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Siyeon wasn’t quite sure how she felt when the CEO mentioned the idea of debuting in a band. A third, or rather, a fourth, debut in her musical career.
It seemed a little strange, but in a good way.
Siyeon had always loved rock, the heavy guitar riffs, the bass vibrations, the thunderous drum beats. It had always been her thing, which was why she loved the distinctive sound that always came through in Dreamcatcher’s songs.
And that’s why the idea of debuting again, but this time in a band, was interesting, to say the least.
Daeil Band, Minx, Dreamcatcher, and now, yet another band. It was funny to think about how things worked out, because despite everything, she was still doing exactly what she loved: music.
Daeil Band was the beginning of it all, the kickstart that brought her to where she was today, her first band and her first direct contact with music. It was that amateur school band that made her fall in love with musical notes, rhythms, and the vibrations in her vocal cords.
Daeil Band was the root, the beginning of a dream that blossomed and never quite died. Not even when everything seemed terrible.
And then came Minx.
Minx was… well, an experience. Not really a good one, but at least it was something.
The first taste of what it was like to be an idol, the first step into the real world of music.
It was a turbulent path, anything but fun, so difficult that Siyeon had considered giving up her music career because of everything she went through back then.
Minx left a bitter taste in her mouth, memories she didn’t like to recall and that, preferably, remained tucked away in a corner of her mind she didn’t visit often.
It was three very long years, but at least something good happened amid all that suffering.
Siyeon met them. The four girls who, through what almost seemed like fate, became part of her family, her everything.
Minji, Bora, Yoohyeon, and Yubin. The four names that kept her from giving up on everything.
It was hard, Siyeon couldn’t say otherwise. She’d lie in her dorm bed and feel her own tears streaming down as she listened to the sniffles Minji and Yubin were trying to hide from Bora and Yoohyeon, trying to be the strong girls who supported the rest of the group.
Minji was only twenty and Yubin was seventeen, they shouldn’t have to hold back their tears because of a shattered dream, but they pretended to be strong so the rest of the group wouldn’t fall apart.
That only made Siyeon sob louder at the time, feeling Yubin’s slender arms wrap around her waist and her deep voice whispering words of encouragement, telling her that everything would be okay, that things would get better eventually.
The two thousand and fourteen debut was an experience Siyeon could never get out of her head, something she never wanted to repeat. She hated every single atom related to “Why Did You Come To My Home”, she was disgusted by every part of herself that had agreed to record that song and shoot that music video.
But at least it was something.
Ten months, Minx had gone ten months without releasing anything, and Siyeon nearly panicked.
It was a horrible concept, a song she hated and a sexualization she shouldn’t have had to go through at all, especially since she was a minor, but at least it was something, a spark of her dream that might be faint, but was still there. “Action” happened, but it didn’t even count as a release, and it just didn’t feel the same without all the excitement of promotions and seeing the fans’ faces.
It wasn’t the same because it wasn’t even an official release.
Siyeon was falling apart as the hiatus dragged on. She couldn’t let her dream die just like that.
Then “Love Shake” was released, and Siyeon couldn’t have been more disappointed with what the company had prepared for her, but at least it was something.
And honestly, with all the flaws Minx had, at least she wasn’t dealing with it alone.
She had her four girls with her, comforting one another as they came together to keep their musical dream alive. They hated Minx, all of them, but they knew the chances of debuting again were slim and they couldn’t give up, they needed to be strong and keep moving forward.
Even if the audience was small, sales were low, and everything about the concept and the songs was awful.
And so, even though they all hated every single thing about Minx, they stuck together and tried to survive, because they couldn’t lose the spark of their musical dream, and eventually the group’s situation would have to improve.
And it did improve, but not before it got worse.
The announcement of the disband was expected, honestly. The numbers weren’t good, and it had been over a year since they’d released anything.
It was expected, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
She knew she should be at least a little happy, that she had escaped sexualization and that horrible concept after some of the most turbulent years of her career.
But it felt like she had lost the only way to pursue her dream.
She cried in the arms of Minji, Bora, Yoohyeon, and Yubin more times than she could count, woke up with a headache from crying countless times, and almost gave up on her dream.
Siyeon almost left the music industry after Minx disbanded, she almost threw it all away.
But then a teenager and a former college student joined the company, and the situation took a turn.
And so, after a hiatus that only dragged Siyeon down even further, she finally saw something there, something that could finally wash away the bitter taste Minx had left behind.
Debuting again, she recalled the CEO’s words. With two new girls and a totally different concept, leaving everything about Minx behind.
Well, almost everything, because Siyeon could never let go of the four girls who helped her get through her toughest times.
It had been three years of hard struggle, but Yubin’s promise had finally come true, and there they were, doing what they loved with genuine smiles on their faces, finally making the music they were born to sing.
It was easy to integrate Handong and Gahyun into the group, despite the initial awkwardness. Gahyun was only seventeen, and Handong was a foreigner who wasn’t yet fluent in Korean, it wasn’t hard to grow attached to them quickly.
They became close in the blink of an eye, and suddenly Siyeon had elevated two more people to the level of family in her relationships.
Dreamcatcher’s journey had been full of ups and downs, more ups than downs. She was making the music she wanted, surrounded by the girls she loved, and felt that absolutely nothing could make her sad, it seemed like everything was perfect.
She had finally managed to fulfill her dream, and as a bonus, she had gained a family of six girls who would do anything for her and for whom she herself would do anything.
They were the best years of her career, despite everything.
Dreamcatcher wasn’t exactly the most well-known group in the country, and their fanbase was more international than domestic, but that was enough for Siyeon, more than enough. Her country might not have seen her black angel wings hidden among so many white angels, but a specific audience saw her doing what she loved and appreciated her music, and she was already happy enough with that.
It took them a long time to win their first trophy at a concert, much longer than it would take an average group, but it was worth it. She fondly remembered every era of her career, every little bit of time she existed as Siyeon of Dreamcatcher, every remnant she still carried of her girls.
The ring almost never left her finger, the ring that symbolized how much she and her girls cared for one another.
It was after eight years with Dreamcatcher that things changed.
Not like Minx, because Dreamcatcher didn’t break up, but still, things were different.
Handong, Gahyun, and Yubin, three of her six beautiful gems, didn’t renew their contracts with the agency.
It wasn’t the end of the group, but the whole situation changed.
And despite the sadness of no longer working as often as “Siyeon of Dreamcatcher,” the new opportunities still made her smile.
Because while Gahyun would pursue her acting career, Handong and Yubin would go solo, and Minji, Bora, and Yoohyeon would form a unit, Siyeon would return to her roots, one of the reasons she fell so deeply in love with music.
Siyeon would become part of a band.
And that, that idea of returning to what made her love music so much, ignited a flame within Siyeon, a flame that had never been extinguished and that, over the years as a member of Dreamcatcher, had only grown stronger and stronger.
Siyeon loved making music, loved being a singer, and that band was a continuation of her dream, a dream she had no intention of burying anytime soon.
It was a long process to get everything organized for the debut, but Siyeon succeeded and couldn’t be happier.
She found three talented boys who loved music just as much as she did and who were shy and nervous in a way that made her want to put them in a jar and never let them out.
They were shy, Wonseok, Junyoung, and Gwanwoo, but they were talented and completely adorable. The three played their instruments like no one else, but they turned into three little nervous wrecks whenever they had to interact with Siyeon herself or with the audience.
They were exactly what she needed.
Siyeon grew fond of them quickly, because they looked like lost children who didn’t know what to do with themselves. And it was adorable to see them so nervous at the shows, close to the fans.
And so Chrocktikal was born, with her surrounded by three nervous boys who were more eager than ever to show off their talent.
It didn’t take long for “her six sisters” to become “her six sisters and her three sons.”
Because sometimes Siyeon felt a little like a mother to those three goofballs. Especially when they played their solos and she felt almost too proud as she listened to the audience’s cheers.
Which was strange, since she wasn’t supposed to be the “mother of the group.” That role belonged to Minji and Bora, not her. But it was hard to look at those three boys and not feel like they were her three cubs in a strange pack, the three little wolves she was raising.
Siyeon smiled because she knew what it was like to be at the beginning, what it was like to debut and feel for the first time the thrill of performing live. She knew exactly how Wonseok, Junyoung, and Gwanwoo felt, and it was adorable to see the way they got excited on stage.
She looked after them as best she could, just as Minji and Bora had looked after her back in 2014, except this time there were no tears of hating what she was doing, just the nervousness of releasing a new song or performing in a new city.
Siyeon thought she was dealing with a much easier situation than Minji and Bora had had to deal with.
The boys were nervous and shy, but they were excited and had the same bright eyes Siyeon had had at the start of her career, right when Daeil Band was born.
They reminded her a little of when she herself was a teenager who just wanted to make music.
And when she heard the silly things they did at the start of their performances, strumming each other’s instrument strings and hitting random cymbals on Gwanwoo’s drum set, Siyeon could only smile. They were silly, nervous boys who were having fun on stage and doing exactly what they loved: playing music.
Siyeon couldn’t have felt prouder when they took turns with solos: Wonseok on guitar, Junyoung on bass, Gwanwoo on drums. One after another, in a song that filled the audience’s ears and made them vibrate with emotion.
Siyeon felt like a doting mother.
Sometimes, she would wait a little longer to go on stage, just to see how much fun the boys were having, how natural it all seemed to them.
It was as if the three of them were living their first lives and Siyeon was already on her third, where she preferred to appreciate some things from a distance rather than jump in too quickly.
Which wasn’t exactly a lie, because Minx, Dreamcatcher, and Chrocktikal were almost like three different lives.
But Siyeon liked to watch them from afar every now and then, to see how the three of them laughed together and played together, how they were so cheerful, so hopeful.
How they had that early-career sparkle that lit up the whole room, how even though they were shy, they played as if nothing else mattered.
They were alive, alive just as Siyeon had been a few years ago.
Not that she didn’t like the band, didn’t like making music with the boys. Quite the opposite, actually. It was fun in a unique way, and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders because it was the first time in a long time she’d had so much creative freedom.
Siyeon loved her boys, but she loved them like an older sister watching a bunch of kids playing at being inventors. Proud of their inventions, but watching from a distance to make sure nothing bad would happen.
Those boys had an entire career ahead of them and played as if every day were the most important day, completely focused on their instruments while laughing like never before in the moments when concentration wasn’t so necessary. They laughed, played, and sang, their shyness replaced by a confidence that was subtle but took them to levels of fun that only made Siyeon happy, watching from backstage.
And as she watched them laughing and playing with each other’s instruments, Wonseok plucking the strings of Junyeong’s bass right after his solo, Gwanwoo laughing after getting everyone buzzing with his drum solo, Siyeon smiled.
A smile of someone who couldn’t help but be proud.
Because now her family had ten members instead of seven or five, and those three boys, whom she was no longer sure were her younger brothers or her sons, were simply brilliant.
Siyeon couldn’t be prouder of what her little boys were becoming, of what her little band was becoming.
It hadn’t been long since the four of them first got together, but Siyeon knew that the moment they walked into the studio together for the first time, those three boys would create something wonderful alongside her, something Siyeon couldn’t help but cherish.
And she was more than right because now, Lee Wonseok, Lee Junyoung, and Je Gwanwoo were no longer just her bandmates; they were her boys, whom she would protect with tooth and nail.
They were her children, her kids, her boys.
Those three were part of her family.