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"alexei wants to see you," which is true. despite the fact he hasn't said it, yelena knows he does, and more importantly, she wants that. the thought nags at her constantly.
alexei wants all of you to be together more than anything. he's an outrageous man who gets caught up in his own visions of glory and grandeur. but he knows when to draw the line. when to keep those wants to himself. he's starting to. he knew she saw you, that she was going to go see you before she did it. yelena swore it was like he could smell it on her. he didn't say anything. offered to play chauffeur for her and walker, like he usually did whenever she went anywhere. but he didn't press as hard when she turned him down.
alexei is an outrageous man, but sometimes she sees glimpses of the man that was her whole fucking world when she was kid. when it was him and melina, and you and natasha, and her. in ohio.
she sees it with melina, too. she wouldn't have helped her and nat if she didn't still love them as her kids. yelena has no idea if melina even knows you're alive. you don't respond to her, so she might not. yelena herself has only spoken to her a handful of times in the past few years. but melina has to rememeber her love for you as well, yelena has to believe that.
and now she sees glimpses of you, her brother. of your life. hears some stories and shares a few of her own over stale coffee and diner pancakes at odd hours every couple of weeks. and it's not enough.
it wouldn't be "normal" or traditional. yelena knows she can't ask for melina to just be her mom again. she can't ask for you to be alexei and melina's son. but she can't help but want it back, in some way. her family. and maybe you do. she hopes so.
you've never denied it. but you always avoid the conversation anytime alexei comes up. you pivot. "how's your american dream doing?"
admittedly, bringing walker that first was a mistake, for reasons she couldve never anticipated. for once her regret around him wasn't his own fault. yelena is certain your interest in him serves only to piss her off. he's becoming a conversational escape. you really only ask about him when you don't want to talk about something else, usually alexei.
"do not call him mine." yelena falls for it every time though. she gags; it's exaggerated. it's barely adequate, doesn't begin to express how gross that is. they're too close. it'd like her being with… well, you. it's disgusting.
"you tell me he's married," she said it once. the first time you'd met, and you knew it was a lie immediately. but you refuse to acknowledge that he isn't married until she does. yelena does not want to acknowledge your interest in walker. "you do not tell me who to." she really considers shooting you when you make that tsk tsk tsk noise. "what's a man to think?"
"when did you start thinking?"
you stick your tongue out, but didn't bother responding.
lena smiles. it's small. triumphant. a barely contained childishly joy.
it's rare for people like you. it's nice to see. and you're glad it stays with her while you talk.
that smile does slip. the second time you check your watch.
you have to go soon. because it's always you who leaves first.
yelena has a vague idea of what exactly it is you do. knows it's something of a valentina situation, but much less formal, from what she's observed. "you have to go."
"i have to-"
"-fix something" she says it with you, not bothering to hide her disappointment. you're always fixing something.
you collect your dishes on the table for the wait staff, avoiding yelena's gaze. "you can reach out. i have you as priority."
she hums, passively agreeing. yelena doesn't know that she believes it, though. you say it. you always say it and she trusts you, mostly. she's far too nervous to test it. she feels too close to having her family again. her old one. her first one, and it's a lie.
one she's been trying to hold onto a little longer, but the promise of something more real has steadily gotten louder. claws at the edges of her mind when she's near you. she tries to listen, nod along when you say, "then call me, lena-"
"i want you to see alexei." it's like vomiting. "he didn't ask."
your eyes shift down. you set money down on the table.
yelena continues. "i know that we can't be a family like we used to be."
"so the american is doing well, then?"
she says your name. she doesn't want to get off track.
"yelena," you respond in the same firm tone.
"i don't want us to be like we used to be, i know we can't because-" the words get caught in her throat. almost two years later and it's still hard to say it.
"nats gone"
"but you aren't. mom isn't. daddy isnt. i just, i want-"
"i know." it's a bad idea. it is. she's a public figure now. you're legally dead and yelena's one of the only people who know that and doesn't you dead.
you're not really sure how it'd work. if it could. regardless, against your better judgement, you say, "i get it. i want that too."
which ends that conversation, opens a new one your not ready for.
one yelena didn't really expect to get to.
after a beat, "ill think about it." which is your polite way of tabling that conversation. "just call in a few days, yeah?"