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Telling hallucinations apart from reality always had been hard for Travis, especially ones like these... With people staring at him all around, whispering among themselves, pointing at him. It all felt way too real to be just a vision.
As he walked through the street, dark figures were everywhere. He often saw them. Except this time they were silent... Why is that? Usually they'd call him an ill schizo or a creep, so hearing nothing but silence for once was really unexpected.
And silence means that he's able to hear his own thoughts and think, for once.
Just why is everything so... Distorted? Where is he even going, anyways? This doesn't look like the street he lives on... Maybe he's lost? No, impossible, he didn't even leave the house the whole day, in fact he didn't leave the house for weeks now. Or did he?
Travis stopped in his tracks suddenly.
In front of him is a door to an apartment which he recognized... Rusty's place. But why is he here? He turns the doorknob and enters.
The entire place is extremely dark, the noise at the very back of his head which he ignored up until now had increased in volume a lot... He doesn't feel well. He steps forward hesitantly, going deeper into the apartment.
As for the owner of the house, he was right there. Leaned against the wall, arms crossed, looking down... Travis couldn't get a look at his facial expression, he felt like if he came any closer, the noise would make his head explode with how much it was throbbing already.
"... Rusty?"
Short silence followed, before Rusty said quietly, but not kindly.
"Get out, Travis." His tone was... Aggressive. Very aggressive. Still, he sounded like he was trying to hold his anger in, even if he failed miserably.
"What?" Travis blinked in surprise, his heart starting to beat a little bit too fast, his big fear of abandonment making itself known. "What do you mean?"
Rusty finally looked up, his face barely visible in the pitch black room, but he looked completely fed up with this. Travis, their living situation... Them. Everything.
"You really think I actually wanted you here?" His arms dropped to his sides as he stepped away from the wall, walking closer towards Travis. "I only let you stay out of pity. There's no way in hell I'd want to live with a fucking freak like you."
As Rusty approached Travis, both his heartbeat and the noise intensified. He was frozen in place, unable to move, all he could do was just stand there and await what would happen.
Rusty stopped right in front of him... The anger and disgust on his face was clear. It was pure. It was genuine. "Never think for even a moment that I actually wanted you to stay with me... I was doing both you and Devin a favor by letting you sleep here."
Those words... Hurt. They hurt so much. Was it really true? Was he actually not wanted? After he assured him it was okay for him to stay?..
He didn't even get the chance to process the insults properly before he got yelled at.
"I SAID GET OUT... Get out, and don't you even THINK of coming back to me, YOU FREAK." With that, Rusty stepped towards him and pushed him harshly.
His vision went completely black. Everything hurt. The ringing in his ears felt so loud it felt like it reached his brain and started to melt it.
For a while he couldn't move. He couldn't get out of this condition... But once he opened his eyes he saw the ceiling fan spinning, a sight he saw every night going to sleep. And with that, he felt a presence of another person next to him.
Now this was real.
Travis sat up in bed quietly, gripping the blanket tightly as his hands shook uncontrollably. Sure, he had weird dreams and hallucinations often. All of them were confusing and not making any sense at all. But when they directly pushed and poked at his biggest fears and insecurities..? That hurt so much worse.
His throat felt like it was closing on itself. It was hard to breathe and calm down from what he saw. After all these years he's used to visions, but not such... Deep ones.
He couldn't help but let out a small sound of pain. His heart was still beating, the same speed as in his dream. It hurt. It really hurt. And what if what he saw was actually right? First, he saw Devin abandoning him, and now Rusty. This couldn't be happening—
"... Trav?"
For once in his life, he trusted someone but his best friend. He trusted with his whole being and this is what happens? His whole life he only ever makes mistakes—
"Travis, baby, you alright?"
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. His grip on the blanket got tighter as he turned to see who disturbed him.
Rusty.
He's always been a light sleeper... He must've woken up and Travis didn't notice it.
"I'm fine." He muttered, avoiding eye contact as soon as he looked him in the eye. If he kept disturbing Rusty's sleep like this, disturbing his life with his personal issues, he's definitely getting kicked out sooner or later.
"No you're not." Rusty replied firmly, though there was no real anger in his voice, only concern. He sat a little closer to Travis on the bed, shifting his hand so that it rested on his back. "Another dream?"
Of course it is. He already knew the answer, so why did he ask? He wants him to admit it so that he could make fun of him and get yet another reason to dump him.
Obviously Travis didn't respond. It was hard to even talk, let alone look at him.
"It's alright... I'm here." Rusty shrugged quickly, not really minding the silence. He was used to not getting a response most of the time. "Come here baby."
Rusty pulled Travis into his arms, holding him close and tight. One hand on his back, the other running through his hair at the base of his neck.
He was never a fan of physical closeness. It always scared him and made him uncomfortable. The last time he allowed another person to hold him was nearly 10 years ago, by his own brother. He can recall being hugged by Devin as well a couple of times when they were kids, but that quickly stopped happening as his schizophrenia got worse.
As years passed by he began closing off more and more, listening to the figure in his head telling him what to do and what others thought of him. To the point where touch felt painful.
So why does this feel so good?
"Whatever you saw, it wasn't real." Rusty interrupted, trying his best to reassure his lover. He's never been the best at providing comforting speeches and calming people down, but he knew that Travis needed him.
"You told me you didn't want me with you..." He spoke up hesitantly, considering his next words carefully. "You pushed me."
He looked up at Rusty, fully expecting to see him annoyed or pissed... But instead, all he saw was worry.
"Trav, you know it's not true." His hand moved from the back of Travis's neck to cup his cheek instead.
Travis blinked once, twice, and many times more as he processed the sudden affection. Never in his life has he been touched like this... He wasn't used to it. He never even expected to be held like this one day, he didn't know how to feel.
"I love you, alright? And I'm never leaving you." Rusty brushed his thumb against Travis's cheek carefully, trying not to press too hard as he was trying to ground him. To get him to actually listen to his words and understand that it's true.
"... Me too." He looked to the side, away from the other's eyes. Eye contact felt like too much right now, and he had a feeling that if he even tried he would probably start hearing voices all over again.
To that, Rusty gave him a small smile. He knew he loved him. They both loved each other... It's just that one of them had a harder time expressing it, and it was alright. It wasn't his fault, he couldn't control it.
"Good." Rusty said with a smile, before he leaned in and gave Travis a quick kiss on the lips...
It felt warm and unusual. And still Travis hadn't gotten used to this feeling, but he definitely liked it. He liked it so much in fact, that it was able to get him to smile a little.
"Now go back to sleep. You need it." With that, Rusty laid both of them back down on the bed, moving closer towards Travis.
Rusty pulled Travis towards himself, holding him tightly and letting him know that for this night, he won't be letting him go even for a second.
"Sleep well, Trav."