Chapter Text
“-And it’s the final corner folks! The racers are starting their final spurts!”
I gripped the railing like a lifeline, the roar of the crowd around me a distant din as I focused on an off-yellow speck in the distance. From where I'm standing near the finish line, I could see the faces of the umamusume as they fight for every inch they can get on the track.
Stay Gold’s usual easygoing expression is nowhere to be seen as she puts her everything into the final straight. The other kuranta are panting just as hard, sweat marring their faces and cleats tearing into the turf so hard that the air is showered in blades of grass.
“Mejiro Bright and Yusei Top Run are still lagging behind though! Have they worn themselves out?!”
She has the stamina for this.
“The pack has well and truly dissolved now! It’s a scramble to the finish!”
She’s in the perfect position to overtake everyone.
“Silence Suzuka still has a three length lead but it’s closing fast!”
She’s still accelerating this far into the spurt, burning everything she has left for the final straight.
“STAY GOLD! STAY GOLD PASSES SILK JUSTICE AND MEJIRO DOBER, AIR GROOVE PASS- STAY GOLD OVERTAKES AIR GROOVE-”
Everything’s lined up for her to get this win.
…
So why?
“IT’S SILENCE SUZUKA! SILENCE SUZUKA TAKES HOME THE GOLD AT THE TAKARAZUKA KINEN! STAY GOLD SECOND BY HALF A LENGTH, AIR GROOVE BY A NECK-”
Why do I keep letting them down? Why can’t they claim their rightful places at the top of the podium?
Why do I keep trying to salvage this legacy?
My feet moved me automatically towards the tunnel entrance below the stands. I didn't even realize I had moved here until a security personnel halted me in my tracks and forced me to look up.
“ID, sir?” he asked neutrally.
“Oh. Uh, yeah. Here.” I flashed my ID card from where it hung around my neck like a noose.
“Right, thank you Mr. Nearl.” And just like that he stepped aside to let me through. If he moved any differently after seeing my name, I didn't notice it as I walked past him, head spinning too wildly to worry about anything else right now.
Again, I reached the ready room before I noticed I’d moved at all, like time just skipped ahead to get me here. I couldn't even pick out what my thoughts were.
I push the door open, and Stego is already there to greet me, chair facing the door.
I could tell her smile was already plastered on long before I got near her room. The one that never reached her eyes. The one she always wore in every race we’ve been through.
“Sorry about that Trainer, I really thought I had it that time.” she said before the silence could stretch into awkwardness.
Unfortunately, my mind is still too jumbled to conjure up a response right now, so the silence lingered all the same despite her effort.
“...Trainer?” Stego asked, once she noticed I hadn't moved at all from the entrance of the room. Her rose-gold eyes opened a fraction wider, ears standing straighter than before as she focused on me.
That slowed down the racing ramblings in my head, just enough for me to latch on to a thread of thought to speak. Unfortunately, it was an errant thought that was best left untouched.
“Aren’t you tired of me yet?” I blurted without thinking. My brain took a second to catch up to my mouth, but I couldn't just take it back or pretend I hadn't said it.
“Hey now, where did this come from?” Stego asked as she stood up from her chair. “And before you get any other strange thoughts up in that head of yours, the answer is no.” she added with finality, crossing her arms.
“But shouldn't you be?” I countered. There’s no going back, I might as well let it all out now. “You haven't won a single time since your debut last year, your practice times have improved but you’re still behind compared to your peers, and I know how hard you’ve been working to get those times so I-I’ve just been trying to figure out if I’m doing something wrong or if the training plan I setup isn't compatible with your style or-or some-”
My overflowing thoughts came to a halt as I felt a pair of hands reach up to my forearms. Stego’s grip on my sleeves is rigid, but not tight. Firm, grounding. Her eyes reached mine, and they held me steady as I swallowed, some of the tension draining out of me.
Right, deep breaths. Your trainee just lost and you’re the one being comforted. That thought made me forcibly relax some more as I let Stego lead me to a seat.
I plopped down on it and felt some of the tension leave me. I'd been standing beside the railings for almost the entire day, stressing about the race. I’d barely noticed how tired I was until now.
“First of all, Nearlie,” she began as she sat down on her own chair, and I had to suppress a huff at that nickname again. “We already knew this would be an arduous journey when we set out to do it, for you and me both. Breaking the chains of fate set by the other me was never going to be easy.”
I nodded to that, because at the beginning, the races were “predictable” as Stego said it. Placements matching one-to-one with her other self’s races. Hearing that made me realise how much effort we’d need to be putting out for this to work. It seemed such a daunting, harrowing thing. to know that you’d never win until your final race.
But we kept trying anyway.
And eventually, things started deviating from the other Stay Gold’s path.
Races where he didn’t place, she got podium. Ones where he didn't run in at all, she did well too.
But never first. Never taking home the win. The one barrier that we’ve yet to overcome on our journey together.
“Secondly, and this one is more important,” Stego said, bringing me out of my thoughts again. “The journey’s more important than the destination, remember?” The smile she put on this time was more genuine than the last. Maybe she was reminiscing on that day we first met.
“We’ve managed to defy fate more than once now, and even if we didn’t, our journey has been one I won't forget for a long time now.” She said it like it was a simple fact, like it was absurd I would've thought otherwise.
Then softly, but still as solemn, “I don't regret picking you as my trainer.”
I don't know what to say to that. Couldn't answer her seemingly unwavering confidence in me despite the lack of results I've given her.
“Now, enough of the mushy stuff for now. I’ve got a winning concert in half an hour, so help me prepare, would ya?” The waxy smile returned as she said that, her demeanor back to the normal nonchalance I’m used to seeing.
I could tell this was an out she’d given me, something to distract me from any errant thoughts I still had even after the assurances she’s given me. I gladly accepted, standing up to help her get ready for the concert. At least my mind started to quiet down after that.
The walk back to Tracen was quiet, mostly because I was walking back alone tonight. As is customary for us by now, we split off once we arrived at Ginza station, Stego telling me she had somewhere else to be tonight. Tazuna is still trying to talk her into actually using the campus dormitories, if for nothing else than to make finding her easier. But I knew better than to try by now. Stego goes where she pleases, and binding her to one place for too long is an exercise in futility.
I passed by the side gate meant for faculty members, flashing my ID to the night shift and making my way through the campus grounds. Midway through though, I pivoted from my path to the staff dormitories and took a different route.
My legs led me to the base of the fountain, the statue of the Three Goddesses staring down impassively as ever. I had thought about going to the Stump to vent out any leftover frustrations I had, but I don't think my throat is up for that tonight. So, the Goddesses it is.
I’d never been one for faith, despite my lineage. I was young when I realized that for all of our worship, the divine never really played any part in our lives. After meeting Stego though, and not just hearing her stories, but experiencing glimpses of that other world for myself, I can't help but think that maybe this world is more magical than I initially realized.
Despite the newfound perspective, the question I want to ask them remains the same though.
“Can nothing be changed?” I looked up from the base of the fountain as I gazed up at the faceless stand-ins of the Goddesses.
As always, I’m met with silence. Even if the Goddesses were real, I don't know why I expected anything different. Just because one person suddenly believed in their existence–or just the existence of divinity in general–doesn't mean they have to answer anything. Or maybe they just don't care. I might prefer that, in all honesty.
I turned my back towards the fountain and started my way back to the dormitories. A soft tinkling sound chimed behind me as I left, but I couldn't be bothered to check what it was.
If I had turned around before I left, I might've caught a glimpse of something gold glinting off the water.
The lights flickered on as I flipped the switch in my room, the door closing softly behind me. I turned to lock it before throwing down my stuff haphazardly on the small dinner table.
I didn’t see Okino anywhere around, but considering the results from today, he’s probably still out celebrating, maybe with the others too. I know I should've probably gone to our usual bar, if nothing else than to congratulate him on Suzuka’s win, but I didn't have it in me tonight to socialize.
I threw off my shirt to the chair and went to the bathroom to freshen up. The face that greeted me in the mirror was a mess. Dirty-blonde hair tousled haphazardly, but so short that it was trivial to comb back into shape. Eyebags barely concealed with makeup that’s starting to wear off, from the nights before the Takarazuka Kinen constantly too worried to sleep. And those Goddesses-damned eyes. Brown, barely light enough to be considered gold despite what my sisters said.
A stain on the family name
Despite how much Aunt Whis cares for us all equally.
A regretful circumstance
Despite how well Uncle has taken care of us all, no matter what excuses he has.
A burden to everyone
…
I finished up half an hour later, towel wrapped around my head, when I was met with a sporadic buzzing coming from the table. My phone lit up with text messages from my siblings’ group chat, and I couldn't stop the smile that tugged at my lips at the thought of talking to them again.
I checked my notifications, finding exactly what I expected, and scrolled up a bit in the chat.
NReal Nearl Hours
…
Blem
And the way Stego did that final spurt!!!
Blem
You guys did great out there!
Blem
I know you both did your best and
Blem
And 2nd isnt bad! At all! Its really admirable actually!
Blem
Honestly they coulda given out medals or something for 2nd and 3rd, it’d
be nice to show off for my collection too!
Radi
Regardless, we’re proud of your accomplishment tonight, Anty.
Radi
Give our compliments to miss Stay Gold as well please, and we’re sorry we couldn't attend for this one either.
Blem
Yeah the time diff is really fucking up our schedules for each other.
Blem
Next one! For sure!! Radi you dont get to say no we’re gonna work around the press one way or another for our baby bro!!!!
Radi
…I’ll see what I can come up with for countermeasures.
Anty
Thanks for the cheers guys
Anty
And sorry for the late rep. Just got back
Blem
There he is! C’mere you
…
The messages from Blemishine and Radiant were like a balm for my soul, banishing the darkness that had been clinging to me since the race finished. Shining beacons in my life like they’ve always been. For a few hours, I just enjoyed my night as I texted with my sisters after so long. Blemi was right, we didn't have much time for each other these days, especially with Radi. So these moments of quiet comfort were all the more precious to us. To me.
I was at it until Radi reminded me what time it was for me, and I was pestered by Blemi to log off and go to sleep. I could do nothing but relent, and they have the right of it too. It’s almost midnight, and I missed dinner already, but I could get a bigger breakfast tomorrow to compensate.
Before I turned off my phone, I couldn't help but stare at my homescreen picture just then, the dim light of the night-mode screen doing nothing to dull its shine.
The crest of the Nearl family in all its glory. Two swords set upon a shield, flanked on each side by pegasi. The thought of the mythical creatures alleviated my mood a bit more, and the family motto just below reminded me why I set it as my homescreen to begin with.
Fear Neither Hardship nor Darkness.
Those words clung to me as I drifted off to sleep, and if my dreams that night were warmer and brighter than they usually are, I chalked it up to a happy coincidence.