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For every deplorable thing Colt says or does Ryland still refuses to leave. He’s the last man standing, so to speak. Colt doesn’t want him here. He wants to be alone. Deserves to be alone. He’s a failure as a stuntman, a partner and a friend. The only thing left is his role as a brother. Though he doesn’t feel like that’s too far off from failing as well. He knows it’ll hurt Ryland, but he can’t stop himself from driving a wedge between them. Some part of him tries to justify his behavior as serving Ryland. His brother deserves to go live his life. He doesn’t need to be stuck here taking care of Colt. Colt doesn’t want to be taken care of either.
At the same time Colt knows it’s his own self-imposed pity party. Colt’s pride is bruised and battered. Having to rely on others to care for him isn’t helping fix it. He knows that Ryland won’t leave him without a hard push. Colt intends to give it to him. Even if it means losing him.
Colt lets his pain and anger take the driver’s seat. He buries anything good underneath the blanket of bruises on his ego. When he notices Tom has failed to text or call Ryland for an extended amount of time it feels like the perfect thread to pull. He knows he should feel awful for it. For picking at Ryland's insecurities. For feeding his doubts. Colt lets his own self-pity overshadow any chance of examining those feelings. He makes excuses for himself. He already hates himself, what's one more reason. The subject of Ryland's anxieties being Tom, just a matter of coincidence. His dislike for Tom, only having grown since his accident.
Accident. Sure. A slider was bumped. Accidentally.
Before his fall Colt had almost been prepared to let go of his dislike for Tom. He was willing to start looking at the parts of Tom that were worthwhile. Tom is a great actor. Tom cares about his craft. Tom loves Ryland. For the sake of his brother he could let go of his contempt and look at the positives. All of that was erased in an instant. Now he leans into the negatives. His feelings of failure, the bruises to his pride, the slice of suspicion and his disdain for Tom Ryder. Colt lets it fuel him in his goal to separate himself from Ryland. The small bit of suspicion that sits in the back of his mind when Colt thinks of the day that destroyed him makes hating Tom second nature. Tom was by the control board. It’s a strange coincidence. They fought and suddenly Colt had a workplace accident. He has no evidence though.
In his right mind, without all these negative self-deprecating thoughts, the idea would've never crossed his mind. There's still a part that sits quietly in the back hoping he's wrong. That it's not possible that Tom could be at fault. That Tom would never do such a thing. They had mutual respect. Most of the time at least. Tom was an asshole, not a monster. He tamps those thoughts down.
All those thoughts and feelings, both for himself and others, makes it all too easy to treat Ryland with cruelty.
Colt starts in on Ryland any time he sees him looking at his phone. He calls Tom names. Tom’s a piece of shit. A douche. He tells Ryland that Tom is the worst. That their relationship is hollow and worthless. How he’s probably off with someone else. That Ryland isn’t important to Tom. That Tom doesn’t care about him. Though Ryland tries to hide it, Colt knows he has made him cry more than once. None of that entirely does the job though. Ryland is resolute if nothing else. Stubborn even. It's not until he calls Ryland stupid and a coward that it finally hits the nail on the head.
Ryland doesn't utter a word as he leaves. He may never speak to him again. That thought has Colt reconsidering. He thinks about calling or texting. He thinks he could go back and fix this right now.
It's a moment of clarity.
The moment ends almost instantly.
He never pursues those thoughts.
Where there should be feelings of guilt or shame, instead, Colt finds only self-loathing. He is officially a failure in all the ways he defines himself. A failure as a friend, a partner, a stuntman and finally a brother. His spine isn't the only thing that feels broken. The best pieces of him seemingly cut out of him at the hospital, leaving only bitterness and anger. Bitterness and anger he chose to wield as a weapon against all the people who cared about him.
Colt tells himself it's better this way. Better that Jody go pursue her career. That Dan not be burdened with trying to build Colt back up. That Ryland not be forced to put his life on pause. Better to be alone.
Colt tries to keep tabs. Ryland's name is easy enough to find floating around.
There's a scandal with Tom at the center of it. Accusations of cheating. People are up in arms, figurative pitchforks and torches raised. Mixed up in it he finds his brother's name paired with all kinds of terrible, disgusting words. The threats and doxxing make Colt feel a spike of worry. He thinks about reaching out to check in. To make sure Ryland is safe. His mind drifts back to their last interaction and he reconsiders entirely.
Ryland doesn't need his useless, failure of a brother. Colt's help is worthless. Colt himself is less than worthless.
Even once Iggy makes a statement there's still discourse. The amount has reduced significantly though. It gives Colt reassurance that this is all going to blow over. He has no way of knowing if Tom ever got back in contact with Ryland after ignoring him those couple of weeks. Colt hopes he never did. Either way this confirms it for him. Tom and Ryland are done. He hates himself for rooting for Ryland’s heartbreak, but his vindication that he was right about Tom outweighs it. It's petty, but he can’t help it. Ryland will be better off without Tom. He’s already better off without Colt. Ryland will be fine. Colt sees no need to reach out. Shortly after the first post, Iggy and Tom rekindle their relationship. Well, a version of it the public will find consumable at least, Colt assumes. There’s no way to be entirely sure, but it feels flimsy at best.
Ryland’s name starts to fall off feeds and timelines. Colt loses track of him. He stops looking after a while.
Months later when Ryland's name appears on his phone Colt almost answers.
After all this time he has finally started to feel the guilt he should’ve a long time ago. There's finally room for it as anger has slowly turned into apathy. It feels too late. Any opportunity to fix things with Ryland feels like it's too far gone. Nothing he could say would be enough. Colt is not enough.
He lets the call ring out.
The next day he gets a new number.
Colt’s back eventually has a mostly full recovery. He should feel lucky to get away with only some aches and pains. Instead he just feels frankly kind of shitty. It was his choice to push everyone away. To let his anger and self-loathing take over. Now that he’s gotten past that and through to here he actually starts to feel shame and guilt for his behavior. There’s finally room for it. All his failures are his own fault. He has no proof of foul play or intent with his accident. He should’ve been able to know it would go bad. Should’ve known something was wrong with the rig. He’s the stunt guy. His mind is finally in the right place where he can look at it for what it was. An accident.
He ignored Jody and rejected her help. He stopped talking to Dan. He hurt Ryland badly enough to make him leave. His choices, his failures. At any point he could’ve reached out and apologized. He could’ve tried to explain himself. Now it feels too far overdue and he has no idea how to go forward.
Another failure. Added to the pile. It's overwhelming.
After an evening of dealing with pretentious assholes and taking a joyride with one of their cars his phone rings. He doesn’t recognize the number, but answers anyway. It's Gail. She wants him to come back to work. For all that he tries to resist, deflect and reject her, she continues to plow forward. He almost hangs up on her, but when she reveals that the director is Jody he has a change of heart. An opportunity to take one failure off the pile.
Jody asked for him.
Colt’s going to answer her.