Chapter Text
The front doors of the Hazbin Hotel did not just open; they were violently blasted off their hinges by a surge of pink, glittery smoke. Vaggie’s spear was out in a millisecond. Angel Dust lowered his magazine, blinking his top set of eyes. Charlie, ever the optimist, clapped her hands together with a gasp. "New guests!"
As the smoke cleared, the silhouette of a short, round creature emerged. It stepped into the lobby, revealing a pristine white right side and a pitch-black left side with a jagged, glowing red eye. "Puhuhu!" the creature laughed, a high-pitched, grating sound that vibrated through the floorboards. "Wow, look at this place! It’s tacky, it’s gloomy, and it smells like burning garbage! I absolutely love it!"
"What the fuck is that?" Vaggie demanded, her eye narrowing. "A new Overlord? A mutated hellhound?"
"I am Monokuma!" the bear announced, striking a pose. "The headmaster of Hope's Peak Academy! And I’m here to register my students for some mandatory, despair-inducing team building!" Behind Monokuma, a crowd of teenagers shuffled into the lobby, looking thoroughly exhausted, utterly confused, and in varying states of existential dread.
"Um, hello," Charlie said, stepping past Vaggie’s protective arm. She knelt down to be eye-level with the robot bear. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! I’m Charlie, and we specialize in rehabilitating souls so they can pass on to Heaven!"
A boy with a prominent ahoge and a green hoodie sighed heavily. "Heaven? So we really are dead. I knew that last execution was a bit much."
"Don't be so sure, Naegi-kun!" a boy with wild, fluffy white hair chimed in, his eyes wide and vacant. "Maybe this is just a trial of despair to test the radiance of our absolute hope! If we can overcome the literal fires of damnation, think of how beautifully our hope will shine!"
"Can someone mute the cotton-candy head?" a short boy in a checkered scarf groaned, crossing his arms. He looked around the lobby with a mischievous smirk. "Wow, big sister Charlie, your hotel is so pretty! I promise I'll be a very good boy and never tell a single lie while I'm here." He paused, his face instantly dropping into a terrifying, deadpan stare. "That was a lie, obviously."
Angel Dust burst out laughing, leaning over the front desk. "Oh, I like the purple one. He’s got spunk."
"Attention, everyone!" Charlie shouted, pulling a colorful chart out of thin air. "We have plenty of rooms! We have daily trust exercises, group therapy, and—"
"Did someone say... entertainment?"
The shadows in the corner of the room lengthened. Static hissed through the air as Alastor materialized, his grin sharp and looming. His crimson eyes scanned the group of teenagers, lingering on a strawberry blonde twin pigtailed girl in the back who was currently busy trying to paint Monokuma's face with permanent marker. "My, what an eclectic bunch of tiny sinners!" Alastor purred, stepping forward. "Tell me, do any of you happen to play an instrument? Or perhaps you enjoy a good old-fashioned radio broadcast?"
Junko Enoshima finally stepped forward, tossing her twin pigtails. She looked at Alastor, then at Charlie, and let out a dramatic, theatrical sigh. "Ugh, look at you guys. So full of dreams and redemption. It’s so sickeningly sweet I think my teeth are going to rot out of my skull! Hey, black-and-white bear, can we kill someone here? Is there a motive?"
"No killing in the lobby!" Vaggie roared, pointing her spear at Junko’s throat.
"Aw, party pooper," Monokuma pouted. He hopped onto the front desk, kicking over a vase of flowers. "Fine, fine! No killing game for now. But I expect room service, a functioning pool, and absolutely zero optimism. Let the despair begin!"
Charlie looked at Vaggie, then at the chaotic group currently rearranging the lobby furniture. Her smile remained entirely unshaken. "This is going to be our best success story yet!"
"We are going to die. Again," Naegi muttered, burying his face in his hands.