Chapter Text
1991
Music blared from the inside. Unfamiliar people crossed Eddie’s vision, all the noises molding into an unbearable tone. People were yelling from all around, no doubt intoxicated. The whole yard smelled like weed and cheap beer. Eddie had been at the party for long enough, talked to enough people. It’s not like people were unwelcoming to the Chicago native, quite the opposite really, but after long enough it got to a limit.
He knew he should be more happy with how his life is going. He gets to play music, albeit for a small crowd, as a part time job. However, that also meant putting more distance between himself and his mother. He missed her some nights. He also missed his dad, who he never knew. Often he wondered if his dad would be proud of him, or if he would think that he was just wasting his youth. Those thoughts often clouded his mind with insecurity and longing for something that never was.
He quickly slipped out of the backyard, into the night. It was a warm summer night, with no clouds obstructing the twinkling stars that decorated the night sky. The moon illuminated the gravel path he mindlessly followed, not worrying about where it ended up. The loud clamor from the party faded into a gentle breeze rustling the tall grass.
He followed the path until he reached the bottom of a cliff, with some large boulders sitting at the base. His attention was drawn to the small light he saw on one of the flatter boulders. Squinting his eyes, he made out the figure of someone laying on the rock, taking a pull of their cigarette.
Not wanting to take the person by surprise, Eddie cleared his throat with a quiet cough. The person sat up, his long black hair falling against his broad shoulders and very shirtless chest.
Eddie breathed a sigh of relief as he recognized the figure as Chris, his newfound best buddy since moving to Seattle a few months prior. He looked magnificent, the moonlight shining on his muscular frame and long hair. Chris narrowed his eyes before recognizing Eddie and relaxing.
“You found me” Chris says with a lopsided smile.
“Yeah, party got too much,” Eddie admitted, shyly gazing at the ground to avoid staring at Chris too much.
Chris responded with a hum before motioning Eddie to sit beside him on the rock. He complied, hoisting himself onto the rock next to Chris. It was rather small since Chris had gone back to laying all of his 6’2 body across the rock. Eddie shifted a bit to the edge to give him more room.
Chris watched him with half lidded eyes as he took another pull of his cigarette. The weed loosened his body, and apparently his rational thinking skills as well. He sat up, scooted to be slightly behind Eddie, who watched the older man curiously. Chris rested his chin against Eddie’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist.
Eddie tensed for a second, wondering what the hell Chris was doing. After a moment, however, he relaxed as he felt Chris’s strong chest against his back and his warm breath against his neck. They had not officially established anything yet, but Eddie had not missed Chris sneaking glances at him during rehearsal or at the bars they frequented after shows.
He was pulled out of his thoughts as Chris mumbled something into his ear. Eddie chuckled and pulled away, asking him to repeat what he said.
“Asked if you wanna shotgun,” Chris repeated. Eddie felt himself go bright red, feeling thankful for the low light provided by the moon.
“Sure,” he said, trying to sound confident.
Chris smirked and took a long drag of his cigarette before moving to sit beside Eddie. Chris placed one hand behind Eddie’s neck and leaned in. Eddie almost forgot to inhale the smoke as Chris exhaled. It seemed like Chris lingered a moment longer, close to Eddie, than needed.
In that moment, Eddie considered moving a centimeter closer to him and pressing their lips together. However, that moment of hesitation lost him the chance as Chris pulled back.
He resumed his position of laying on the rock, gently tugging at Eddie to follow suit. He complied, snuggling up against Chris’s side to avoid falling off the rock. The two men said nothing, simply observed the night sky turning above them. Eddie didn’t know how long they stayed like that, simply enjoying each others presence. It was Chris who broke the long silence.
“Do you believe in heaven?”
Eddie contemplated the question. He was not raised religious, but also had a hard time accepting that there might be some people that he will never see again. He decided to settle with an “I don’t know.”
“My ma always told me that when someone dies, they become stars. Every night, you can pick a star and they’ll know that you are thinking of them,” Chris whispered.
Eddie felt his throat tighten slightly. “I like the sound of that.”
Chris pointed towards the sky, “that’s Andy.”
Eddie had no idea which star he was pointing at, but that wasn’t the point. His curiosity was piqued, as he had heard the name before. Clearly it held some emotional weight for Stone and Jeff, as they always looked downcast when mentioned.
“Who was he?” Eddie asked timidly, afraid of offending Chris.
The taller man took a long pull of his cigarette before responding. “He was a great guy. My roommate, amazing singer, brilliant musician. Died of a heroin overdose.”
“I’m sorry,” was all he could think of to say.
He felt Chris’s eyes study his face as he softly whispered, “anyone you’d look for up there?”
Eddie felt tears well up in his eyes as he turned away from Chris. He believed that his stepdad was his real father. He only found out after his biological dad died. He choked back a sob and brought his hands to his face to hide from Chris.
Chris was having none of that, pulling Eddie to his chest. He rubbed his back as Eddie quietly cried into his shoulder. He had his arms in a death grip around Chris’s is if he would leave if he let go. Chris would never. As he continued to soothe the smaller man, Eddie’s sobs slowed down to deep, even breathing.
He pulled back with a sniffle and smiled at Chris. Chris swiped the tears away with his thumbs and gently kissed the ones he couldn’t reach, humming to the smaller singer.
Not wishing to cause him more distress, Chris didn’t push for more information from Eddie.
“Thank you,” the smaller man whispered.
Chris responded with another hum and a kiss to Eddie’s forehead.
It was getting pretty late, both men had practice the following day. Or, that day.
“Let’s get out of here, yeah?”
Eddie nodded his agreement, moving off the rock and waiting until Chris joined him. He then tentatively reached for Chris’s hand, which was met with a smile and Chris intertwining their hands. Despite Chris happily accepting Eddie’s actions, he still felt insecure, wondering if Chris truly was ok with this or was he just too stoned to think straight.
“...You really want this? How much did you smoke?” Eddie asked him, with uncertainty in his eyes. He was so afraid that the hope of having something more with Chris would be snuffed out once the older man sobered up.
“I’m not that stoned, Ed,” Chris reassured him.
“But what are we?”
“What do you want us to be?”
Eddie contemplated the question a moment before shaking his head.
Chris reassured him, “we can do this at your pace. I’m in no rush.”
He felt slightly better, but his mind wandered to his bandmates. They were Chris’s friends too, after all. Not to mention his friends for much longer.
“What will the other guys think? Will we have to keep this to ourselves?”
Chris gave a small laugh. “Don’t worry about them. They certainly can’t claim innocence on such matters.”
Eddie looked confused for a moment, before a little switch flipped. Jeff and Stone always sharing beers, conveniently getting tired and heading home at the same time. The realization made him feel a bit better.
Chris smiled as he realized Eddie caught onto what he was saying. “Just be careful after shows by the changing rooms or on the bus. Speaking from experience.”
Eddie snickered at the comment. “Will do.”
“We should hurry up and get back soon, it’s getting late.”
Eddie agreed, but not before asking Chris what had been lingering on his mind. “Could we go on a… date sometime?”
Chris’s eyes lit up as he broke into a wide smile. “Of course. How about day after tomorrow, drive to the beach, spend some time there. It’s not San Diego nice, but it’s about as nice as you’ll get it up here.”
Eddie grinned wide and agreed.