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Athena climbed the steps to the loft of the 118 like she has almost every day in the past week. She looked around and noticed everyone was in the kitchen doing their own thing except for Bobby. He was sitting alone off to the side looking into a book with a discarded piece of toast to his right.
“What's he doing?” Athena asked when she approached Hen.
Buck joined the conversation. “Looking into that book again. It's like a black void that consumes every bit of brain matter he has.”
“That's not concerning at all.” Athena clips sarcastically. “What's in the book?”
“Nobody knows.” Hen responds in an elusive tone.
“Did you not think to ask him?” Athena asks.
“Oh yeah, he shoved Buck up against the wall.” Chim adds, joining the conversation from behind Athena.
“And he yelled at me for three days straight.” Hen added.
Athena looked over at Bobby, lost in his thoughts. “Well somebody ought to help him.” she says before she makes her way to him with a determined force.
“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” Hen protested.
“It'll be fine, Hen.” Athena admonished, continuing her trek to the captain.
“I'm coming up behind you.” Athena said in a soft tone as she approached Bobby.
Bobby shuffled the book closed quickly and worked to hide it from her eyes with a sour look on his face. “Don't worry, I'm not asking.” she told him as she sat across from him.
Athena took a second to look into his eyes, noticing the pain before she settled into her chair. “I've been warned not to.” she tells him, chuckling.
Bobby looks down at the table in shame before putting the book into his pocket. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“No.” Bobby responded harshly. “Why are you here?”
“I came for lunch and saw you over here staring into an abyss of shame and guilt. Thought you might want some company.” she explained.
Bobby looked at his hands on the table once more. “Yeah, that'd be nice.” he said, finally surrendering.
Athena smiled at him before gesturing to his plate. “Have you eaten anything besides half a piece of toast?”
Bobby shook his head. “Alright, I'll go get us some food then.”
Athena walked back into the kitchen where everyone was staring with their jaws dropped. “What?” she asked.
“How did you not get screamed at?” Hen asked.
“I respected his privacy. Something none of you know how to do.” Athena quipped back.
She reached into the fridge grabbing stuff to make Bobby and herself a sandwich and made them in silence. Once she played the sandwiches, she grabbed a bag of chips to share and made her way back to the table with Bobby. “Here you go.” she said, placing the sandwich in front of him.
“How did you know how I like my sandwiches?” he asked.
“Same way you know how I like my coffee.” Athena responded.
They chuckled to each other before they started eating. A nice conversation flowed as they sat there together. They talked about the conclusions to shared calls and filled each other in on things the other missed. Before long Athena's radio was buzzing on her shoulder.
“You gonna be ok?” she asked as she stood to leave.
“Yeah, I feel better now.” Bobby responded.
“Ok, if you change your mind here's my number.” Athena said, handing him one of her cards from her pocket.
Bobby smiled and took the card, watching her walk away as she made her way to her cruiser.
Later that day
Athena reached into her pocket as her phone vibrated. “This is Athena.” she said as she answered.
“Hey this is Bobby.”
The voice Athena heard was fragile and small. “Oh, hey.” she responded, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.
“Are you busy?” he asked.
“No, I'm just sitting here with a book. Is everything ok?” she asked.
“No.”
It was then she could hear the tears through his voice. “Bobby what happened?” she asked, closing her book and standing from the couch.
She heard nothing but harsh breathing and a runny nose through the speaker. “Ok, try to breathe. I'll be there in a few minutes.”
Athena left the call connected as she grabbed her keys and headed for her car, driving to Bobby's place. “I'm here.” she announced, stepping out of her car and rushing to his apartment.
She made it to his door and noticed the door was cracked so she eased her way into the entryway and hung up the phone. “Bobby?” she called out.
She turned, closing the door behind her and made her way around the entryway wall to see him leaned over the kitchen counter with his head on his fist. She rushed over to him with her arms out. “Bobby what is it?”
He turned to her with tears in his eyes and leaned into her for comfort. “I can't do this anymore.” he struggled out.
“Can't do what?” Athena asked.
“The guilt. The shame. Everything. It's too much.” he cried.
“Ok, let's get you calmed down” Athena cooed as she wrapped her arms around him and led him to his sofa.
They sat there for ages, Athena hiding Bobby in her arms until he calmed down enough to breathe properly. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“My wife and kids…they died in a fire that I caused.” he choked out, tears rolling down his face once again.
Athena pulled him closer to comfort him. “I'm so sorry Bobby.” she whispered.
“I was drunk and high and I left a space heater on and it started a fire.” he explained.
“Bobby, it's not your fault.” Athena told him.
“If I wouldn't have…”
“No.” Athena interrupted, holding her finger out to stop him from talking. “A space heater burning an entire place like that leads to the conclusion that something else was wrong Bobby.”
Bobby nodded, wiping his face. “The sprinkler system wasn't working.”
“See,” Athena told him, “not your fault.”
A few moments of silence passed before he moved away from her on the couch. She reluctantly let him go watching every move he made. She relaxed when he moved to lay down next to her, placing his head on her lap.
She leaned back into the sofa and began running her fingers through his hair. A few moments later she heard him breathe out before he started talking. “The book is so I can pay for the people I killed in that fire. Every time I save someone on the job I write their name in it. There are 148 spots for the 148 who died that night.”
Athena looked down at him as she continued to card her fingers through his hair. “And what happens when you get to 148?”
“Then I get to go be with my family.” he responded.
Athena's fingers stood still as she looked down at him with tears in her eyes. “Bobby no.” she struggles out.
Bobby raised up and looked at her. There were tears streaming down her face and worry shining from her eyes. “No.” she repeated in that same fragile voice. “You don't get to leave me.”
“What?” Bobby asked.
“Just no.” she repeated again.
Athena took a deep breath and calmed herself before she wiped her face. “I'm sorry, this isn't about me. How do I help you not feel that way?”
Bobby didn't answer. He just stared at her in curiosity like he'd never seen her before. “Say it.” he said.
“Say what?” Athena asked.
“What you want to say. Say it.”
“I told you, this isn't about me.” Athena countered.
Bobby stared at her for a minute longer. “You asked how you can help— say it.”
Athena took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. Her eyes stared into his again and she grabbed his hands. “I…I love you Bobby.”
Bobby sat there speechless before he started slowly moving towards her. Their noses touching and bodies on fire, he stopped. “Can I?” he asked.
“Yes, Bobby. Yes.” Athena whispered.