? Mulciber charmed Peter into the wall in second year,” James replied, matching Sirius’s frown.
“They better not have,” Sirius huffed. Even if there was bad blood between the brothers, Sirius still wasn’t going to let Regulus get bullied by some evil whore like Mulciber. “I’m gonna go find him.”
“Okay, be careful.” James patted him on the back and passed him the map. Sirius gave him a half-grin and left the dorm to go search for Regulus.
///
It didn’t take Sirius very long to find him with the map. Regulus seemed to be nestled behind a tapestry, and there was a distinct pocket of complete silence where his brother should be that told Sirius someone must have casted a silencing charm. Whoever put his brother in the wall had shut him up, too. Shaking his head, he peered behind the tapestry, expecting to have to cast homenum revelio to find Regulus. The situation required no such thing.
There, squished into a gap in the brick, was Regulus, sobbing his eyes out. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his shoulders were heaving up and down a little too quickly for Sirius’s liking. Regulus’s head was down, buried into his sleeves, so he hadn’t seen Sirius yet. Panicked, Sirius let the tapestry go and stepped away, unsure of what to do.
Regulus probably wouldn’t want to see him right now. But he couldn’t just leave his brother crying! What if he made things worse by making his presence known? What if he just made Regulus freak out more?
Regardless of what he chose, he had to act fast. Regulus didn’t know about Padfoot, his animagus form, and from what he remembered of their childhood, Regulus had always liked animals more than people. Perhaps he could comfort his little brother as Padfoot?
Determined, he looked around to make sure the coast was clear before transforming into the big black dog. Padfoot was very large and very fluffy, both of which meant he was an excellent cuddler, which Regulus would surely appreciate. Surely.
Feeling a bit full of himself, Sirius nudged under the tapestry and into the alcove before sitting back on his haunches in front of Regulus, gently pawing at him to get his attention.
/// REGULUS ///
Regulus was about twenty minutes into his breakdown when he felt something lightly brush against his shin. He looked up on instinct, raising his head, only to completely freeze at the sight of a huge dog in front of him. Dogs weren’t allowed at Hogwarts, were they? Where had this one come from? How did it find him?
He had taken divination last year, and he had found a black dog in his teacup. The professor very gravely informed him that it was a grim, and that he would surely die very soon, but nothing had happened for months, so Regulus had put it out of his mind. However, this was very clearly a black dog. A grim. Did this mean that Regulus was about to die? A small part of himself hoped so, because he didn’t know how many more inconveniences he could take today.
When he didn’t react beyond stiffening, the canine whined a little and crept closer, leaning in to lick at Regulus’s cheek before he could stop it.
Still hyperventilating, he ducked away and tried to shuffle backward, but it followed, continuing to try to lap at him. Perhaps it was here to administer the Lick of Death or something.
When Regulus couldn’t back up any further, the dog got into his personal space and sort of leaned on him, resting its chin on his shoulder. Was it here for affection, or something? Did Grims like to be hugged? Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around the dog, who licked his cheek in approval and settled on top of him. The dog was very warm and its fur was soft, so Regulus may have buried his face in it until his sobs subsided. Don’t tell anyone, though.
He thought the canine smelled a bit like Sirius, but it was probably just wishful thinking.
///
When Regulus could breathe again, he leaned back a little, fingers stroking through the dog’s fluff to soothe himself.
“Sorry for crying on you,” He offered weakly, his voice hoarse and thin. The dog nosed at his hand, prompting Regulus to pet its head.
“Are you a grim?” He asked, half expecting a reply as he lifted a hand to scratch behind its ears. “Are you here to kill me?”
The dog snorted, sounding very unimpressed. Strange...at least it wasn’t an omen of death, then.
Inspecting the dog’s neck for a collar or name tag, he asked, “Whose dog are you? Do you have an owner?”
The dog puffed out its chest and held its head high snootily, as if to proclaim its independence. Regulus mustered a tiny smile at the sight. The dog was cute. When it noticed that it got a smile out of him, the dog yipped happily and wagged its tail. Then it took hold of his sleeve with its teeth and began to…pull him? The dog was somehow stronger than him, so it managed to literally drag him out of the alcove like a toy.
“Where are you trying to go?” He muttered, getting to his feet and wiping his face. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light of the hallway. The dog continued to tug at his clothing, leading him in the direction of one of the school exits. It probably wanted to go outside.
“You want to go outside?” He asked it, allowing it to herd him outdoors for whatever reason. The dog’s tail wagged even harder and he yipped again. Cute. Perhaps Regulus could indulge in a bit of playing.
/// SIRIUS ///
It took a while, but Sirius finally managed to get Regulus outside. His brother needed fresh air instead of being stuffed into a random hole in the wall.
The sky was clear and buzzing with life, warm and dewy after a small storm the night prior. It smelled lush and bright, his senses amplified by his canine form. Regulus was secretly a dog person, so he grabbed a stick and threw it a few times for Padfoot to retrieve, which made Sirius very happy. He liked to run around and chase after things even in his human form.
After a particularly far throw, Padfoot trotted back to his brother proudly, stick in tow, before dropping it at his feet. Regulus leaned down to pet him, cooing praise to him for being such a fast runner. Someone needed to get this boy a dog.
Then, the strangest thing happened.
“Here, I have an idea,” Regulus mused aloud. “Don’t eat me.”
And then, right before Sirius’s eyes, his brother melted into a black cat.
Sirius was so startled that he leapt backward, shifting into his human form on accident.
“What the hell?!” He shrieked, stumbling a little. “Reggie! You’re a fucking kitten!”
Regulus was equally as startled, judging by the way that he, too, transformed and let out an exclaim of surprise.
“Sirius?! You’re the dog?” He yelped, his voice cracking as he suddenly began brushing all the dog hair off of him as if he was now disgusted by it. Rude.
“And you’re a kitten?” Sirius shot back, breathing hard. It had really been a fright, seeing his brother so small and fuzzy like a baby chick.
“I’m not a kitten. I’m a graceful feline!”
Sirius snorted. “You look three months old.”
Reggie’s face crumpled into something a little less angry. “When were you going to tell me you’re an animagus?”
“To be fair, I only just became one last month,” Sirius replied, feeling very out of his depth. What on earth was going on? “When were you going to tell me you’re an animagus? Why are you an animagus?”
“An animagus form is a very useful tool to have,” Regulus snapped and looked away as if he was nervous. His eyes were still red. He didn’t ask why Sirius had become one.
Regardless of the animagus situation, this was still Regulus, and he’d still been crying. In a very sensible Remus fashion, Sirius shoved his surprise aside and took a step closer to Regulus.
“While I am utterly appalled at your cat-ness, there are larger matters at hand,” He announced. “Why were you crying? Was someone picking on you?”
“No one was picking on me,” Regulus muttered sulkily, scuffing at the dirt with the toe of his shoe instead of meeting Sirius’s eyes. “I just had a bad day.”
Well, that explained absolutely nothing. “Why was it bad?” Sirius pressed further. He rarely ever saw his brother that panicky and miserable. Obviously there had to have been a reason. “Was it just ‘cause your friend spilled stuff on you? That would have pissed me off pretty bad, too.”
“Can you just go away?” His brother shouted, losing his composure. “I didn’t fucking ask you to come meddle in my problems!”
“I’m not meddling! I just want to know why you were bawling your eyes out in a dusty arse corridor!” Couldn’t Reggie see that Sirius just wanted to help?
Regulus was starting to tear up and breathe heavily again, so perhaps shouting wasn’t the answer. Sighing, Sirius softened and tried a different approach.
“Listen, Reg, I’m sorry for shouting. I’m just worried about you.”
“Don’t be,” his brother replied. “Just leave me alone.”
Sirius noted that, despite his pleas, Regulus still hadn’t made any move to go back inside. He wasn’t even stepping away when Sirius got closer. That was probably a good sign. Hopefully. “It’s alright, Reggie, you can tell me what’s wrong. I’m not going to judge you or whatever it is you think I’ll do.”
Regulus just stared at him in silence for a moment, and Sirius watched as his eyes filled up with tears and his lower lip began to wobble. He looked so much younger when he was on the verge of crying.
Sirius, in quite a brotherly manner if you asked him, opened up his arms for a hug. He was good at hugs in human form, too. This seemed to be the final straw for Regulus, who leaned forward into Sirius’s hold and pressed his face into his shoulder to try to staunch the tears. Sirius wrapped his arms around him and gently massaged circles into the small of his back, murmuring soft words of reassurance as Regulus let it all out.
“I just,” Regulus sniffled, coughing a little. “I f-failed one of my exams and now everything is ru-ruined.”
“Just one?”
Regulus nodded.
“One is one of the smallest numbers,” Sirius soothed. “You’ll be fine. Besides, you can always ask to re-take it.”
This only seemed to make his brother cry harder, fully leaning on him as if he could barely support his own weight. Sirius swayed them side to side a little.
When Regulus had finished crying himself out for the second time, he was pretty obviously exhausted. He didn’t even bother pulling away, too tired to do much but sink into Sirius’s grasp, his breath occasionally hitching.
“Aw, poor little Reggie. You look so sleepy,” Sirius teased, his hands cupping the sides of Regulus’s face and tilting his head up so that Sirius could get a better look at him.
“Don’t call me that,” He protested, though his voice was shaking and his resolve was flimsy at best.
Unable to stop himself, Sirius pressed a quick kiss to Regulus’s forehead, remembering how Regulus had looked as a little toddler, all big-eyed and shy. His brother had grown up so much. A part of Sirius hated himself for letting all this time go by without inspecting Regulus further. This was still his baby brother; why had they ever drifted apart? Sirius could barely even remember the reason. Their petty fights and arguments had all blended into one blob of disdain over the years, but now it all seemed a little silly.
Regulus pretended to gag, but he didn’t pull away from the kiss, instead opting to close his eyes. He better not fall asleep right now.
“How about we head up to my dorm?” Sirius finally suggested after a moment of reminiscing. “You can stay the night. You obviously aren’t sleeping very well in the dungeons.”
“But,” Regulus sniffled, his eyes snapping open. “What about Potter and Remus?”
“Why does Remus get first-name treatment while James doesn’t??”
Regulus looked away. “I don’t like him.”
“WHY?? What did he EVER do to you.”
“I think I’ll just spend the night in my own dorm, thanks…”
“No, Reg, it’s fine!” Sirius shook his head frantically. “My friends won’t mind one bit. Plus,” His smile went from reassuring to mischievous. “They don’t know you’re an animagus. How would you like to do a bit of pranking?”
/// REGULUS ///
“Marauders!” Sirius announced the moment he burst into their dormitory, lifting Cat Regulus into the air triumphantly. “Lo and behold.”
Regulus was actually embarrassed about how little coaxing it had taken to convince him to prank the other marauders. Sirius had secured his cooperation with only a kiss on the forehead. He couldn’t help it; he missed his brother.
The moment Sirius’s friends realized what exactly he was holding, the room broke into chaos.
“IS THAT A CAT?!” Remus shrieked. Regulus had never seen the boy react to anything this excitedly, so Remus must really like cats.
Suddenly Potter was in his face, cooing and petting him and kissing him all over. Sirius, the traitor, allowed James to manhandle him, so Regulus smacked James away with a paw.
“No, kitty,” Sirius lightly scolded. “James is nice. No hitting people.”
“Does it have a name?” Pettigrew asked excitedly. He got up to inspect the cat up close, but he thankfully did not try to touch him.
“Not yet,” Sirius replied. Regulus could hear the smirk in his voice. “But I was thinking of naming him Whiskers.”
Sirius winced as Regulus bit his hand fiercely.
“Hmm,” Potter hummed, looking between Regulus and Sirius. “He kinda looks like you, Pads. You have the same eyes.”
Regulus glared at him as hard as he could while Sirius beamed.
“Can I hold him?” Remus asked, approaching slowly as to not startle him. He was the only marauder with good pet etiquette.
“All yours,” Sirius replied, passing him to the boy with a smile. “Just be gentle.”
Remus very carefully held him, cradling him to his chest. Regulus had to admit that it wasn’t that bad. Remus’s hands were warm and his jumper was soft.
“Where did you find him?” Remus asked, rocking Regulus back and forth like an infant. “He’s so little. We’ll have to get him kitty food and a litter box and some toys and a collar so he doesn’t get lost.”
Sirius, offended, let out a huff. “Do you like him more than me or something? You didn’t get Padfoot any toys or a collar.”
Remus nodded. “He is way cuter than you.”
“WHAT?”
“Sorry, Pads, but it’s true,” James agreed, petting Regulus’s cheek with his finger.
Smug, Regulus meowed a little and petulantly stuck his tongue out at Sirius, who gasped and scooped Regulus out of Remus’s arms.
“Never mind, I don’t like this! Change back, Reggie,” Sirius ordered. “Prank Aborted.”
Regulus complied, jumping out of Sirius’s grasp and changing back into human form with a groan. “You ruined it, Sirius.”
The marauders collectively screeched at the sight of their cat friend suddenly growing into Sirius’s brother, and they clutched each other in terror.
“REGULUS???”
“Yes, it’s Regulus, who is here for a sleepover,” Sirius grinned, spinning Regulus around as if to brandish him. “He is a cat. A cat that you apparently like more than me.”
The other boys began to chime in with questions, but Sirius shushed them all and said, “Regulus is a sleepy baby who needs to get to bed soon, so save the questions for later.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. The prank had been his idea, and Sirius couldn’t even follow through. If anyone was the baby, it was him. It wasn’t like he was protesting, though. He allowed Sirius to give him some pyjamas, and brush his hair, and get him dinner from the Great Hall when he got hungry. It felt sort of…nice to be taken care of.
///
When it came time for bed, Regulus curled up beneath the blankets beside his brother. Gryffindor tower was so warm. Sirius then pulled off the covers and stood with a yawn, heading over to Remus’s bed.
“Where are you going?” Regulus asked, sitting up. He hadn’t meant to sound as childish as he did. He’d just thought they’d be sharing the bed.
“I figured you’d want to sleep alone,” Sirius replied, tilting his head to the side like the dog he was. “Did you want to sleep alone?”
Regulus shook his head in response.
“Silly Reggie,” his brother chided, but he did return to the bed and lay beside him.
Regulus, comforted by Sirius’s presence, laid back down and burrowed deeper into the bedding.
Sirius carded through his hair gently, brushing some of it back with his fingers. “Goodnight.”
Perhaps today hadn’t been so awful.