Archive of Our Own ^beta

It started at a party at the Sharp’s.

Tyler had been working at BuzzFeed for well over three years and in that time had been in attendance at most of the parties. He’d thought they’d subdue once Maddy and then Sadie showed up but apparently that was a complete lie. If anything Patrick got less subdued as a dad.

Whatever. It meant booze on the work tab and a lot of free food and if there was one thing that Tyler did not do it was turn down free food. He wasn’t paid poorly exactly but it was definitely something that he had to keep his eye on. Living in LA was like living in the dead center of a money pit.

Plus he’d found a tiny perfect little house to rent that could be just his (and his dogs) for once in his life and he was clinging to that like a lifeline.

Either way, party at the Sharp’s. There was a pool in the backyard, a keg, and Patrick was playing grill master like a champ. Tyler would help but he didn’t want to. He had beer to drink.

The new guy walked in late, which Tyler could respect, but then went crazy and apologized like he’d hurt a puppy or something which was a little much. He was new to LA, of course the dude was freaking late. It was LA.

Tyler would be the first to admit that the new guy, Jamie, was fucking hot. It was actually not fair what that guy’s thigh muscles looked like in his habitual pair of black board shorts. Also, his arms. And his hair. And jesus his lips. But all of that was kind of offset by the fact that he was a little… well. Weird.

He was always the first guy at work in the morning, always had coffee for the table that they worked at. He was friendly and genuine and maybe Tyler had left his Canadian-ness behind because, man, it was just plain unsettling.

Not to mention he had a laugh that was vaguely unsettling, if a bit infectious. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that laugh.

“Tyler, right?”

Tyler blinked and found that Jamie was standing about two and a half feet in front of him with his hand out reached. “What?”

“You’re Tyler?” Jamie said, face screwed up. “You sit at the table next to mine but we haven’t actually had a chance to talk. You’re usually pretty locked into the screen.”

Tyler put on a smile, feeling a little guilty that he was just bad mouthing Jamie (remnants of his home country). “Sorry, yeah. I’m Tyler. Some people call me Segs. You’re Jamie, new guy.”

“Segs?”

“It’s for my last name,” he said, scratching at his neck. “There used to be a guy named Tyler Brown, so we went by our last names for a while. He moved on to a new job but Segs just stuck.”

He didn’t tell him that Brownie had been fired and that technically Jamie is replacing him. But whatever. He wasn’t holding it over Jamie. The dude couldn’t control the higher ups.

There was an awkward silence for a minute and Tyler did his level best not to just open his mouth and spew out whatever was in his head. Which, unfortunately, was a terrible habit he had.

“What are you doing here?” he said, finally breaking a few minutes later.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” Jamie leaned in, eyes painfully earnest. “The job just fell on my lap, and I was happy with my last job but like… this is LA and I’ve wanted to work for a bigger company for a while so…”

Tyler put a hand up. “I … uh meant. Here? I mean it’s nice to meet you but um… what brought you over?”

Jamie turned bright red, and he let out a newly familiar bray of laugh. “Oh. Um. Beer?”

Looking down, Tyler realized he was still standing right next to the keg. Oh, freaking awesome. He was a giant box of tools. He put a hand up to his face and nodded. “Oh. Beer. Valid.”

He moved aside so that Jamie could reach the cups and then pour himself a cup. Tyler was pretty impressed at his ability to keep the head to a minimum. Jamie looked at him and then nodded towards his cup, which Tyler realized was almost empty. He swallowed the rest and they switched cups for long enough that Jamie filled his and then switched back.

“Warning, Patrick doesn’t splurge on good beer,” Tyler said, making a face.

“HEARD THAT SEGS!”

“Yeah well stop getting High Life, you piss poor Canadian,” Tyler called over his shoulder. “The Queen is ashamed of you!”

“Maybe you should pony up like ANY cash, Segs my boy and I just MIGHT upgrade! For now, you drink the champagne of beers!”

Jamie looked legitimately horrified, and looked at the beer in his hands. “High Life?”

“It helps if you just down a cup to take the edge off,” Tyler offered.

“But it’s… Miller,” Jamie said, looking at Tyler. “I feel like I should just make a beer run.”

Tyler’s eyes widened and he felt a little blink of hope in his chest. “Are you kidding? Like real beer?”

“If you show me how to get to the nearest beer store, I’ll buy,” Jamie said, and took out his keys to waggle them in front of Tyler. Like he needed anymore enticement than something OTHER than better beer.

“You are ON,” Tyler smiled. He didn’t live anywhere near the Sharps, but that was what Google Maps was for. He took out his phone and googled the nearest Von’s. “You know we can buy it in the grocery store here, right?”

Jamie grinned and put out a fist for Tyler to bump. “Alright America.”

So okay. The guy was a bit of a dork, but he wasn’t totally useless.

*

Tyler thought the trip would be at very least uncomfortable, if not totally awkward, but it turned out more or less okay. They’d driven a few miles and went through the entire beer section picking up beers and debating them like some would debate wine. Granted, then they looked at prices and they got a whole lot less snobby about the quality.

“Anything is better than Miller,” Jamie gaped.

Tyler nodded his agreement, adding a shudder. “Champagne of Beers.”

They returned to the party a half an hour later as victors with their spoils. Tyler had chipped in a little and they’d gotten some good old fashioned Molson, enough for a few six packs at least but as Tyler declared loudly as soon as they entered, “NONE FOR THE TRAITOROUS SHARP!”

He and Jamie hid a cache for themselves and then went off to drink and interact with others. Sort of. It just so happened that they kept coming back to the same conversations or groups. It wasn’t that big of a party really. So it wasn’t weird of them.

At one point Abby, holding a Molson in one hand and a wiggly one year old in the other, came up to him and gave him a considering look. “So, that new guy seems nice.”

“Yeah he is,” Tyler said, ignoring Abby mostly because Sadie was his favorite. He wiggled his fingers at her neck and she folded her head down.

“No no no,” she giggled.

“He’s kinda hot, too, right?”

That did bring his attention back to Abby. He was most certainly out at the office, they’d done a couple videos about bisexuality and he was almost always featured in it because he was one of two bi-guys in the whole place and the other was married. Still, he’d known Abby for three years and had yet to have a conversation about anyone being attractive. She was technically his boss’s wife.

(Well, Patrick was his manager? Sort of. The hiring scheme at BuzzFeed made no sense to him, but hell. They paid him. So that worked well enough for him.)

“If you go for the strapping, tall, hunky lumberjack kind of hipster thing,” he said, not adding that he totally absolutely did.

She busted out a laugh. “Lumberjack?”

“Look at those thighs,” he said, almost wistfully. “That guy could take down a tree just by bum rushing it.”

“Even I’m not that into the Canadian mystique,” she teased.

“Well, we know your type,” he said, scanning the crowd and then pointing out Patrick who was weirdly enough talking to Jamie. “You like Prince Charming.”

Abby turned to Patrick and laughed again. “You forget I’ve known him a lot longer than you. Prince Charming would not be how I’d describe him in his early twenties. More like the court jester… though don’t tell him I said that.”

“Don’t tell him I called him Prince Charming, and we’re even,” he nodded.

“Do you go for Prince Charming types?”

Tyler pulled a face. “Are you asking if I wanna screw your husband?”

Abby sputtered and baby Sadie made a noise akin to a cat dying. She shoved the can she was holding at Tyler and put the baby against her chest to rock her gently. After a long moment of the baby calming down and Tyler having an existential crisis, she shook her head and laughed softly.

“No, no,” she said. “I just… Uh. Never mind. You know what? Never mind.”

“What are you doing to my wife and child?”

Tyler turned around to find Patrick and Jamie standing behind them. Jamie was looking baffled and Patrick had his fake angry face on. Tyler put his hands up.

“She was the one propositioning me, Chief,” he said.

Abby slapped him on the shoulder, hard. “Give me back my beer, jerk face. And go away.”

“Aw baby, you know how it turns me on when you say things like that,” Patrick said and took the beer out of Tyler’s hand to hand it to her.

Tyler grabbed Jamie’s arm and walked them both away. “You don’t want to be there for this. Those two are perpetual newlyweds.”

“Patrick’s a little… uh, intense,” Jamie said as they got out of earshot.

He couldn’t hold back the laughter. “You really are new. You’ll get used to Patrick. He’s the biggest nerd in the entire building, also he likes to pull pranks because he’s an absolute fucker. I went out of town for two days and the dude saran wrapped my entire desk. Each individual freaking pencil and pen.”

Jamie’s eyes were wide. “He’s the boss though, right?”

“Yeah, doesn’t mean he’s not an ass.”

Jamie seemed to take that into consideration.

Tyler’s phone started to buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out to see Brownie’s stupid mug staring up at him. He smiled at Jamie and pointed at his phone. “Got to take this.”

Jamie waved him off. He took a few steps off to the side.

“Brownie you dirty fucker, what are you doing?!”

*

Next week Tyler walked into the office an entire two minutes early, something he was actually kind of proud of. He’d been talked to about his proclivity to be late more than once and while he was trying his best to get there earlier it didn’t help to just try.

He liked his job, hell he loved his job, he wasn’t planning on losing it due to the freaking snooze button.

Monday morning meant his least favorite thing on earth.

The dreaded ‘pitch meeting’. Where they all sat around an open room and talked about lists they were going to do, videos that needed to be made (which meant volunteers) and the ever present use of the word ‘viral’. It was kind of appropriate that the word also meant an illness because its use always made him sick.

He had a few ideas, some old but few worthwhile, so he tried to sneak to the back corner and keep his head down.

The meeting was generally run by one of the writers and people took the floor back and forth as needed. It seemed like everyone had an idea that week, which was nice because it took some of the pressure off himself.

He saw Jamie on the opposite corner, though, and he looked about as anxious being there as Tyler did. He gave a small wave and got a smile in return.

Patrick stood up, which was in general the end of the meeting. Everyone started to pack up their stuff. Tyler internally fist pumped that he made it through with no suggestions. He could just focus on helping others for now.

“Hold up guys,” Patrick said, holding up his hands. He turned in a circle and Tyler thought he might have paused at Tyler and had a twinkle in his eyes. This could not be good. “I have an idea to share.”

Patrick hopped up on an empty part of one of the tables, in what the team usually called his ‘Cool Professor’ pose (behind his back) and looked around the room.

“So this weekend we had a party that you were all invited to,” he said and looked at a small group. “And though some people didn’t attend… the people who did would admit it was the best.”

Laura, one of those who didn’t attend, raised her hand. “Am I going to have to eat gross shit again, cause I swear you can’t make me go to group functions.”

“I know, I know, and no you aren’t eating anything,” he rolled his eyes. “But you DID miss my wife coming up with a pretty killer idea.”

“Some of us would like to get to work,” Jason said. “And I WAS at your party and it wasn’t the best. No one puked in the pool this time.”

Tyler laughed. That had been one of Brownie’s crowning glories. Or… maybe his crowning glory? Getting Brownie that gone at a party. But either way. He covered the laugh with a cough when he got the stare down from Patrick. It hadn’t been nearly as funny to the Sharps. There had been a ban on parties for about three months.

“Pretend married.”

The room was silent. Everyone looking around like they were waiting for the punchline that didn’t seem to be coming. Patrick seemed to think that someone was going to say or do something to tell him how amazing and awesome the idea was but no one was forthcoming.

Tyler took pity and raised his hand. “Okay dude, you’re going to have to remember we AREN’T married to you so we don’t have you and Abby’s weird psychic abilities.”

Patrick deflated a little and then puffed back up. “Abby was thinking about marriage and how everything was about compromise and thought it would be interesting to put… single people… into it. So I thought it would be a video series. We set up a few people to be married for a week.”

The silence somehow got louder and this time Tyler was not going to be the one to break it. That was straight up stupid and he KNEW stupid. Like, snorkeling in a kiddie pool of beer levels of stupid but without the whole fun pictures and buzz afterwards.

But he was NOT going to be the one to say that to Patrick about Abby. He valued his nut sack way too much for that one. So instead he just stared open mouthed at him.

Tyler looked over to see Laura putting a finger to her nose, and then caught sight of Jason, Lindsay, Anna, Andrew, Johnny, and Grace all do the same. He put his finger up to his nose as quickly as possible and was pleased to see half the room was still not caught on. Patrick did, though, and looked at them all with a disappointed glare.

“We negated the ‘not it’ rule about a year ago, you bunch of five year olds,” he groused. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. We only have so many single people in the room and I’ve already talked with HR about the situation so all we have to do is get some signatures and then…”

Tyler stopped paying attention at the words ‘single people’. He looked around the room and started to do the mental tally. Johnny, Grace, Jason, Anna, Lindsay, Jamie… and himself. That was seven. Odd number. He was the bi guy, which unfortunately (for once) left him with more possibilities.

He tuned back in when he saw that Patrick was looking in his general direction and he froze like a deer in the headlights. “Now you and Jamie just met, so that’s the angle we’re going with for you guys…”

“Como say what?” Tyler asked, leaning over the table and staring at Patrick.

“You and Jamie,” Patrick said, slowly, like he was confused as to why this was a question. “Are going to be the ‘newest’ couple.”

Tyler looked over to find Jamie beyond bright red, looking like he might have actually fallen asleep on the sun in the span of the last ten minutes. Tyler wanted to ask more questions, mostly about Patrick’s level of sanity and if he’d fallen on his head in the last twenty four hours, but the look on Jamie’s face made him stop.

He couldn’t actually bring himself to say anything, for fear of everything coming out without his control so he nodded and looked down at his paper.

“Last is going to be Anna and Jason,” Patrick said and the whole room let out a laugh that broke the tension a little.

Jason and Anna were … well. Best frenemies was about as succinctly as anyone could put it. They spent the better part of their days throwing things at each other. If not that they would be sniping about who was better, the Sharks or the Kings.

(Tyler was very much in the camp of “burn them both down, go Leafs” but he kept that to himself.)

“I’ve got ten bucks on Jason’s death before Tuesday,” Laura through in.

Patrick tutted. “Oh come on, I’d give it at LEAST till Thursday. Did I mention there is a lot of paperwork you’re going to have to sign?”

Tyler hazarded a look back at Jamie, who was still blushing but at least he was laughing along with the rest of the group. His laugh was a relief, and reminded Tyler of the party and how it had always felt like if he earned a real laugh from him that he’d won some sort of prize.

“Yo, Demers,” Anna called out. “I’m expecting at LEAST two carats on my finger by the first day.”

Jason laughed. “Keep hoping for those carrots, Bugs Bunny.”

“If you like it then you better put a ring on it,” she smiled and batted her eyes at him.

“You’ll be lucky to get a ring pop.”

“Shut your gob, Sharks fan.”

He shoved his tongue out at her and the room collectively groaned. Tyler made a (very silent) bet they’d be screwing by day three.

*

Half an hour later they (being the three ‘couples’) were seated in front of two HR people and Patrick at a conference table. There was a kind of weird vibe to the air, not tense but definitely not comfortable. Jamie was beside him, not that Tyler could actually look at him. He’d not gotten the chance to actually say anything to the guy since… well. Their not quite engagement.

“Now, of course you don’t have to do the challenge at all,” Megan, the main HR person, said with a comforting smile. “As you know, all challenges are on a completely voluntary basis.”

Luke, the other HR person, did jump in. “BUT, because this challenge is a week long project and has added objectives that might cost money, you will be getting extra compensation.”

“Extra compensation?” Jason leaned in. Tyler leaned in as well, cause dude. Money.

Patrick laughed. “You guys will get an extra 500 bucks for the week plus any couple related activities will be covered by the company through a company credit card.”

Anna rubbed her hands together. “Two karats, Jason.”

“Not that kind of couple related activities,” Patrick said, and Anna put on an exaggerated pout.

Any of the lingering doubt that Tyler might have had flown out the window. Five hundred bucks was a good chunk of change, plus getting to eat out on the company dime a few times was actually a pretty nice bonus. He looked over slyly at Jamie, who seemed to be intently looking at the HR people waiting further instructions.

“You will need to sign a few pieces of paper, just to okay some of the on camera bits,” Megan said. “Plus, to keep it as genuine as possible, we’ll be giving you some GoPros so that you can catch moments without the giant cameras around.”

Johnny, who up until that moment had been pretty quiet about the whole affair, cleared his throat to get the attention of the room. “Yeah. Guys. No offense to you Grace, but I’m not comfortable with this. Do you really need three couples?”

Grace looked like she might cry with relief. “Oh thank god, fake or not, I don’t want my first week of marriage to be with you Oduya.”

“Hey, I’d be a great husband,” Johnny protested, but then seemed to think better of it. Shaking his head and laughing. “I don’t want my first week of marriage to be with you either. We’ll call it even.”

Patrick shrugged. “Let us know if you change your mind, it’s going to be fun…”  

Both stood up and exited. Which left Jason and Anna and Jamie and Tyler seated next to each other, both sets looked at each other.

“Are you okay with this?” Jamie asked him, and it was actually sweet how serious he seemed to look.

Tyler nodded and smiled. “Let’s rock this.”

Beside them Jason and Anna were high fiving, which was the kind of ridiculous that seemed to encapsulate this entire idea. Married for a freaking week. Grand.

*

The rules went as such:

1.  It would start in a week, Sunday at a brunch at the Sharps.

2.  One of the two would move into the other person’s house for the week. 

3.  They would live like any married couple. 

4.  No real hanky panky. (For strategic HR reasons of not promoting ‘prostitution’.) 

5.  Each would plan a date night for the other and document it. 

6.  They would do daily “Talking Heads” at work.

7.  They had to go on a double date with the other couple. 

8.  It would end the following Sunday.


Tyler most definitely did not point out he hadn't been on three dates in the last three MONTHS let alone three in one week, but whatever.

They decided that it would be best to stay at Tyler’s, because it was closer to the office and because he had two dogs that would need to be taken care of. Jamie seemed particularly excited about that part, as apparently he loved dogs but hadn’t felt it fair to get a dog yet because he’d just moved and he wasn’t sure where he was going to live long term. Tyler was okay with being married to this guy if he dug dogs because his dogs were awesome. He knew his babies were awesome, he liked others appreciating it.

This was all decided in one quick ten minute session after the awkwardness of HR, followed by them splitting up and going back to their desks to do actual work that needed to be done. Tyler thought he might be a little numb when it came to the whole thing as he was pretty much not thinking about the fact that he was going to have Jamie move in with him in less than a week.

He answered emails, he made some phone calls. He did some research on a list of random facts about ‘The Real Housewives of Orange County’ (what was his life?). It was just a regular day.

Except for when lunch hit Jamie was beside his desk and looking at him nervously.

“Do you want to go get some burgers?”

He batted his eyelashes. “Why Jamie, are you asking me on a date?”

Jamie rolled his eyes, but Tyler definitely saw the pink on the tips of his ears. “We don’t HAVE to go…”

“Hell yeah I want burgers, are you kidding me?” Tyler pushed his seat back, surreptitiously slipping his shoes back on. (It was a casual office, what?) “I know a good place we can walk to, actually. No point losing a parking spot around here.”

Jamie scoffed. “You’re telling me, they’re like gold plated.”

The two walked towards the door and as they passed Jason and Anna they got a pair of cheesy grins.

“Awww, young love,” Anna said, putting a hand to her chest. “Remember when?”

Jason laughed. “Going on a date before you’re married? Harlots!”

“How the fuck do you know the word harlot?” Tyler asked, deflecting the fact that they’d used the word date.

“Polite terms for Women of the Night,” Jason shrugged. “Never got published.”

As they walked away Jamie said under his breath, “Gee, I wonder why.”

Tyler’s laugh echoed in the large room.

*

The time between the announcement on Monday morning and the whole marriage thing on SUnday went as such:

They went to lunch together, more than once. Tyler dragged him to a few places that Jamie hadn’t yet tried in town and Jamie dragged Tyler to a few places that were so touristy he felt dirty afterward. He didn’t mind tourist traps as such, but even he felt a little silly going to Pinks for Hot Dogs in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday.

They made lists of things that married things that they should do, including a list of things they should know about each other. It was just basic shit, but for some reason it felt really important in the moment to know the name of Jamie’s siblings (Jenny and Jordie, what the HELL was with his parents?) and to know that when he was young he really wanted to be in sports. Jamie seemed just as fascinated by his two sisters and the fact that he adopted Marshall on a whim after the first big paycheck he got, and Cash a few years later because Marshall always looked sad when he left him there alone.

They decided not to see each other outside of work and lunch because they were going to be together twenty-four/seven for a whole week - but that didn’t bar them from texting. Which they did, a rather silly amount. They had an ongoing chat that centered around why they thought Johnny was not willing to do the married thing. (Jamie said he had a secret girlfriend, Tyler was sure it was a secret boyfriend.) They would debate each night while they also watched sports and half talked about that as well.

it was the best and worst decision that Tyler could make to keep the conversation going. In one way it kept him too busy to really truly get worked up about the whole thing, but in another it was a constant reminder. He found himself picking up a lot more than he used to, even just in short bursts. He did three loads of laundry in one night. He reorganized both of his bedside tables while trying to convince Jamie that Johnny was just too pretty to be totally straight, plus he was European. No European was totally straight.

Friday night the group was going out, a not infrequent occurrence, and though he was always game to go out and start shit up… he decided not to. Jamie gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything beyond giving him a small wave and a ‘bye’.

It didn’t hit him that it would be the last time that he saw Jamie before Sunday until he’d gotten home and settled in with a bottle of beer and both of his dogs on either side of the couch. He played with his phone, checking a few times before he saw that while he hadn’t gotten a text message, Jamie had definitely read his last one according to the iPhone. It gave him just enough to brave sending another one.

“I guess your bachelor party is better than mine,” he said, sending a picture of him and the dogs.

A minute later he got a picture of Jamie, by himself, on a couch with a beer bottle in his hand. “Yours has dogs so yours automatically wins.”

It shouldn’t have felt good to know Jamie didn’t go out either but something in his stomach relaxed and he swigged at his beer happily. He flicked through the channel to see the Kings were playing the Blues.

“So, how screwed are the Blues without Backes?”

“They survived losing TJ Oshie, they’ll survive Backes and return to getting kicked out in the first round every year with no problem.”

He smiled around his beer bottle.

*

Sunday morning Tyler felt more tense than he actually thought he would feel. They hadn’t gotten a chance to talk much on Saturday and that had felt weirder than it should. His heart was somewhere in his throat and his stomach was just below it. He felt a little nauseated and a LOT nervous and the last thing he wanted to do was actually get out of the car at the Sharps house. But he was going to.

Because he had to.

Also, Jamie was seated in his car across the street from him, seemingly talking himself up to the whole thing. It was just enough of a comfort to make it so he didn’t feel like that giant of a loser. He got out of his car, checked both ways, and walked up to knock on Jamie’s window. Jamie jumped and Tyler would have felt bad if it hadn’t made him laugh so freaking hard.

Jamie turned off his car and opened the door.

“Shit, sorry,” Tyler coughed out. “Didn’t mean to freak you out. Just. Figured we could go in as a couple-- you know togeth-- whatever. You know what I mean.”

Jamie half smiled. “Yeah, I do. Good idea. Power in numbers and all that shit.”

“Amen.”

They walked up to the door and barely had time to hit the button before the door swung open, a very pleased with herself looking Maddie grinning up at them. “HI! I SAW YOU GUYS IN YOUR CAR. YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED.”

“Woah. Uh. Yeah. Wow. Hi,” Jamie said.

Tyler ducked down to a squatting position. “Hey Mad-dog. Who told you we were getting married.”

“Daddy,” she scrunched up her nose. “Aren’t you supposed to be wearing suits? Anna has a dress on. Not a real wedding dress, but it’s white. She’s so pretty.”

“She sure is,” he smiled at her. He was wearing slacks, at least. So was Jamie. But a suit? He’d pay money if Jason was. Oh man. The pictures.

From somewhere in the house he heard, “Is that the Bennguins?”

“SHUT THE FU--” he looked over at Maddie. “FRONT DOOR, SHARP.”

Tyler went to stand up and Maddie took his hand to pull him forward. From behind him he heard a small chuckle so he grabbed out and somehow managed to snag Jamie’s forearm just in time. He got a ‘OOF’ for his troubles.

“Look, Daddy. It’s Tyler AND Jamie. They aren’t wearing suits,” she said, sounding extremely disappointed.

They reached the kitchen to find Patrick, Abby holding Sadie, Anna, and two camera guys. Tyler knew, at least on paper, that there would be camera guys. He knew it because he’d done videos before but he wasn’t prepared when they put one camera on him. He tried a fake smile.

Anna, who was wearing a simple knee length white dress, looked sympathetic with a tinge of annoyance. She hugged Tyler and whispered in his ear.  “At least you two came together. Jason said he was ‘five minutes out’ a half hour ago. Not even pretend married and I already want to punch him.”

The doorbell rang and Maddie jumped and ran towards the front door.

“Tell me you didn’t order pizza, or you might have a BuzzFeed video about murder,” Anna told Patrick - the camera guy who wasn’t holding up the camera put a hand in front of his mouth to mask a laugh.

“Heard that,” Jason said, being pulled into the room. Beside him Jamie started to laugh. Jason was wearing a shirt that said ‘Game Over’ and jeans that were at least a decade old. “What?”

Tyler turned to Anna, who looked equal parts horrified and amused. “What the fudge is that?”

He looked down and then up at her and Tyler could see him break just a second before he pulled out a black button down shirt and tie. “Come on, we get to have fun, right?”

Anna gave him a punch on the shoulder but she was smiling. “No new pants?”

“Come on, these are my lucky jeans,” Jason frowned, buttoning up his shirt and then putting on a bright green and silver tie. It was all kinds of hideous and Jason at the same time.

Patrick clapped his hands to get their attentions. “Come on you love birds, we have a brunch to eat. Let’s get this whole marriage business out of the way.”

They all stared at him, waiting for whatever was to come next. To be honest he didn’t figure in an actual like, ceremony or anything. He just figured it was going to be an ‘eat brunch, you’re married’ sort of thing… which he wouldn’t fight. Free food.

But he pointed to their backyard and they all walked out, followed by the camera guys. There was a hideous set up of what looked like Dollar Store decorations. Large paper bells, lots of fake flowers and a table set up with plastic cups filled with what Tyler genuinely hoped was real champagne, he could use the booze.

“Okay, we rolling?” he checked the camera guys who were behind him giving him the thumbs up. “Awesome.”

Patrick stood beside the table, grabbed a bouquet and offered it to Anna. Anna looked at like it was made of little bombs. He grabbed another bouquet but apparently the death stare he got from both Jamie and himself was enough to stave off that embarrassment.

He cleared his throat. “Lady and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to bring together these two couples in fake matrimony.”

He handed off a small box to each of the couples. Tyler popped his open to find a small gold band, he looked up at Patrick and quirked an eyebrow.

“This better not turn my finger green, Sharp,” Tyler chirped.

“Shut up, you are ruining the romance.”

Tyler rolled his eyes.

“Now, Jamie and Anna, repeat after me: I, insert your full name…”

“I, Jamie Randolph Benn,” Jamie said, ears turning pink.

“I, Anna Janae Howard…”

“Take you, insert your partner’s name.”

“Take you, Tyler... “ Jamie hesitated and Tyler took the oppurtunity to mouth ‘Paul’ at him. “Paul Seguin…”

“Take you, Jason Demers.”

“To be my spouse, to have and to hold for the entirety of this week.”

They repeated it, and then Jamie slipped a ring on his finger and Tyler got a weird bubble in his throat, which he had to clear as it was his turn to do the stupid thing. He didn’t laugh when he said Randolph, which he thought won him instant husband points.

“I now pronounce you fake married for the sake of money!” Patrick said.

Patrick handed Jason a small bag and smiled. “You know what you have to do.”

Jason rolled his eyes and put the bag on the floor, smashing it with his foot.

“My mom is going to kill me,” he muttered.

“MAZEL TOV!” Patrick cheered. “You may now ki--”

“NO!” rang out clearly from all four people.

“No fun at all,” Patrick laughed. “Okay, let’s eat.”

It was surprisingly anticlimactic, to be honest. Except for the fact that his hand felt surprisingly heavy with the ring on it and he kept catching Jamie looking at him from the corner of his eyes. He tried to smile when he saw it, but Jamie usually jerked his eyes away.

The party ended with a bang, literally, when a fairly put out and nap ready Sadie pulled on her sister’s hair and Maddie threw her sippy cup at her sister. The screaming was louder than he thought would be possible but Abby seemed to have it covered and honestly he was more than a little relieved to have an excuse to get the hell out of there.

Jamie made a face when they got out to their cars and looked at Tyler.

“Does your place have a spot for my car where I won’t get towed?”

Tyler nodded at him. “No worries. It might be a bit of a walk to your car but we can take my car most places during the week. If we’re really lucky you can just park near my place. It’s a Sunday, stranger things have been known to happen.”

“So, I’ll just follow you then?” Jamie offered but Tyler shook his head and grabbed for the phone in Jamie’s hand. He found the map app on it and input his address.

“Don’t want to get separated,” he flipped the phone back to Jamie who looked down and nodded.

“Not when we just got married,” he chimed in. “Looks bad on our records…”

*

Jamie had followed so close behind Tyler the whole drive home that Tyler had had to fight the urge to break check him out of habit alone. He kept himself from doing so by checking out his fake husband in the rearview mirror when they were at stop lights.

He looked about as anxious as Tyler felt, he kept playing with the buzz cut sides of his hair and singing along to whatever he was listening to on the radio. Tyler had on some rap, which he tried to focus on but couldn’t get into because… he was a car ahead of Jamie and that was distracting.

He was actually surprised when they made it back to his place in one piece. There was a spot maybe twenty five feet from his house, which was a legitimate miracle and he pointed it out to Jamie by rolling down his window and putting his hand on his roof. Jamie nodded and took the spot while Tyler got into his covered parking.

There was a chance he might have froze in his car seat because a second later Jamie was knocking on his door like he’d done to Jamie just hours before. He was… perhaps a little anxious. He turned off his car and opened the door.

“Uh, just finishing a song up,” he lied, and when he looked at his iPhone he noticed it was distinctly in the middle of a song. He slipped the phone into his pocket and grabbed his keys, locking the doors behind them.

He loved his tiny little house, the tiny patio with a backyard for the dogs, he kind of felt like he was leading Jamie to his personal castle.

“Good parking spot,” Jamie said, benignly. He had a backpack on and a bag on his shoulder. “We seem to have luck on our side.”

Tyler smiled to himself. Yeah, good luck.

They reached the front door and Jamie stopped behind him. From beyond the door he could hear the sound of Cash, who naturally had heard his car or something and was waiting at the door. He swore that for how dumb that dog could sometimes be, he had a sixth sense for when Tyler was anywhere in the vicinity.

Tyler turned to warn Jamie of that and found that Jamie was a lot closer than he’d imagined. He blinked and anxiously put backed up a little towards the door, Jamie seemed to notice and took a giant step back as well.

“Sorry, I …” Jamie started but Tyler waved him off.

“Fair warning, my dogs are a little… crazy. Entirely in the good way, no biting or anything. And Marshall is pretty chill in general but Cash… well. Cash…”

Cash must’ve heard his name because the whining started. He finally gave in and shrugged, Jamie would be there seven days, he’d either get used to it or move out early. Who knows.

“Wait!” Jamie stopped him, grabbing in his bag for the small GoPro that each one of them had gotten. “Documenting.”

Tyler inexplicably blushed. “Good idea.”

The little red light popped up and Tyler waved at the camera.

“Us newlyweds are moving into my house, because I have dogs and pet sitters are crazy expensive,” Tyler said into the camera with a large grin. “Anyway it’s about time Jamie met his step-children.”

He slipped the key into the lock and instantly had to put his knee up to make sure that Cash didn’t go charging out of the building. He put his hands down and pushed a little, grabbing him by his collar and getting him as far back into the room as humanly possible. Marshall walked up to him and nuzzled at his legs affectionately.

Jamie walked in and closed the door behind him, the camera still on. “So who are these guys?”

“This one is Cash,” Tyler said, ducking down and giving Cash a chance to lick his face for a moment. Then he grabbed Marshall and rubbed behind his ears. “And this is my first baby, Marshall. Boys, say hi to other daddy. He’s here to take over the space for a few days.”

Tyler looked up at Jamie, who looked a little anxious but knelt down and offered out a hand. Cash sniffed it for all of three seconds before attacking him to give him kisses and Marshall joined his brother in a moment. The GoPro went flying and Jamie was flat on his back in a half a second. Tyler couldn’t help but laugh loudly and grab the GoPro to record their first meeting.

“Good news, they seem to like you,” he said. “Did you look up the proper way to introduce yourself to a dog?”

“No,” Jamie said, but even though he couldn’t see his face and he was flat on his back Tyler knew he was a bold faced liar. It was actually kind of… sweet? That he would do that to make Tyler’s dogs feel more comfortable.

He turned the camera towards himself. “He totally did. Lamer.”

Then he turned it off and fought the dogs off. “No guys, my husband. Mine.”

It took a minute but Marshall gave up and walked towards his bed. Cash took some wrangling but once Jamie got up and was off his back Cash seemed to relax and focus back on Tyler.

“He wants to go for a W-A-L-K,” Tyler said jerking his head in the direction of the leads he kept on the wall. “I could take them for one while you get yourself settled?”

Jamie seemed to weigh that option for a moment and then nodded. “Um, just show me where to put my stuff and where the bathroom is and I should be good.”

Tyler did as such and then grabbed the two leashes and his excited pups at his feet all over again. He felt like it was polite enough to let him get his bearings without two dogs and an awkward human right behind him at all times. Plus if he didn’t get the dogs out the rest of the day would be extra stressful.

And all being even, it gave him a moment to himself as well. Even though the dogs were pulling him like they always did, and he probably should have thrown on his softer shoes it was nice to be outside. He could get his heartbeat back to normal, and if by the time he got back he was a little flushed and sweaty, hey, he’d just gone for a walk.

He did his usual route around the nearby neighborhood, let both dogs go off leash for the last quarter mile or so and got back to the house to find Jamie on the phone, sprawled out of his couch.

“I don’t even know if…” Jamie stood up suddenly. “I gotta go. Uh, Tyler’s back.”

Tyler wanted to tell him that it’s okay, it’s his house to for the week but Jamie’s phone was already in his pocket.

“Sorry about that,” Jamie said, Cash already at his feet jumping up on him happily.

“No need to be sorry man, mi casa es su casa, remember?” Tyler smiled. “Speaking of which.” He walked into the kitchen where he’d specifically put the second key and key chain that he had made for this so he wouldn’t forget. He walked back out and handed the key to Jamie. “It’s official. You’re home. Ish. For the week?”

Way to be, Seguin, he thought, mentally thwapping the back of his head.

Jamie beamed at him. “Thanks, man.”

They stood there in a weird silence for a while before Tyler broke first.

“Um. I think there’s football on. We could… beer?”

Jamie relaxed, flopped back on the couch and nodded. “Sounds good.”

*

They spent the bulk of the afternoon like that, lounging on the couch watching the 49ers beat the crap out of the Rams. It was relatively pointless, football was not really his favorite, but it was nice enough to keep them busy.

They got delivery pizza for dinner and then took the dogs for a joint walk after that. They ran into neighbors that Tyler didn’t even know he’d had and ended up talking to them for larger chunks of time then Tyler expected. Apparently Jamie attracted people to him like flies to honey. It was a little amazing to watch.

Then came bedtime.

Jamie and Tyler went about their nightly routine in dead silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but Tyler couldn’t seem to let himself break it. He was never much for silence around people, especially people he wasn’t totally comfortable with, but he was trying his best to make this normal.

Married couples didn’t have to chat the whole night, right? They’d talked through the dog walk, through dinner. They’d even talked while watching ESPN  for a while when Jamie had gotten got annoyed with one of the commentators but it wasn’t exactly talking, more a one sided rant. (Tyler kind of enjoyed that part the most of the whole night.)

When it got to the part where they were supposed to actually go to bed Tyler had a weird flash of panic. His bed was decent sized, a Queen (and yeah, he’d heard all the fucking jokes from Brownie on that one) but he wasn’t sure if it was meant for two full sized human beings.

He also wasn’t sure if that was even part of the deal. Like, could Patrick tell if he and Jamie had slept next to each other? Would he care? He stared at the bed for a second and then turned to find Jamie doing the same thing, fiddling with the ring on his finger.

“Uh, so…” Jamie started.

“I sleep on the left?” Tyler blurted out, because technically that was true. He got into bed on the left side, that’s where he kept his shit, but honestly he was kind of a bed hog which may or may not be a problem they were going to have to address.

Jamie nodded, swallowing noticeably. “Um. Does the other side have an outlet for my phone?”

Tyler led him to the bed and with some shimmying they moved it out enough to expose the extra outlet behind his bed. Jamie put his plug in and they moved it back to where it was supposed to be. It was a decent enough distraction to calm the weird thumping in Tyler’s chest from a soft thumping to  hard enough he was concerned it might be visible.

He went around to the left edge and pulled down the covers, keeping the fact that it was possibly the first time his bed had clean sheets on it in too long to count to himself. He slipped in and awkwardly sat up in the bed.

“So, awkward enough for you?”

Jamie laughed, and Tyler smiled. “Come on, what’s awkward about sharing a bed with the guy you’re fake married to after only knowing him a few weeks?”

“Exactly,” Tyler smiled. “Get in.”

Jamie coughed. “Yeah, helping with the awkward dude.”

“You call your husband ‘dude’?”

Jamie opened up the blanket and got in beside him. “You want something else? Dear?”

Tyler made a face. “Snookums?”

“Sweetie?”

“Snuggle bunnies…”

Jamie laughed so hard a vein in his neck popped out. “Sn-sn-snuggle bunnies?”

“Patrick and Abby went through the grossest phase when Maddie was born…” Tyler laughed back.

“Oh my god, they did not.”

“The totally did!” he said. “Abby would bring her by the office and I walked in to find Patrick cooing all sorts of lovey dovey crap at her. He also threatened to eat her ‘widdle toes’ a few times.”

Jamie honked. “I’ll never look at Patrick the same again.”

“You are welcome.”

They laughed back and forth for a minute, but when it was close to dying down the first time he caught Jamie’s eyes and they both started again. It really had been absurd when Patrick had done it, but saying it out loud was somehow funnier.

When it finally did quiet down, Jamie had to wipe his eyes where he’d laughed himself to tears and Tyler had to avoid looking Jamie in the eyes for fear of starting up again. Tyler picked up his phone as a distraction and looked at his usual timers.

“You’re not a morning person, are you?”

“Hell no,” Jamie said. “I have like eight alarms.”

“We are so fucked as a couple,” Tyler laughed. “Okay, I’ll set four for me. Starting at 6:45?”

Jamie scoffed disbelievingly. “How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?”

“I have to take the dogs O-U-T,” Tyler said, a little self consciously. He did, in fact, take an embarrassingly long time to get ready in the morning, a fact of which he’d forgotten till that moment.

“Did you actually just spell ‘out’?” Jamie said and the damage was already done, Cash came charging into the room out of nowhere, Marshall a little behind him. Cash jumped up at Jamie. “What the fuck? Oh dear lord, they understand English?”

Tyler cackled. “You have a dog growing up?”

“No.”

“You’ll learn,” he smiled.

“What do I do?” Jamie asked, his voice high pitched. Cash was almost on to the bed with him, wagging his tail and kissing at him.

Tyler let it go on a little more than was actually needed before he started in. “Cash, down. DOWN.” He leaned over Jamie’s body and pushed the dogs down to the floor. “Go to your beds, now.”

After a few moments of getting serious puppy dog eyes that he was mostly immune to, the dogs both sadly turned around wandered out of the room.

Leaving Tyler still mostly on Jamie.

“Whoops,” he laughed and rolled off. “Um. Yeah. We should totally ignore that and go to bed. Work comes earlier than I’d like.”

Jamie, flushed pink, nodded. “It feels earlier every day.”

He clicked the button on the remote beside his bed and turned off the light on his fan. He scooted down and Jamie seemed to set his alarm and then get comfortable on his side. They lay next to each other and Tyler was right, the bed felt painfully small especially with Jamie’s wide shoulders.

“Night Ty,” Jamie said, loud in the quiet room.

Tyler shifted onto his side, facing towards the wall. “Night Jamie.”

It took a while to get to sleep.

*

The next morning Jamie was almost snoring in his left ear. Not loud or anything, just the small snorting on the intake and the annoyed exhale on the way out. He figured he wouldn’t even hear it, were it not for Jamie’s face being maybe four inches from his ear. He opened one eye slightly and then the other.

It was one of those things where he’d be embarrassed if he got caught - but he liked the small chance at seeing Jamie so relaxed. His face was painfully innocent in sleep, and his mouth hung open in a frankly horrific looking way but it didn’t seem to matter. The guy was cute either way.

Oh god, he just thought the word cute. That was not a good thing. That was distinctly bad, actually. He nudged Jamie with his elbow and got a grunt and Jamie rolled over in response. Tyler pushed himself out of bed and went into the bathroom.

His first alarm hadn’t even rung yet, he was wide awake at 6:30 in the morning with the distinct feeling of… something... in his stomach. He walked back out and switched into his workout pants and white shirt, grabbing at his phone and tiptoeing out of the bedroom as quietly as he could.

The dogs, who’d migrated to the living room at some point in the night, took instant interest in Tyler being awake and dressed so early. Their nails made scattering noises on the floor and Tyler put hands up trying to keep them quiet. Though the longer time went by and the louder the dogs got, he got the feeling that Jamie was a hard sleeper.

He slipped on their leashes and opened the door.

The streets were, as expected, mostly empty. There were cars on the roads, but much fewer than he usually saw, and his neighbors were all safely tucked into their houses. He put headphones into his ears and started at a slow jog, taking the extra time to just let the dogs go a little wild and to push himself out of thinking.

It didn’t really work. Well, the dogs were definitely enjoying getting energy out, but his brain was working overtime. Maybe the whole thing about marrying a complete freaking stranger for a week was a pretty dumb ass idea. Maybe he should have thought this through a little more. Maybe, just maybe, he’d jumped in where he should have dipped a toe in the water first.

He could practically feel his sister Candace sitting somewhere in New York laughing her ass off, even if she really didn’t know what was going on.

It was the whole lack of relationship thing. He hadn’t really been in one in so long he’d stopped counting. And his last one was a total act of mutually assured destruction. Explosive and angry and … well… hot as fuck when it came down to the end of the night. But between then and now, he hadn’t been much for a structured relationship. Fuck buddies worked. Fuck buddies were fucking awesome.

Waking up next to someone and seeing the drool from their face and thinking it cute? A bit intimidating. Knowing he was going to be doing that everyday for the next week? Even more so. He was most of the way around his usual circuit when he realized he was mostly panicking for panicking’s sake.

Six days was not that long, in fact it was barely anything at all. So he’d freaked seeing Jamie in his bed, endearing and hot and wearing a ring on his finger to match Tyler’s. That was normal, that had to be normal. He pushed himself a little faster. He would get home and take a shower and hopefully not be a total lunatic and scare Jamie off on their first day.

He stepped inside and smelled… heaven. Food. Oh god, it smelled so good. He felt like a cartoon character, following his nose to the kitchen where he found Jamie leaning over the oven. There was coffee in the coffee pot and Jamie was cooking up… omelettes? It looked like omelettes. He was humming to himself and looked content in his sleep shorts and nothing else.

Tyler dutifully ignored the skipping beat in his chest.

The dogs made their presence known by charging in and crowding at Jamie’s feet. Jamie startled at the sudden noise and Tyler had to laugh at the look of sheer terror his two mutts brought upon the hulking man.

“Woah, hey there buddies. Down,” Jamie said, his voice sounding a lot more commanding than the day before. “I got some stuff for you but, DOWN.”

Tyler stepped into the room and grabbed at the leashes that were still on them. “Come on you beasts, let Jamie make the yummy yummy food you will not be eating.”

“You’re back,” Jamie smiled, and Tyler almost asked if he thought he’d run away. Stopped himself because, well… technically he kind of had. For a minute. “Thought you said you weren’t a morning person.”

“Eh,” Tyler shrugged, holding the dogs back. “Stranger things have been known to happen… Whatcha making?”

“Omelettes,” Jamie confirmed. “I just grabbed a few things in your fridge, I hope you’re okay with that.”

Tyler nodded. “What’s mine is yours, remember?”

“Oh yeah, that.”

“I’m going to take a quick shower to get the gross off,” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder towards the house. “I’ll put the dog gate up so they don’t try and attack you for food. Give me a minute, eh?”

Jamie smiled. “Still got a couple things to finish up. Take your time.”

He put the gate up and ran to the bathroom. He took a quick shower, didn’t bother to trim his beard as he’d done it the morning before and it really wasn’t that out of control. His hair was kind of out of control, but whatever. He threw on his work gear and was back out in probably the fastest he’d gotten ready since he started working at BuzzFeed.

Jamie had the tiny table set in the kitchen. There were the omelettes and toast and glasses of orange juice next to the coffee and it looked… nice. He looked at the clock. They even had time to actually spend enjoying it rather than scarfing down whatever he could find and hoping for the best.

“Best husband ever,” he joked and Jamie actually blushed.

“Eh, first morning together.”

Tyler had a thought and started to laugh. “Our honeymoon is work, dude. That sucks.”

“Hah,” Jamie sat down next to him. “Crummy boss, you’d think he’d at least give us the day off.”

“We should tell on him to his wife.”

Jamie made a face, “I’ll be honest. Abby scares me a whole lot more than Patrick.”

Tyler lifted his mug of coffee and tapped it with Jamie’s. “And how, man. And how.”

*

The general weirdness in his stomach had mostly subsided by the time they got to work that morning. Which meant, naturally, they were met with a bunch of balloons on their chairs and a huge ‘reception’ in one of the offices. If the shit eating grin on Patrick’s face had anything to do with it he was entirely at fault and he was damn proud of it.

But hey, free cake. There was nothing in Tyler’s personality that could turn that down.

He found Anna in the corner, eating her cake and looking a little annoyed. He approached her tentatively, mostly to avoid the ever increasing amount of people that were giving him fake congratulations and sarcasm. He was just not in the mood. Jamie was talking to some IT guy he knew that seemed to find everything he said fascinating so he couldn’t even be saved by his damn fake husband, go figure.

“So,” Tyler said, nudging at Anna with her elbow. “How’s it going?”

Anna blinked at him and sighed. “Fucker snores, like a freaking chainsaw. I slept in my own front room and I could STILL HEAR HIM. And he doesn’t like… wake up. At all. I practically had to pour water over him to get him to get out of bed this morning. I didn’t want to be late but you know, sharing a car. And he wanted to listen to rap. How am I making it through this week?”

Tyler blinked at the purging of words. He had… well. No real response to that.

“This was the stupidest thing Patrick has cooked up yet,” she exhaled. “Married for a week. What is this supposed to accomplish, right?”

Tyler nodded, because it felt like the right thing to do. But it stopped Anna in her tracks. She looked him up and down and narrowed her eyes.

“Wait a freaking second, Seguin, are you liking this? Is Jamie like… awesome?” she didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Of freaking COURSE. I get the dud. You don’t even like relationships. I bet he cooked, did he cook?”

“Omelettes?” Tyler said, cause he figured she’d see directly through any attempt at a lie. She huffed and he tried to assuage her. “He said it was just a first morning thing, you know? Our faux honeymoon… I’m sure you could get Jason some sort of nose thing to help with the snores? Or a white noise machine.”

She paused to think about it and looked at her phone. “I do have an app. I guess I’ll try it tonight. But breakfast? Come on. You won this draw.”

He couldn’t quite deny it. “He isn’t bad to have around.”

Jason came up behind Anna holding a cup of sparkling apple cider. “Brought you some cider, dear. Who isn’t bad to have around?”

“Your mom,” Tyler answered automatically. Anna he could give some ammo to, Jason? Not on his fucking life.

Jason stuck his tongue out at Tyler and Tyler reciprocated. Jamie joined them, a glass of apple cider in his hands for Tyler and a plate of fruit for them both. He caught Anna giving him some serious side eye but he ignored it and smiled as a form of thank you to Jamie.

“Cheers?” Jason asked. “To the happy couples.”

“Really?” Anna said, even though she still clinked their glasses together.

“CHEERS!” Jamie added in agreeably. He leaned over to Tyler and whispered in his ear. “Dude. If we get free cake, can we get married EVERY Sunday?”

Tyler laughed and gave him a slight nod. Cause yeah, free cake. He was down with that.

Anna said something to Jason which made Jason laugh, which was good. At least their week wasn’t meant to be complete hell. And hey, if Jamie snored? He’d be a little testy this morning too. He needed his freaking beauty sleep as much as the next person. When Jason looked over at the two of them though, Tyler had to wonder just what the hell Anna had actually said.

*

The day went by normally, which was nice. Or as normal as it ever went. They presented their ideas, Jamie had one accepted about making or breaking a habit. It was one of the things that could be easily filmed and chronicled and Patrick said it was “prime” which was his word for “good” so everyone clapped. Tyler kind of wanted to be put on that team but Patrick gave a firm no and put him on the team that was working on a video about CrossFit.

He fucking hated CrossFit.

But he went along. They were given extra leeway this week, as they were technically working overtime with their “assignments” and he found himself googling ‘marriage tips’ at eleven in the morning because he really was feeling out of his depth. One of the top ones was to stay connected, so he picked up his phone and shot out a text.

“Want lunch? Craving pizza.”

“’Craving’, bit early in marriage to worry about babies, Ty.”

“::crying face emoji:: You’d leave me, wouldn’t you?”

“There is a place that delivers, looks good. We could eat outside?”

“You’re avoiding baby subject, Benn. Yes though. Pizza = boss. No mushrooms.”

“I’ll still be fake married to you when you are fake fat with fake baby. Meet at front at 11:45?”

“Sweet”

He was totally acing the whole ‘married’ shit. He was the best husband. Though, he guessed that wasn’t right to say when there were two husbands. Best younger husband?

“What the hell you grinning at, Tyler?” Johnny said, frowning down at him. “You look like you just got married or something.”

Tyler caught his lip twitch and smiled back. “Just because some of us are getting a sweet raise for the week doesn’t mean you have to be bitter.”

*

Tyler took Tuesday afternoon off to get ready for his turn at their date.

It was weird, really, that he had to play basically hide and go seek when it came to planning it. In the past, on the very rare occasions he planned a date that was more than just dinner and movie, he would just do it when he was at home. But … Jamie was at his house, because for that week it was their house and they hadn’t gotten used to not being around each other.

When he asked Patrick for the time off and admitted as to why, Patrick beamed at him and practically gushed. The guy had obviously been married too long.

On the plus side though, he did throw out a few decent ideas.

Not that he needed the help.

(He totally needed the help.)

He trolled around Jamie’s Facebook, which, again, made him feel weird. But it didn’t matter. He found a lot of old pictures of friends from his past, including ones with his brother who Jamie talked about a lot.

He found pictures of him partying, always kind of in the background and looking a little uncomfortable. Pictures of him with his family looking a lot more comfortable.

Then he found a photo album simply titled “Jags”. The pictures were of a hockey team. He had a jersey with a big black cat on the front - it didn’t take a genius to figure out the team name was the Jaguars even though it wasn’t printed on the front.

Jamie looked so freaking happy on ice it was a little dizzying. Had he not already found his pseudo-husband distractingly attractive he would be in for some trouble.

The pictures all had comments on them ranging from “BIG BENN!” to “Not a bad game last night, get you next week.”

He chewed on his lower lip for a while and debated his course of action. He wasn’t even sure if Jamie even liked to skate anymore. The pictures and the comments could be almost a decade old and Jamie hadn’t actually brought skates over, not that he imagined he would.

His finger hesitated over Jordie’s name on one of the photos. Jordie had been a dick on the phone earlier in the week, sure, but it could have been all in good fun and if anyone knew his brother than it would be Jordie.

Tyler Seguin:

if i was planning a date night for yr brother, skating would be a y/n?

He stared at the screen for a minute hoping that the little text reply would start up immediately but it didn’t seem to be in his favor. He clicked a new tab open in the browser and, just in case, started to look up nearby skate places. He knew exactly where his skates were, even if it had been months, and it could be fun to find the ice for a while.

It turned out there were many places they could go, which was nice. But a few of them were in entirely scuzzy places in town and a few others seemed a little to hipster even for him. When he clicked on the final one though, it was perfect. Bigger, in Los Segundo, which was a drive but whatever. The prices weren’t even that bad.

He was just about to look at restaurants when he heard a ding in the background and clicked back to his Facebook account to find that he’d gotten a response.

Jordie Benn

are you trolling my brothers fb? stalker.

Tyler Seguin

u try planning a date for your husband after knowing him 1.5 weeks, dick

Jordie Benn

he left his skates here.

Tyler paused. Well. Fuck. There goes his freaking plans. He shrugged it off though, already trying to figure out in his head other possibilities when the little ‘typing’ box popped back up.

Jordie Benn

but yeah. take him skating

Tyler Seguin

are u trying to fuck me over. is he going to get pissed?

Jordie Benn

Not fucking with you. he wanted to go pro but didn’t work out, still loves the game

That sounded ominous as fuck if you asked Tyler. He thought about chucking the whole idea. But then again, he did love hockey. Jamie loved hockey. Skating was something they could share, and that was one of Patrick’s key “Marriage Lessons: Find Common Ground.”

So. Ice skating was common ground.

He did a cursory check on Yelp! for surrounding restaurants and found a decent looking Italian restaurant. (Cause Italian was what you took dates to… right?) He sent Jamie a text that he’d pick him up from work at 5 and to be ready.

“Ready for what?” was his response.

“Romance” he sent back with the heart eye emojis.

He got a thumbs up emoji in response. Jamie had no idea what he was getting himself into. Tyler was going to woo the hell out of him. He hoped.

*

Tyler liked dressing up when he got a chance to, but that night it felt like it mattered more. He took a shower and groomed his beard. He styled his hair, for the second time that day. But then he stared at his clothing with ever growing dread.

He knew exactly what Jamie was wearing. It wasn’t like Jamie was dressed low key; he was at work, but he wasn’t in a suit and tie. So Tyler had to figure out what would work for that. THEN he had to figure out what would work for skating. He figured he would pack them both more comfortable clothes for the ice skating though, because he was a good husband like that and the whole idea of skating in slacks was less than ideal.

It didn’t help his cause.

He tried on three separate outfits before he finally took pictures of himself in each and sent them to Candace. After her initial set of texts that were just emojis and variations on laughter, she sent the messages:

“ Outfit A if you are planning on using the word ‘bro’ a lot and add a backwards hat.

Outfit B if you are trying to remind him that he gets to ‘divorce you’ in four days.

Outfit C if you want a chance of getting lucky. … Eww.”

As was set forth in the rules of big brothers, he sent her back an emoticon with a tongue sticking out and a picture of him rocking outfit C. She sent him back thumbs down, because she was his baby sister.

He freaking missed that brat.

The outfit, a simple white polo and tight as hell black jeans, looked pretty fucking sweet. His sister had a habit of picking things that looked good. The bonus was he would never wear this to work so it was at least something new for Jamie to see him in.

He felt a little like a creeper grabbing a pair of running shorts and tank out of Jamie’s bag but he’d seen him use it when he went to work out on Monday night, so he hadn’t actually hunted it down or anything. He threw that, his own skates and outfit into a gym bag and tossed it in the back of his car.

He checked the clock in his car. He had a fucking hour till he could pick up Jamie and harbor the delusion of feeling like he kept his dignity. Not even to mention the fact that he wanted to go to the restaurant BEFORE skating and they weren’t old enough for 5 PM dinner.

A thought struck him and he figured that … well. He was supposed to be being all romantic and shit so he might as well try. He grabbed the GoPro camera that he only ever half remembered to keep and turned it on himself.

“Okay, so tonight is Jamie and I’s date night, you know? Well. MY night to take Jamie on a freaking date. Which, by the way, is stupid intimidating and I don’t think really speaks to marriage cause… who the fuck has to romance the person after they put a damn ring on it, right?”

He got out of his car and started in towards the door.

“Anyway, I totally stalked Jamie’s FaceBook and he used to play hockey, which… is like awesome and how we’ve not talked about that is crazy. I played too. So I’m taking him skating tonight.”

He looked directly into the camera. “Next level shit, right? I’m impressed with myself.”

He entered his house and went back towards the bedroom. “I need to find his shoe size though, cause he left his skates back home. Why? Cause he didn’t know he’d meet me.” He picked up a pair of shoes and checked the foot size, showing the camera. “Dude’s got some big feet. You know what that means, right kids?”

He stuck his tongue out at the camera before turning it off. He doubted that was making the cut when it came to the video but he might as well give Greg, the editor, something to hate him for.

Shoe size in hand, he ran back out to the car.

He had the card for ‘relationship needs’, but he wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could warrant spending money on actual skates. That would be a little much for anyone to put towards a reasonable work related expense. That being said, he was getting paid 500 bucks for this week and he could probably go in half on a nice pair if he really wanted to.

Using his finely honed GoogleFu from his time at BuzzFeed he found the best sports place nearby and drove there with a weird feeling in his stomach. He wouldn’t classify it as nerves, because this was a fake date for a fake husband but maybe it was just being able to do something nice for his friend.

That was a reason to be excited, right?

He walked into the store and was immediately greeted by a rather attractive girl with long brown hair up in a ponytail and tight workout garb on. Basically, were he to specify his type of girl, she kind of fit it perfectly. He paused and swallowed.

“Hi, can I help you?”

Yes, she could. He had a mission here. He was on a mission, he just had to remember it. He looked down at his hand, where the simple silver band was and was instantly reminded.

“Skates, hockey skates,” he stumbled out. “I’m here for hockey skates.”

Way to sound like a grown up, he thought, mentally smacking himself on the forehead as she smiled and turned around. She led him towards the back of the store where there was a small corner of skates, lined up under ‘HOCKEY’ and ‘ICE’.

“We only have a few brands, but do you want me to get the foot measurer to get a good readout for you?”

He found himself gravitating to ones in the middle, the ones that kind of looked like his but much newer. He waved her off. “Oh, no, these are for my husband. Hey, and they’re on sale, nice…”

He thought idly about putting it all on the card but could picture the look on Patrick’s face. He turned back to the girl, who was just barely closing her mouth from what seemed like a gape. He had to track himself back for a minute before he realized he’d said the words ‘for my husband’. Whoops.

It wasn’t like he was going to try and get her number either way.

He gave her the size with a smile and she had to go into the back because Jamie had freakish feet. Tyler grabbed the GoPro from his pocket. “Jamie’s going to think I’m a freak, I swear. But man, look at these skates.” He showed them off, trying to keep the price off the camera.

The girl came back and, a little more professional this time, took him to the front and rang him up. He asked her politely to split the price on two credit cards and she gave him a strange look, again, but he was pretty much ready to leave by then. He took the bag and checked his watch.

Even with the drive he probably still was going to be earlier than he should be, but he was done with the whole waiting for this thing to happen. He tossed the bag in the back of his car and covered it with not only the bag but also a jacket he kept in his car as the offices were sometimes freaky cold.

Traffic was, well, Los Angeles traffic. He wanted to chuck things at people about two thirds of the time, but the flow was just enough that it wasn’t completely stop and go which could be considered a small miracle most days. Maybe them leaving this soon would be a good idea, or at least a plausible enough idea as to why he was showing up at an embarrassingly early time to pick Jamie up.

He pulled into the office parking lot and found, again, he was a lot more nervous than a fake date warranted. He picked up his phone and checked to make sure that he hadn’t gotten a text from Jamie like canceling the whole thing (not that he knew why Jamie would but whatever).

Then Tyler fiddled with the playlists on his phone to pick the perfect one to get them to the restaurant.

Then he took an empty bag out of his backseat and cleaned the front of the car for a good few minutes, threw out bits of trash, even though Jamie had literally been in the same seat that morning.

Then he took a picture of while making a cheesy face and posted it to his Instagram with the comment, “WOOING AF.”

Which left him with one option. He got out of the car, finally, taking the bag of trash out and shoving it in a trash can in the front of office building. He waved his badge and the door clicked.

He walked into the room and got a standing ovation.

What?

Jamie, who had just stood up, blushed a little. “Wooing, really?”

“Fuck,” he groaned. Stupid social media. “Shouldn’t you all be working?”

He got about a half dozen incredulous works and one rather pointed laugh from the back.

Jason added, from his seat nearby, “Unlike some people, we have been. All day even.”

“Why aren’t you planning your date, dumbass?” Tyler asked.

He got a half assed shrug. “Dinner and a movie. Boom.”

Anna, from across the table, let out a scoff. “I’m filing for divorce.” Then she looked over at Tyler and winked at him. “Have fun on your actual grown up date.”

A part of him thought he might want to take the ‘actual’ out of that comment but Jamie had grabbed his arm, his bag over his shoulder and was turning him around. One quick look over towards Patrick’s open glass office showed him why, as Patrick had clearly just seen the picture and was standing up to walk out towards them.

“Fuck, RUN,” Tyler turned himself and grabbed Jamie’s hand, sprinting until they were out of the office.

“That was all on you, buddy,” Jamie said as they reached his car and got in. “Hey, I can actually sit down. Sweet.”

Tyler bristled. “You could have just told me to do this morning.”

“Eh,” Jamie shrugged. “My car is no better generally.”

Having been in Jamie’s car he wondered what he meant, the car was pretty damn clean when he got in it… but then he remembered the word ‘generally’. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only nerd who cleaned his car out for this game. He grabbed the camera and put it up.

“So tonight is the obviously superior date night, right Jamie?”

Jamie, who was buckling his seatbelt, looked up at the screen and half smiled. “You betcha.”

His stomach did an odd flip, but he guessed it might be because his phone buzzed in his pocket. He grabbed it with one hand, handing the GoPro over to Jamie who held it at an awkward angle.

Patrick: No wooing, it’s in the rules.

Tyler: Eat me.

“Who is it?” Jamie asked, looking from the camera to him.

Tyler smiled and waved at the camera. “Just my mom, hi mom!”

Jamie quirked an eyebrow. “Like that will ever make the video.”

“Eh, never hurts to suck up to your mom, Christmas and birthday coming up soon.”

“Yeah, when’s your birthday?” Jamie said, slowly bringing down camera as Tyler backed his car up.

Tyler smiled. “January 31st, like Justin Timberlake.”

Jamie laughed, hard, honking and covering his mouth.

“What?”

“Why do you even know that?” he said, still laughing. “No one knows that shit.”

Tyler bristled a little bit. “I share my birthday with one of the greatest singers of our generation. I’m allowed to be proud of that.”

He kept the fact that he knew that because he was a little obsessed with NSYNC in his youth to himself. The last thing he needed was Jamie passing out from laughter before the date even freaking begun.

*

The restaurant was intimate and a little nicer than Yelp let him to believe, but not busy because it was like 5:45 on a Tuesday which was a definite plus. When he went to get them seated he watched out of the corner of his eyes and found that Jamie was subtly fixing his clothes like he felt underdressed or something.

“You look really good,” he said, grinning back at Jamie as the waiter grabbed the menus and started walking back.

Jamie looked up at him with a nervous smile. “Yeah? Not nearly as good as you. Where did you hide those pants? Or is that just paint?”

“Shut up,” Tyler said, but gave him a friendly nudge. “I clean up sometimes.”

“You clean up really nice,” Jamie said, soft enough that he might not have heard it had he not been going in to sit down.

He tried not to blush.

“Have you dined with us before?” the waiter asked.

“Nope,” Tyler answered for them both.

The waiter gave a seemingly forced smile and started in on a rehearsed spiel about the specials, which sounded confusing, and the fact that their plates were family style so to be prepared for them to be large. He finished asking if they wanted something to drink. He offered a wine menu and Tyler could feel his stomach sink for a second.

Wine was the traditional thing for a date, right? He freaking hated wine.
.
“Do you have … Molson?” Jamie said, Tyler looked up to see the equal look of horror in Jamie’s eyes.

The waiter blinked but nodded. “We also have some really good drafts, a few local brew..”

“Molson for the table,” Jamie answered, batting his freakishly large eyes at the guy.

“Best husband ever.”

The waiter, who had been walking away, turned around and gave a much more real smile. Jamie blushed. Tyler … might have blushed again as well. But whatever.

“I try?” Jamie said, looking down at the menu.

*

The food was good, and Tyler was entirely thankful for the credit card because holy hell that was his grocery bill for about two full weeks. It almost made him feel bad about the skates. Until, of course, he drove up to the rink.

Jamie turned to him with a weird head tilt. “Uh. What are we doing here?”

“Good question Jamison,” Tyler said, waving his hand grandly at the large sign. “This is called a ‘skating rink’. People, some people who don’t even tell their husbands, like to ice skate. It’s a thing. Where you skate. On ice.”

He expected the punch to his shoulder, did not expect it to be as hard as it actually was. Fuck, dude did not give a shit about playing nice.

“Are you kidding me?” Jamie said, and his voice had gone an octave higher. “I haven’t skated in forever, I mean. Can you skate? This is where the Kings practice. I mean, dirty horrible team aside…”

Tyler nodded.

“They are a freaking NHL level team. This is awesome. This is killer… I mean… I didn’t even bring my skates to... “ he trailed off and got a weird look on his face before looking like he forced himself to go back to a smile. “I mean. I can rent. Right?”

If the fifth of his bonus had been kind of hard to part with earlier in the day, he felt like it had been barely a drop when he grabbed the box from the back of the car. “Rentals are for amateurs.”

Jamie looked down at the box, up at Tyler and then back at the skates. He opened the box and slowly picked up the skate with a weird look. He looked back at Tyler. “You … bought me skates?”

“I figured you wouldn’t want to rent, I mean, those are the worst...”

Maybe Tyler had overstepped a little. Maybe he had actually leapt over some level of creepy and he looked like a total nutjob.

“Tyler, are you KIDDING?”

Before Tyler really got a chance to apologize or back pedal or even offer to take them back, though really they were on sale, could he take them back?... Jamie was pressing his lips against Tyler’s for one quick peck and backing away.

Jamie seemed to catch up with what he did about a half a second after Tyler did, he looked simultaneously confused and embarrassed. “Sorry, just. It’s been awhile… since I skated. These are like, nice. I mean. Thank you?”

Tyler took pity on him. “You wanna go in?”

“Yes,” Jamie said. “I really really do.”

He didn’t let himself over think the kiss. Well, not as much as he genuinely wanted to. Because mostly he was thinking about getting them into the building and getting onto the ice. Also because he was a entirely sure Jamie was freaking out and he knew if he started to overthink it that it would just make everything fall out.

He couldn’t, however, keep himself from licking at his lips a few times. He was only human.

The guy at the front desk didn’t seem to notice nor care that they were both a little addled. They both laughed nervously when he asked about renting skates, which was awkward. But Tyler gave over the card and got pointed towards the ice, just in time to realize that while he had grabbed his skates he had forgotten the bag with the change of clothing in the car.

“I have to go back, we can’t skate like this,” he said, indicating their clothing.

Jamie frowned. “Of course we can, look.”

He looked out onto the ice to see that almost every single person was in their regular clothing, save for a few small kids who were skating around in various versions of hockey gear. He’d thought that they were going to get a chance to scrimmage a bit, maybe make it a competition but it was obvious that wasn’t that likely.

With a shrug he walked over to a bench and started to take off his shoes and get his skates on. He pretty much immediately regretted the tightness of his pants as soon as he tried to make a hard turn, the way it had made Jamie blush aside.

There was a distinct charge between them. Something to be said about the fact that they had just kissed in the parking lot. That they had gone to dinner and he’d enjoyed himself. That they were at a rink with apparently a dozen other couples. It was a weird thing. He focused hard on his skates to keep from looking over to check on Jamie.

He was most of the way through tightening his skates when a finger poked at his side. Turning his head he found Jamie’s excited face inches from him.

“Come on slow poke,” Jamie said, who proceeded to get to his feet and offer over one of his hands.

Tyler raised one eyebrow. “Slow poke? What, are you fifty?”

“Maybe if you were better at putting on your skates…” Jamie said slowly, shaking his head.

Oh it was on. Tyler stood up, without Jamie’s help, and wobbled to the nearest entrance. Jamie was right on his tail and the second Tyler got onto the ice he felt Jamie behind him. Competition he could do. That was like breathing.

He went with the flow, because he wasn’t a dick, and dodged around couples and kids, but he hadn’t been off the ice long enough for him to forget how to go fast. (Even if his pants hampered it a bit.)

The problem was that Jamie was… well. Faster. Even with his slight head start he found himself having to push himself harder and harder to just keep up with him. He felt it was unfair for Jamie to be that hot, crazy good at his job, AND good on skates. Tyler wanted to file a complaint with … whoever you filed complaints with. Though why he would be complaining was beyond him.

Jamie reached the entrance where they had gotten onto the ice first, which was apparently the end goal. He turned in a flourish, probably to give Tyler a good chirping but Tyler ended up catching Jamie as Tyler purposefully went to knock Jamie down.

It didn’t work, instead he just kind of pinned Jamie to the boards. Jamie laughed directly in his face and Tyler laughed back, but what he really wanted to do was kiss him on his stupid red cheeked face. He looked really good, all flush with victory and cold, and granted it would take basically a half a second for Jamie to push Tyler off but Tyler ignored that.

“You’re slow for a Canadian,” Jamie winked, but his voice was lower and he was really close and …

Tyler made himself push off. “You’re fast for a guy whose nickname is Chubbs.”

Jamie groaned and rolled his eyes. “Quit it with that, Bow-Ty.”

Tyler blinked. “You… talked to my sisters?”

“Hey, you talked to Jordie… Besides Candace is really a sweet person, you know. She totally loves you.”

He put a hand up to his face. Nothing good could come from a Candace-Jamie alliance. Nothing. Only bad things. Such as the horrid name that he’d gotten from one stupid series of photos that he maintained were not his fault. Don’t let an eight year old pick out their school photo outfit, okay?

“That bow tie was totally fly,” Tyler said and pushed off to go back towards the ice. “Bow ties are cool, Jamie.”

In his peripheral Jamie laughed. “No, they weren’t. Even in the year 2000.”

“I know what you’re getting for Christmas,” he muttered but something dropped in his stomach. Christmas was weeks away. By that time they’d be ‘divorced’ or whatever and he might not even be that friendly with him. (Though he highly doubted that.)

It was weird the forced intimacy of this week. It was messing with his head.

“Buy me a bow tie and I swear to you I will wear it to work every day for a month, telling everyone it was on your fashion advice.”

Tyler smiled again. “Well, that doesn’t even sound like a threat.”

Jamie turned himself around and skated just a little bit in front of Tyler, ignoring AND avoiding everyone else on the ice. The obviousness of his comfort skating was something that made Tyler want to skate with him more often. Maybe play a  game of pick up or something.

“I’ll take pictures and send them to your sister indicating you were the one to pick them out.”

“You wouldn’t,” Tyler narrowed his eyes.

“Wouldn’t I, Bow-Ty?”

*

The night ended with them eating candy on their couch, curled up laughing about the fact that Tyler was supposed to be following some weird diet and was failing miserably. (It was either that or actually making himself go to CrossFit, it was the lesser of two evils really.)

“I miss actually being able to watch hockey coverage that wasn’t so late,” Jamie sighed. The screen had the Kings vs the Sharks, which was about as interesting to them as watching paint dry. The Canucks vs the Rangers was at first intermission and there was zero chance they were going to stay up to watch the bulk of the game.

“I miss actual Tim Horton’s,” Tyler sighed. “We road tripped to a Coyotes game last year and there is Tim Horton’s in the arena but it’s just plain wrong. Like, it’s okay. But not Timmy’s.”

Jamie was munching on Reese’s pieces and let out a sigh. “Don’t even. Man, you’re making me want to rock a toque and flannel. Real Maple Syrup.”

“Poutine.”

“Skating on open ice.”

“You can do that in America.”

“I could make you poutine, and you had Timmy’s in America.”

Tyler shrugged. “Okay, fair point. You going back to Canada for Christmas?”

Jamie shook his head. “A little too much for my blood, but I wish. My mom and dad might fly down for a few days. You?”

“I was supposed to but my mom is going to visit my sister at college so I don’t think it’s happening.”

“Maybe for your birthday we’ll road trip up the coast to Vancouver. We can get some good food and use our real accents for a few days.”

Tyler looked over at Jamie and saw that Jamie was giving him a genuine smile. He smiled back, but it kind of hurt in his chest as he did it. He wouldn’t get his hopes up. Or maybe he would, but he’d learn to regret it.

“What’s something you’ll miss about family Christmas?” Tyler said, breaking the silence.

Jamie seemed to think about it, munching on a handful of Reese’s pieces. “Probably the tree. My family’s is such a horrible hodgepodge of crap it’s almost like art. I swear, my mom kept every single thing all three of us did for Christmas every year. It’s a ton of half assed reindeers and palm art mixed with her glass ornaments and of course the ones of our horrible growing up pictures.”

“I would pay good money to get a picture of you as a mini Jamie,” Tyler admitted, not aware of how … intimate… it sounded. “I still can’t picture where you got the Chubbs nickname.”

A piece of candy hit his forehead and Tyler laughed.

“What about you?”

Tyler would miss a lot about it. Their Christmases were never quite huge but they were definitely one of those things that he liked the most about the year. “Our neighborhood had a movie the night before. There was a huge screen, hot chocolate and crazy snow fights. I think I saw ‘A Christmas Story’ 17 times on that stupid screen. Granted the last few times I was making out with someone. You know, to keep warm.”

Jamie nodded. “Naturally.”

A silence fell between them and if Jamie was anything like Tyler they were both imagining what Christmas would most likely be for them this year. Tyler would probably grab a turkey sandwich from Boston Market and watch A Christmas Story on a loop on USA and Jamie would probably be entertaining his parents in a place that Christmas barely touched.

“Well, after that joyful conversation,” Tyler said. “It’s probably time we go to bed.” He paused and thought about what he said. “Uh, probably time for me to go to bed. You can make your own life choices.”

Jamie laughed. “Nah, probably good to have you there to make me make better ones. I’ll let the dogs out and meet you in the bedroom in ten.”

The dogs, hearing ‘out’, got up from their respective spots on the floor and thumped their tails against the couch. Tyler moved past them but they had their eyes focused on Jamie.

Tyler got into the bedroom and picked up his phone. He thought idly about calling Candace and admitting to everything but he wasn’t that stupid. He wished there was someone he could talk to, but everything felt a little lonely. He assumed he could call Anna or Jason but they were obviously feeling less than warm and fuzzy about this challenge. He could call Patrick but the chance he might cancel it early made his stomach churn.

Instead he put the phone back down and went into the bathroom, using the free moment to pee before Jamie came in. When he did, they both brushed their teeth and crawled into bed. He stared at the ceiling for a minute and almost said something - what he would say he wasn’t actually sure of, but then turned to his side and closed his eyes.

Surprisingly he was asleep in only a minute or so.

*

Apparently Anna and Jason’s date night had not gone quite to form, as the two of them fumed at each other the next day. Jamie kept giving him this look, something like, ‘What children’. Every time he saw the look Tyler couldn’t help but bust up laughing. It didn’t help that when Tyler would laugh, Jamie got this cheese of a grin on his face and they set each other off back and forth.

“I hate you,” Anna said, when they were both getting something out of the kitchen mid morning. “You suck. You and your not sucky husband.”

“Was it really that bad?”

Anna shrugged. “He took me to a chick flick. It’s not that I don’t like a good chick flick, trust me, but it was like this one with a guy who’s wife died of cancer and he falls in love with her nurse or something? It was depressing. Who brings a girl on a depressing date? How about you?”

Tyler blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck while he gave a highly abbreviated version of their date. By the time he got to the end of it she was staring at him like he was growing an extra eye.

“Are you real?”

“What… He likes hockey?”

She walked off, sipping her tea and repeating how much she hated him. Or Jason, he couldn’t quite tell.

*

Wednesday afternoon he had to be filmed doing a session at CrossFit. He came home that night with the distinct desire to kill Patrick, Johnny, and everyone who had ever created the IDEA of the stupid place. His body hurt in a way it hadn’t since the years of lacrosse he’d played in college and even then he felt like he had found a few new muscles to ache in his body.

He let Jamie drive them home, and they went through a drive through Mexican place for burritos and carne asada because screw diets in general.

“Burpees,” Tyler whined, lying on the couch staring at the ceiling and wondering if he could call in sick the next day. He doubted that was a possibility but the dream was real. So so real. “Susan, Jill, Jennifers…”

“Are those the actual names?” Jamie asked, coming in with a plate of food.

Tyler shimmied himself up to seated position, leaving enough space for Jamie to sit on the other end of the couch. “I don’t know, and I don’t care. I work out. I’ve got my body down. CrossFit is crazy and I will start the petition against it as soon as I remember what being able to lift a pen is like.”

He lazily ate his burrito, barely lifting it off the plate to shove it in his mouth. He was not at his finest and he knew it; he felt kind of guilty about it but he ignored that feeling.

“Tell me how your day went so I can fantasize that mine didn’t exist,” Tyler said, taking another bite.

Jamie just laughed but started in on telling him about all of the tricks they were trying to get rid of habits. Apparently they’d gotten Anna to try the ‘snap band’ trick, where one snaps a band when they have the negative thought. Jason had walked in to offer her lunch and she’d literally snapped the band off. Jamie felt it necessary to show him his version of the band. Tyler was pretty impressed.

He also talked about the fact that it was becoming like a weird bonding experiment because he was finding out all the things their coworkers disliked about themselves and their behaviors. Tyler asked what he was trying to stop and Jamie blushed a little.

“I’m trying to enforce positive thinking,” he said, averting his eyes and snapping the band.

Tyler squinted his eyes at Jamie. “You are a bad liar, dude. That should be your habit to break.”

“Oh shut up,” Jamie said, taking a big bite of food and chewing thoughtfully.

He decided not to push the issue. “So, any thoughts about the big date tomorrow? I mean, I went pretty baller on you dude.”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, nudging his foot and causing him to moan in annoyed muscle pain. “Sorry… but thanks for that. I figured you’d go dinner and movie. Not buy me nice skates and take me out on ice for the first time in forever.”

Tyler faked offense. “You think I’m a weak husband? I’m an awesome husband.”

“You kind of are,” Jamie said, then blinked. He picked up the remote. “Wanna watch ESPN while we eat and then you can take a hot bath while I W-A-L-K the dogs?”

Tyler ignored the fact that Jamie snapped his band again, because damn it that sounded amazing. “Okay, I might be an awesome husband but I’m calling it. Best husband ever. Whoever snags you never gets to complain.”

Jamie blushed furiously and Tyler laughed at him, which hurt so he stopped.

*

The next day Tyler texted Jamie for lunch but Jamie texted back that he was busy and he was not able to do anything. Tyler wasn’t bummed per se but he was a little annoyed. Especially when he saw Anna and realized that it couldn’t be habit breaking related.

“Where’s your annoying half?” he asked Anna. She shrugged and then gave him a sly smile.

“I know where yours is…”

He blinked. Date night, freaking duh. He smiled fake sweetly at her. “Oh, my lovely lovely Anna, you think you could tell me what I’m doing tonight?”

“Nope,” she said and popped the p in the way he would do occasionally to her. Okay, so that was annoying. “Just that you are freaking winning at this fake married business. I’m competitive as shit and I’m not playing up my game as much as you two.”

She linked her arm to his. “Come on, I’ll entertain you with what I’m doing to … uh. For Jason… for tonight. Mostly to wipe that sad off your face.”

*

If nothing else, the fact that Johnny was just about to ask them all to get ready for CrossFit when someone told him that Jamie had showed up made it already the best date night ever. He shrugged at Johnny and told him it was work related and then smiled and walked towards the front door with great glee.

They met at the door and Tyler watched as Jamie fidgeted.

He looked embarrassed, which shouldn’t be so damn appealing but whatever. Tyler looked Jamie up and down; he was wearing dark denim jeans and a shirt, which was a relief because it meant Tyler didn’t have to change. He looked around the office and noticed that, unlike before HIS DATE, there was zero interest being paid.

If anything there was a suspicious lack of attention… but whatever.

“Your chariot awaits?” Jamie said, pointing to the door.

“Cheeseball,” Tyler said, smiling and leading the way to the car. Except…

There was no car out front. Instead there was a horse drawn carriage. A literal chariot awaited him. He was speechless. He was. Okay, he wasn’t sure if he was speechless or if he was more … he turned back to Jamie.

“You got me a carriage?” he asked and Jamie blushed.

“You said no one had ever really set up a date for you. I… might have gone a bit overboard.”

Tyler put his hands out to the horses. “Maybe?”

Jamie looked hurt, and Tyler stopped. Awesome, he thought. Ruin the date before it begins.

“I didn’t mean in a bad way, like. At all. Just. A horse drawn carriage? How does that even WORK in LA traffic? Are we allowed to do that?”

Jamie walked up to the guy who was driving it and nodded at him. “Just get in, Seguin.”
With a tiny shrug he got into the carriage, Jamie giving him a hand up.

Tyler would normally take that as a challenge to be, well, a pain in the ass. But he had already almost fucked things up and it was maybe four minutes into the date. He figured he would spread that shit out. He got into the seat and Jamie followed. Looking back into the window he saw every member of Buzzfeed looking out with their phones taking pictures.

He cheesed his biggest smile and waved at them.

“Wave to the mere mortals, Benn,” he poked Jamie in the side.

Jamie looked over and put a hand up to his face for a second before lowering it and smiling with a small wave. “They aren’t letting us live it down, are they?”

“Us? I am but an innocent bystander, dude.”

The carriage moved and Jamie frowned at him. “You got me skates.”

“You got me horses!”

“They aren’t yours to keep,” Jamie said. “You know that, right?”

Tyler rolled his eyes. They had moved to the very side of the road outside of the building and were moving really, really painfully slow. He could feel cars hating them, but thankfully it wasn’t that busy. They mostly passed, some giving them curious looks, some giving them the finger.

“Romantic, really,” Tyler said, pointing out one to Jamie who laughed.

"Better than New York, I'd guess," he said. "I think they might actually curse us out."

Tyler put a hand to his chest dramatically, pitching his voice higher. "It could be our song."

He winked at Jamie and Jamie laughed. The carriage moved and suddenly they were turning into a small pocket of green that Tyler had passed a hundred times driving to work. It was, apparently, a park. A park that was set up, seemingly, for a small party.

A really small party, actually, because all there was was a single table and a medium sized screen a little ways off.

“Jamie?” Tyler tilted his head. “Are we watching a movie in the park?”

Jamie blushed a little. “I couldn’t find a drive in. I figured this was the closest that could work.”

“Jamie Benn, you crazy freaking one upper,” Tyler punched Jamie’s shoulder, because it was as close to kissing him as he was going to get.

Even though it wasn’t too far to the holidays, Jamie had decided against a Christmas movie. It was okay, really, Christmas movie in the middle of a decently warm LA day would probably just bum him out.

So they ate dinner together and waited for it to get darker before Jamie started up a little mini projector and the movie Goon started. Tyler hadn’t actually seen it but laughed anyway because it was just plain ridiculous for a date night.

“What? Hockey, it’s a through line on our dates…” Jamie said, passing him a bag of popcorn from oversized duffel near them.

He sat down on the floor and patted the grass beside him. “No, dude. It’s perfect.”

The movie was kind of over the top and ridiculous, and good lord Tyler could jump the French dude but whatever. Mostly he just liked watching Jamie laughing at the parts that were his obvious favorites.

(He really wanted to throw “Gay porn hard” into his everyday vernacular but didn’t quite think that he was going to be able to get away with it.)

*
It was truly weird how Jamie started to just permeate his life. Friday morning it was like they had fallen into step. He’d always hated having a roommate, to the point that he did everything on planet earth to avoid it, but Jamie was as natural in his apartment after six days as either of the dogs.

They walked around each other as they got ready in the morning. Jamie made breakfast, Tyler got the dogs out to the backyard to pee and exercise. Jamie would finish first and showered faster than Tyler so he went first, but he took freaking forever to get ready so he stayed in the bathroom while Tyler took his long shower.

Neither of them commented on the fact that it was kind of weird for them to be in the same room, one naked and one with only a towel. Jamie would finish up and get dressed, Tyler got out and toweled down, brushed his hair back and came out to grab clothes. It was like they had synchronized it, but in fact it was much less carefully crafted and much more natural.

They left the house at just the right time to beat any extraneous traffic that they could avoid. It was something that was definitely not normal, but Tyler enjoyed it. The realization that it was the last time they would do it didn’t hit him until they were halfway to work. They had been in the middle of a rather animated conversation that involved the Leafs and the Canucks but he had kind of petered out after that.

“You okay?” Jamie asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tyler said, forcing his best smile. “I just remembered something.”

“Something good or bad?”

Tyler debated a lie but blurted out. “This is our last drive to work.”

Jamie blinked at him and then looked out the window at the road ahead. He didn’t say anything, which was fair. What the hell was there to say to that? ‘I’m sorry.’? ‘Thank Gd’?

Tyler’s hands twisted on the driving wheel and he felt like he’d popped a balloon. He should’ve not said a thing. He shouldn’t said that he was thinking about the Leafs chances in the playoffs or maybe about the fact that he was most definitely doing some stupid Crossfit bull that day.

It made the rest of the drive slow and a little painful. He tried the radio but nothing was actually appealing, even on his iPhone. He handed it to Jamie who fiddled with it and he didn’t even complain about the country music coming out of his stereo.

When they got to the office they were a little early, a blessing and a curse. Jamie was looking about as bad as he felt. He breathed in and exhaled slowly.
.
“I didn’t mean that to be what it sounded like,” Tyler backtracked. “We’re still going to hang out. And you know. Like, we could carpool and shit.”

Jamie gnawed on a fingernail. “Dude, I live so far from you that would be stupid.”

“Well, you can stay over at my house then, I don’t care,” Tyler said and then blinked at that statement. “Like, for movie night or some shit.”

Jamie smiled at him, looking a little brighter. “Yeah?”

“Hell yeah,” Tyler said, just because it seemed to make Jamie happy.

They sat for a minute more and then by silent agreement they got out of the car.

At lunch he was told that Jamie was working on his video, but it didn’t matter. They had a plan, and if nothing else, they had the weekend.

*

That night the group went out and Jamie and Tyler went with them. It was small and chill and at a local bar. Most of the time Tyler would be out trolling for girls or guys to hook up with but he found it was actually more fun to sit at the table and do nothing with the group. He knew his co workers but as it turned out he didn’t really know a lot of them.

The few times he got up to get refills or go to the bathroom he came back to find that if someone was seated next to Jamie they would get up without him asking. He wondered if that was an actual marriage perk or if they were all just playing it up for the effect. Either way he’d take it.

Anna and Jason sat across from them, Jason talking with a couple of his friends and Anna talking with Amy. He kept catching the two girls looking at him and after a while, when he caught it he gave them a friendly wave. It didn’t stop them but it did amuse the hell out of Jamie. Totally worth it.

*

They set up the double date to be at Tyler and Jamie’s place. They had grand plans of going out and doing something group date like but apparently Anna and Jason were about as ‘formal date night’ed out as they felt. A night in with dinner and movies felt like a freaking blessing in disguise.

Anna had said they’d supply the food, which Tyler had figured meant pizza or maybe Chinese but when they got there he’d found that they had gone and gotten what smelled like absolutely amazing curry. It made him feel a little bad for the boxed brownies they’d thrown together the hour before.

The dogs were excited to see the two of them but gave up a lot quicker than they normally would, as Jamie had taken them for a run earlier to get the most energy out of them as possible while Tyler cleaned. It had felt, weirdly, like a routine that they had finely honed over months or possibly years together. It’d felt normal.

The whole ‘this is coming to an end’ thing was quite possibly hitting Tyler in weird starts and stops but he had forced himself to stop when Anna walked him into his kitchen to get plates. Not a good idea.

“How you doing?” she said, just above a whisper.

“Fine?”

Anna quirked an eyebrow. “I’ve been slowly planning Jason’s convenient mauling since Tuesday. Tomorrow is like my greatest dream. You look like someone is using a voodoo doll and slowly stabbing your heart on repeat.”

“I mean, I guess… I just figured I’d be planning Jamie’s mauling by now…”

“And you’re not.”

Tyler plated a dish for Jamie, separating the rice from the curry so he could dip it the way he liked to. “I’m really, really, really, not.”

Anna made a noise in the back of her throat that made him miss his mom, oddly enough.

“WHERE IS THE FOOD?” Jason called from the room less than ten feet away. Both of them flinched.

“Okay dude. We’re going to have to get back to this,” Anna sighed. “Coming DEAREST.”

They walked out and Jason was happily seated at the table. Jamie was up and grabbing for the plates before Tyler could tell him to stop. He grabbed one from Anna and one from Tyler, handing Jason his and placing Tyler’s in front of him.

“What would you guys like to drink?” Jamie offered the table. “I think we have wine… but um. Beer?”

Three voices rung out clearly, “Beer.”

Jamie smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

“How’s your week going, Seggy?” Jason asked.

“Better than yours, Demers,” he cracked without thinking about it.

Jason looked offended at Anna. “Are you kidding Anna? I’m the best husband.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “You aren’t even the best husband in this room, let alone the house.”

“No fair, they have two of them against one of me.”

“What was your date night like?” Tyler asked Anna, having already heard some of Jason’s failed attempts at date night.

Jamie walked in and placed a beer in front of each of them. It was… Molson’s.

“Did you go out and get this?” Tyler asked with a smile.

“Eh, figured we’re having guests and all that.”

Jason choked on his beer and leaned forward, looking at Anna. “Uh, OW?”

“What’d I miss? Jamie asked as he sat down.

Anna smiled innocently. “Nothing. My date night was good, I would even go with great. We went on a hike and had a picnic. It was sweet.”

“Sweat, it was sweat. All the sweat. Everywhere,” Jason said and sipped at his beer. “But the muffins were absolutely fucking amazing. She’s pretending she made them, but I doubt it.”

“I did,” she said, looking at the other two guys. “I actually did make them.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Then you should work at a bakery,” Jason said a little snippy. “Cause they were bakery quality.”

Anna’s cheeks turned bright red.

“Holy shit, you MADE THOSE?” Jason said.

“I told you I did.”

“Well you should work at a bakery!”

“I want to, but like… that’s a whole thing… I mean,” Anna flailed. “But thank you?”

Tyler was bemused at the weird backwards compliment coming back to be one of the sweeter things Jason could say. Jason looked actually gobsmacked. Jamie was dipping some of his chicken in the rice and watching the not-fight with pure amusement.

A silence fell over the four of them. Anna seemed to be embarrassed as hell which was odd for her. She was rarely the quiet one in the room. He had nothing he could really talk about that wouldn’t possibly start a fight between them again.

“Any ideas what movies you want to watch?” Jamie asked, as if the silence finally got to him. “I was thinking not romantic comedy.”

Jason held up his beer to clink it with Jamie’s. “Amen.”

Anna nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“I’ve got all seven Fast and Furious,” Tyler offered and got three sets of eyes that said one clear thing. “Okay, so that’s a no. Scarface?”

“Have you guys watched The Get-Down yet? Apparently it’s on our ‘Top things you should be into’ list this week, according to Johnny,” Anna jumped in ignoring Tyler entirely.

Jamie shook his head and shrugged. “We’ve been watching a lot of ESPN and NHL network this week.”

“Let me stay here tonight,” Jason begged.

“Oh shut up, you made me watch HGTV for three hours on Tuesday,” Anna said.

“Are you kidding me? Those tiny houses are addicting to watch and the only way I’m ever owning real estate.”

Tyler, who was staring at his phone, lifted his head. “Baz Luhrman? I’m in.”

“Thought you would be,” she smiled. “We can watch an episode or two and see how we feel.”

Tyler grinned and went back to the curry. He was relieved to note that at least that wouldn’t be a huge battle. He saw out of the corner of his eye Cash was slowly making his way to Jamie with his big puppy eyes in place.

“Cassssh,” Tyler said, Jamie looked up at him and he swore he had the same puppy eyes.

“What, rice is good for puppies?” Jamie said, slipping a small balled up thing of rice to the dog.

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Great, I’m the bad dad?”

Anna choked this time and Tyler realized what he said in slow motion. Fuck. He’d joked about it during the week, but only to Jamie and to a couple of the neighbors. He wasn’t supposed to make it in front of Anna and Jason. The whole room would know by Monday midday.

He tried to shrug it off. “Uh, we have brownies?”

“Trying to be the cool dad, now?” Anna teased.

“I hate everyone,” he said. “Maybe I’ll eat the brownies all by myself.”

Jason made a noise. “Hey, fucker. I said nothing.”

“You thought about it,” Tyler pointed at him, and Jason shrugged and smiled.

Even though he threatened eating them by himself, he went and cut the brownies up into even slices and came to bring some out, Jamie passing him in the doorway with the empty plates to put them in the sink. He almost stopped to tell him he was a guest. But he wasn’t, not tonight. The last night.

They ate their brownies and teased each other. Watched two episodes of The Get Down which was awesome, but loooong and he didn’t want to waste the entirety of his last night with Jamie sharing him with Anna and Jason, so he told them to get out after the second episode.

Anna gave him a look and he braced himself for some talking to in the near future but that was not present Tyler’s problem so he ignored it.

Tyler and Jamie cleaned up around the house, putting dishes in the sink and then cleaning them. Putting pillows up. Letting the dogs outto the patio to pee. It was pretty much like every other night, except there was an air of something else hanging over them. They didn’t talk about it. They just let it sit between them like a large pink elephant.

They did some silly stuff on the GoPro, including showing them talking about formal visitation rights for the puppies. (Which was only funny until Cash laid his head on Jamie’s lap and then if felt more like a stab to the heart.) They filmed Jamie’s messy packing skills. Their routine of brushing the teeth and slipping into bed at (lamely) just past 11.

Then they turned the camera off and talked until three in the morning. They talked about nothing in particular, but it seemed to flow so naturally that there was never a good stopping point. They would have kept going, probably, if Tyler hadn’t gotten up to pee and came back to find Jamie curled up on his side fast asleep. Indulgently Tyler laid down with his back to Jamie and got as close to him as possible without waking him up.

*

It was weird for him to think that it was just a week, one simple week, that separated the last time that they were in the middle of the Sharp’s backyard. He was less dressed up than last time, so was Jamie. Anna had on a red dress and Jason looked like he was going to go surfing right after this, which he might actually be doing.

They’d taken separate cars, like the week before, and Tyler had hated the fact that he had to listen to the stupid music in his car without Jamie bitching about it.

“You guys ready?” Patrick asked.

Tyler didn’t ask what the hell the point of having a formal ‘divorce party’ or whatever. Because they could have just like, walked away. That’s what normal divorces were like, right? Who had a party? But then again he shouldn’t be shocked by Patrick being over the top and annoying.

He couldn’t quite meet Jamie in the eyes, but thankfully Sadie was crawling on Jamie so when he looked over at him he got to just stare at the baby instead.

He’d woken up that morning with an ache the size of a canyon in his chest, something so entirely painful you’d think they’d lived together months and months. He’d rolled over and Jamie wasn’t in bed, he’d walked to the kitchen and found (as he’d assumed) him making breakfast. He was in a torn white shirt and his used sleep pants.

The dogs were curled on their beds in the corner.

It was perfect. It was just about perfect.

He had to repeat to himself that he was not losing Jamie. That this was just a game for work but he’d still get to be best friends with Jamie and that was what was important. It hadn’t really helped that much but it had given him enough room in his chest to talk without a stutter or a high pitched voice.

They’d eaten together, talking back and forth about things that were going to happen at work. Talked about siblings and their neighbors. They acted like nothing was going to change and yet when they went to leave for Patrick’s, moving to two cars, Jamie had knelt down and given warm and fuzzy kisses to the dogs and whispered into their ears in a goodbye built for a war movie.

Tyler hadn’t even had the heart to mock him about it.

Patrick cleared his throat and brought Tyler out of his own head and back into the present. There was a camera filming it, like there always was. He put on a smile, even though it felt like too much effort. He looked back at Jamie to find that he was baby-less and that he was looking at Tyler.

“I know pronounce you un-married,” Patrick said, with a grand hand gesture. “You may take back the rings.”

He saw Anna slip the small ring from her finger onto Jason’s pinkie finger with a laugh while she took his ring and put it on her thumb. They then proceeded to fist bump.

Tyler yanked his ring at first, but it had been just a bit too small to begin with so it was stuck. He tried to rotate it to get the thing to move an inch upwards, it didn’t quite work. He frowned and wiggled it back and forth and finally it shifted enough to come off. He handed it back to Jamie, who handed back his.

He slipped the ring into his pocket, not willing to have it on his finger as a reminder. He hoped that Jamie wouldn’t take it as an insult but Jamie seemed to agree. He opened his wallet and slipped the ring into the cash pocket.

“Who wants a drink?” Anna jumped in, obviously looking at Tyler.

“Dude, it’s like lunch time,” Jason said.

Anna shoved him in the side. “This is one of many reasons we’d never work.”

As if on cue, Abby walked out with a bottle of champagne, Anna and Jason took turns trying to open it and there was the sudden pop that took them both by surprize. Tyler took a flute and while the rest sipped at theirs he finished the whole thing in one gulp.

He got a look from Patrick, so he put on a smile. “I don’t trust anything free from you, gotta make sure I take what I can get before you take it back.”

“Well, there’s food in the kitchen, try not to choke on the inhale, fu--brat,” Patrick said, as Maddie pulled on her dad’s side and got him to pick her up. “You also have to do exit interviews, separately.”

He really wanted to duck out and go home but between the food and the videos he figured he had no other choice but to stay. He walked in and sat down at the table, Jamie seated himself automatically to his right. It took a minute but he looked over and Jamie was trying for a smile and Tyler tried back.

“Come on,” Patrick said from the other side of him. “Usually people treat the wedding like a funeral.”

“Patrick,” Abby rebuked, putting down some plates in front of them. “Don’t be a dumbass.”

It seemed like Jason had gone first, so they tucked into the food. It was, as per usual, amazing. Jamie made a comment about that and Abby smiled.

“She cooks, she’s hot as hell, and she makes good babies,” Patrick said, making a face at Sadie across the table who giggled and threw eggs in his general direction. “When you find the right one, you gotta lock it down.”

Anna choked on her toast. “Lock it down? Really Patrick? How has she not killed you yet?”

Abby shrugged and put a hand up. “Don’t use the pepper, that’s where I keep the arsenic.”

Tyler was trying to eat but nothing seemed even close to appetizing. He did, however, laugh at that. Abby and Patrick had what he thought was the perfect type of marriage, one that he was jealous of. Not that what he had with Jamie had been real but… they had parts of it. The ability to not take everything so seriously. He turned slightly to check in on Jamie and found he was just doing the same thing.

Jamie laughed and stage whispered. “I wanted the pepper.”

“Want me to test taste it?”

“Naw, I think I’ll be brave.”

He smiled back.

Jason walked in and put his arms out. “Dobby is a free elf.”

“Nerd,” Anna got up.

“You’re up, Seguin,” Patrick nudged him from under the table.

Tyler had to admit he was a little relieved to be getting up from the table. If anything it got him closer to getting out of the house and away from the group it was good enough for him.

The camera guys and producer were seated outside under the shade of the pergola, and they all smiled as he walked out. He took the only free seat and let himself relax as much as he could while he waited for his next instruction.

“Okay,” Bree, a producer he’d worked with often, gave him a nod. “This is just the traditional wrap up. Talk us through the week quickly, then just how it ended up going. Maybe how you’re feeling?”

Tyler didn’t frown, because he knew anything he did on tape was grounds for being put into the reel and that was exactly what he didn’t need. He swallowed around a lump and put his thoughts together as best he could. The rundown of the week was simple enough, telling the summary of the day to day, the dates, admitting to feeling like he lost the date competition even if it wasn’t a competition exactly.

“I mean, a movie in the park? How could I beat that?” he said and Bree smiled behind the camera.

“So, overall, what was marriage like?”

He thought about it for a second and then shrugged. “It was nice. Nicer than I thought it would be. I mean, I guess we got the good end. The comfortable bit. Plus Jamie was a pretty awesome husband. He was funny and thoughtful and he had a crazy good sense of when I needed alone time, which actually wasn’t that often. Whoever gets to marry that guy wins, flat out. I won the short term lotto on that one.”

Which. Was. A little more than he actually needed to say, probably. Definitely. He felt a blush creep up on his ears and thought that even Bree had a blush on her face. She gave a simple smile though and nodded.

“Go get the next victim,” she said.

He got up and started to walk out when Bree paused him with his name.

“Ty, if you need to talk…”

Tyler gave a too large smile and shrugged her off. “I got it, Bree. I’m good.”

He stepped inside and sent out Anna, who was eating cake that had apparently been cut while he was outside. He took a large slice and started eating it. Even though it’d been cut up into pieces he could still make out the opened handcuffs and ‘Congrats on unshackling’. He ignored the fact that somehow it tasted a little off after reading that and didn’t make eye contact with Jamie the rest of the morning.

*

Tyler walked back into his house a few hours later and looked around. He was acutely aware that it was Jamie-less. He knew it was weird to think it that way, but he’d been so used to walking into the house with Jamie or having Jamie already be there, feet up on the sofa watching ESPN… it was just odd.

At least he wasn’t completely by himself, as he was quickly greeted by Cash and Marshall. Marshall jumped up on him and licked at his face like usual, but after a quick lick Cash eased around him and looked at the door expectantly. Tyler, who was doing pretty well so far, had a weird twist in his chest.

“Sorry Cash,” he said, leaning down close to the dog. “Jamie went home.”

He probably shouldn’t have said the ‘J’ word as Cash got excited and wagged his tail. He wondered how exactly he was supposed to explain to a dog that he was dumped. But he wasn’t, he was … back to normal. It had just been a game. That was what it was. A video.

“Want to go for a walk?”

Marshall FLIPPED at the word, but Cash just kind of looked at him like he was waiting for the rest of it. He pushed past, telling himself that transferring his emotions to his dog was probably a sign of insanity and he was totally not going to be that guy.

He grabbed their leashes off the hook, which at least brought Cash into a happier mood. He hooked them both up and grabbed his headphones off the counter. At least it would give him an excuse to not be in the house a little longer.

He made their usual round, not bothering trying to run in his jeans shorts. He could make a huge loop and wear the dogs out, Marshall was getting to the age that they had to take a few breaks and Cash would run around in circles to keep himself entertained.

About halfway around the typical route he ran into the girl from a few days ago, her phone in her hand and he smiled.

“Catch anything good?” he asked and she looked up and blushed.

“It says there is a Meowth around here but I can’t freaking find it.”

He nodded, thankful he hadn’t given in to temptation yet. He could see Pokemon Go taking over his life in a bad way. “You know cats love to hide.”

“Where’s your other half?” she asked, looking back down at her phone and letting out a little whoop of excitement. “Here kitty kitty.”

“He’s at… uh… work,” he answered, knowing it didn’t matter as the girl was back to her own little world. “I’ll let you go back to it.”

She looked up at him and waved. “See you soon. Tell him hi!”

He moved along, quickening his pace and trying to avoid eye contact with anyone around them. Not that there were that many people out at this time of day but still. No more answering questions.

Seeing his house he almost started a second loop, but there was only so much he could keep the dogs out before he knew he was taking himself for a walk while using the pups as an excuse. Marshall was panting and even Cash looked more or less done for the day.

*
Monday morning was, well. Weird. It was painfully normal in most ways, linked together with meetings and pitch sessions. Tyler had a new project he was working on, so they had an idea session for a while. Jamie was off, not even at the Monday morning pitch, which meant he was off doing something for a video.

Not that he should notice. He had told himself that he was going to ease up a bit for a few days and then try and slip into the true friendship mode. Though truthfully he’d only known Jamie a grand total of two weeks, the week that they were together non-stop had left him with the knowledge that Jamie was exactly his type of person. He made him laugh, he knew sports and Tyler’s dogs liked him. All boded well towards a perfect best friend.

So he made himself think of it that way. Anna had walked in at one point and given him a look before walking out again. That was not a good sign but he was not going to think about it. Anna was scary, but she would give up sometime, she had to. Something new would get under her skin eventually, right?

He went about his work the best he could. The problem being that in the corner of his screen, still up from the week previous, was Jamie’s Facebook Messenger. It took till the fourth time that he went to go to message Jamie something random Tyler’d found for him to finally make himself shut down the entirety of his messenger.

Time eeked by. He texted his sister Candace and asked her how college was going and she texted him back with.

“New fon, who dis?”

Born comedian that one.

“The best gift our parents ever gave you.”

“Cass?”

“Okay, the one who can tell our parents where you really were on prom night.”

“Blackmail, low blow Bow-Ty.”

Tyler felt himself go white in the face. “That is not becoming a thing again.”

“Please tell me you are hitting that, btw. He skirted the issue but you’ve been together 24/7.”

He glared at his phone and turned it over. Siblings were meant to be nice to you, not be completely unnecessary jack asses. He should text Jordie to pester Jamie… Only not. No. Nope. Not happening.

He looked around the office, half hoping for someone to give him a good enough excuse to be distracted. But there was no one. Even Patrick seemed to be busily monitoring something on his computer. He looked up at Tyler once with a curious quirk to his face but then looked back down before Tyler could actually get his full attention.

He googled, “If I went nuts at work, would that warrant workers comp?”

It was not helpful.

He got the link in his email around eleven thirty, Patrick simply giving the link. The video wasn’t live, so he had to put in a special password to get it to work, and then he saw a split picture of he and Jamie holding up their ringed fingers with stupid grins and Anna and Jason with theirs in fists towards the screen, pictures from their fake wedding day.

He ignored the way his stomach ached at their photo.

A furtive look around saw that no one was looking at him, so he clicked the little triangle and quickly paused it. Mostly anxiety had him letting the video buffer for a minute before he pressed play. It started with a black screen and white wording:

‘What would happen if two friends were made to be married for a week? We found some helpful volunteers from the office to make it happen. Watch their wedded bliss!’

There was a quick cut to Anna and Jason doing their pre interview.

“We’ve known each other for a while,” Anna said. “So this should be an adventure.”

Jason smiled and winked at the camera. “She’s not Jewish. Sorry Ma.”

Anna punched Jason in the arm and it switched over to them.

Tyler was looking at the camera with a smile but Jamie was looking at Tyler instead, a small smile on his face. Tyler tilted his head. “I’ll be honest, we’ve only known each other for a few weeks because Jamie just moved here. This might be a bit more of a test. But Jamie’s pretty cool, so I think we’ve got this.”

“Yeah, Tyler is pretty awesome,” Jamie said, and Tyler noticed for the first time he was blushing. “We got this.”

And just like in his memory Jamie lifted his hand up and they’d done a fist bump. A fist bump, and man that was going to be on the internet forever. Awesome.

They cut to a quick but succinct montage of the ‘wedding day’. Someone, most likely Patrick, had gotten a video of the two of them seated in their respective cars talking themselves up to go into the house. Abby had said something along the lines of ‘cut that out’ before it moved on to the ceremony and then the brunch.

Some cheesy (most likely copyright free) music played over it, to mask the benign conversation. He and Jamie laughed, a lot, in the general direction of each other. Anna and Jason seemed to be laughing too, but more or less at Jamie and Tyler.

There were  the intro videos of moving into each other’s houses. Both Jamie and Jason getting the grand tours of their new abodes. Apparently Jason slept on an inflatable mattress in the bedroom. Tyler could feel a blush creep up when it showed them getting into bed next to each other.

Whelp, that’s a thing Patrick is never going to let him live down.

“I gotta admit, I can’t sleep,” Jamie said, in a sudden GoPro video. It looked like he was on the floor in the hallway outside their— Tyler’s room. “It’s two in the morning and Tyler is out. I’m a little nervous. This morning was fun. Tyler is awesome and this house is homey, but man. I feel like I’m intruding on his space.”

There was a noise from off camera and Jamie lit up.

“Hey buddies,” he said and both Cash and Marshall came into frame and started to give him kisses all over his face. “Dudes, calm down. You’re going to wake your daddy. Good boys… good boys…”

The camera shut off and switched to something of Anna staring into the camera as Jason snored LOUDLY on her floor. Normally this would be hilarious enough to distract him but instead he was thinking about Jamie anxious in his house. Of Cash and Marshall cuddling up with him and giving him kisses even though it was still the first night.

There was a little more back and forth and it was kind of awkward at points. Breakfast and people talking to them. He forgot the first few days being awkward at all, but man they danced around each other a lot. All the looks back and forth, the shy glances he’d thought were just him, had actually been reciprocated.

In contrast Anna and Jason were like brother and sister from day one. They talked and fought and there was some sort of ongoing thing about taking out trash that Tyler would have to take a chance to look back on when he wasn’t so fascinated by his own parts.

He noticed too, though, that the smile that Tyler had seen on Jamie for that week hadn’t just been a figment of his imagination. It had left since then, he was sure of it. It was gone and he didn’t know why. They hadn’t actually stopped talking or going out or anything but it had felt just that touch of forced and mostly when they were in groups.

”Jamie’s going to think I’m a freak, I swear. But man, look at these skates,” he said in the skate shop the day of his date. He was smiling into the camera, showing off the sale sign, the price clearly marked even though he’d tried to hide it.

He felt like a complete moron.

He was fucking gone for Jamie. Beyond gone. He was stupidly over the top giddy for him and he’d been so since the day the guy moved into his house. Since his puppies had taken to him. Since he’d made him breakfast. It was written, quite clearly, all over his face. It was even in the look the lady from the store gave him in the quick shot the editor had left in.

He watched the rest of the video anxiously. All the way up until the ‘divorce ceremony’.  Unbeknownst to him at the time, Abby had been watching the two of them with a sad sort of look on her face. He watched as Patrick announced them formally unwed. Jamie looked off to the side of the camera, while Anna and Jason literally popped the cork of champagne that they’d brought.

They cut to the separate videos they’d done on in the backyard.

”Look,” Jason said, his head tilting towards the screen. “I am all about finding a partner and getting actually married but Anna and I are made to be friends.”

A quick cut and Anna said almost the exact same thing, except with the fact that she was in no rush to get married. She put her hand up. “This finger will be bare until I am ready to actually deal with a human in my grill all the time. For now? I’m glad to go back to torturing Jason whenever I can and going back to my own home without him.”

He’d known what he said, but he wasn’t aware how sad he looked. It had only been a few hours but his face was hollow and sad and he talked about how much fun he’d had with Jamie and how they were meant to be good friends.

”Tyler was the perfect husband,” Jamie said, a small smile on his face. “I would say he passed with flying colors. I won the lotto with that guy, even if just for a little bit.”

Well, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He was done. He shut the window and looked around the room. There was no Jamie. Where the fuck was he??

*

Patrick was on a phone call, Tyler could see it through the glass, but he also couldn’t care less if he tried. He swung open the door.

“Where the fuck is he?”

Patrick put a hand over the receiver. “Um, I’m on with a sponsor, so language?”

“WHERE IS HE, PATRICK?” Tyler practically yelled.

With a roll of his eyes, Patrick took his hand off the receiver for a moment and asked for them to hold. He hit a few buttons and then looked at Tyler seriously. “Are you sure what the fuck you are doing here, kid?”

“Don’t call me kid,” Tyler grunted. “Did you see the video? Did you watch it?”

“Yeah I did,” Patrick bit his lower lip. “You know, we didn’t say you had to share a bed.”

Tyler really would punch Patrick, if he didn’t need his damn paycheck so much and if Patrick wasn’t the only one standing between him and talking to Jamie right now. “Well, that is super helpful information right now, Sharp. I’ll be sure to note it for my future time-machine usage… Where is he?”

“You know he works here.”

“Are you saying we couldn’t date because of fraternization? You had us LIVE together for a week…”

Patrick shook his head. “He’s filming for the newest video series. He’s at the blue warehouse.”

Tyler could hear his heart beating in his ears. He turned around but Patrick yelled out his name. He turned and tried not to glare, or worse yell something he would really regret.

“I’m telling you right now, if that video is any indicator, y’all would be dumb not to at least try something. But don’t jump in because you were already in it,” Patrick said. What he said made perfect sense and was probably fair for him to say but it didn’t warrant Tyler stopping for a response. He nodded at him, tight, and put up a hand in a half ‘I hear you’ half ‘peace out’.

They had three warehouses they used for different types of videos. The blue one was used for surprising people, funnily enough. It had been used to shock the hell out of people with their celebrity crushes, taste tests, and one time giving some of his coworkers puppies to play with while drunk as fuck. It would be only fit to surprise Jamie there.

If he had any sense of romance, or possibly any patience, he might even try and make it epic but all he could think was getting there and seeing him again. He was sure that the the last few days had been enough of a test of his patience. So he walked through the red light outside the studio door and found a group of people working on puzzles together.

Jamie was off to the side, watching them with a half smile. The surprise must be something in the puzzles, but really? There was no chance he cared at that moment. Jamie looked up at him and tilted his head.

“Tyler, we’re filming?”

Tyler’s mouth was fucking dry as hell, and were there any water nearby he would steal it. Instead he stuck his tongue out to wet his lips and thought of the best way to put this. When that failed he just started to talk.

“Dude, I won the lotto,” he said. Jamie raised an eyebrow. “I mean. Not like… really. But even if I did, it wouldn’t be the same. I won the lotto at our fake wedding. Not you. You got stuck with someone who was pretty freaking dumb. Who didn’t know what to do with feelings and who probably hurt yours. Cause that was what you were saying the night before. When you were talking about going out more… you wanted… more? Right?”

Jamie looked awkwardly at the table of their coworkers who were staring them down.

“Do you think we could…?”

Tyler’s whole body was buzzing, he knew this wasn’t exactly the best time or place to be doing this but waiting wasn’t an option. “Jamie, you wanted more…”

“Yes,” Jamie said, but it was quiet enough that Tyler only barely made it out.

“What’d you say?” Anna said from the table. Jamie and Tyler both glared over at her but she gave an impish smile and waved her hand towards Jamie. “We didn’t hear you.”

Jamie looked back at Tyler and said, loud and clearly, “Yes. I wanted more. But you didn’t… so.”

“I didn’t know what I wanted,” Tyler jumped in.

“Bullshit,” Jamie said, and this time it echoed in the room. “You seemed pretty clear when I basically threw myself at you and you…”

Tyler groaned. “I’m not the smartest fucking guy on the planet, jackass. You know the basics of my track record but not everything. Did you know I’ve been the one dumped every time since I was 20? I’m not mature enough, I’m not engaged enough, I am not enough. So forgive me for getting spooked when you acted like I was something I’m not.”

The room was quiet enough that he could hear the whirl of the digital camera. Jamie gaped at him for a moment and then stopped himself from saying something not once, nor twice but three separate times. He ran his hands through his hair and the sides of his hair stuck up over his ears, the ears that Tyler could very much use as handles for a lot of different reasons…

“They were wrong. Or you were wrong together. You are enough. You are more than enough. And I lied when I said we could be friends because that is the only thing that is not enough for me.”

Just like that Jamie was in his space, inches away from him and then, finally, his lips were against Tyler’s. One week wasn’t really that long to wait for a kiss, not in the grand scheme of things, but fucked if it didn’t feel like he’d waited longer.

Jamie had chapped lips, probably from all the times he licked at them during the day, and Tyler’s first instinct was the run his tongue along the bottom lip because damn it he’d been thinking about that for ages. He put his hands in the hair that stood up above either side of Jamie’s ears and held on tightly, while Jamie slipped his hands around Tyler’s hips to pull him closer. One of them was making a vibrating noise but they were pressed too close to actually tell which one was doing it.

Vaguely, somewhere in the back ground, he heard clapping and the sudden realization that he was in the middle of a room with a half a dozen of his co workers watching him make out. Maybe he should’ve taken Jamie up on the ‘not having the discussion here’ thing.

When he caught sight of Anna he was pretty sure she was vibrating with happy laughter. He was sure that he wasn’t going to live it down, and even if he could… the cameras were most definitely rolling.

They finally pulled back and looked around. Jamie was bright red, Tyler didn’t know if it was the cameras, that they were both rocking pretty evident hard ons or the fact that Jamie liked being on camera about as much as drinking pure vinegar. Tyler grabbed his hand, bowed quickly and pulled him out of the room.

There was a closet, thank fucking god and ignoring all obvious jokes, that they jumped into and Jamie had his hands on Tyler in a matter of seconds.

“Wait,” Tyler said, and he couldn’t believe he was being the voice of reason here. “We should like, grown up talk here.”

“Grown up talk?” Jamie quirked his eyebrow. “About things like taxes and the price of gas?”

Tyler kissed his stupid lips again and pulled back. “What… is this?”

“This?” Jamie nudged at his neck with his nose. “Is us kissing. Because I’ve wanted to for a long time.”

“But after this,” Tyler asked. “What do we do?”

Jamie waggled his eyebrows and he couldn’t help it, he laughed. Jamie’s ridiculous face had him feeling like he was nineteen and asking someone out for the first time. Which…

“After work, you want to go to dinner?”
.
“Wellll,” Jamie said, nudging Tyler again with his nose and a quick nip to his jaw. “I could be okay with that. You have to know, I just got divorced really recently.”

Tyler nudged him with one story. “Funny story…”

*

“It’s not often that you can say, with great certainty, the moment a couple had their first kiss,” Anna said, turning to smile at Jamie and Tyler. Tyler knew without looking that Jamie was bright red and knew even more that there was some big white screen nearby. “But we have actual proof with a handy time stamp and everything.”

When everyone looked up above them, Tyler turned in his seat to find that he was right. A white screen was being lowered. He was a little annoyed by it, but mostly amused.

“Granted that’s only half the story.”

‘Married for a week,’ came up across the screen.

It was weird to see the images from three years before, it had felt like it was still just yesterday but he was amused at how young Jamie looked, how weird his hair had been. How young Cash had been. They’d cut the bit with Jason and Anna out, which was probably fair to both Anna’s boyfriend and Jason’s wife.

He blushed when he saw the moment he ran into the room. They had gone out of their way NOT to watch that moment in their lives. Yes it was nice to have your first kiss on camera but it was not to have what amounted to a scene from a soap opera. Also, the emotions still had a way of feeling real even with the time between them and the week of fake marriage.

Jamie squeezed his thigh under the table and Tyler squeezed back.

There was hooting and hollering from all around them, in particular from Jordie who Tyler had met two and a half years before and had been fast friends with. He’d convinced him to move down to LA and since then it had been basically a constant source of annoyance to Jamie that he had his brother and his boyfriend to bounce stories off each other.

(Though Tyler was smart enough to always take Jamie’s side.)

When it calmed down just enough to let his voice be heard, he stood up and looked at the sea of familiar faces and smiled.

“All right, all right,” Tyler said. “We get it. Everyone knew but us.”

“Annnnd how,” Patrick called out.