Archive of Our Own

Kit shuffled the pages of his script around as he wrapped up his last few notes and questions to ask on set the next week. They’d just begun filming, and he had gone through all of his lines to pick out what he didn’t feel was working for the character. His phone buzzed with a notification that Joe had posted to his private Instagram story. 

He let the phone dim, not wanting to seem too eager to look at it. Not as if Joe was sitting there waiting to check who’d seen it. He surely wasn’t that bored all the way across the pond in Canada where he was filming his own project. 

But Kit was too nosy for his own good, and because he hadn’t talked to him on the phone in two whole godforsaken days, his curiosity won. He tapped the notification, and it opened to a video of him in a karaoke bar, cringing at a bad rendition of My Heart Will Go On in the background. 

Kit chuckled to himself, admiring how handsome he looked even in the dim lights, and tapped a quick like on the story before closing the app. He set his phone down and collapsed his head into his hands atop the kitchen table. He missed him. Physically, emotionally, spiritually; in all the ways someone could miss a person. And just seeing his face had his body reacting like a lovesick puppy for a man who still wasn’t his. The one he’d almost convinced to be his more than once.

The summer of 2023 had been the turning point in their relationship. Joe had come out of a tough situationship that they all thought would last longer than it did, but not when half of that partnership had a wandering eye. It had angered Kit in a way it shouldn’t have, because it wasn’t his business, but from early on, he’d felt protective of Joe. Even being the younger one between them. Seeing him in that much pain made him hurt as well. He cared deeply for him and only wanted the best for him. So, when that “best” turned into a worse-case scenario, Kit took it upon himself to insert his own feelings into the aftermath. Aftermath that led to fooling around during D.C. Pride to take Joe’s mind off of everything while it was just the two of them, which then spilled into a summer of intimate encounters he still held very fondly in his heart. It was a line they probably shouldn’t have crossed, but he never regretted crossing it with, or for, Joe. 

And they continued to cross it time and time again. He figured they probably always would. Because despite knowing it was risky to chance their friendship on sex, it was easy to fall into each other’s arms instead of someone else’s. Kit trusted Joe as much as Joe trusted him, and having that security meant they could get what they needed from the other without involving a third party who may run to the press. It sounded insane whenever he thought about it for too long, and Tobie had called them both as much to their faces more than once. 

Kit wasn’t ignorant that he’d become attached to what they shared. So, he’d been hurt and ashamed when Joe ended their secret rendezvous at the end of that fateful year and chose to enter into a toxic period with a man Kit would despise until his dying day. He had been desperately jealous, and he didn’t hide it very well. But Tobie had forced him to let him go. To let him test the waters somewhere else and see if he returned. Kit felt like a useless lump of a man waiting around for Joe to realize he wasn’t where he belonged, and it was cocky as hell for Kit to assume he knew it was with him. But in all honesty…they both knew. 

Which is exactly why when he did return, he and Joe fell right back into their intimate routine. In New York. In LA. In Paris. Hell, even in Leeds while filming, on holiday with Elton fucking John, and minutes after he called Joe “pal” on main to deter anyone thinking otherwise. Joe would come ‘round his, they’d sleep together—sexually then physically—sometimes they’d share an awkward brunch before he’d head home, then rinse and repeat. Kit would find himself craving their connection, so he’d land on his doorstep instead, rolling around with him half the night, only to wake the next day and act like their situation was working. 

It wasn’t. He knew it. Joe knew it. Their mates knew it. He wanted Joe to himself. He wanted Joe to want him in return, but he wasn’t sure that would ever be in the cards. And he was partly to blame, he’d never deny that. He’d openly agreed to whatever fucked up “friends with benefits” deal they had going. But he also couldn’t stop it. And he couldn’t seek anything else in the interim, which was maybe the most destructive part. He’d tried. God knows he’d tried. With women. With men. Older. Younger. American. Spanish. British. Yet nothing ever filled the Joe-sized void in his heart. Because it wasn’t about sex. Hell, he had a hand and porn for that, much less his choice of anyone who threw themselves in his path. It was a deeply-rooted emotional connection he only felt when tethered to Joe. He felt it in his soul, in his heart, in every fiber of his being. Sex with Joe was never, and would never be, just sex. He had feelings wrapped up in their intimacy that he’d never find anywhere else. Joe was who he wanted. 

He decided to act on the big feelings he was having and send him a text before heading to bed to throw himself on his mattress and dream of him until he returned. He felt as pathetic as it sounded. When he went to pull up their text thread, his phone instead began to vibrate in his hand. 

A FaceTime call from Joe. How did he know? He saw your like, dingus, calm down. 

He answered it without hesitation as the connection spun a few times before his face came into view. He was outside now, presumably still at the bar, club, restaurant, wherever he’d posted from. His curls framed his forehead in the way Kit loved, because he oftentimes moved them to kiss the barren spot. Not really what “friends with benefits” did, but he couldn’t control himself. And Joe always let him be affectionate without protest.

“Oh,” Joe said, as if surprised he’d answered. “Hi.”

He chuckled. “Did you mean to call me?”

He yawned with a subtle nod. “Yeah, sorry. Of course. I just didn’t…isn’t it late there?”

Kit shrugged. “It’s the weekend. I do stay up past ten every now and then.”

“Sure you do, old man.” Joe was trying to mask the smirk that began to creep across his face. 

“Did you call to take the piss?” He rolled his eyes. 

“I do love winding you up,” he replied, then bit his lip like the little devil he was. 

Kit stood and began to walk toward his bedroom, curious if he called for phone sex. Or maybe wishful thinking on his part, since he was still visibly in public. 

“I’m well aware. Good, yeah?” he asked, realizing maybe Joe actually needed him in a different way. 

He nodded, his eyes drifting from the camera. “Waiting for my Uber. I was hoping to not wait alone.”

Kit’s heart constricted that he’d called for company. He was disappointed no one from his current cast offered to wait with him, but that wasn’t a concern for now. “I’m glad you called.”

He offered him a shy smirk and a glance. “I didn’t know if you’d answer. I mean, I saw you were online…”

He trailed off when Kit raised a brow at that. So he had seen his like.

“Hah!” Kit exclaimed. “You miss me.”

He scoffed but still refused to look at the camera. Kit assumed he was pretending to watch for the Uber, but he didn’t think Toronto was that big of a city, and it definitely didn’t sound noisy behind him. 

“Of course I do,” he answered quietly. 

“Was I your first choice then?” He took the chance to ask since Joe was seemingly alone outside. 

“Why?” He looked at the camera now. 

“My pride hinges on it,” he teased. 

Joe half-laughed at him. “Yes. Tobie was next. But all my friends are in the same time zone except Dylan, and she’s onstage.”

Kit nodded, brushing aside the idea of him calling Dylan over him. It was still early in the evening on the east coast. 

“Headed in for the night already?” he asked, nibbling on his thumbnail as he plopped down on his bed. 

Joe watched him, his eyes curious with his movements, and Kit began to wonder if phone sex was still in the cards when he made it back to his accommodations. 

“Wasn’t feeling it,” he answered. Then he held up his finger, and Kit heard him confirm his name for the driver before taking a seat inside the stranger’s car. 

It was then that Kit noticed his ear buds were in, so he didn’t have to censor himself. If that was why he’d called. 

“Sorry, I’m here,” he said as he settled in, and the lights began to dance across his face while the car drove through the city. 

“You okay?” Kit asked. “You seem melancholy.”

He snorted. “I’m surprised you didn’t say morose. You’re so poetic.”

“A walking dictionary,” he quipped. “Now answer the question.”

Joe was good with his aloofness act, but Kit saw right through it, and he knew it drove him mad. He never let him get away with brushing him off. He could play the banter game as long as he wanted, even through sex, but in the end, he always pushed Joe to be honest. They told each other everything. That was the friends part of their benefits. 

“Kiiiit,” he whined. “I should’ve called Tobie.”

He chuckled despite his body reacting to the way he’d said his name. “Maybe so. But you called me. So, talk to me.”

His eyes found Kit’s through the camera in the dimly lit car. “Karaoke made me miss you. I guess I just wanted to tell you.”

“You’re homesick.” He filled in the blanks for him. “I know that feeling all too well.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, maybe that’s it.”

Kit pressed him again. “Is that it?”

He sighed and leaned his head against the headrest. “I mean, I don’t know that I miss home. I really just miss…you.” 

Kit’s stomach stirred with a swirl of emotions. He desperately wanted to remind him he’d always be his home, but that felt like crossing another line that wasn’t in tune with the current moment. 

“You know I miss you a lot,” he said. “We don’t have to pretend with each other. It’s okay to say so.”

“Is it okay to say so? Is it okay that we feel like this? I think we do sometimes pretend. But maybe not the best time for me to have an emotional crisis about it.”

All right, they were going to go there it seemed. Kit was happy to meet him halfway until he could see him in person. 

“Joe, I dunno what you want me to say. You know how I feel. If you feel the same, then we’re fine. We can get into it when you’re home.”

He nodded, quickly switching the subject. “You’ve had quite a week of good news, haven’t you?”

Kit smirked at him through the screen. Joe had obviously known for months what jobs he had lined up, but the announcements had been trickling out into the media. Kit had seen his likes on the various posts, which meant a lot to him. Even if he’d been by his side to celebrate when he’d initially bagged them. 

“I suppose so.”

“Well, we can properly go out when I’m home since everyone knows now.” He offered him a solemn smile. 

Kit knew he had more he wanted to say, but he wasn’t saying it, and he didn’t know how to press him without upsetting him to the point he’d end the call. Avoidance was one of their specialties. They’d both become experts at it. 

“We could go out…” Kit trailed off. “To celebrate, I mean.”

Joe raised a thick brow. “Or we could…”

He shrugged. “I’m open to suggestions. If you’d like to explore any of them tonight.”

Joe coughed out a laugh. “Wow, you’re a perv.”

“As if,” he retorted. 

“Hold that thought,” Joe said with his hand up again. He thanked the driver before Kit watched him step out of the car and head inside his accommodations. 

“Perfect timing,” he boasted. 

Joe giggled, flipping on some lights in his space and walking toward what Kit hoped and assumed was the bedroom. He popped out both earbuds, and the crispness of the sound returned as Kit listened to him put them away and toss them onto some surface. 

“I didn’t call for sex,” he said as he walked deeper into the space. 

Kit pouted. “Well, shame on me then.”

He grinned and fell onto the mattress as he propped up the phone at an angle where they could still see one another.

“If you need it, I can help,” he replied. 

Kit did feel shame then, worried he’d made him feel like he only wanted sex from him. He shook his head. “I was teasing. I’m happy to chat.”

Joe sighed and rolled over to prop himself up. “This job really made me miss all of you, though.”

Kit mimicked his actions on his end. “How so?”

“I dunno. Like tonight, we went to dinner right after we finished, and they set up karaoke in the back, and everyone was fine with just holing up in the same spot all night. At like 7 p.m.”

He laughed. “Ew. Boring.”

“Exactly!” he exclaimed. “And there’s a definite generation gap. Which unfortunately reminded me of…”

Kit knew what he wanted to say but hoped he wouldn’t mention him after all this time. 

“Anyway,” he cut himself off. “I can’t really take the mick with any of them the same way. They take their art very seriously, which isn’t a bad thing, I’m excited to be involved. But like—”

“Lighten up,” Kit finished for him. 

He nodded. “Right. I miss my people.”

Kit couldn’t control his smile as the memories of their nights out as a cast flashed through his mind. They really had become a found family like their characters. They were all lucky to have bonded so easily. 

“We miss you, too. I haven’t seen any of them since you left. I need to catch up with Tobes, and I know Will is busy with the new music. I’ve just been nose-deep in this script.”

Waiting for you to return. But he decided to leave that tidbit out. He didn’t have to admit to being desperate. 

“It’s been a good distraction,” he went with instead. “You coming right home after you wrap or…?”

Joe chuckled. “I dunno, actually. Might pop back to New York a final time, since I doubt I’ll get to for a while.”

“Oh. Sure.” 

Kit felt his own demeanor change at the prospect of waiting even longer to see him, knowing he was choosing Dylan once again. But that felt selfish. Dylan hadn’t done anything to him personally, and he respected that Joe had a special bond with her. He had a special bond with Michael. It was no different. Plus, they’d all hung out. They’d mixed their friend groups. So, Kit couldn’t be jealous of Joe’s time, because it didn’t belong to him. Again, the friends part of their deal meant they both had other ones. 

“I haven’t decided,” he reiterated. 

Kit gave him a hard smile as a consolation to how he felt. “Well, we’ll be here when you’re back.”

“We?” he asked, cocking his head in his hand. 

“Us, I meant,” he stumbled over his words. “Like all of us.”

Joe glanced away. “What if I just wanna see you?”

Kit swallowed his reaction to his lowered voice. God, he was irresistible. “Then I’d like that. In whatever way you want.”

He sighed. “I don’t always want sex, Kit. Jesus.”

He sat up at that, scooting himself to rest against his headboard. “I dunno what you want sometimes. You love to put a wall between us when the conversation gets too serious.”

“What does that even mean? I’m honest with you all the time.”

Kit shook his head with a scoff. “If only that were true.”

“Forget it,” he argued back, also sitting up in his bed. “I’ll let you go.”

“I don’t think so,” he rebutted. “Say what you wanna say. You called me for a reason, and we’ve danced around it long enough.”

“Well, I didn’t call to argue from thousands of miles away!”

“Whatever then, Joe. Good night.” He reached over to his bedside table for his charger as an uncomfortable silence hung between them, both refusing to be the one to end the call. 

“You’re wrong,” Joe said softly. 

He met his gaze through the screen. “About what?”

He took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes, and Kit knew him well enough to know he needed to brace himself for whatever Joe was about to say. 

“You said I know how you feel.”

Kit stared back at him when their eyes met. 

“I don’t, Kit. I try to, and sometimes I think I have it figured out, but then morning comes, and we fall into the same routine, and I go back to asking myself what it all means.”

“Yeah, well, me too,” he replied. His brain was completely shutting down at the prospect of Joe finally confronting him about his feelings three years into this situation they’d created. 

“If you can’t tell by now, then I dunno if you ever will,” Joe bit back. 

“Why are we doing this right now?” Kit asked a little more harshly than he intended, but he was beginning to spiral. If they fucked this up, not only would their intimacy end, but he feared their friendship may along with it. 

“Fuck if I know!” he said, raising his voice. “I called because I miss you, and you immediately went into the idea I’d only called for phone sex, so excuse me if I’m questioning what you really want from me.”

Kit scoffed and narrowed his gaze at him, his heart absolutely racing inside his chest. “I can’t believe you think that. After all this fucking time, you think I just want sex. I have bared my soul time and time again, and you think it’s for an orgasm? That’s what you’ve reduced us to? Me to? I thought you thought higher of me than that.”

He closed his eyes, and Kit wondered if he was trying not to cry, or if he was about to ruin his life with his next sentence. 

“We shouldn’t do this over the phone. This was a bad idea.” His voice was even, which scared him a little more than if he’d yelled.

Kit didn’t disagree though. He also wasn’t sure how their conversation had pivoted this far into territory he didn’t have the capacity to discuss at this hour. 

“I’m not hanging up like this,” he replied.

Joe met his eyes again. “Where do we go from here?”

Kit sighed, wishing they hadn’t gotten so worked up when time and distance still stood between them. Joe was definitely going to choose New York now to further avoid having to face the conversation that awaited them. 

“Joe, we clearly have a lot to say that’s been bubbling up. I know it’s easier to face when there’s thousands of miles between us, and we can go back to ignoring it, but we owe it to each other to do this in person.” 

He watched as a single tear fell from his eye, and he wanted to reach through the screen to swipe it away. Before Kit could apologize for the rise in emotions, Joe spoke. 

“I agree,” he said gently. “I’m tired of guessing, tired of never fully moving on, and honestly, I’m no one’s sex toy. If that’s not how you feel, then you’re gonna have to prove me wrong.”

Kit nodded definitively. “I think we’ve avoided the topic long enough.”

Joe swallowed audibly. “Just don’t…”

Kit tried to read his eyes through the small screen as he inhaled the courage to finish that sentence. 

“Don’t leave me. Either way, however we both feel, I can’t lose you. And I know that’s a huge ask, all things considered. But…I’d rather die.”

Kit couldn’t contain the small smile that appeared. “Well, we’re on the same page there. I promise.”

He released another slow breath, trying to self-regulate. “Sorry for…the mess.”

He didn’t mean to, but he chuckled. “I’m sorry, too. I think we both have some feelings to work through, eh?”

Joe nodded with a smirk. “Together. Soon.”

Kit ran his fingers through his hair. “Right then.”

“I do…” Joe trailed off, scratching at the side of his face. 

“Why don’t we practice saying what we want to say? Here and now.”

He laughed but nodded. “I do love you, is what I wanted to say. There.”

A warm sensation spread from Kit’s chest outwardly through his body as he felt his cheeks blush. They said those words all the time. Maybe not in the way most people said them, but the truth remained that no matter what they were, Kit loved him. 

“You know I love you, Joe.”

He also blushed. “Okay then, now I feel better about hanging up.”

They shared a final laugh until they could pick this up in person and finally say what needed to be said. Kit would have to brace himself for Joe feeling differently or wanting to end their situation for good. Luckily, he had a few days to prepare. 

“Good night,” Kit replied. “Mean it. Get some rest.”

“You too,” Joe said. “See you soon.”

They said their final goodbyes, and Kit hung up before he finally let the tears fall that he’d been trying to hold in. The truth was a scary thing, but it was time they owed it to one another. They’d let this go on for far too long. The only way to move forward with their lives was to know for sure where they stood.

**

Kit could hear his laugh before he saw his face. Tobie, Will, Will’s sister, Cori, Jodi, and some of Joe’s childhood friends were holed up in the corner of their favorite pub. Kit had had a long day on set, but Joe had come home instead of going to New York, so he pushed the tiredness away to see him in the flesh. 

And as his heart rate sped up as he approached them, Joe must’ve sensed his presence, because his head turned before he made it to their table, and he gasped. 

Kit only had time to chuckle when Joe hopped down from the stool and headed straight for him. He caught him in his open arms as he jumped into his embrace. They shared a laugh, and Kit wrapped him tightly around him, getting lost in the moment. 

“It’s so good to see you,” he said beside Joe’s ear. “For real.” 

“I missed you like mad,” he replied. 

It made the butterflies in his belly begin to flutter. He squeezed him a final time before Joe released his limbs, and he set him back down. They didn’t let go for a second longer as their eyes met. 

“You look happy,” Kit remarked. 

His cheeks flashed a quick blush. “And you look fit, but what’s new?”

He shook his head with a smirk. Joe grabbed his arm and pulled him over to where the rest of their mates gathered, pretending like they hadn’t been watching their reunion. 

Kit gave everyone a quick hug, and when he pulled back from Tobie’s embrace, his raised eyebrows weren’t lost on him. A warning for the night, because they had an audience, and they were in public. They’d have to control it. 

Joe and Tobie had quickly taken drink orders upon his arrival, and when they returned to pass them around, Joe budged up beside him, subtly leaning against him as they sipped their pints. 

“Wait!” he exclaimed. 

Everyone ceased their chatter to give him their attention. 

“We’re all together, so we should toast to Kit’s new ventures.”

They all raised their glasses, but Kit held up his hand. 

“This one just wrapped on a really cool project. Let’s toast to him. My stuff is old news.”

Joe bumped his hip. “Nonsense. To Kit!”

“To Kit,” they all cheered. 

He let them take a sip before he followed it up with, “to Joe.”

Their friends laughed and toasted once more for him. 

“All right,” Tobie said. “To Kit and Joe. Now, onward.”

Kit snorted at his obvious annoyance with them being sentimental. But he hadn’t seen him in person in over a month. Sue him for missing his best friend. He was just glad to have him home for a while. 

Everyone soon became consumed with their own conversations, and while Kit tried to chime in every now and again, he didn’t miss when Joe would readjust his stance and gently rub against him. Or the subtle brush of his fingers against Kit’s whenever he went to take a swig of his drink. Their eyes met a few times as they listened in on various stories and laughs from their mates. But one thing was for sure, neither of them were paying any attention. They were both tuned into the other’s reactions. The way Joe snickered whenever he tried to recount a funny story from filming, or the way his eyes flicked down to Kit’s lips when Kit described some of the costumes for his new role. 

Within an hour’s time, they were wrapping on their pints as a crew set up opposite their table with a karaoke machine. 

“Oh god,” Joe mumbled. 

Kit snorted a laugh. “We have to. It’s only fitting since you said you missed it.”

He scoffed. “I said I missed you guys, not karaoke itself.”

Tobie and Jodi were the first to put in a request. While they sang their best rendition of Islands In The Stream, Joe and Kit agreed to retrieve another round for the table. 

They saddled up to the bar and shared a chuckle when their gazes met. 

“Hi again,” Kit said. 

“Yeah, hi.” Joe’s eyes trailed down his frame, and he knew he noticed when he swallowed his nerves over the gawking. 

“I’m happy you came home,” he admitted. 

He nodded. “This is where I needed to be. New York will always be there.”

Kit broke their intense stare to roll up the corner of a discarded napkin. “You wanna stay ‘round mine tonight?”

Joe shrugged but didn’t answer straight away. 

“I’m sure you need to unpack,” Kit said instead. “I get it.”

He cleared his throat, so Kit looked up. “I didn’t say no.”

He laughed awkwardly when the bartender slid their drink order toward them. “Right, yeah. Well, up to you.”

Joe gripped his arm when he went to walk away. “If I come over, we need to talk. Not just have sex and ignore the elephant in the room.”

Kit’s heart leapt into his throat as he nodded along. “Of course. I didn’t mean it to come across—“

He stopped in his tracks when Joe leaned in to press a soft kiss to his prickly cheek. 

“I know,” Joe said. “Later.”

He could feel the heat rising up his neck to his face, but luckily, Joe grabbed the remainder of the drinks and took off toward their friend group. Kit quickly rebounded and cleared his throat, following behind. 

The karaoke book was plopped in the center of their table, and Joe and Will were nose-deep in song options. 

“Ooh!” Joe exclaimed. 

Kit tilted his pint back when he suddenly turned to look at him. 

“Can we?” he asked with a begging pout. 

“What?” Kit huffed a laugh. 

Joe held up the book and pointed to I Got You Babe. “Please? You’re such a good Cher.”

The whole table laughed when Kit dropped his head to his chest. Joe tipped his chin back up and batted his eyelashes. 

“Come onnn,” he continued to beg. “You always chicken out on me.”

Kit sighed and took another swig before pointing to the microphone. “Fine. Go.”

Their friends all cheered as Joe led the way to the table to put in the request. The karaoke guy nodded and began flipping through his catalogue. 

“Lighten up, Kitty,” Joe mocked as he linked his arm through Kit’s elbow. 

“If this ends up on the internet, you’ll owe me.”

He raised a brow. “How will I pay?”

Kit licked his lips, taking the spare mic before assuming his position. “Dealer’s choice.”

It was Joe’s turn to blush as he grabbed the mic, and the opening chords began. They looked up to see Tobie and Will both recording, which meant they’d never live this down. 

Kit shook his head as the lyrics began to roll. “They say we're young, and we don't know, we won't find out until we grow.”

Joe met his gaze, bringing the mic up to sing his part. “Well, I don't know if all that's true, 'cause you got me, and baby, I got you.”

Kit laughed and leaned in to sing with him. “Babe. I got you, babe. I got you, babe.”

Tobie whooped in the distance, but they didn’t break their eye contact. 

“They say our love won't pay the rent, before it's earned, our money's all been spent,” Kit went on. 

Joe scrunched his nose at him. “I guess that's so, we don't have a plot, but at least I'm sure of all the things we got.”

“Babe. I got you, babe. I got you, babe.”

Kit reached for his hand and Joe offered it, so he spun him around as they continued to sing their respective parts and sway to the melody. 

The song was definitely too romantic for them to be belting to one another in front of their closest friends and a room of strangers, but every time Joe laughed at Kit not hitting a note just right, it made him forget entirely that there was a crowd. He was zeroed in on Joe’s happiness, and in that moment, he would’ve done whatever he had to do to keep him giggling. 

They were breathless when the song ended, and they returned to their table, each taking a bow to roaring applause from their mates. 

“You’re both ridiculous,” Tobie remarked. 

“I filmed the whole thing,” Will chimed in. “Perfect blackmail.”

Their friends all laughed and went back to their conversations as another pub goer took a turn at the mic. 

Kit downed the rest of his drink and glanced at his watch. The day began to settle in his bones, and he was tired. But he wanted to stay awake for whatever Joe wanted to say. Or do. 

He met his light eyes. “I’m gonna head out.”

Joe nodded, taking a final swig of his own pint. “I’ll go, too.”

Tobie was eavesdropping as he glanced between them. “Leaving right in the thick of the fun?”

Kit shrugged. “Long day. Time for bed.”

Joe cleared his throat beside him. “Jet lag, and I need to unpack.”

He narrowed his gaze at them, seeing right through their efforts to shrug him off. “Sure thing.”

“This was fun, though!” Joe exclaimed. “Let’s do it again soon.”

They both stood to hug their mates goodbye. 

“Need a lift home?” Will asked Joe. 

Kit assumed that meant he’d picked him up along the way to the pub and that Joe didn’t drive himself. He had to wonder then if the plan was always to go home with Kit, or if it just worked out in his favor. 

“No, thanks, though. Kit’s leaving, so I’m gonna bum one from him.” He pecked Will’s cheek before stepping away. 

“Dinner soon,” Kit called toward the table to whomever was listening and cared. 

He turned and followed Joe out into the night. But when he realized he didn’t know where Kit had parked, he stopped and looked back at him. They shared a chuckle as Kit led him to the car park beside the pub. He opened his door for him, and Joe darted his eyes away with a smirk. 

“Ever the gentleman.”

Kit shrugged and shut him in before joining and turning over the engine. The Olivia Dean playlist he’d been listening to started up. 

“Such a sap,” Joe teased him, increasing the volume on Nice To Each Other. 

Kit took that as his sign that they shouldn’t start their serious convo on the drive home. So, instead, he cracked the windows a bit and let the crisp night air calm his racing thoughts as Joe quietly sang along beside him. It wasn’t lost on him how fitting the lyrics of this song were for their situation. 

In a matter of minutes, they rolled up in front of Kit’s house. Joe quietly let himself out of the car, and Kit followed behind without any fanfare before unlocking the door and letting Joe head inside. 

He shrugged off his emotional support jacket and hung it on the entryway hook as Joe did the same with his trusty jean jacket. 

“Tea?” Kit asked, hoping another distraction would diffuse the current of electricity buzzing between them now that they were secluded in a familiar setting. 

He shook his head. “No thanks.”

He nodded and gestured toward his sofa, but Joe merely glanced at it before meeting his gaze again. 

“Joe, I—“

He didn’t have time to say anything else as Joe tugged him into his frame and pressed their lips together. He let him kiss him, doing his best not to fall into their usual trap and get swept up in the sexual tension. He kept his hands firmly on his waist for leverage but not too tight to insinuate his desire, and he did his best to keep his tongue in his own mouth for now. 

Joe stepped back as quickly as he’d stepped forward, and Kit blushed when their eyes met. 

“I needed to do that in case…” Joe trailed off, but he really didn’t want him to finish that sentence, because if he could help it, it wouldn’t be their last kiss. 

“A proper greeting,” Kit teased to soften the moment. 

At that, Joe nodded then finally took a seat on the sofa. Kit inhaled a slow breath before joining him. They sat awkwardly like that, each playing with their own fingers, avoiding eye contact and the subject at hand. 

“I should go first,” Kit deadpanned. 

If he didn’t control the narrative he’d been practicing in his mind, he’d let Joe say his piece and leave. Which wasn’t what he wanted to happen after three years of suppressing how he really felt. He owed it to both of them to lay it on the line, and let the cards fall where they may. 

“Remember our promise,” Joe said. 

He nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The corner of Joe’s lips upturned into a soft smile, but he didn’t comment further so Kit could get on with it. 

“I probably owe you an apology,” he began. 

Joe furrowed his brows as he went on. 

“For, y’know, making you believe I only wanted sex. That’s…” He trailed off, begging his brain for the courage to get his mouth to form the words. “That’s never been true.”

Joe looked down at his own hands, twisting his Marvel ring around his pinky. “What do you mean?”

Kit took another deep breath. “It means of course I enjoy our intimacy, I think that goes without saying.”

Joe huffed a small laugh at that. “The sex is pretty hot.”

He joined him in a laugh. “Indeed. But…that’s not…look, sex was the way in, right? It was never the goal.”

Their eyes met. “Explain.”

Kit reached for Joe’s hand so he’d stop fidgeting, and in doing so, it immediately grounded him as well. 

“I selfishly believed it was the only way I could have you. And I hear how that sounds now, three years later. Like I settled for sex instead of being honest with you all along.”

Joe swallowed audibly. “And what does that honesty look like?” 

Kit thumbed at his knuckles. “It looks a lot like love.”

He heard his breath hitch at the verbalization. 

“Because that’s what it is, Joe. An immeasurable amount of love I have for you. And I thought the only way I was allowed to express it was physically. So, I didn’t rock the boat. You’d changed your mind once—I didn’t think I’d survive if you changed it again. It was safer to stick to sex and suppress the rest.”

“Wait a minute,” Joe stopped him. “When did I change my mind?”

Kit looked down at their adjoined hands, grateful he wasn’t letting go. “The end of ‘23. You chose someone else.”

Joe closed his eyes for a moment, and Kit stayed silent. They both needed to face the truth. It was now or never.

“I didn’t…” He trailed off, unable to find an excuse. “I made myself believe you didn’t want a relationship. We’d been messing around all summer, and we’d both come off of a relationship with a costar. It was such bad timing. I thought you were merely consoling me and maybe yourself.”

Kit laughed. He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t stop it as it bubbled up. “I spent that entire summer by your side; I took you out for your birthday and bought you that watch; we did a couples Halloween costume with Tobie; we shared clothes; I invited you to Elton’s. How could you not tell?” 

“Because you never actually said, Kit.” 

Their eyes locked, and the moment felt more intense than anything he’d experienced before. But it was time. 

“You never told me anything you were feeling. Sure, we were having great sex, emotional sex even, but when it came time to tell me, you avoided me. You got dressed and moved on with your day. How was I supposed to believe you wanted anything more than what we were doing? I explained it away as friendship. Friends spend their birthdays together, dress up together, attend parties together. Every time I wanted to read into it, I stopped myself. Because you never said the fucking words. Then he came around, and he was so willing to say them. And yeah, that’s a red flag now that I have to live with, but you can’t act like I was supposed to just…know.”

Kit bit at his lip. He was right about all of it. He never confronted his feelings head on. So, Joe was free to believe what he did. He hadn’t had the courage to stop a moving train. Until now. 

“Did you feel the same?” he dared ask. 

Joe scoffed. “Kit…”

“No,” he rebutted. “If I have to be honest, so do you. Did you have feelings for me beyond sex?”

He closed his eyes and swiped a quick tear that fell. “Did?”

Kit cleared his throat when he met his solemn eyes. “Do?” he risked again. 

Joe nodded. “Of course.”

He scoffed. “And neither of us did a damn thing about it. Wow.”

Joe chuckled, wiping at another tear. “Tobie’s right, we’re ridiculous.”

“Three years…” Kit trailed off quietly. 

“It’s not too late,” Joe reminded, squeezing his hand. 

Kit glanced up at the ceiling, seeking one final round of courage. “I’ve had feelings for you for quite some time, and if you feel the same, then I’d really like to figure out what that means going forward.”

Joe scooted closer, now cupping Kit’s hand in both of his. “We’re on the same page.”

He chuckled. “Then I wanna say something scary. If you promise not to run.”

Joe nodded. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Kit swallowed the dryness in his throat. “I’m…in love with you, and I never wanted just sex. I wanted you, Joe. All of you.”

He choked on a small sob before replying. “That’s all I wanted you to say. I’m in love with you, too. I have been for longer than I care to admit. Maybe longer than is allowed.”

Kit moved even closer, they were practically sitting on top of one another. 

“Yeah, same. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with anyone else. And I tried, but...”

Joe looked away, and Kit knew he was trying to avoid fully crying in front of him. He hooked his finger under his chin and forced his eyes. 

“It scares me,” Joe admitted. “Because yeah. I knew it was too risky to be together after one season of filming. That was…crazy. We didn’t know each other, and Netflix would’ve killed us. So, I played it safe. Or well, I thought I did. That continues to backfire somehow.”

They stopped to share a laugh. Kit shook his head. He didn’t care what songs were written about Joe, he understood completely that he’d be impossible to get over. 

“But then it ended, and you were there to catch me, and suddenly it felt like the timing was right. Only for me to convince myself you didn’t want me like that, so I settled for friends with benefits.”

Kit cut in. “Sounds ridiculous in hindsight.”

Joe snorted. “Indeed. And well, we all know how the last one played out. Once again, you were there to soften my fall. I told myself that’s what a best friend does. We went back to the safety of our routine, and I completely blocked my heart from going any deeper. The sex satisfied me. I still had you.”

Kit felt his own eyes stinging now, because he’d let this go on for so long that Joe carried the brunt of the pain. When all he’d ever had to do was simply tell him how he felt. 

“But the intense jealousy I felt when you were off with Michael, filling whatever void you needed, that was when I knew I was never gonna be happy if I couldn’t have all of you, and not having you at all wasn’t an option.”

Kit nodded, blotting the corners of his eyes. “And now here we are.”

Joe sighed. “We have arrived.”

“I hate that I let it go this long,” he admitted aloud. “I was filling a void, you’re right. But it never worked, because you are what I wanted. And I just couldn’t fucking say it and risk you running away.”

“I get it,” Joe agreed. “It wasn’t worth losing you entirely.”

Kit lifted Joe’s thigh to rest it atop his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “But now you won’t.”

Joe cupped the side of his face with his free hand, still gripping Kit’s other as tightly as he could. “Can you please say the words? In the way you mean them.”

Kit’s smile spread from ear-to-ear. “I love you.”

Joe closed his eyes, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. “I love you so much, Kit. I always have, and I always will.”

“No more guessing,” he said softly. “Now you know.”

“I dunno what comes tomorrow, but there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be tonight.”

“Where you belong,” Kit added. 

Joe sat back slightly to meet his gaze. He slid his fingers through his hair to scratch at his scalp. Kit closed his eyes to bask in the affection. It was all for him, finally.

“Did we take the long way?”

Kit threw his head back to laugh heartily, and it filled him with glee to do so. “Maybe we did. But that doesn’t matter anymore.”

Joe turned to slide and face him, draping both legs over his lap. “I think we’ve said all we need to say.”

Kit’s laughter was still bubbling at the surface. “Oh, are we done talking?”

He nodded, breaking their embrace to throw his arms around his neck. “Kiss me.”

This time when their lips met, Kit reciprocated fully. He pulled him in close, tasting him, and savoring every noise he made.

And as they slowly made love for half the night, both willing to lose sleep to finish conveying what their words couldn’t, Kit knew they were going to make it. He’d waited three long years to love him, now he had the rest of life to do so fully.