Chapter Text
Sitting on his lap, on the chair that doesn't bend back. His neck was bent almost 90 degrees, tongue down the throat of the guy who's hands were actively pulling him in by the neck as his arms rested on the shorter guy's shoulders.
The phone standing upright on the table, recording them, stopped on the 1 minute timer.
"don't delete this one. I deserve this much"
He didn't get a response as he was pulled back in a kiss that was crucifying to his neck and blissful to his lips, going down by his neck to his collarbone that popped at the slightest stretch.
"Keeping the most risky clip there is." Jungwon complained, tone rough but soft all at the same time as his lips glide down the collarbone of the taller guy. He pushed Riki up to move away, landing on his bed and reaching out for the water on his bedside table.
"Come on, you never let me keep a single picture" Riki complains from the place he stands. He takes the phone and quickly saves the clip that just recorded.
"You have tons of our pictures"
"Yeah, all friendly selfies. You know I'm not talking about those." Riki crosses his arms at his chest, Jungwon knows all too well he's not talking about normal selfies. Jungwon never let's him keep their selfies that could even slightly hint they're a couple.
Cheek kisses? Deleted. Kiss on the lips? Don't even try to save it. Bed selfie? Immediately delete.
He has no pictures to adore or to look at.
"Those are risky. If even one gets leaked anyhow our careers will be over." Jungwon's voice was stone cold, rather harsh, even. It was a straight laced statement, one that meant "Delete the clip after you're done watching it."
He nagged for hours to get that clip, there was no way he was deleting it.
Riki moved his finger around the screen of his phone, pretending to delete the video as he hides it in locked folder and puts his phone back in his pocket with a scowl on his face.
He's not deleting this one. Never.
Jungwon looked satisfied by Riki "deleting" the clip. He went to bed right after.
Riki can't sleep. It's 2 a.m. right now. He looks over to Jungwon's bed to see him scrolling through his phone. Riki closes his eyes as soon as Jungwon looks over, pretending to be asleep.
He's been doing a lot of pretending around Jungwon.
He can't help but overthink about that. Why would he need to pretend so much around someone who should be his comfort place? It wasn't like this before. It was never like this. He's always been his most comfortable self around his Jungwon hyung. But nowadays, he keeps pretending, he keeps acting as he doesn't feel. He doesn't know why.
Opening his eyes, he sees the time at 5 a.m. They need to get ready for rehearsal for tonight's concert.
"Good morning~" Jungwon greets him so lovingly it doesn't feel like it's the same person as the one threatening him yesterday.
He rushes over to Riki to give him a kiss on the lips, a good morning, and moves away to his suitcase to get ready.
It relieves Riki's mind a bit. Jungwon isn't mad at him...good. He doesn't need to know Riki kept the clip. It's better off that he doesn't know.
They've had massive, massive arguments about this issue. Riki wanting some source of memories and Jungwon denying all of it, claiming it's too risky. Even a bit of affectionate pictures would be commanded to be deleted. Riki wasn't allowed to be too loving towards Jungwon on screen. They were to hide their relationship at all cost. Because it would jeopardize their team's outlook.
Riki understands, he obviously does. He loves enhypen, he loves being part of enhypen. But he also loves Jungwon. He also wants to keep memories of them together.
No matter how careful Riki would be, Jungwon still never agreed. He would blackmail Riki into deleting any evidence of them dating.
Currently at their rehearsal, Jungwon is back to maintaining the safe distance he always respected more than anything else. He's friendly, but not too friendly. He's always careful and on his tiptoes around the audience or the camera. Too aware, you could say. Too aware to the point he would snap at Riki if he stood a little too close, or smiled a little too wide at him. He would go back to the hotel and scold Riki on why he was being "obvious."
It all came from the worry for their team. Riki knows that. It's never from a bad intention. Jungwon doesn't hide them because he's embarrassed. He only does so to safekeep Enhypen. But sometimes it gets too much to bear, too much to tolerate.
Why can't he talk to his lover freely? Why can't he stand close to him? Why can't he keep a picture of them kissing on the cheek? Even though he's so careful, why? Why, why, why? Why is he being distant again?
The personality shifts when they're not alone anymore. He's all sweet and loving when they're alone in their room. But once there's people around, he becomes distant, cold. Riki can't understand why he's doing this again. All throughout the rehearsal, Jungwon avoided Riki like the plague.
After the rehearsal, once they're back in the hotel, Riki speaks to Jungwon about it.
"Why were you avoiding me again?"
"Hmm? I wasn't." Jungwon denies his behaviour again, just like usual. He always does this, avoid Riki at times so sudden and then deny doing so.
"You totally were. All throughout the rehearsal you ignored me like the plague." Riki complained, his voice small and low.
"I was maintaining a safe distance. I should be asking you why you weren't." Jungwon crossed his arms over his chest, leaning on the table beside him with a raised eyebrow.
"There was more than enough distance! You were upright avoiding me, that's not keeping distance."
Jungwon lets out a sigh of frustration before repeating himself, "I wasn't avoiding you." Then he walks away to the bathroom, not giving Riki the time to argue back or even say whatever he might've wanted to.
It's always like this. A comfortable, loving presence when they're alone. And a cold distance when there's people around. And Jungwon keeps denying his avoidance. At this point Riki doesn't even know if he's hallucinating or what is even happening. Does Jungwon really avoid him? Or is Riki just insecure and feels like he does for no reason?
He doesn't know. It's messing with his head now.
His head spins with all these thoughts as he gets ready for tonight's concert.
Jungwon is on the act again during the concert. He's happy, jolly and friendly only to an extent. That avoidant aura has not yet left, though. It's like he's screaming "only get close as much as I allow to."
He's the leader, indeed. As why, Riki cannot disobey his orders. He cannot disrespect Jungwon's commands. So he complies, and keeps the "safe distance."
But his head keeps spinning, with the same thoughts rolling around. It's hot. So hot.
He can't breath.
Everything looks so blurry...