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“Happy birthday Denia!” Sigrika calls back with a voice shaking from thinly hidden heartbreak. And her eyes are so wide and so beautiful and Denia swears she can see herself in them - trembling and trying so hard not to break, trying to not let it slip out just how much she loves Sigrika -
Sigrika freezes mid-step and her eyes somehow grow even wider. And Denia should probably be alarmed at that, she should look for whatever just startled her friend (love), but she can’t because her pulse is roaring in her ears.
Sigrika turns slowly in her direction and Rover shifts next to Denia, but she can’t bring herself to care because Sigrika’s looking at her like Denia just offered her the sun itself.
“... Nia?” Sigrika whispers and Denia can’t hold back the answering, pained keen that escapes her lips. Lips that she now realizes have been moving, traitorous lips that have bared her innermost thoughts.
I love you.
And it’s too much. Emotions and Void both well up inside her chest, growing bigger and bigger until it feels like her chest will explode with it all. She has to get away. Has to protect Sigrika who doesn’t know, who can’t know. Not now, not when Denia is too weak to fight back. She turns and runs. She runs even though it’s useless, she can’t escape the Void - she never will.
But it’s not the Void that catches her.
It’s not Rover’s gentle and firm hands, or the Resonance suppression device bringing her to her knees.
It’s Sigrika’s strong arms wrapping themselves around Denia’s waist, pulling her back until she’s pressed against Sigrika’s front in an embrace so warm her knees threaten to give out underneath her. Warm breath tickles the back of her neck for just a moment before she feels Sigrika bury her face against it.
“Siggy,” Denia whimpers and tastes salt on her lips.
Oh. She’s crying.
“I’m sorry Nia,” Sigrika holds her tighter. “I can’t let it go. I can’t let you go, not like this.” Her voice is thick with her accent and her fingers shake as they grab Denia’s hips, coaxing her to turn around. Denia keeps her face away, tries to hide her eyes with an arm, but Sigrika captures her wrist and lowers it.
Their eyes meet and Sigrika’s blue eyes are blazing with determination, and something swoops wildly in Denia’s stomach.
“Siggy, you can’t - “
“I love you too,” Sigrika declares, loudly and proudly. And Denia’s heart just about shatters in her chest even as warmth threads around it, melding the pieces together seamlessly until every beat is an echo of Sigrika’s words.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but… But… I can help. I will help, I won’t let you face this alone,” Sigrika continues, reaching up to wipe the tears away from Denia’s eyes.
“You have to,” Denia says, begs, even as she can’t help but lean into the touch, into one of the few touches she’s ever felt that promises nothing but genuine affection. Sigrika’s thumbs stroke her cheeks before the red-head leans in to tenderly press their foreheads together.
“You told me to not run away.” Her words barely more than a hoarse whisper, Sigrika gives Denia a fragile smile. And Denia looks into her beautiful eyes and has never wanted anything more than this.
But does she really deserve it? After everything she’s been forced to do, everyone she’s been forced to hurt… Does someone empty like her truly deserve forgiveness?
Happiness?
… Love?
“I… “
“What do you want, Denia?” Sigrika asks quietly, and Denia loves her. Loves her so much it hurts.
She wants to sleep through more classes. She wants to walk around in the sun, wants to eat horrific cafeteria snacks that no one actually likes but still swears by. She wants to sit through boring tests, wants to linger in the library and read all the books.
“I…. ”
She wants to play her games, wants to set new records and then beat those as well. She wants to discuss old fairy tales with Nastasha. She wants to eat sweets from all over the world.
She wants to feel Sigrika’s hand in hers as the other woman pulls her out of her chair to watch the birds that Sigrika loves. She wants to see more of Sigrika’s smile, wants to see more of how her eyes sparkle with happiness whenever she solves a riddle.
Denia doesn’t know if she’s allowed to. Doesn’t know if she can. But as she looks into Sigrika’s eyes, she can only offer her the truth.
“... I want to stay.”