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Jensen sat on the rooftop of Singer’s, one of his most favorite garages in town. Not like he’d ever entered it, but its location was perfect. Right in the middle of the old town, the roof oversaw several antiques stores and museums. Not to mention the few small, exclusive banks only known to insiders. Old money resided here. Lots of it. Ackles’ money resided here. But Winchester didn’t care about that.
Tonight seemed calm. Too bad. Jensen wanted to hit someone. Badly. The urge had yet to vanish. No matter how hard he trained, how hard he ran Jared during his training, nothing could quench the itch. And Jensen had the bad feeling that nothing would for a long time. Except for maybe breaking into prison and letting it all out on the person responsible. His uncle.
But that was not an option. Logistics aside, he couldn’t risk a mistrial for any reason at all. Even if it killed him.
He clenched his fists and perked up when he heard a siren. It sounded too short and too far away though. Probably just some cops taking a short-cut across a crowded intersection. Why were there never any robberies when you needed them? This left him with nothing but time to think.
Jensen still wasn’t sure if he’d fully forgiven Jared just yet. He could see his point and yes, it would have been a disaster to kill Jeffrey. He’d have never forgiven himself. But that didn’t change the fact that he’d wanted to so badly. That Jeffrey deserved to die. And then at least he would have died before he revealed all that shit about Jensen’s parents. Jensen’s life was screwed up enough as it was. He didn’t need to know that Jeff had had his parents killed. Just for money. And out of spite.
That still wouldn’t settle with him. Yes, he’d have killed family, too, if he’d killed Jeff, but that was different. There were good reasons. Jeff had threatened Sandy. And Jared. Jeff was a criminal. A murderer. His parents never did anything wrong. And for all he could remember they liked Jeff. They’d have given him money if only he’d asked. Hell, they’d made him Jensen’s guardian!
He bit his lip hard and pressed his fingernails into his palm until it hurt just enough to be a distraction. He had to stop thinking about this. It was unhealthy. And there was no point. There’d never be a point to what Jeff did. Never any reason or sense.
So… Jared. Jensen focused his mind on him to distract himself from thinking about Jeff anymore. Jared. His trainee. His prodigy. Jensen had to snort. Yeah. Some kinda prodigy he was. Tall and built, but completely untrained and naïve. Oh so very naïve! But in a way, that was what drew Jensen to him. That, and the hunger in his eyes. He knew Jared wouldn’t stop pursuing his goals, no matter how much Jensen tried to discourage him. So he couldn’t do anything but help him along the best he could. Jensen couldn’t be responsible for yet another death.
He’d kept tabs on Jared from the beginning, just like he did with all his employees. Ever since Sandy… He just couldn’t let something like that ever happen again. So he had files and profiles on all of them.
Jared still caught him by surprise. Jensen knew about his family, had Jared’s high school reports, knew when his grades started slipping, found out about his father and then decided to cut him a break and give him a chance. He wanted to see what he could do.
But Jared disappointed him. No matter how hard Jensen pushed, Jared wouldn’t crack. He wouldn’t break and snap at him and demand. He just took it all and swallowed it down, bringing Jensen his coffee every morning, and his lunch, and anything else he requested.
And just when Jensen was about ready to give up on him, Sam Colt appeared. Never in a million years did he anticipate that twist. Of course he recognized Jared right away. And it scared him, that he’d missed this. Didn’t see it coming. By then, Jared had grown on him, in a way. Like an oversized puppy dog. He might not ever become a model employee, but he was as much part of his staff now as anyone else. Maybe even more so, since he had so much personal contact with him, because Jared just wouldn’t move up.
That night, Jensen realized why. Jared didn’t need to excel at work, didn’t need promotions and success. Jared ran deeper. Was harder to satisfy. Had higher goals. Much, much higher. Jared needed to matter. And this was dangerous territory.
Jensen had had all his life to prepare. And, most of all, he had nothing to lose. No family left except for… No. No family left. Nobody would miss him if he died on the “job”. But Jared? He had a family. A family who needed him. Brother, sister, mother, his father. Who had a weak heart. It must have already killed them when Jared moved away, Jensen didn’t want to imagine what the news of his violent death would do to them.
But no matter how hard Jensen had tried to push Jared away, it hadn’t worked. And maybe, if he was really honest with himself, maybe some part of him was glad. It was a lonely life he led. And he wasn’t getting any younger.
Still. He didn’t want to burden this on anyone else. Let alone Jared, who went about it as if it was all one big adventure. Jared didn’t see the dark side, was blind to the hatred the public harboured towards them. Yes, some of them were grateful. But the majority was just simply… afraid. Or god damn stupid. Jensen didn’t know. He never understood people.
Maybe he was the problem. Maybe Jared would fare better. Sam Colt, protector of all that was righteous and good. One of them, instead of a dark, detached avenger.
But Jensen had to give him credit. Jared worked hard. And he wasn’t always as naïve as he first seemed. There was darkness to him as well. Hidden anger and resentment. Maybe in five years, he’d be just as world-weary as Jensen himself.
Just… Jensen couldn’t let that happen. As much as he had to protect Jared’s body, he also had to protect Jared’s heart. As stupid as that sounded. Along with teaching him how to fight, how to roll off a fall, how to protect his most necessary organs, Jensen also had to teach him how to built up a wall. To not let the whole thing affect him too much. To keep Sam Colt separate from who Jared was. Because Jared was precious. And Jensen couldn’t taint him.
More than he already had by dragging him into his mess.
Jared finding out Winchester’s real identity had never been on the agenda. Something Jensen had said. He still wondered what that was. Why he said it. If maybe his god damn subconscious saw an equal in Jared way before he could realize it. If maybe deep, deep down he craved companionship so badly, he wanted Jared to know.
Because Jared worshipped Winchester. And Jensen hated to admit that it did something to him. It was unexpected and scary, to have a fan. No, more than a fan. A copycat. Someone who idolized him so much, he wanted to be just like him. And even after he found out, even after Jared knew of the deepest, darkest pits of Jensen’s own personal hell, Jared still stuck around.
Jared still wanted to be a part of Jensen’s life.
Winchester’s life. Not Jensen’s. Not him.
Jared didn’t want him. Jared wanted his shot at being a hero. It had nothing to do with Jensen.
Jensen had to keep reminding himself of that. Otherwise things would get messy. Messier than they already were. His life was still dangerous, even with Jeff behind bars. And who knew how long he’d stay there, with Jeff’s connections. He couldn’t let Jared close. He couldn’t let him in.
Jensen would never forgive himself if anything happened to Jared because of him. Because Jared simply knew him. Because of bad training. Because they started something more that Jensen would inevitably fuck up.
And he would. He was damaged goods. Jensen was screwed up beyond healing.
And Jared was a puppy dog.
Young, naïve, loyal, brave. Fierce and about to grow into something that would bite. But still. Puppy dog. Not for Jensen to play with. Not for Jensen to taint. But for Jensen to train.
He should count himself lucky to have that chance. Jared could become great. Better than Jensen ever was. Sure, he lacked years of experience and early training, but Jared made up for this with enthusiasm, with heart and personality. He had something Jensen had lost a long time ago. Hope. And fun doing it. Real fun, not grim satisfaction.
Part of Jensen wanted to break that. And he was ashamed beyond anything. He just hoped that Jared wouldn’t let him. And maybe instead, some of Jared would rub off on him along the way.
Jensen startled. He was thinking long term. When had that happened? He ground his teeth and reached into his pocket, fingers closing around the piece of soft leather in them.
Ah, screw it!
He pushed up from the ground and walked over to the fire escape.
“You coming?” Jensen asked into the dark.
Jared stepped out of the shadows, guilty look on his face. “How’d you know I was here?”
Jensen snorted. “Please, rookie. Don’t insult me.” He pushed his mask down to cover his lips so Jared couldn’t see his smirk. Jared had been following him around ever since that black night when he couldn’t hold himself together anymore and broke in front of Jared. Something that would never happen again.
If anything, it should have driven Jared away. To see his hero weak like that. Ironically it only seemed to spur him on. Because not a night went by that Jared wouldn’t follow him. Either “officially”, as part of his training, or, when Jensen insisted Jared should go home and get some sleep, he ended up with Jared “secretly” shadowing him anyway.
Jared shuffled his feet, stalling. Apparently unhappy about being caught. Jensen almost laughed out loud. But then he looked at him, standing there in his new black jeans, material not fully bullet proof, but strengthened and thick. His former cheap shirt was replaced by a deep red and black plaided one, bullet proof and yet still lithe. State of the art and the absolute best out there right now, according to his “special” tailor. All that was missing was a new mask.
Jensen reached back into his pocket and threw it over. Jared caught it surprised, his face lighting up when he unrolled it and realized what it was. It was black and would cover his eyes, tied at the back similar to a pirate’s head band to cover Jared’s wild mop of hair.
“You got me a new mask?” Jared asked the obvious.
Jensen grunted, not letting on to how nervous he was. They hadn’t talked about this. He could just order Jared to wear it, but he wanted Jared to like it, too. “We had to do something about your hair.” Jensen shrugged. “Would give you away too easily.”
Not like people knew Jared like they knew Jensen Ackles. As much as he tried to stay out of the limelight, he was still a public figure to some degree. But if Jared spend more time by his side, and he would… Wouldn’t he?
Didn’t matter. Jared needed a new mask. Period.
“Awesome.” Jared beamed and tied it around his head, pulling on it until the slits were in the right position and he could see. “Does it look okay?”
Jensen bit his lip, looking him up and down again. Damn! “Sam Colt” was way hotter than he had any right to be. This might cause a problem.
“It’ll do,” Jensen replied.
Jared smiled and joined Jensen at the fire escape. He nudged Jensen’s shoulder playfully. “We color match.”
Jensen’s eyes grew wide and he looked over Jared once more. He was right. His red mask was reflected in Jared’s shirt, Jared’s black leather mask matched Jensen’s coat.
Fuck!
Once again his subconscious proved to be evil. Jared was beaming more than ever and Jensen groaned. This was gonna be something. He had a bad feeling that this partnership with Jared, the teaming up with Sam Colt, was gonna get the best of him one day. He’d already lost his grip once and Jared wouldn’t rest until he’d torn down all of Jensen’s carefully built walls, if he planned to or not.
But they’d deal with it when it happened. As for today, there were bad guys to catch. Somewhere. They just had to look hard enough. If Jensen was sure of anything anymore, it was that evil never rested. And he couldn’t afford to either.
“Let’s go kick some ass.”
Jared cocked his head. “Don’t you mean rescue someone?” He sounded amused.
“Yeah, that, too.” Once again Jensen was glad for the mask to hide his smile. “If it happens to come along with it.” He winked. And regretted it a moment later, when Jared’s whole being lit up, happy to share their “little moment”.
Walls. Walls and boundaries.