Chapter Text
what if there is no moon at night?
will the star be sad?
will the night sky get darker?
or
will they be happy to receive more attention from the humans?
Sharpness and Judelow have been married for a long time. If you count, they've been married for five years. Of course, there have been many experiences, new moments, and unexpected events every day. They themselves never imagined they would make it this far.
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sometimes all you need is just a pause
a break
a stop
for another chance
for another day
for another surviving life
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That night was their first night together after their wedding. It was natural, as they had spent so much time together after five years of dating.
For some reason, they still felt a little shy.
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"Don't be so tense," Judelow said, drying his purple hair with a towel. Sharpness, sitting on the edge of their hotel room bed, simply looked up and sighed.
"How can I not be tense? I'm bound by my life to my beloved until death do us part..." Sharpness said, getting up from the bed and walking over to Judelow. He wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder, which was damp from his still-dry hair.
Judelow just chuckled. “Non fare lo strano, tesoro.” Sharpness, hearing his lover's answer just pouted. “Радуј се што те могу разумети, зечићу.”
“That is why I love you” Jude then put down his towel and turned his body, so that he could face Sharpness. Jude's arms wrapped around Sharpness's neck. Jude smiled warmly as he gazed into his husband's green eyes. Slowly he brought his face closer and closed his eyes. Sharpness, seeing this, smiled. Before finally getting closer, and their lips touched.
They can feel that the noise of vehicles outside the hotel is no longer a problem. The sound of the TV news broadcast faded. They were focused on the warm feeling that was rising in their chests. No matter how many times they have had physical contact like this, it feels like they will never get tired of doing this activity every day and for a long time.
When they felt their breaths running out, they slowly broke the kiss. Sharpness pulled his lips apart in a very slow motion, giving one last, soft kiss to close. Jude opened his eyelids which were starting to feel heavy. They didn't immediately pull away. With their foreheads still pressed together and breathing slightly ragged, Sharpness stared at Jude, a faint smile on his lips as his thumb lovingly stroked Jude's cheek.
Unexpectedly, Sharpness lifted Jude and they fell together onto the soft mattress. Jude was surprised for a moment, before it was replaced with a small laugh. Now, they were on the bed, facing each other, admiring each other's presence.
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“Sharp?”
“Yes Jude?”
“I’m glad that I’m married to you”
“Me too Jude. I will always love you”
“I too love you, Sharp.”
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—————
“Jude!”
Jude snapped out of his reverie. His eyes widened in surprise as he looked toward the source of the voice. It turned out that it was only his husband who had been calling him, and was looking at him a little worriedly.
"Are you okay, Honey?" This time, Sharp's question could be heard clearly.
“Oh, sorry honey, I was a little lost in thought earlier..” Jude looked down at his barely touched dinner.
Jude's answer was enough for Sharpness. “It’s okay, is there a problem? Want to talk about it?” Sharpness asked quietly. Jude was silent for a moment. Before finally speaking, he spoke his mind. He took a deep breath, preparing the words he was about to say.
“I miss the moment when we first spent time together on our wedding night.”
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falling in love is like discovering snowflakes in the middle of summer,
or how your spring flowers still bloom even in autumn.
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“Hey! Give it back! Sharpness!”
It's been 10 months since they were married.
Judelow was now fighting for his magenta ribbon. Sharpness, on the other hand, was holding his left hand high.
“Catch it if you can, honey—” Before Sharpness could finish, he suddenly lost his balance and nearly fell to the floor.
Seeing an opportunity, Jude immediately pushed Sharp gently, so that he fell right on top of Sharp. Finally, Jude was able to grab his green ribbon. He finally managed to stand, only to be caught by Sharpness in a tight hug. “Hey! Let go of me!”
Sharpness just chuckled. “No, not until you explain why you care so much about that dull green ribbon!”
“No! Never!” Jude then felt Sharp's embrace tighten. Finally, Jude gave in. “Okay, okay! I’ll tell you!”
Eventually, Sharpness loosened his embrace. Jude was free, but he didn't run away. He took a cross-legged sitting position next to Sharpness' body. Sharpness also changed his position from lying down to sitting cross-legged in front of Judelow. He kept his distance. Not too far, not too close. Sharp kept the green ribbon in his pants pocket.
Sharpness waited patiently for his husband.
Finally, Jude started the conversation.
“This has something to do with before we started dating.” Jude paused for a moment.
"Back then, when I first saw you at the gym, I was instantly captivated by you. I didn't even know your name yet. But from that first glance, I knew I was going to fall in love."
“Aww, that's so cute, wait, you already told me this!” Sharpness leaned in a little closer.
“I know, but I haven't told you what I did to get your attention.”
“You must have faked failing biology so I could tutor you—” Sharpness was cut off.
“No! But yeah… that’s true. BUT THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY. This time, it was when we weren’t really close or you didn’t know I existed yet,” Judelow explained while waving his hands.
Sharpness paused with a small smile; he liked Jude's movements, especially when he was telling his stories. It felt as if he was expressing himself while telling the story.
Judelow finally continued the conversation. “Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, before I got your attention.”
“So, when I realized that I liked this ‘stranger’, I started looking for your presence everywhere.” Sharpness raised an eyebrow with a sly smile. Nevertheless, Jude continued.
“Finally, I started to become aware of your presence, I started to notice you from afar–” Sharpness just chuckled at Jude’s confession. “—looking for information about you, about your schedule, and about the times/lessons we might have in the same class…” Judelow paused for a moment. His face slowly turned pink as he explained.
According to Sharpness, it was an adorable thing.
"So?" Sharpness asked, resting his right elbow on his right thigh, using his hand to support his chin, resting it around his cheek to support his head. Judelow simply sighed, shifting his sitting position to one with his arms around his knees, his eyes still fixed on the floor.
"When I found out your eyes were green, I immediately looked for a ribbon that looked like yours." Before Sharpness could interrupt, Jude continued, this time, he focused on the ribbon in Sharpness's trouser pocket. "I like ribbons because they resemble my favorite character, Bonnie from FNAF. I... also wanted you to be included in my favorite things."
Jude finally mustered the courage to look at Sharpness. "That's why I chose that green ribbon, as if you were also present in my daily activities—"
Before he could finish his sentence, Sharpness immediately hugged Judelow.
“Damn, no wonder you wear this every day.” Even though Jude couldn't see Sharpness' expression, he could tell from his tone that he felt a little guilty.
“I thought you were wearing this ribbon because you just wanted to tease me, because it’s the same color as my eyes.” Sharp finally released his embrace and looked at Judelow. "Don't get me wrong, I like your ribbon, but I thought you were just doing it for fun."
Sharpness smiled gently. “Sorry for taking your ribbon,” Sharp placed Jude’s ribbon in his palm. "This is for you..."
Jude took the ribbon and smiled, "It's okay... this one's already faded."
“At least, now I'm in your life, right?” Sharpness said with a mischievous smile. Jude just rolled his eyes with a smile. Sharpness giggles, seeing his husband's reaction.
“Okay then, do you want to buy a new one? Together?” Sharpness asked as he stood up. Judelow thought for a moment, before finally replying.
“Okay, this time I need to see your eyes completely.” He said as he stood up.
"Of course, honey," Sharpness immediately pulled Judelow into a hug.
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—————
“Sharpness? Are you busy?”
Judelow is now in the kitchen of their home. He had just finished cooking. The clock showed 4 PM.
"Not bad, what do you need, darling?"
Sharpness’s voice could be heard coming from Judelow’s phone.
“...uh, my ribbon is starting to fade, would you like to accompany me to buy a new one?”
"Oh yeah, if it doesn't seem possible right now, would you like to do it tomorrow? Or another day?"
“...of course, you’re coming home late?”
"I'm safe today, hopefully there won't be any traffic,"
Jude smiled amusedly.
“Okay, see you later, Sharpness.”
Judelow immediately hung up.
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cross the candy shop around the carnival paradise you always talk about, I recall all the cotton candy fights we had, you wanted it all blue, I wasn't let you
we talked for hours, cotton candy had not left the chat, it shaped like clouds, felt like our fluttered heart, tasted like the happiest days
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“It must be just your stomach that can't handle the authentic taste of cotton candy!”
That late afternoon, they were at a carnival. Celebrating their one-year wedding anniversary. Wasn't it a little strange, spending their first year at a carnival? Shouldn't they be spending time at a fancy restaurant?
Say what you want, they wouldn't care.
They only care about each other's presence.
"As you wish. Just be careful if you get a stomach ache. I don't want to bother you!" Jude said as they queued at the cotton candy stand. Sharpness was beside him.
They weren't wearing kimonos or anything romantic, after all, they were in America. They were just wearing casual clothes.
Jude was wearing a monochromatic red tee and black cargo pants. Meanwhile, Sharp wore a regular dark purple t-shirt as an inner layer, and a black leather jacket as an outer layer, as well as dark denim jeans.
Shoes? They were wearing matching shoes. One is purple black, and the other is wearing red black.
"Is that okay? Honey?" Sharpness was still trying to coax his husband.
"Judeyy, is that okay? Just this once!" Sharpness then had an idea. "If this makes me sick, or it tastes bad, I'll buy you the newest Bonnie figure!"
Hearing Sharpness's very tempting offer, Judelow had time to think about it for a moment. Before he finally let out a harsh breath.
"Okay. Just don't you dare to complain." Hearing Jude's agreement, Sharp immediately reflexively hugged Jude. Luckily, there weren't many people around them. Jude remained silent, before finally asking Sharp to release his embrace.
They ended up buying cotton candy. Jude got red cotton candy, Sharp got dark blue cotton candy.
“Hah, it’s almost look like we are eating each–”
Before Sharp could finish speaking, he felt a sharp pain in his right side. Jude stopped Sharp before he could say anything weird.
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At that moment, they were sitting in the shade, eating cotton candy. The sky had slowly changed from magenta-bluish to the dark blue of night. The atmosphere had also turned slightly chilly.
"What are you going to do after this?" Jude threw the remaining cotton candy into the trash.
"What do you mean, what are we going to do after this?" Sharp corrected Jude. The cotton candy has been gone for a long time. “It’s almost nighttime, do you want to go on the ferris wheel?”
Jude just shrugged his shoulders. "It's fine, you're paying, so I'll go along."
"Hey! At least give me your opinion!"
"Okay, okay," Jude then put both of his hands in his trouser pockets.
Sharpness, being the perceptive husband that he is, noticed Jude, who, perhaps without him realizing it, was shivering. Sharp then moved closer to Jude.
"Hey, what are you—" Sharpness took off his jacket and put it around Judelow's shoulders. Judelow didn't protest; he just remained silent. But, the warmth from Sharpness' jacket really provided the warmth he had been looking for.
His jacket has the same scent as the shampoo he uses. Judelow really likes the scent that Sharpness has. They were silent for a moment, neither of them speaking, because the silence was enough to convey everything that needed to be said.
“...Thank you, Sharpy.” Judelow, still a little shy, said “Sharpy” quietly. As if he didn't want anyone to hear her, except his husband.
Sharpness simply beamed. He couldn't even hide his joy. He was very grateful to have met and spent the rest of his life with Judelow.
“...Love you back, Judey. Come on? We still have plenty of time…” Sharpness then took Judelow's hand and led him along, oblivious to their surroundings.
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—————
Now, in the same location, at a different time, Sharpness was waiting for Judelow. Since they had some free time to spend together, Judelow suggested spending time together on their one-year wedding anniversary. Sharpness readily agreed.
They had an appointment to meet after their work hours were over. They were only 30 minutes apart. But Sharpness had been waiting for almost an hour.
For some reason, Sharpness lost his patience, so he immediately called Judelow.
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'The number you are calling is currently-'
That was the only sound that had been coming from Sharpness's phone. Jude couldn't be reached at all. He finally decided to return home. What should have been a relaxing day had instead become a hassle.
“I shouldn't have agreed from the start.”
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If there is no such thing as a distance, will we still remember the feeling of missing someone?
Is the feeling of missing people can only be felt by distance? or it can be felt even if we are standing right in front of them?
but what if my living is not as interesting as dreaming, my breathing is not as light as falling? will you stay for me?
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How they got here, no one knows, except within themselves.
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"You're the one who never cares!"
"You're the one who never cares, not even bothering to spend a moment!"
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Jude and Sharpness poured out their hearts to each other. But they were wrong in doing so. Many people even say that communication is the key to everything. Is communication the only thing that matters? Is it just speaking directly without considering the future consequences?
In fact, most people who have experienced deep relationships agree that communication is fundamental and indeed crucial. However, the most important thing is not just communicating, but how to ensure that the person we are talking to can understand what we are saying.
Isn't it pointless? If we talk and express a lot, but our partner doesn't understand at all? It could be that they misunderstood and a spark occurred that should not have ignited.
That's what Sharpness and Judelow are going through.
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Judelow's gaze was now blurry. Even though he was wearing his work glasses, his eyes were still blurry. Blurred vision revealed Sharpness's light grey shirt, and Sharpness himself.
"Why...?" Jude's voice was now very low, trembling, as if he were about to cry.
It was a single word, but in his tone, there were so many questions that could only be conveyed by that one word.
Sharpness was silent, he was speechless. His mouth felt sealed, and his throat dry.
"Answer me! Sharpness!" He raised his voice now. His tone was laced with confusion, anger, and betrayal.
Still, Sharpness remained silent. His jaw was frozen, his green eyes staring at the shirt Judelow was holding. His body didn't move, as if he himself had become stone as a result of the action he had done.
"...What am I lacking?" This time, Jude dared to turn his gaze to Sharpness.
"Is it because she's prettier? Is it because she's so much more perfect than I am?" Jude asked once more. “Answer me!”
Sharpness was finally able to open his jaws. “...I want children, Jude. And you’re not a girl.”
Judelow’s world seemed to stop for a moment. He couldn’t believe those words were coming from his own husband.
“W-what? Sharpness! Don’t be an idiot! Did you know? We can have children in many ways! We can adopt—we can have a baby by surgery—we can—”
“I want someone who can give me children naturally…”
This time Sharpness interrupted. Either cutting off the words, or Judelow's heart too.
“N-no– it can’t be! You’re not Sharpness! You’re not my husband! Not the husband I know! You– you–”
“Jude.”
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“I'm an idiot, right?” Judelow asked. To himself or to Sharpness, it wasn’t clear.
“N-no, Jude, you’re perfect—”
“Then why did you have sex with that slut?!” This time Judelow's voice was very hoarse, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.
“I-if I’m so perfect to you, why are you still spending time with that woman? Why—” Jude took a deep breath. “How long?”
“W-what?” Sharpness turned his eyes to Judelow. Not directly to his face, he was still afraid to see his husband's destruction.
“Don’t be stupid! You know what I mean!” Sharpness was silent for a moment.
“...almost a year.”
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we are amateur shooting stars
3 seconds falling down from the sky
people are looking,
start to put their temporary wishes on us
funny, isn't it?
we let them put their wishes when we actually do not even know what we are doing right now
racing to the ground
cannot carry more wishes to grant on
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That night, the moon was absolutely beautiful.
After the Carnival, they decided to stargaze in a place that not many people know about.
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“Sharpy?”
“Yes, Judey?”
“Will you promise under this shooting star?” Judelow looked up at the full moon among the stars.
“Yes, honey, I couldn’t agree more.”
“Okay! I’ll go first!”
“Go ahead, Honey.”
“Okay,” Judelow sighed. “I, Judelow, promise to be faithful no matter what, to be the oxygen for your lungs, and I promise to never let go of this marriage forever!”
Sharpness smiled sincerely. “Okay, my turn, huh?”
“I, Sharpness, promise to continue loving you, Judelow, through thick and thin, I’ll be your medicine for your pain, and I also promise to endure this marriage.”
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it was last spring when the mischievous rain suddenly poured down
completely soaked the flower you gave on my birthday
white petals slowly falling apart vanished with the rain
it was a sign from the universe to set us apart
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“What an irony, isn't it Jude?” No one answered.
“I promised to be your medicine, but instead I became your disease.” Sharpness sighed.
“I shouldn't have let my ego get the better of me. If only I hadn't been selfish, I would have been able to hug you one last time.” This time his vision became blurry.
“I…miss you. The cheerful you, the one who expressed everything with love and movement. The you who is you.”
“I was blinded by temporary pleasure. I should have…chosen you. Over that woman…”
“I’m sorry, I should have realized it from the start. Now I’m alone in this world. No one to accompany me.”
Sharpness then crouched down.
"This is my last peony flower for you. I hope you rest in peace."
Sharpness placed the bouquet of white and red peonies, while lilies, and purple Hyacinths on the stone.
It reads: Rest here, Judelow. A son, a friend, and a husband.
“I hope you can forgive me.”
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“Of course, I will always forgive you, Sharpness.”
"Just remember," He whispered to the wind. "You can build the most beautiful house in the world, but if the foundation is built on a lie, it’s just a very expensive ruin."
We are not scared of people who point the gun toward us,
we are scared they will pull the trigger on someone we love.