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Lilies were some of Pure Vanilla's favorite flowers, for more reasons than one. He also loved hyacinths, sunflowers, bluebells, marigolds…
He just found flowers to be gorgeous.
But, ever since that faithful day, Pure Vanilla has seemingly been sneaking more and more lilies into the castle. It'd be unlike Shadow Milk not to notice.
Even a few months after he was taken to Pure Vanilla's kingdom, he saw only three vases if white lilies in Pure Vanilla's quarters. Nowadays, there's about a dozen.
He also noticed the surge in lilies in the castle gardens. Shadow Milk usually spent free time throughout his days napping in the shade of the willow trees of the gardens, dozing lightly. One day, when he woke up, he spotted Pure Vanilla patting on the final bits of soil on the roots of more lilies.
Pure Vanilla also seemed to be holding a few keepsakes as well.
Shadow Milk recalls seeing Pure Vanilla set down his staff after a meeting a week ago and have a silver ring on his middle finger.
Today especially, he saw Pure Vanilla after he presented his wings for the week and saw a green ribbon tied in his hair, which was braided.
He had told Shadow Milk he was due for another moult soon, which didn't really bring much concern to the jester; until he noticed how much more sensitive the Avian was about things.
The dove caught sight of one single lily's edges browning and immediately let out a low wince, taking the vase and exiting their quarters.
What was up with this bird?
Sure, Shadow Milk knew Pure Vanilla was grieving, but with how long it'd been he thought that he'd be over it by now.
Time to ask the dove himself.
Just a simple ask of Pure Vanilla to meet him at the cream sheep's field would do the trick. Besides, the Avian loved his sheep—especially with his meetings lately—he wouldn't pass up the chance to gather with them.
Shadow Milk began to head out of the castle around sundown, surprised to already see the brilliantly white wings of his beloved wrapping around a cream lamb in his arms. He must've gotten out of his meetings early.
And again, that damn ribbon was tied in his loosely braided hair still. As he approached the gate to the field, Shadow Milk noticed lilies growing along the fenceline that weren't there before.
That's it. He couldn't stand to smell, see, or hear of these fucking flowers anymore.
Sure–Pure Vanilla was upset—he understood that, but Pure Vanilla also knew how sensitive Shadow Milk was on the topic of White Lily; especially with the whole “putting him back in the Silver Tree” jazz.
With a roll of his eyes at the flowers, Shadow Milk floated over the gate and closer to Pure Vanilla. He noticed that the Avian's feathered ears perked up, head lifting towards the approaching figure.
“Shadow Milk, I missed you. Surprised that I arrived first,” Pure Vanilla chuckled softly, cradling Shadow Milk's hand as he sat beside him on the grass. A sheep let out a low chuff as it approached the jester, cuddling up beside him.
“Seems these sheep missed me too, for some reason.”
“Cheer up, bluebird. They're just sheep. Don't think I haven't seen you sleeping with them around midday either.”
The white wings of the dove embraced Shadow Milk, pulling him closer to the Avian as his head rested upon his mate's shoulder.
“Hey, Vanilla?”
A tilt of a head beneath his chin.
“What is it, dear?”
“Well,” Shadow Milk began, squeezing Pure Vanilla's hand lightly before pulling away to face him. “Have you been okay…? Like, as of lately, I mean.”
The Avian nodded, eyes half-lidded as he shifted his gaze away from Shadow Milk.
“Pure Vanilla Cookie. Just tell me. Or, I can just tell you why I suspect that,” Shadow Milk demanded, cupping one side of the Avian's face as he tried to regain eye contact.
“No, no, Shadow Milk, I'm alright–”
“You always fucking say that when you aren't okay.”
“...”
“Pure Vanilla, tell me what's wrong.”
“I…”
Fuck it. I'm done with his excuses.
“I've seen how many lilies are in our room, Nilla. There were three, three vases when I got here, and now there's twelve. The ones in the garden, the ones outside the fence, the castle, I've seen them. And this–” Shadow Milk grabbed the end of the loosened braid, rubbing a thumb against the smooth silk of the ribbon.
“–This. A green ribbon. Don't think I can't tell what's going on, Vanilla. You're still upset. Why can't you just admit you're not okay?!”
Pure Vanilla flinched at his words, shrinking his form slightly as sheep continued to munch on grass and baa around them. The white wing that had been wrapped around the jester now cradled the Avian, who was whimpering lowly–the sound being drained out by the sheep.
“Vanilla, I didn't mean it like that. You know I just care..”
Pure Vanilla sniffled once, rubbing his nose as part of his wings covered half of his face. His body started shaking lightly, which made Shadow Milk's tensed ears lower.
“Nilly, I didn't mean to…”
Sniffles were all Pure Vanilla could force out before the first tear ran out of his blue eye and onto the white feathers of his wings. He began to shiver, a single sheep that had been beside Shadow Milk lay beside Pure Vanilla now for an attempt at comfort.
“...I'm horrible, aren't I?” Pure Vanilla croaked, lifting a wing down from his face. The dimmed sunlight of the setting sun hit his face, making his freckles stand out like paint against a light canvas.
Shadow Milk shook his head immediately, approaching Pure Vanilla slowly so as to not alarm him. “No, no, Nilla. Never, my dove.”
“...then why am I still not able to let go? She's been–”
A choked sob finally found its way out of the body it'd been trapped in for weeks now, another tear streaming out from Pure Vanilla's face as he pulled his legs to his chest and buried his face in them.
His wings seemed to instinctively curl in on themselves, the tightest around the Avian that Shadow Milk hadn't seen since the war.
Even in an attempt to bury the sounds of sobbing, Pure Vanilla just kept crying, his body shaking underneath his wings. Shadow Milk shook his head, moving back next to his beloved and rubbing a wing as a silent plea.
Immediately the dove threw himself onto Shadow Milk, arms around his shoulders as he tightly gripped the jester with another sob. “...Oh, Nilly. It's okay, let it out, my dear. I won't leave you, I promise.”
The mournful Avian side of Pure Vanilla began to peak through as the first distressful coo came out through tears, which Shadow Milk heard right in his ear. But, he didn't want to bother with snapping at Pure Vanilla again. He could clearly tell how much he'd been holding in around him already.
As Pure Vanilla's body shook with grief, his eyes reopened half-lidded when he had his head on Shadow Milk's shoulder.
Big mistake.
One single eye on the lilies in the distance cracked something in Pure Vanilla's head.
Even Shadow Milk hadn't heard Candy Apple wail or trill as loud as Pure Vanilla did after that. While it did make Shadow Milk's ear ring, he tightly held his dove close, rubbing circles into his back as he'd done for him all those times ago.
The Avian's head had tilted to be underneath Shadow Milk's chin, buried into his chest as sobs continued to stream down his face, wailing sometimes being heard.
Sheep nearby clearly heard their shepherd's distress and had been laying down and surrounding the two of them to guard him in a comforting manner.
“My poor, poor dove. Even when you cry like this, you're still pretty. Why did you not let it out for so long…?”
Pure Vanilla forced down another wail as he sniffled, trying to come up with a response.
“It's okay if you don't have an answer, I'm just asking.”
“...I.. she meant a lot to me, S-shadow Milk… I never thought I'd lose her like..–” Another loud trill of heartbreak and Shadow Milk was cradling Pure Vanilla, rocking him slowly as the last of the tears finally seemed to be approaching.
“Nilly, that's not an excuse to not healthily release grief. Your little flowers are a way of hoarding. I could tell even now you aren't over it. I don't get how you didn't know how to just let it out.”
“...I'm–” A sniffle. “I'm used to it. No one ever bothered to… to ask if I was okay, anyways..”
How could no one ask him, the former ruler how his day was? Just to ensure that he was okay? Surely Black Raisin had done that at least once; after all, she was a close friend of Pure Vanilla's.
“They should. You're always sitting in those meetings as a mediator, and you've done so fucking much for this damn kingdom. You deserve to be checked on, Nilla.”
Pure Vanilla sighed, sniffling as Shadow Milk wiped away the last of the tears running down his freckled face. “..You're still ever-so pretty, my dove. My pretty little bird thinks he can't be loved. He can.”
...pretty. Shadow Milk always loves calling me pretty.
A croaked coo rumbled out of the Avian's throat as he snuggled up beside his mate, wings encircling them both like pure white blankets.
Shadow Milk smiled softly, cradling Pure Vanilla close in his arms as he rubbed circles into his nape. The Avian chirped happily, nuzzling into Shadow Milk's chest as his shoulders relaxed.
“...would you like me to carry us back to our room, dove?”
Pure Vanilla nodded, eyes half-lidded as Shadow Milk picked him up, opening a portal with the snap of his fingers. The sheep knew to stay back, baa-ing farewells as they resumed to their grazing. Shadow Milk stepped through the portal as it closed behind them, plopping his bird down onto the plush mattress.
A confused coo emerged from the Avian before he wrapped a cream-wool woven blanket from the edge of the bed around his shoulders. “Shadow Milk, could you get me more blankets and pillows, dear?”
“Vanilla, you have about ten pillows as is and three blankets. What else do you need that for?”
“...I suppose that side of me just wants some comfort. Make sure to get my weighted blanket especially, and thank you.. my dear.”
The jester nodded, bells dangling off the edge of his diamonds stitched to his ruff ringing as he made his way to the closet, finding the storage box of blankets for Pure Vanilla. He dragged the box out, the Avian immediately reaching for the blankets inside and already starting to weave them together.
Guess this bird's instincts couldn't help being pushed down anymore. Shadow Milk could already tell he was making a next the moment he lined pillows against the rim.
Once Pure Vanilla was done, he pulled Shadow Milk into the blanket-made nest and held him close with a multitude of vocals–most of which were soft coos. Shadow Milk smiled, pecking his dove on his freckled cheek before nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck.
Pure Vanilla nuzzled against the top of Shadow Milk's head, inhaling the artificial blueberry scent he carried. “...thank you, bluebird. I love you..”
“Love you too, Nills. Feel better?”
“...a little. But, I think I took another step.”
“Good. Can you promise to stop hoarding as many lilies as you are as well?”
“I can't promise anything, but I'll try.”
Shadow Milk nodded, listening to the Avian's heartbeat as he drifted off, head resting against Pure Vanilla's chest. The dove cooed, cradling his bluebird like a newborn baby close to him.
Pure Vanilla pulled up the weighted blanket over the slumbering jester, who was purring softly in his sleep. The weight of both Shadow Milk and the blanket eased his muscles, relaxing Pure Vanilla's shoulders.
“...I'll try, White Lily. For him and for me. I know you'd want that for us.”
He looked at the vase of lilies on his workdesk, the one that he had tended to earlier that day because of the one wilting flower.
“And I'll try to move on. I promise, I'll try, Lily.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───