Chapter Text
Nevrine
noun. The feeling of missing someone who was never yours, yet somehow feels like a loss.
It was two weeks after college had ended. Seven disappeared off to who god knows where and he wasn't even picking up Noli's calls. They had agreed on seeing each other after college, he supposed that isn't happening now. maybe if he didn't disappear, everything would be normal.
It was odd, odd how he suddenly disappeared out of the blue like it was nothing. It worried him, just seeing one of his closest friends vanish. Just like that. Gone. Gone like it was never meant to be?
Now he had to live with it. All of the guilt and worrying, endless possibilities. Even after college was over, his health had taken an incline. He wasn't taking care of himself as much as he used to. Sleep? Barely does, instead his insomnia keeps him awake till he passes out cold. He puts all of his energy into writing down code, his schedule is literally; wake up, eat, get ready for work, work for 7 hours along with night shift so another 4-5 hours, get home at 2-3am, work on his notes till he passes out, repeat.
He continued walking down the concrete sidewalk path, heading towards his neighborhood. He didn't have much to do once he got home, thank goodness he had actual free time. He finished heading off towards his house, as he stepped onto his front door's concrete porch, unlocking the door with his keys, twist twist, and it finally unlocks.
He opens his door, wind hitting him in the face as the door swings open and headed inside. He hung up his keys on the wooden hook as he shut the door behind him, using the inside lock to finally lock it. He then took off his shoes, sliding them by the wall near the door. Setting his book bag down on the small wooden seat underneath the hooks, as he took out his important things like a pencil and a notepad.
He headed off into the hallway, opening one of the doors to a bedroom, it was neat and there was nothing more to say. He set his stuff down onto the wooden desk that was in the corner of the room. He pulled out the chair, sitting into it as he turned on his computer. He worked on some of his notes, coding, and other things.
It was getting late, yet he stayed there, coding till he couldn't anymore, and passing out cold at his desk. Seriously, this guy needs a sleep schedule.
"It was never meant to be." A deep, cryptic voice speaks out, almost as if it was that small voice that was in the back of his head which won't leave him alone.
He jolted awake, breathing heavily as he glanced around. Just another nightmare.
But, what did it mean?
he may have loved first but they waited.
—
philophobia.
fear of falling in love.
It's been nearly a year with no sign of him. Noli's been out of college twice, just from taking different classes, especially hoping to get a message back from Seven every time he texts.
Every text with no response, made him lose hope more and more. He became more worried, the worrying going numb every time he tries to gain more hope.
“Maybe he's fine, and I'm just making it a big deal.”
He slid his phone into his pocket, best not to look at it right now. He walked over to his kitchen, as he opened his fridge and pulled out some eggs and butter. He gently set them down onto the counter next to the stove, as he then reached for a pan.
He hummed, not a specific tone as he put a small slab of butter into the pan and turning on the heat for the stove. He cracked the eggs over the pan, letting them cook. He's at least mastered Sunny-side ups by now. He cooked these more in college than anything else.
He focused on cooking his eggs in the pan, turning off the stove once they finished cooking. He opened the cabinet above the counter next to the stove, pulling down a plate. He stopped humming for a split moment, whipping his head towards the living room behind him.
“I seriously need to sleep more.”
He turned his head back around towards the stove, as he picked up the pan, and slid off the Sunny-side up egg onto the plate with his spatula. He put the pan into the sink, as he moved his plate over to the other side of the counter. He grabbed a utensil, a fork, and walked over to the side of the counter where his plate was. He pulled out the chair, sitting down as he started picking at his food.
He's ate many times alone before, but something didn't feel.. right. Almost as if maybe, just maybe someone was watching him.
Maybe he was just paranoid. His neighborhood was safe, so why would someone be watching him anyways.
He started to pick at some of his eggs, eating them. He stood up, as he took his plate over to the sink. Turning on the tap and started to wash the plate and pan.
He finished washing the dishes, quickly putting them away.
He slid out his phone, staring at it, as if he'll get a response. He immediately slid it back into his pocket.
“As if I'll even get one. God forbid, I worry about him.”
He turned off the tap, as he walked towards the door, and knelt down to put on his shoes, retying them. He stood back up as he grabbed his book bag from the ground. He grabbed his keys from the hook, glancing at the keychain before unlocking his front door. Walking outside, shutting the door behind him and locking it.
“One day. One day, sev.”
Astravore.
noun. A soul that keeps feeding on hope even after disappointment — light-hungry, resilient, unbreakable.
how was i meant to distinguish black from white when you've painted everything grey?
He walked down his neighborhood, it took at least fifteen minutes to walk to his job, a tech company or well, a server company. Whatever kept him from staying at home and being horribly depressed.
Whatever kept him busy to distract him from that time, which is all of his worries.
Well, he was nearly there slowly but surely. Dosing off while walking was harder but it was still there.
Who? Who are you really trying to remember?
Shut up.
He walked into the building, nodding at the front desk, hoping to avoid eye contact.
Everything.. reminds me of who he used to be before disappearing. I mean— like, I really should stop spiraling on my thoughts. Whatever, I'll just have to get through this day and– and rest if i have time.
He wandered over to the empty desk, that was sitting neat against a wall near the server towers. Seems like he's the only coder in this department today.
Alarms went off. Fire alarms.
Maybe they're fake, just a drill. If they're real I'd smell smoke by now—
He started walking towards the door, causally walking towards it. Then he realized.
Smoke.
He started sprinting off towards the door. Sprinting, like full-blown running towards it.
It's like time stopped in place, why did it seem like the hallway was getting longer? Odd. It was like, a 15 to 10 minute walk.
He continued sprinting down the what it seemed to be endless hallway, as it seemed like it.
It started to really get hot in here, like almost burning hot temperature.
He didn't stop running. God, why were these hallways so long?
He stopped for a moment, as his legs collapsed, nearly falling backwards onto his back. luckily, he didn't, yet it was still a hard fall.
He HAS to get out. He'll die if— if he doesn't get out. C'mon.
Seriously.
He laid back, as his phone slipped out of his pocket. He shifted his head towards it.
surprise. no new messages.
maybe he'll die without a response from someone he cares about. too much was given to someone just to be left behind.
He'll never tell him how much he misses him.
shame. what a shame. such.. a shame.
Silence, and that's what was left.
Until.