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I could feel Ace’s body nuzzle closer into mine, the sharp points of his elbows jutting into my ribs. Anyone would call this uncomfortable, like a needle pricking your spine. But the secret lies in this: the needle is filled with mirth, a warm love that swells in your chest and makes your throat hurt.
I pull him closer. His body is cold, despite the heat, the blankets, the hot chocolate nestled in our hands. He doesn’t shiver. I don’t even think he knows how icy he feels.
“Your circulation is terrible, you know that?” I murmur into his hair. He uses pine shampoo for the holidays. I breathe in its foresty scent. His hair is soft, slightly frizzed. Like a very disgruntled raven. Ace never bothered with using specialized products for his hair. It could secretly be the most luxurious curls in the world; we would never know.
“You’re just abnormally hot,” Ace said in retaliation. A couple seconds of peaceful silence, the fire crackling over the sweetness. Then, he added, almost sheepishly, “Don’t let go.”
“I won’t. I won’t.” Because, god, how could I? I wanted to absorb him. Odd, I know, but this wasn’t nearly close enough. I wanted to feel every sharp edge, to rub my hands over his icy skin until he melted into me. I loved to see his lidded eyes look up at me through his dark eyelashes. I wanted him to curl against my side and fall asleep there like a little cat.
Could I say that out loud? Probably not. Ace would stay up just to spite me. But I knew that I could wait him out, watch him get tired, sleepy. It was already two in the morning. Ace was bound to start yawning soon, right?
I take a delicate sip of my hot chocolate. Ace made it himself, just like he does every year. It’s super rich. And relatively bitter compared to most store bought ones, which is nice when you’re winding down. The cocoa slides down my throat thickly, nestling in my stomach. I feel its warmth stretch through my limbs.
“This cocoa is delicious, birdie,” I say to Ace. I lean down to kiss his forehead.
“It’s just my grandma’s recipe,” he mumbles into my side.
“And it’s amazing.”
He let out a little hum of acknowledgement. I shivered, because I could feel the vibrations of his throat against my arm.
God, you’re perfect.
The thought isn’t a new one. In fact, I’m pretty sure I get it everyday. It’s up in my top three most thought thoughts, right next to classics like sharks and literally anything aquatic. Like how some of those sea guys just glow. Bioluminescence is neat. And so are the pretty, flashing colors that come with it.
“You know how bioluminescence is an evolutionary mystery to scientists because of how diverse it is?” I ask.
He shook his head no, saying, “Haven’t really thought about it.” And then my favorite part: “Tell me more.”
So I do. I tell him about several different animals with bioluminescence. Like, the obvious angler fish– but there’s also others. So many others. And how it can be used for bait, communication, and sometimes, oddly enough, camouflage.
“...but I think the camo ones still live in areas with a little bit of light. So, like, you look up and can’t see them.”
I looked down at him. Ace was getting sleepy. I know it. His head was leaning too heavily on my shoulder. Eyes lidded just enough that he had to blink occasionally to open them again. His limbs were growing lax in my hold.
I carded a hand through his raven hair, fingers massaging his scalp, until, at last, Ace dozed off. He slumped against me, drool trickling down my hoodie sleeve. A small smile creased my lips. My chest swelled, my heart achy in the best way possible. This is my boyfriend. My little guy. Curled up against me. The firelight flickering on his pretty face.
My fingers trail down his body, around his torso, around his arms and thighs. I map out the smooth skin, following each scar, every mole, all the little dips and rises in Ace’s body that make him special. I trace his gentle curves, sharp angles, mesmerized by his geometric balance. He’s beautiful, in every sense of the word. He’s a sunrise on the beach. A complete dumbass. Mine.
Ace nuzzled closer to me, his content smile smushing into my shoulder.
And maybe I said it out loud— to the crackling fire in front of me, to my half-asleep boyfriend— those three simple words that held so much meaning. Or maybe I didn’t. You’ll never know. But the words echoed through my bones, sending sharp jolts straight to my heart. They’re powerful ones, even in their simplicity. They can make your stomach digest itself from giddiness or dread.
I love you.
Right now, those words felt damn good.