Chapter Text
the funeral was nice.
and by nice, avery meant hard to describe in a single word.
really, nice meant that he showed up in his best suit, the one with a few wrinkles that would never iron out and the shiny green buttons that clashed with the black fabric. it meant that he hadn't gotten off at the right bus stop and went 20 minutes in the wrong direction, but still managed to be on time (thank uber for that). it meant that the other 4 people- well, it meant that there were, thankfully, only 4 people- gave him pleasant, if not confused smiles. it meant that he was standing in a wide open field, with only a coffin and a lectern and the other attendees for company. it meant that the air was warm and the breeze was stagnant, which actually meant that the heat sat on his shoulders, feeling like someone leaning on him.
it's hours later, when he's in bed, that he realizes how the long grass did indeed blow around his ankles, and how derek's brother cradled himself with his sweater in the muddy april chill, and how strange that patch of warmth was. how comforting.
unlike any other time in his life, avery clung to every word said. there had been no officiant in sight, only a mourning mother having trouble giving a eulogy through her tears. frankly, avery could understand why derek moved out and cut contact with her, given how... overbearing she sounded. not that he was about to say so to her face, just that he would... keep his distance from her. yeah, that sounded alright.
derek's old roommate- his name was alex, and for some reason that stuck to avery as well- had unfolded a blotched paper and managed a straight face through his speech, but broke down not five seconds afterward. avery knew he shouldn't be analyzing these for any scraps of knowledge about derek, but he didn't know anything. how else was he supposed to picture the man he was mourning?
and for some reason, they'd asked avery to give one as well. or maybe it was in derek's will, but that didn't stop his heart pounding like footsteps, like his footsteps to the lectern.
"i didn't know derek like the rest of you did.
i met him for a... few hours on a minecraft world, and shortly after i stopped playing with him, he died.
and during those hours, he changed my, um, life. he taught me lessons- not, directly, but somehow i still learned.
he told me i was special, important, and i don't think anyone's said that to me in a long time.
i wouldn't have, uh, believed it, either, but somehow he... made me believe it.
...
i can't help but feel responsible for his death.
to this day, we d- um, don't know how he died.
but whenever i think of my short time with him, i wonder if i could've stopped him.
(have i been crying this whole time?)
...
derek wasn't someone i really knew, but i got to know one little piece, and i'm so glad i did.
i wish he was still here. i wish i could've gotten to see the rest of him.
thank you, and rest in peace, derek..."
the first thing he did when he got home was sob. the second thing he did was play minecraft.