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Nirei didn't mean to go this far.
All he had planned for the day was to travel to Bankoku-gai alone, spend some time blending in with the people to learn a bit more about the Red Chanpuru, and then call it a day.
He didn't mean to go this fucking far.
Secretly tailing a random guy wearing Chinese-style clothing with three dragons imprinted on its back was not part of his stupid agenda.
But of course, his stubbornness and curiosity had gotten the best of him. As always. He let logic fly out of the window and had yet again gotten himself in a potentially dangerous situation.
Nirei's classmates loved to tell him that he was probably the smartest person in their school after Mizuki and Suo, but he knew it was just one of their absurd jokes. He may have had a sharp memory, but no smart person would let their feelings overshadow rationality and get themself into trouble they knew was impossible to escape.
Nirei silently cursed himself. He felt stupid. And useless.
Nobody knew he went to Bankoku-gai alone. Not even Sakura. The sun's glow was already dimming, and his phone's battery was almost dead. But even if he was able to contact any of his friends, they were still two hours away from him, and he'd probably be dead by the time they arrived.
He was doomed. And it was all his fault.
It has been almost fifteen minutes since he started quietly following the stranger. The Kasai district felt almost cramped, its population a little too large for its area. Nirei considered this an advantage. Made it easier for him to blend in and appear less suspicious. He thought he'd be okay, that he wouldn't be noticed or found.
But he overestimated himself.
Nirei almost laughed bitterly. Who the hell did he think he was, anyway?
Of course, he was fucking clueless that he had already been found minutes ago. Didn’t realize he was being lured until he was cornered in some alley, somewhere dark, quiet, where people wouldn’t find them easily.
“Who the fuck are you? Why are you following me?”
The man’s voice was enough to give Nirei a grave shiver. He curled his hands into fists in an attempt to stop them from trembling.
“I-I…” He almost winced from the tremor in his voice.
Nirei exhaled shakily, trying to fight the fear building up in his gut and the loud thumping against his chest that was ringing in his ears. Because no one would save his ass now. No Sakura to defend him, no Suo to shield him from the result of his stupidity.
“I’m… lost.”
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
The man snorted, “You think I’m dumb?”
Nirei’s eyes remained glued on the floor until he felt a harsh tug, a fist tightly grabbing his shirt’s collar. Before he could even react, he felt a palm connect with his cheek. The impact was fierce, hard enough to feel his cheek burn. To taste blood in his mouth. To feel shockwaves of fear that caused his breath to catch in his throat.
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.
“Why were you following me?” The man repeated with a stern voice.
Nirei wanted to answer. To tell him that he was looking for a certain boy wearing an eyepatch. That he was there to find Suo and convince him to go back to Furin, to the place where Nirei felt he truly belonged.
But words died in his throat. Felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. Lips frozen and trembling with fear.
Because he was a coward.
A damn useless coward who couldn’t do anything to help his friend.
Was he gonna cry again? Because it seemed as if it was the only thing he could do.
Cry when Suo stopped showing up in school.
Cry when Suo stopped responding to his messages and calls.
Cry when Suo finally showed up only to say goodbye.
Cry every time he thought of the look on Suo’s face before he passed out.
Suo looked like he was suffering.
Suffering.
Suo.
Right.
That was what he came for.
Get a grip, Akihiko.
“I-I’m… I’m looking for s—”
“Onii-san,”
That voice.
Nirei recognized that voice so well.
It was the same voice that spoke of his name so softly, as if it were the most fragile thing. The same voice that praised and comforted him whenever his self-deprecating thoughts were eating him alive. The same voice that never failed to make his heartbeat quicken.
Suo-san.
“Sun Fei,” the man Suo called onii-san muttered, slightly loosening his grip on Nirei’s collar.
Sun Fei?
“Master is looking for you.”
Nirei finally whipped his head to see where the voice was coming from. He was met with familiar auburn hair, brown iris, a leather eyepatch, and yellow tassels.
It was clearly Suo.
Then, who is Sun Fei?
“Hah?” The man sputtered. “Can’t you see that I’m busy?”
Suo shrugged. “He asked me to look for you.”
“Fine,” the man clicked his tongue.
“You’re lucky, kid,” he growled at Nirei. “Show your face here again, and you’ll see what you’re looking for.”
Nirei didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he was completely released from the man’s grip. His knees felt weak, and he felt lightheaded from the impact of the slap.
When the man started walking away, he unconsciously clutched his chest, trying to control his breathing.
He couldn’t even look at Suo.
He felt so ashamed of himself. Did he really intend to save Suo when he couldn’t even protect himself?
Pathetic. How fucking pathetic.
Minutes had already passed, yet none of them had ever tried speaking. Nirei’s head still hung low, feeling suffocated from the silence between him and Suo.
So, he decided to break it.
“Sun Fei,” Nirei mumbled. “Was your name also a lie?”
It took Suo a few seconds to reply. “Go home, Nire-kun.”
Suo’s voice was still as soft as he remembered, but there was no hint of emotion in it. Just… cold and indifferent.
“Answer me,” Nirei demanded, but Suo remained silent.
Nirei, feeling frustrated, finally looked up and locked his gaze on Suo, who was only a few feet away from him.
Suo was already looking at him, his eyes shifting onto Nirei’s bruised cheek.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” was all Suo could say.
Nirei almost snickered. Of course. Suo would never give him a clear answer. Because that was what he was good at. Keeping secrets, keeping him in the dark.
“Come back to us,” Nirei muttered pathetically.
It was Suo’s turn to laugh. That insulting laugh again.
“Have I not made it clear?” Suo said flatly. “I told you, we aren’t anything.”
“I don’t believe you.” Not when I saw how your pupils were shaken when we locked eyes. Not when I caught how your fingers twitched when your eyes landed on my cheek.
“You know we were something,” Nirei exhaled shakily. “You know what we had wasn’t a lie. I know you.”
“Hahahahahahaha! Did onii-san’s slap rattle your brain?!” Suo jeered. “You don’t know anything about me at all!”
Nirei felt his heart shatter into pieces.
His tears finally started spilling uncontrollably. Felt as if the air was too thick to swallow.
“I know you cared about us!” Nirei cried. “I know you’re… you’re suffering!”
Nirei’s words seemed to have taken Suo aback, but he immediately masked it with a snort.
“Ah, Nire-kun. This is exactly what I hate about you.”
Nirei’s chest tightened.
“This savior complex of yours. But let me tell you this,” he paused. “I’m not some damsel in distress who needs saving.”
“No, you don’t—”
“Just go home, Nire-kun!” Suo yelled.
Nirei froze. Stared at Suo, who quickly looked away and kept his lips shut tightly.
Suo just yelled.
At him.
It felt like a punch to Nirei's gut. Because Suo had never raised his voice at him, at anyone.
Yet somehow, this was the most honest Suo had ever seemed.
Less filtered. More raw. More vulnerable. It felt more… real.
“Please, Nire-kun,” Suo said quietly. “Go home.”
Nirei could only stare.
Ah, and there was that look again. The same pained look that broke his heart and made him want to take Suo back.
“I’ll come back,” Nirei mused with conviction. “You know Sakura and I will come for you.”
“Leave,” Suo retorted. “And I don’t want to see you ever again."
“I’ll be back.”
“Goodbye, Nire-kun.”
Suo turned on his heel and walked off, while Nirei drifted the other way.
I will come back for you, Suo-san.
Suo watched Nirei’s back as he walked away.
He clutched his chest, feeling the same ache he felt when he had to hurt Nirei the last time they saw each other.
A strong breeze blew in his direction, the leaves fluttering wildly as if they were mocking him.
“Please,” he whispered. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”
Don’t get hurt because of me.