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"C'mon baby, it's really time to go to bed." Chan sighs softly, rubbing his tired eyes. Felix just shudders and curls up even more on the older's lap, his small fingers tightening even more on Chan's shirt. "M'not tires..." The little mumbles quietly, shaking his head with the left over energy from their long day.
"Baby boy, your eyes tell me something different, hm? You're tired, it's late, Dada's tired, why don't we go and cuddle in bed, hm?" Chan quietly says, pulling Felix and his blanket wrapped around him from the couch. He turns his head to the clock on the wall and sees it isalready close to 3 am—though remembers they luckily don't have schedules the following day.
The little quietly whines, though makes no effort in trying to get away. He looks visibly exhausted—the other members and Chan himself had noticed his clear eye bags and unenergized self throughout the past few days.
"We'll choose some pretty jammies and relax, yeah?" Chan mumbles weakly, kissing Felix' forehead as he carries him upstairs, careful not to wake anyone. "Wan... Wan Dada jammies... " The little whispers, just quiet enough for only Chan to hear. The oldest carries him into his room and gently lays the boy down on his bed, wrapping the blanket a bit more around him before turning away.
"No... No, Dada stay." The little whimpers, clutching the hem of Chan's shirt. It clearly takes everything in him to blink his eyes open—tears gathering in the corners of them. "Hey baby boy, Dada's just gonna get some Jammies, yeah? Please don't cry, my sweet prince." Chan whispers, bending down to press a kiss against the younger's forehead. Felix whines once again and frowns, looking to the closet Chan is pointing at before releasing his grip on his shirt.
"Dada's right here, just gonna get you a shirt. Do you want pants too, love?" Chan asks, walking to his closet. He hears a grunt from Felix, who shakes his head and makes grabby hands to the older. "Okay buddy, can you take off your clothes or does Dada gotta help?" The oldest hums, grabbing an oversized shirt from his closet. He turns back to Felix and sees the boy tiredly hunched over, wrapped in his blankets with his eyes closed in exhaustion.
"Dada's just gonna change you, baby." Chan coos, gently unwrapping the blanket from Felix' frame. The little hums and lifts his arms, trying to help his caregiver despite the little energy left in his body.
"Good boy." Chan softly praises him, putting the big shirt on the little's body. He gently pushes Felix down on the bed and removes his pants, deciding to leave his underwear on for the night. He pulls his blanket over the boy and tucks him in already—turning around to change himself.
A loud cry stops him from moving, quickly looking at Felix, who shakes his head rapidly, reaching both his hand out. "Hey, hey baby. What's wrong, love?" Chan shushes him gently, taking both of his hands to come closer. He pulls the younger up and places him on his lap, kissing his forehead.
"Dada—Dada don' leave!" Felix loudly cries out, clutching Chan's shirt in his small hands. He presses his head against the older's chest and lets his tears flow freely, clearly having no intention on letting go.
"Baby boy, Dada's right here. I'm not leaving, I was just about to change. Can Lixie take a good breath for me?" The caregiver frowns, one of his hands cupping Felix' cheeks to brush away his tears. A soft knock coming from the door disturbs the two, as now Minho comes in with a slightly worried expression.
"See, Mama is here too. Isn't that great, baby love?" Chan hums, pointing at Minho, who is now walking closer. The second oldest frowns deeply as he reaches closer to Felix but quickly erases it from his face once he sees the little making grabby hands towards him, immediately pulling him down on the bed as well. He keeps one hand tightly gripping at Chan's shirt, the other now on two of Minho's fingers.
"What's all this fuss about, sugar? Why is my sweet sugar boy crying, hm? Mama told you my sweet sugar boy would dissolve with those tears! Let me quickly grab them." Minho smiles, cupping Felix' cheeks. He bends down and makes eye contact with the boy, noticing the slightest hint of a smile creeping through, then rapidly kisses every single tear from his face.
"Ahw, look at that. So much better, huh sugar? Can my sweetest boy tell me why there are so many tears for Mama to catch? Or do we feel like words are a bit much?" Minho asks, holding each hand up by the questions. Felix gently squeezes the right one—meaning his words were indeed too hard to formulate at that moment.
"That's alright, sugar. Why don't we let Dada put on some nice, soft clothes, and we'll have a good cuddle bundle. Does that sound good, sugar?" Minho smiles again, gently picking Felix up from Chan's lap. The boy sniffles and nods, reaching one hand up to suckle at his fingers as he watches Chan quickly get up, jumping out of his pants and shirt. He throws a clean shirt over his head and acts confused for the little, hopefully earning a soft laugh, though only manages to get a quiet giggle when he acts as if he falls. He keeps on being silly while coming back to the bed, crawling on to the mattress.
"Woah there, that was something." Chan chuckles, putting both of his hands through the arm holes of his shirt. "Can you help Dada with his shirt? Then he can hold you real good and never ever let go." Minho smiles, encouraging Felix to let go of his fingers in his mouth, grabbing both Chan's hands to pull his arms through the holes. The eldest laughs softly at the wet feeling at his right hand, though doesn't have the heart to wipe away the drool from Felix' hand.
"Good boy! Now let's sleep, before Binbin comes and asks everyone to eat chicken." Minho whispers, pulling Felix back down on the mattress, holding him tightly against his chest. It may not be the most comfortable and easy to sleep, but the boy feels the most comfortable being in a tight embrace, so Minho would go through that bit of a strain for the little anyway.
"Sleep well, sugar. And don't have bad dreams, yeah? Let's meet in our dreams. We'll go to the aquarium together, and watch all of the little fishies. And afterwards, visit the shop at the entrance, where Mama will buy you a big fishie plush. And after Baby Lixie has his big fishie plush, we'll go to the park with Dada and Binbin and Jinnie and Sunnie and Minnie and even Ayenie. And then we'll go on the swing together, yeah? Mama will push you on the swing. And when we've had an amazing day, we'll go home and swing in the pool. And take all your fishies with you. We'll have a warm bath after to clean our bodies, and then have a good nap. And then when Lixie wakes up again, he'll be back in Mama's arms, kay? Tomorrow when you wake up, you're in Mama's arms, love."
♡♡♡
"Good morning, hyungs, and my favorite bean. Did I have the worst nightmare of my life, or did Lixie actually cry yesterday?" Jisung mumbles, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he walks into Chan's room, where the two oldest members are already awake, admiring the sleepy boy in their arms.
"He was actually crying. Begged me not to leave, all of a sudden, even if I made no intentions to do so..." Chan says, shrugging his shoulders. He pullsup his legs so Jisung could crawl into the bed, careful not to wake the boy.
"We'll just ask when he wakes up. I'm not sure why he freaked out like that, but I could hear it to my room." Minho sighs, gently brushing Felix' hair out of his face. The boy stirrs quietly, though goes back to his relaxed state just as quickly, his lips moving as he tried to suckle at something. Minho holds up his knuckle to the boy and lets him soothe on his finger, not minding it a single bit after the many times he's done that.
"Did he have one of his nightmares again, then?" Jisung asks, looking up at Chan with a frown. The oldest makes a noise of confusion and looks at Minho—who turns back at Jisung, looking just as confused.
"What...nightmares?" Chan frowns, his hand pointing at Felix. "His... Nightmares? He hasn't told you guys about them? He said he would... Back when we were roommates and even after, I often slept in his bed because he couldn't sleep. He would wake up screaming, sobbing, absolutely panicking and wailing about not leaving him. When I asked him about it after a few times he didn't want to tell me, but eventually confessed he has had those since debut. Chan saying he would never leave him. He held onto it dearly, so every time he slips and then has a nightmare, he remembers it as clear as yesterday. So whatever Chan then does, if even going out of his sight, he will panic."
"Wait—so he gets these because he's scared I'll leave? Because I told him I... wouldn't?"
"Not exactly. Yesterday you went out, right? He must've had a nightmare in his littlespace before that, and then see you leaving. It's as simple as that, really. He never wanted to tell you because he'd feel like a bother, but sometimes he would get so deep into his thoughts he'd... He uhm... We were closest to the roof door, you know?" Jisung whispers quietly, his eyes glazing over as he looks at the sleeping boy in Minho's arms.
"Sometimes he would feel so unworthy he would go up. Every time it happened was around times he got nightmares, and often when Chan hyung was still away for promotions or some things like that. Just—please talk to him about it? I know you can't change your life and stick by his side forever, but it can't go on like this. I know his nightmares have been worse lately, he told me, but I can't always slip into his bed, especially with the amount of suspicion it would get... Please talk to him? It's really scary seeing him up the roof, just... Ready. Ready for whatever he would do. It's scary."
"Oh baby—come here." Chan frowns deeply, pulling Jisung to his chest. "You are so, so brave for keeping this to yourself and helping Lixie. So so brave, love." Chan whispers, kissing the side of Jisung's head. The younger rapper hums weakly and nods, his eyes filled with tears as he looks to the side, watching Felix slowly wake up.
"Take a minute if you need to, yeah?" Chan quietly says, pulling back a bit to see Jisung. The male smiles and nods once more, now rubbing Felix' shoulder as gentle as he could. "Hyungs?" The boy quietly calls out, looking up with a tired whine. He pushes himself up on his knees and straddles Minho's lap, laying down again on the older's chest.
"Lixie? Can we... Can we talk? About... You know." Jisung softly asked, tilting his head to Chan. "Jisungie said you didn't just... Get scared for me to leave for nothing...?" Chan carefully mentions, now seeing Felix take a deep breath and nod, sitting up. "So we're actually doing this..." He mumbles, crawling over to Jisung to cuddle to his side, facing both Minho and Chan.
"I uhm... I get nightmares, sometimes. About debut, often, the eliminations. I was really scared back then, which always used to trigger a lot of my headspace. So dreaming about it and then slipping is... Not great. It makes me very scared, and my skin itchy and burning, and my chest feels heavy and I can't get words out, especially when i'm small. I just—I just can't. With some members I have more triggers than others... When I dream about it and have memories of Minho hyung's last cooking, and he then actually does here, it could be a trigger. Channie saying he wouldn't leave me behind and then even going out to simply buy groceries... That one is probably the biggest trigger, I think..." Felix frowns, biting down on his lip before looking back up at Chan and Minho.
"Are the nightmares random? Or do they pop up during certain moments?" Minho asks, reaching forward to hold Felix' hand. "They're... A bit random, I think... If Channie goes away for promotions and I feel lonely, it could be a bit of a trigger to those memories and nightmares..."
"Is there anything we can do to help you, love? I really, really want to help you. You know the therapy you went to is still available, right? You can slip right back in." Chan frowns in concern, tilting his head. "I think... I think i'd like to go back, yeah... Will you come, though?" Felix asks, hopefully looking up at Chan again. The oldest smiles and nods, crawling over to kiss the boy on his forehead.
"We'll do this together, yes."