Work Text:
Cultivated Disease
I’m sick.
Sick with this twisted virus in my brain, heart, and lungs.
It’s filling every possible organ in my body.
This envy is holding me captive.
There’s so much shame.
So much anger.
So much love.
So much hate.
This envy will be my undoing.
My invasive feelings are ruining you and me. I can no longer distinguish if this love is a parasite or my paradise.
I do know one thing.
Your eyes that glimmer so rebelliously,
your smile that growls at me.
Your laughter that’s not incited by me.
It all keeps the parasite dormant in me.
The parasite is dark, and ugly.
It’s showing all the hideous parts of me.
You pick up the brush, but it’s coated in pink—I realize that black would only dim your appeal.
You rip apart pieces of paper with my soul laid bare.
You feign indifference, picking the shades of a color so dark it pushes you away.
You change up the scheme and now I finally see,
you’re painting a new way of life.
You gift flowers and letters upon people—
Those who will never love you the same as me.
You further ignite the burn in my lungs,
the ache in my chest that dulls all other pain.
You’re leading my dreams with ferocious glares,
baring your teeth like one day you’ll bite me.
I hope for the day you paint me with fond memories—
This paradise seems to be a one-sided fantasy.
Your love only ignites after the rain settles over me.
You flourished the ground in your radiant energy.
So, I’ll pathetically hope you’ll adorn the stones cradling me.