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Being a supervillain is not like being a superhero.
Say better, there are certain ways in which being a supervillain is not like being a superhero that your average person with no connection to the world of costumed criminals and crimefighters would be unlikely to realize.
One such way was that, as a supervillain, you often had even more to fear from your fellow evildoers than you did from heroes. Barbara Ann Minerva (also known as Cheetah) was keenly aware of that fact though, a woman could only get experimented on, Joker gassed, or chained to a celestial being's throne to serve as a power source so many times before the prospect of developing a certain degree of paranoia towards other supervillains seemed more virtue than vice.
Granted, even with her super speed, Barbara hadn't had time to research all of them… but she'd done quite a bit of homework on the rest of Wonder Woman's rogues' gallery just to start with.
Such research had stood her in good stead now that she was… "a supervillainess who primarily fought other supervillains" would be the term Barbara felt most comfortable with; what it lacked in brevity it made up for in accuracy.
Tonight in particular, she was a supervillainess who primarily fought other supervillains and was going to help three superheroines, all bearing the title of "Wonder Girl," evict a certain "Sovereign" from his castle.
Not that the evil "mastermind's" (Barbara wanted to see some proper academic accreditation on Sovereign's part before she abandoned the quotation marks, say what you would about Veronica Cale, and ohhh but Barbara had things to say, at least Doctor Cale had three PhDs to her name) "castle" was a literal fortress, of course. No, it was simply an ancient manor dating all the way back to before the Revolutionary War.
That made it exactly the sort of venerable domicile that someone with a doctorate in archeology should view with considerable reverence.
But Sovereign had murdered Steve Trevor, so f**k that asshole and f**k his historic house too; Cheetah had already defiled far older relics for far worse reasons.
Luckily, if everything went according to plan…
KABOOOOOMMM!
Sure enough, one moment, Sovereign's chosen residence was a multistory mansion that looked impossibly pristine given its age, the next, there was a huge woman in a yellow outfit towering above its ruins.
Ruins that Cheetah was going to do a very thorough search through, because while Donna Troy had been assigned to deal with Giganta (her Lasso of Persuasion was the best tool for ensuring the supervillainess activated her powers) and the other two Wonder Girls would both deal with whatever foe they found first, Barbara Ann Minerva had gotten personal marching orders straight from a certain Amazon Princess...
XXX XXX XXX
One of the advantages of spending roughly a decade as a supervillainess was that you inevitably acquired an extensive knowledge of which hotels were least likely to ask questions, so long as the necessary cash payments were provided up front.
Since the Amazon Safety Act made all three Wonder Girls' presence on American soil a crime, and Barbara still had a considerable number of warrants out for her arrest, such anonymity accommodating lodging was a necessity. For one of the few times in her life, it actually helped that the vast majority of people didn't realize that Barbara was currently attempting to undertake a journey of personal growth and self-reflection. Instead, all the average innkeeper saw when they beheld a woman who looked like a blend of human and cheetah was a very good reason to develop a temporary case of blindness, with quite possibly some extremely acute amnesia down the line just to be on the safe side.
Earlier that night, the four women had been camped out in one such business near the Potomac River, undertaking their final preparations for the next move against Sovereign, with Barbara having a room to herself.
Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt….
The supervillainess's (top-of-the-line WayneTech) phone buzzed, alerting her that she had an incoming call. Rather than simply putting the phone to her ear as she would have when growing up, Barbara propped it up on a nearby table and tapped a green button.
The phone's screen filled with the image of a black-haired Amazon Princess dressed in a simple white toga, its only adornment worthy of note a golden band around the waist.
The fact that Wonder Woman was now able to contact Barbara meant that Diana's daughter, Elizabeth "Lizzie" Marston Prince, had finally fallen asleep. Despite how she (like her mother, Diana) had originally been an inanimate object before being blessed with life by the gods, so far Elizabeth showed all the signs of being a normal, healthy baby, for better and for worse.
Thus, there was no telling exactly how long the two women would have to converse before Elizabeth (who was surely sleeping in the same room that the Amazon Princess was calling from) woke up and Diana had to return to her maternal duties.
That was why Barbara wasn't bothered when Wonder Woman decided to forgo formalities and get straight down to business.
"I wish you all the luck of Tyche tonight, Barbara. Angelo, Doris, Edgar, and Grail have all freely made their own choices. I hope that someday they will make better ones, but they each have a long path to redemption before them. Vanessa Kapatelis is a different matter entirely. Deep down, I know she's still the same innocent girl I once helped rescue from a pile of rubble." Diana sighed forlornly.
Barbara's research into Diana's various villains had yielded enough information that Cheetah's briefing for this mission hadn't needed to be especially thorough. It had also "gifted" Barbara with a profound surge of rage that could only be matched by the acidic taste of self-loathing following soon after.
That spoiled brat only wound up paralyzed from the waist down; I had my entire morphology rearranged with a cannibalistic curse thrown in for good measure. She'd never even met Wonder Woman before the day she was injured, while I was one of Diana's best friends! What right does some random civilian have to complain about Diana not being there for her?!
Those sorts of thoughts weren't who Barbara Ann Minerva wanted to be though, so she took a few deep breaths and struggled to find a way to channel her anger somewhere other than the avian supervillainess...
"But then some scientists thought it'd be a good idea to try and fix her spine by injecting a bunch of nanites into it, completely forgetting to include an emergency shutdown system in case things went wrong. S.T.E.M. majors, building a better tomorrow, one supervillain at a time! Always so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should..." Cheetah settled for slinging a little mud in the direction of her academic rivals as a way to vent her fury.
There was a look of humor in the Amazon Princess' blue eyes, but it did not come from agreeing with Barbara's statement.
Oh no.
"It occurs to me that I might be able to think of someone who graduated with a degree or two in the humanities who that last sentence might also describe." Diana reflected, keeping her tone light and playful to signify that she was only seeking a little whimsy rather than aiming to humiliate her conversation partner.
So Barbara decided that, having dug her own grave, she might as well have the conviction to lie down in it.
"Hey, the risk I took was calculated, but maaaan, am I bad at math. In my defense, I was the very first person in the modern world to have a god transform them into some kind of horrific monster! So given that the goal of my expedition to Bwunda was increasing humanity's knowledge of the divine, that technically qualifies as a resounding success!" The former archeologist insisted, while burying her face in both of her furry hands and laughing so that she didn't start sobbing instead.
"You should write a paper about it." Advised the Amazon Princess dispassionately.
"Maybe I will!" Barbara Ann Minerva hadn't written an academic paper in over a decade; it was sure to be an experience if she ever genuinely tried to do so again.
Hopefully, the fact that she now had super speed would allow her to get all the inevitably pathetic ham-fisted fumbling that resulted from climbing back on the scholastic horse out of the way in a few hours rather than requiring an entire fortnight.
"Getting back on topic, I'm still shocked that you've got three superpowered Amazons working for you, but feel I'm the best candidate for this job..." Cheetah reluctantly admitted, her feline ears drooping slightly in shame.
"Of all the tasks that need to be accomplished tonight, this is the most difficult and the one I consider most important. That is why I want you to handle it; none of the Wonder Girls are your equal in either power or experience." The Amazon Princess countered.
"I've got experience hurting people, not helping them." Barbara gave a sigh of her own while slowly extending and then retracting her claws.
"As much as it pains me to say this, given how she behaved when we crossed paths at the Washington Monument, Vanessa may need a certain amount of hurting before she can be helped. Besides, you have a kinder heart than you realize, Barbara; you only need the courage to listen to it. If it helps, remember that beneath all her cybernetic augmentations, there is a young woman who has not yet reached her twenty-fifth year." Diana intoned solemnly.
"Kids. First, the Wonder Girls, and now this supervillainess you want me to deal with, I'm surrounded by kids. Jeez, can't believe I'd ever say something like that given that I'm only... oh gods, because there was no one to celebrate them with, I stopped noticing my birthdays, but I was 31 when we met… am I in my forties now?" Cheetah whimpered, feeling the beginnings of a mild midlife crisis creeping up on her.
"Think of something you desire deeply, more than just the standard cake, candles, and presents. I want to make sure your next birthday is one you'll remember for a long time." Wonder Woman insisted without missing a beat.
The supervillainess forced a pained smile to her lips, once again wondering how it was possible for anyone not to love a woman as compassionate and caring as Diana of Themyscira? Cheetah had spent all those years trying to rip out the Amazon Princess' throat, and how did the superheroine repay such acts? By offering to throw her nemesis a birthday party because no one else would!
Barbara, recalling how Diana had sworn to beseech the Greek gods themselves on Cheetah's behalf after Sovereign was defeated, decided to shoot for the moon (it wasn't like she'd completely ruined her entire life the last time she'd let her reach exceed her grasp) and raised an empty hand in a mock toast.
"Next year in Themyscira!" The supervillainess proposed.
"Next year in Themyscira, Doctor Minerva." The Amazon Princess promised while echoing the gesture.
XXX XXX XXX
Barbara zoomed through the ruins of Sovereign's home and soon spotted her target. A woman with hair an even deeper shade of red than Cheetah's own coppery locks, whose body was encased in armor, and who had a pair of large metal wings growing from her back.
Vanessa Kapatelis, the Silver Swan.
At the moment, the nanite-empowered supervillainess was partially buried in rubble, but given she was still capable of actively groaning in pain, Barbara decided to keep her distance.
"AHHH!" Which proved to be a wise choice, as with a triumphant yell, Vanessa managed to rise to her feet, tossing aside the debris that had landed atop her.
"Hey, Silver Swan, how would you like a chance to ditch these losers and hangout with Wonder Woman instead?" Barbara offered, doing her best to affect an air of nonchalance, as if Cheetah's presence was a complete happenstance, rather than part of a carefully crafted plan of attrition launched against all of Sovereign's assets, regardless of what form they took.
Vanessa tended to react violently when addressed by her birth name, so it's best to use her chosen title instead…
That was one of the things the feline supervillainess had uncovered about the avian one while performing her research. Barbara could clearly remember the times in her own past when she'd insisted that Cheetah was her "true" name. They were not happy memories.
"YOU!" Screamed Vanessa as her blue eyes focused on Barbara.
There had been a significant reduction in the number of walls in Sovereign's mansion after Giganta's growth spurt.
Whatever the exact remaining number had previously been, thanks to Silver Swan, there was now one fewer.
Along with razor-tipped claws and equally sharp wings, the nanites had also amplified Vanessa's voice so that she could unleash an auditory assault capable of tearing apart concrete and tossing aside cars. What it did to people who ended up caught in its path was... unpleasant.
Unluckily for Silver Swan, her attack's very nature meant that it could only travel at the speed of sound, and Cheetah could blow past Mach 1 with the same effort most people required to power walk.
Suffice to say, Barbara was well clear of the blast radius by the time Vanessa's screech struck the wall Cheetah had previously been standing in front of, and a few careful neck twitches allowed her to avoid the resulting debris as well.
"Nobody is ever happy to see me." Barbara lamented bitterly.
A part of her really had dared to dream that she might be able to win Vanessa over with that offer, but then, for all Barbara knew, Sovereign had made sure to bind Silver Swan with the Lasso of Lies since she and Diana had last crossed paths.
"She tried to rescue you, AND YOU TRIED TO EAT HER!" Or there was always the much simpler explanation that Barbara Ann Minerva was a profoundly horrible person who had done things that would give anyone who sincerely cared about Wonder Woman plenty of justification to hate Cheetah.
Whatever the reason, Sovereign's home had just lost another wall.
"Yeah, I did, and when I stopped trying to, she forgave me. She's also ready to forgive you the moment you stop fighting." Barbara declared, her voice sounding strangely soft and gentle in her own ears, especially compared to Vanessa's scornful shrieks.
"You don't deserve her forgiveness! You don't really care about her! Not like I do!" Silver Swan insisted, and this time, rather than relying on her sonic attacks, she launched herself at Barbara.
The nanites in Silver Swan's body allowed her to move faster than her voice, but still not quite quick enough to land a hit on Cheetah, who slid out of the way and forced Silver Swan to pull out of her charge into a steep climb to avoid colliding with a section of Sovereign's home no one had gotten around to flattening yet.
You claim I care about Diana less than you, but which of us is currently taking orders from a guy who might as well be the physical embodiment of the patriarchy and serving on a team alongside Edgar Cizko: misogyny's strongest soldier.
Barbara thought the words, but she didn't actually voice them, knowing they'd be anything but helpful at the moment. Spending a decade as a supervillainess had transformed every part of her body into a ruthless weapon designed to hurt everyone around her should they give Cheetah even the filmiest of excuses, tongue included.
Instead, she forced herself to take a different approach…
"This isn't what either of us should be doing with our lives! I should be writing a sequel to Ovid's Metamorphoses, and you should be dancing ballet..." Barbara tried to calm her fellow supervillainess.
Given Diana's own track record with Barbara (roughly a handful of successes per decade), she didn't have much hope that her words would actually improve Vanessa's mood, but Wonder Woman would have wanted Cheetah to try. No, more than just that, if Diana were here in Barbara's place instead of being busy looking after her daughter, she would have tried.
"Ballet? Ballet?! Don't you dare talk to me about ballet! It's because of supervillains like YOU that I lost the ability to dance!" Silver Swan called down angrily.
Barbara supposed it was technically a good sign that Vanessa still had enough of a tether to reality that she didn't hold Cheetah personally accountable for her injuries (Wonder Woman had been fighting Major Disaster when the teenager was paralyzed) at this point.
"Seems like we're both going to disappoint Diana before tonight is through..." Barbara reflected as she prepared to show Silver Swan exactly why, when Lex Luthor had been selecting half a dozen supervillains to serve as the Legion of Doom's founding members, Cheetah had been one of them.
"I'm not afraid of you! You can't even fly; all you do is run fast!" Vanessa taunted the earthbound supervillainess.
"Correction, all I do is run, really fast," Barbara answered, and then she started running.
She ran and ran, and ran, but didn't go anywhere, because she was running in circles. The thing is, if a human-like body ran in circles fast enough, various scientific principles would inevitably transform what was otherwise placid and unremarkable air into a swirling vortex.
A vortex that shot upwards into the sky, sucking Silver Swan back down into range of the furry fist Barbara had cocked back in preparation of her arrival.
WHAM!
The impact knocked Vanessa into a wall, which promptly collapsed on top of her, because why should Giganta and Silver Swan be the only supervillainesses who got to inflict structural damage on Sovereign's home? Well, that, and also because being half-buried in rubble was a good way to keep Vanessa from taking flight again.
"Diana said she used to teach you about Greek mythology whenever she'd visit you in the hospital. Who is Hestia, and what did she bless Wonder Woman with?" Barbara inquired as she finally allowed herself to slow down.
"Who cares about Greek mythology?!" Spat Vanessa through bloody lips as she worked to escape a pile of debris for a second time that evening.
Barbara could have delivered any number of sardonic comebacks to that question, but she decided to simply stick with educating the younger woman instead.
"Hestia is the Greek Goddess of hearth and home. Her blessing granted Diana 'sisterhood with fire' which is another way of saying Wonder Woman is immune to flames. It's why I fought her dozen upon dozens of times and never bothered to use this trick against her..." Cheetah growled before she struck.
Barbara ran towards Silver Swan and used her mythological speed to intentionally vibrate her arms as she did so.
Friction could do funny things to objects moving incredibly fast if you let it… like all but instantly wreath Barbara Ann Minerva's limbs in twin sheaths of roaring flame as her claws lashed out at Vanessa's right shoulder.
The nanites that empowered Silver Swan were the result of studying the superhero Cyborg, whose technology was not fully human in nature. But it was still technology; it still operated by hard and fast rules, even if those exact rules might be a mystery to most people. Cheetah's powers were mythological in nature; you couldn't impose "hard and fast rules" on the divine.
SLASH!
Barbara's claws, superheated by the force of friction, sheared through Vanessa's artificial wing like it was made of butter.
SLASH!
An instant later, Silver Swan had become roughly symmetrical once more as her left wing was likewise severed.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Vanessa screamed, generating another destructive sonic attack that the feline supervillainess rolled out of the way of.
"I am not a cheetah." Barbara hissed the words as she darted forward the moment that Vanessa's lungs were fully emptied and she needed to abandon her attack to draw in more air.
Silver Swan's armor was a product of the nanites that suffused her body; it was not something she had donned, but had instead grown from her very skin with a tenacity that no ordinary human tool could overcome; yet the claws that now assailed it were far from ordinary and equally far from human.
The older supervillainess ripped away chunks of metal with each attack, though every tear was such a divinely perfect cut that not a single drop of blood was drawn in the process.
"And you are not a swan." Barbara practically whispered the words as she paused for just a single moment after having completely stripped Vanessa Kapatelis of the armor that served as the other supervillainess' main defense and offense.
Then Barbara dealt the younger woman a firm uppercut to the jaw and watched Vanessa's blue eyes roll back in her head as she passed out.
Only once Barbara was completely certain that her target would no longer present a threat, did she get to work on fully extricating Vanessa from the collapsed wall that was currently immobilizing her.
When that task was completed, there was nothing for Barbara to do but take the fallen supervillainess' body in her arms and start to gently carry her out of the ruins of Sovereign's mansion.
"We are both phoenixes, and for our hubris, we must burn. We will burn until all that is wicked, evil, and wrong about us has been scorched to ash. Only then can we be reborn, take flight, and join Diana in the sky..." Barbara Ann Minerva cooed to the unconscious Vanessa Kapatelis.
The end
AN: As usual, I'm out here using fanfiction to pick up the balls that DC dropped. Diana literally drew comparisons between Vanessa and Barbara during their (Diana and Vanessa's) second fight…
https://i.imgur.com/cbVCnO8.png
Yet no DC comic has (to my knowledge) ever bothered to have them interact!
The title of this story comes from the names of two of the key characters in the famous ballet Swan Lake (which Vanessa implies is one of her favorites in Volume 5 issue 38): Odette (the White Swan) is an innocent woman who was transformed into an animal by cruel magic and is the beloved of Prince Siegfried, while Odile (the Black Swan) is the daughter of the same evil magician who cursed Odette to become a swan. Odile also seeks to trick Siegfried into declaring his love for her by pretending to be Odette. The latter analogy doesn't match up very well, but part of that is (I would argue) because Odile is more of a plot device than a character in the original Ballet.
Tyche is the Greek Goddess of good luck/fortune.
I'm not sure if in the sprawling, complicated history of the DC universe Barbara genuinely was the first modern person to be turned into a monster by a god, but I think it makes her story feel much more believable if she was. The fact that Diana doesn't speak up about "aren't you worried that you'll wind up like Person X…." is a strong argument in favor of it not having happened to anyone before Barbara. Also, I was going to replace "Person X" with an actual name, but I literally just did like 5 full minutes of Google searches looking for DC supervillains whose origin story is "modern person cursed by a god," and I kept primarily getting Cheetah back as the result; thus, I rest my case that Barbara was the first person it happened to in the modern world unless any of you guys have evidence that suggests otherwise.
"Ovid's Metamorphoses" was a book/epic poem by the Roman Poet Ovid that basically recounts/creates a lot of events from/in Greek/Roman mythology, all centered around the main theme of people being transformed in some way. Barbara writing something about her experiences as Cheetah would be an appropriate sequel/addendum to it.
Barbara being able to light her claws on fire with friction is not something she's ever directly done in comics to my knowledge, but it is 100% within the wheelhouse of "characters who move super fast," as evidenced by the Flash pulling off exactly that trick in Flash Annual #6.
https://i.imgur.com/2VFvjoa.png
Now Flash is faster than Cheetah, but given that various incarnations of Barbara have been able to successfully land blows on the Flash (Flash 1987 Issue 219, Justice League 2011 Issue 13 and 14 are the first instances that come to mind), I think she's probably fast enough to pull off this particular technique.
I think the difference in speed between them best shows itself in the super high-end feats, like being fast enough to vibrate your body into intangibility. I promise you, I will NEVER write Barbara being fast enough that she can pull off that particular trick!
As for Barbara's powers having "no hard and fast limits," it is effectively something that Hunter Zolomon (the supervillain Zoom) told Barbara in (referencing it again) Flash 1987 Issue 219.
https://i.imgur.com/CuHhouL.png
Now, that said, this is "technically cheating" because he's talking to Post-Crisis Barbara Minerva (before stories started having "Ann" as part of her name), who is by all rights a completely different person from Rebirth Barbara Ann Minerva, to the point that they're treated as separate people on TV tropes. That said, both versions of Barbara are still empowered by Urzkartaga, so it's not unreasonable to assume those words apply equally to both versions.
Also, there's something wonderfully poetic about the idea that the reason Barbara keeps losing to Diana is that, due to her emotional issues, Barbara ultimately isn't able to believe in her heart of hearts that she could ever possibly be better than Wonder Woman. What I'm saying is that Barbara Ann Minerva is always working hard to be up there on the podium with Urzkartaga and Veronica Cale, as one of Barbara's top three worst enemies.
Those of you familiar with Wonder Woman Volume 5 may be aware that, yes, I was intentionally creating a direct "the same but different" effect between how Volume 5 issue 40's fight ended and how this one did. Issue 40's fight ends with Diana carrying away an unconscious Vanessa, now stripped of her armor through having been submerged in water until she passed out...
https://i.imgur.com/zB67HMA.png
On the other hand, this fic ends with Barbara carrying away an unconscious Vanessa, now stripped of her armor through heat-based attacks...
Finally, Greg Rucka, in his famous "Oh, [Cheetah's] madly in love with [Diana]" comment (see here) https://www.facebook.com/ComicBookClique/posts/greg-rucka-on-how-cheetah-really-feels-about-wonder-womanoh-shes-madly-in-love-w/1351609760301593/ also includes this line "Diana is [Barbara's] Icarus story. She flew too close, and she got burnt. And she continues to get burnt."
I feel this was an interesting metaphor to play around with, because Barbara, with her extensive knowledge of Greek mythology, is keenly aware of its existence in-universe. The way that she wiggles out from under it/finds a way to give herself hope for the future is that phoenixes are also part of Greek mythology. She got burnt, and she spent an entire decade of her life burning… but not without (in her opinion) deserving it, and not without ultimately emerging the better for the experience.