Work Text:
Rule 435: Kei, don't pass your gasoline addiction to Arisu
Or
Kei: Demon in a Gaspump
Nihahaha! What is swaggin’, my prankster gangsters?
“That’s right; it’s Koyuki time again! I’m out here livestreaming my day here at the Millennium Science School in order to show you the injustice of Seminar once again!” Koyuki loudly spoke, flashing a ‘V’ at the camera, “For those of you guys who are worried about last time, don’t worry! The battery charges were dropped; turns out that legally, Arius aren’t classified as ‘people’ under an old Trinity law!”
Somewhere in Arius, the harmonica-playing captain of the remnants spat out her morning coffee.
The prankster paused, rubbing her chin, “Which is honestly super wrong now that I think about it, what the sigma Trinity? Do better. BUT ANYWAY!”
She twirled about, skipping down the road as the camera drone drifted after her, “Today, I’m going to do a super epic prank - which I must clarify I am absolutely in my legal rights to do - and I am going to replace all the Frenzy MAX with decaffeinated Frenzy MAX in the gas station next to Hare’s place!”
Reaching into the duffel bag by her side, she pulled on a ‘STAFF’ hat and spun the camera about to face the large push cart she was wheeling towards the gas station, loaded up with several boxes filled with cans.
“In preparation for this EPIC PRANK I have applied for a temp position restocking the shelves here, and have spent weeks building up trust amongst the staff members here with my incredible disguise!”
Koyuki took a deep breath, closing her eyes…
Before putting on a pair of glasses.
“WOAH! WHERE DID I GOOOO!? Hey!” she leaned over to the camera, whispering, “Guys, it’s totally still me! What’cha think, totally convincing, right?!”
…
“Tough crowd! Well, you’ll all totally change your mind once I show you the stock!” she gestured at the boxes of cans, “I spent many moons developing the perfect can label replacer! With this tool, I’ve replaced the can labels on these decaf Frenzy MAXs with those of regular flavor Frenzy MAX!” she beamed, snatching up a can, tearing it open, and chugging it in one swift movement, “AW YEAH!”
She paused, before spitting it out and gagging, forcing a grin as she hurled the can into a nearby dumpster, “Y-Yep! T-This tastes exactly as shitty as I expected! This is going to be my BEST. PRANK. EVE-”
Koyuki froze, realizing that a car was wheeling up to the gas station.
It rolled silently past her, pulling up next to a gas pump.
With a quick gasp, she ducked into a nearby bush, pushing her cart of tainted goods aside and pulling her camera in close.
“That’s strange… It’s like 5am in the morning. I’ve been observing vehicle patterns all month, and nobody is out this early…” she muttered.
Her eyes began to twinkle.
“Hoh! This must be… Some kind of shady dealing! Gamers, we might be on the verge of uncovering some great and terrible secret in Millennium! Let’s try to get closer!”
Koyuki adjusted her cap, taking a deep breath as she poked out of the bush, dropping to the ground and crawling closer to the vehicle, performing several fully unnecessary backflips and front rolls as she did.
The car was unlike any other in Millennium. For one, its body was rather boxy, its paintwork matte and flat rather than glossy and metallic. No exhaust came out of the exhaust pipe in the back. Its wheels were incredibly thin and flat as well, and its engine made a weird sound.
…wait a minute. This was cardboard.
The entire car was made out of cardboard, hastily taped and glued together, colored in with crayon.
The engine sounds, upon listening closer, were being made by its ‘driver’, a figure clad in a flowing black cloak, going ‘vroom vroom’ unconvincingly.
Said driver stepped out of the side of the fake vehicle, tugging her hood down and glancing about quickly, before sprinting over to the pump.
Taking a deep breath, she picked up the nozzle, holding it up in both hands…
Before shoving it into her mouth!
Koyuki barely had time to even process what was going on as the figure held down the trigger of the nozzle, several gulping sounds coming from her as she happily guzzled down litre after litre of Unleaded E10.
As she drank, her hood fell down, revealing the mysterious figure’s identity.
It was-!
Click.
Everyone in the GDD slowly turned to look at Kei, who immediately looked like she wanted to suddenly vanish into thin air.
“...Is that why you put in a request for an extra 30 thousand credits!?” Yuuka exclaimed, throwing up her arms as Noa stifled a giggle, operating the tablet connected to the display before the club.
“W-What I-I do in my spare time i-is none of your business!” the android suddenly exclaimed, burying her face in her hands.
“You drank 30 thousand credits worth of gasoline!”
“I CAN STOP WHENEVER I PLEASE!” Kei yelled back in response, her cheeks burning crimson.
Yuuka stared, before gesturing to Noa to continue playing the video.
“Aaah!” Kei sighed happily, wobbling as she spun on the spot, gripping the hose, “Those were the good old days! Back as a thrall in the Princess’s service, before all this… this stupid nonsense!”
She slumped against the pump, “D-Didn’t have to…” she hiccuped, “Didn’t have to sneak around in these ugly ass disguises! GOOD OL’ IRON CONTINENT, land of the metal moOoOoOooon…”
She slumped over, but not before shoving the nozzle back into her mouth and pumping herself with yet even more fuel.
Koyuki quivered, slowly crawling back as Kei rolled over, ecstasy on her face as she swallowed another mouthful.
Clink.
All in the room spun about, freezing Kei up on the spot. In her hands, she held a small aluminium flask with a distinctive ethanol smell wafting from it.
“... Are you still drinking?!”
Kei’s optics rapidly darted between Yuuka and her fellow GDD members, before frantically raising the flask.
Aris tackled her sister to the ground, tossing the flask aside, “No! Bad Kei! Stop drinking the scary juice!”
“I-If you were in my position, you’d be drinking as much as I am dealing with this lot!” Kei loudly screamed, pointing accusingly at Momoi, “Unhand me at once, Princess!”
“No! We are going to get you the help you need!”
“I’m not harming anyone! Y-You just want all the tasty gasoline to yourself! Is that it?! Y-You want to take away my one remaining joy in life!”
“Not harming anyone?” Yuuka and Noa exchanged glances, before turning back to the video.
Footsteps.
Kei, having flopped onto the ground in a puddle of spilled fuel with a blissful expression on her face, opened an optic to squint at the one approaching her.
“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to step away from the pump.” the gas station attendant spoke firmly, hands on his hips.
“S-Screw you… I can do what I want… I got the free will…” Kei hiccupped, pouring more gas into her mouth.
“You have drunk 34 litres of gasoline. You need to start paying your tab now or I’m going to have to kick you out.”
“Y-Ya know, yer really… Shtartin’ ta piss me off!”
Kei wobbled to her feet, reaching into her ‘car’ and pulling out her railgun, “E-Every day, ya just… ya just…”
The android threw up, fuel spilling onto the ground as the attendant stepped back nervously.
“I’m… I’mma done when I say I’m done, got it?!” Kei slurred, holding up her cannon and waving it about, light pulsing around the barrel. Somehow, none of this ended up causing a spark.
“They don’t pay me enough for this shit, I swear!” the attendant threw up their arms, stepping away as Kei continued to rant at them, waving her oversized weapon about.
Koyuki slowly turned to her camera, “...Uh.”
“T-They just want to take my gas away too! EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO MAKE ME UNHAPPY!”
“Kei, that gas is for vehicles.” Yuuka folded her arms sternly.
“I’M A VEHICLE! I DESERVE GAS TOO!” the android screamed, angrily clawing at the air as Arisu held her down.
Momoi let out a laugh, only for Midori to clamp a hand over her sister’s mouth and shake her head.
Distant sirens began to sound, the android immediately sitting upright.
“Fuck, it’s the fuzz…!” She tossed her railgun back into her now rather drenched ‘car’, hopping back inside and holding it up, making several engine noises as she slammed the ‘door’ shut.
Confusingly, it appeared that the ‘engine’ was having some trouble starting up, not igniting until after approximately three attempts to start the ignition. With a final “VROOOM VROOOOOOMMM”, the android began sprinting as quickly as her legs would let her - and by that I of course mean driving as quickly as she could - out of the gas station down a nearby road.
Koyuki could only gape at the puddle of leaking gasoline left in the wake of the chaos as the police vehicles pulled up to the gas station.
Silently, she took one last incredulous stare at the camera, before ending the stream without any other words.
“Kei would lead the police on a high speed pursuit for several hundred meters before crashing her car into a nearby appliance store.” Noa turned off the video, looking over at the GDD, “...There, she would be apprehended by law enforcement and her car would be impounded.”
Aris’s eyes widened in horror, “...A robot orphanage!? W-Was anyone hurt…!?”
Yuuka closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Two toasters and a water cooler were tragically lost in the crash.”
“YOU MONSTER!” Arisu screamed, shaking her sister, “H-How could you do something like that!? They were just kids!”
Yuuka leaned over to Momoi, “...Have you been teaching her weird things?”
“I mean, I don’t see any reason to correct that…”
“Aris, listen! For you, you have video games, but for me? I have to deal with these idiots day after day!” Kei glared up, “ESPECIALLY YOU, MOMOI! YOU’RE THE REASON I DRINK!”
“... I don’t know how to respond to that.” Momoi scratched the back of her head.
“Kei! You killed those innocent appliances!” Aris started to cry, “T-They had a whole life ahead of them! A life of toasting delicious warm bread and listening in to the deepest darkest secrets of underpaid wage slaves!”
Yuuka stared at Momoi, who shrunk back, “Okay, that part was me.”
“Get off me, you-!” Kei yelled, drawing her hand back and-
Aris’s optics flickered as the hand of her sister slammed across her face.
The room fell silent.
Aris sniffled, lubricant fluid dripping from her optics as she quivered. Kei stared in horror at the red mark left across her sister’s face.
“K-Kei… Y-Y…. I-I…”
“Aris, wait, I-”
“I DON’T KNOW YOU ANYMOREEEEEEEE!” Aris wailed, sprinting out of the room as her sister weakly tried to defend her actions.
Kei looked up, then down at her hand, before beginning to cry herself, “W-What kind of monster have I become…!? M-My own sister…! I’ve…!”
She curled up into the fetal position and started sobbing uncontrollably as those around her slowly exchanged glances.
“..Kei… It’s not too late.” Midori slowly spoke.
“I… I hit the Princess… My own sister…!”
“And you see the problem now, don’t you?” Yuuka held out her hand.
The android wordlessly nodded.
“...Right. Then you’ve already taken the first step in recovering; acknowledging you have a problem.”
Kei nodded, even as tears continued to trail down her cheeks, “I… I don’t want to hurt anyone… I…!”
“... Then, let’s start by making up for everything. You’ll never improve if you don’t start taking steps to do so!” Momoi spoke.
“How… would I do that…?”
“Well…”
Several Weeks Later…
“I’m Tendou Kei…” the android anxiously shifted, looking about the room, “And I’ve been a gasoline-drinker for about five months now…”
Shigure, sitting across the room in the AA meeting, rubbed her eyes.
“...What?”
Yuuka closed the door of the GDD clubroom behind her, “Well Noa, that was certainly an entire… experience.”
“Hm!” Noa brightly nodded, “I’m sure that with the right resources and proper aid, Kei will be able to recover from her addiction just fine. And… perhaps, over time, she will find the words to be able to apologize to Aris-chan properly too.”
“I guess… It never gets easier around that club.” Yuuka shook her head, pulling out a pack of NeoPorts from her jacket pocket.
Noa stared at her friend as she shook out a single cigarette, popping it between her lips, before tucking the box back away and digging in all her pockets.
“You got a light? I think I left mine at home.” Yuuka asked.