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“I just feel bad, you know?” Sora shrugged and ducked his head between his shoulders, forcing a thin-lipped smile to nobody in particular. Bad was an understatement, but he didn’t want to repay an invitation to tea by being a downer. “He’s waiting on me and it feels like I’m not making a whole lot of progress.”
The chirping birds and sunny rays filtering through the canopy above them were so peaceful and dreamy, he felt a little guilty for even bringing the issue up in the first place. He clinked his spoon against the small ceramic teacup in front of him and tried to swallow away the lump in his throat. It wouldn’t budge.
The girl across from him frowned, furrowing her brow in thought. “Well, I don’t think I’ve heard of the Power of Waking,” she leaned forward in emphasis, a dainty hand in the air following the movement like a bird gently pecking its beak. “But when I was poisoned by Edward’s stepmother, my Robert was able to wake me with True Love’s Kiss.” She seemed to smile at the memory, like all the trouble in the world had melted away. “Is it anything like that?”
Sora paused his stirring and brought the spoon to his pursed lips, considering her words. He put the spoon in his mouth a moment later when he felt a drop of tea begin to drip down his chin. He hummed thoughtfully before replacing the utensil onto the saucer.
“Master Yen Sid hasn’t mentioned True Love’s Kiss before. It might only work in Andalasia…” If it works at all, Sora thought doubtfully, but didn’t say aloud. Who knew which kinds of magic were universal and which kinds only existed on certain worlds? Regardless, Sora didn’t get many opportunities to experiment without Donald shouting something about protecting the world order in his ear.
“We were in New York when that happened, actually! I had heard about True Love’s Kiss here in Andalasia, but if it even works in Robert’s world then I don’t see why it wouldn’t work anywhere.”
That was right, Giselle had travelled between worlds before. It may not have been by Gummiship or through the Lanes Between, but her world held a portal to another, very different one. (Sora had even been through the wishing well himself a couple of times when Giselle was first showing him around, as the bump on his head from the manhole cover on the other side could attest.)
He’d caught Giselle on a routine visit to her woodland friends back on her home world and thought he’d stay for tea. He hadn’t planned on sharing all his problems with her, but she was someone he could talk to about his travels. More importantly, she always had an answer for everything… and he could really use some of those right now.
Sora leaned back in his seat and scratched idly at his cheek. “Do you really think it’d work?” It sounded too good to be true—just a kiss? Was that really all it would take?—but after weeks of growing pressure to assemble the guardians, they were all getting a little desperate.
Giselle nodded emphatically as she finished a sip of tea. “As long as your love is true, it can make any dream come true.”
And there was the million munny question. Sora hesitated before asking, “How do I know if it is? True love, I mean.”
It was abundantly clear to anyone who knew him that Sora loved his friends. Even to a fault, it sometimes turned out. His heart was a bottomless well that invited others to take what they needed (or to even rest their heads, if what he’d heard about that lost guardian was to be believed). Sora wasn’t sure he had anything but true love to give. But he could only speak for himself…
“Well, from what you’ve told me about him, it sounds like it. It was a very selfless thing for him to give up being himself so you could wake up. You’d have to love someone a great deal to choose to do something like that.”
Sora felt his heart clench hearing her describe the situation with Roxas so plainly, like someone was holding it tightly in their fist. Maybe that was accurate, though. Sometimes he wondered if feelings like that came from Roxas somehow. If they were some kind of signal from deep inside himself. He wasn’t sure if that made the feelings any less disquieting.
Of course he would’ve liked to say that Roxas loved him. He was his other half (at least in a literal sense) for crying out loud! As far as Sora was concerned, the two of them should’ve been perfectly in sync, content to exist as one. But in light of the revelation that Roxas, like other Nobodies, had his own heart… Sora couldn’t pretend they were one in the same, anymore. Roxas was trapped within him, for better or for worse. Definitely for worse, he thought as his heart ached again.
“I hear you,” Sora said, because he did. And while she had a point… “It’s just that the last time I saw him, when he shared his memories with me… it was like I could feel what he felt. There was so much hurt.” He shook his head as he gazed down at his hands. “He was hurting. And just so angry. He wanted to be himself so bad, but he couldn’t no matter how hard he tried.” He closed his eyes and saw a vision of a bright, white room. He felt another pang to his heart at the memory. “I know he resented me for it. I can’t really blame him, either.”
“Have you tried talking to him?” Giselle asked. It was an optimistic question, perhaps naïve, Sora thought. He blinked at her and wondered briefly if she’d even been listening to him, but she quickly waved her hands in front of herself. “Well of course I know you can’t really talk to him. But if you ask him how he feels and then listen to your heart, I’m sure he’ll hear you.”
Sora hummed noncommittally before changing the subject. The afternoon passed pleasantly enough, birds still singing and the sun still shining. Giselle went on about a new museum she had visited in the city and Sora was happy to listen, despite the growing tightness in his chest.
“Oh, best of luck on your journey, Sora. Please come by whenever you’d like. I know Robert and Morgan would just love to see you again!” Giselle saw him off as he joined his crew on the Gummiship. He waved goodbye as the door shut, offering a smile that was starting to feel a little more tired every day, it seemed.
***
Sora grabbed his plate and stood from the table… then remembered where he was and set it back down. He watched with amusement as a walking broomstick came by to bus the table—some things he’d never get used to, he figured.
“I think I’m gonna head in early,” he said, trying to conjure the most convincing yawn he could. “Big day, huh?”
Donald and Goofy shared a confused look before turning it on him. None of them had done very much at all, that day.
“Gee, I guess if you say so,” Goofy said, scratching his chin. “You feelin’ okay, Sora?”
Sora hooked his thumbs into his pockets and smiled reassuringly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just…” He shrugged. “…tired.”
If anything, his companions looked even more concerned. He wasn’t sure whether he felt more flattered that they knew him so well, or more frustrated that they didn’t believe him.
“Come on, I spend every other day fighting monsters with a huge keyblade. Is it so hard to believe I want to get some extra sleep?” It was a fair defense, he thought, even if it was a bit of a white lie.
Donald nodded. “Well, okay. But don’t stay up too late on that Gummiphone!” He raised a finger in warning. Sora laughed and the two seemed to relax a bit.
“Yessir,” Sora gave a mock-salute before turning to leave and calling over his shoulder, “Goodnight!”
After a hasty run-through of his nightly routine—wash face, brush teeth, pajamas—Sora all but jumped into bed. He felt a nervous anticipation under his skin, but the pressure on his heart was thankfully absent. Taking care to set his Gummiphone to do-not-disturb before placing it on his nightstand, he settled in and finally shut his eyes, hands resting over his chest like the stereotypical image of someone in a peaceful slumber.
You look like a princess, came the unbidden thought and Sora’s eyes opened again. Where had that come from? It had felt sort of… teasing. Mean, but not mean-spirited, maybe. Despite himself, he let out a chuckle. As odd as it was, he felt a sort of warmth wash over him. It almost felt like he was in on the joke.
Chalking it up to his mind being all over the place all day, and accepting that he probably wasn’t anywhere close to falling asleep, he sighed in defeat and held his hand out above himself. With a brief flash and a metallic shhhing, Kingdom Key materialized before him. He turned it in his grip until the tip of the blunt blade pressed firmly against his chest, his hands settling further down along the cold metal due to his limited reach.
The position triggered a memory in his muscles and his heart. He could feel the phantom pain of a sharper blade’s point piercing his sternum and his hands shook. His grip slipped slightly as his palms began to sweat. He took a deep breath, incidentally pushing the blade harder against himself and defeating the purpose somewhat. Oh well.
“Sleepra.”
He was out before he even felt the keyblade fall into his lap.
***
It felt appropriate, Sora thought, that he had only ever visited his Station of Awakening at pivotal moments in his life. The day before he was chosen by the keyblade, his first real meeting with Roxas, his near-fall to darkness during his Exam… He hoped the theme would carry through to this visit, as well. He needed this to work.
Sora gently drifted down onto the illuminated glass platform, taking in the unchanged image below him. A sleeping, younger version of himself dominated the floor, beside depictions of his friends and the Destiny Islands. After years of his various journeys, his heart continued to reflect the same things, but it didn’t feel quite right. He certainly didn’t feel like that fourteen year-old kid anymore.
His socked feet finally landed in the center of the platform and he wasted no time looking around, though he didn’t see anything in the dark expanse.
“Roxas?” he called softly, as if he were afraid to awaken the sleeping boy under his feet… or whatever else may be lurking in the dark. “Are you in here?”
“What’s the occasion?” A not-quite-familiar voice called back, behind him. Sora jumped slightly, gasping in surprise before turning around.
There he was, standing close to the edge of—well, Sora’s heart. Just beside the keychain of his glass keyblade. Taking him in, Sora was disappointed to see him still dressed in his black coat, despite it being the last thing he’d seen the boy in, in his dreams. He supposed his identity as a member of Organization XIII must have persisted more after their reintegration than his identity as a normal teenager. Sora frowned at the thought.
Roxas furrowed his brow and crossed his arms, but he didn’t look upset. “Why the long face? You came here to see me.”
Sora blinked and shook his head in an attempt to clear it. “Sorry,” he lightly patted his cheeks as if he were trying to wake himself up. “Of course. I’m happy to see you.” After a moment, he even remembered to smile.
“Uh huh,” Roxas tilted his head, unconvinced. “So how’s it going, trying to find the Power of Waking?” He uncrossed his arms and walked toward Sora, stopping a few feet ahead of him. “I figure you’re not just here for small talk.”
Sora was surprised. “How did you know that’s what I’ve been doing?”
Roxas shrugged. “You talk about it sometimes. It’s not an echo chamber, in here. I have a pretty good sense of what’s going on out there.” He nodded over his shoulder, as if out there were only a short distance beyond what they could make out in the darkness.
An uncomfortable feeling started settling in Sora’s stomach at Roxas’s words. “Oh… Can you hear everything I say?” To his relief, Roxas shook his head.
“I’m usually in my own heart–” Roxas made a face. “Well, duh,” he admitted, just as Sora guiltily thought the same thing. “But I can only feel what you feel and hear what you hear when I’m in yours. And it’s not like I’m in here twenty-four seven.”
“What do you do in here, though?” Sora asked, before realizing he didn’t know what Roxas did in general, regardless of whose heart he was in. But the stupid question was out there before he could take it back.
Roxas raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know,” he answered defensively. “I exist. Like I said, sometimes I eavesdrop. And—” He stopped, looking away from Sora for the first time. He pouted and worked his jaw as he considered something.
“And what?” Sora asked. He tilted his head to try and catch Roxas’s eye.
Keeping his gaze fixed on the floor, Roxas finished his thought. “And it’s a little less lonely, I guess.” His voice was soft but it came through clearly in the vast, silent space.
Sora suddenly felt like the world’s biggest jerk. He’d been right about Roxas feeling trapped in his heart. All the time he spent hanging out with his friends, taking photographs, attending festivals, just enjoying the privilege of being alive… Roxas was in here all by himself, waiting for Sora to hurry up and set him free. The heavy feeling in his stomach sank down further.
Roxas suddenly snapped to attention and looked back at Sora. “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad.”
“It didn’t,” Sora lied reflexively.
“It did,” Roxas said firmly and perhaps a little impatiently. “I don’t need to be in your heart to know you feel bad about it.”
“Okay,” Sora surrendered. What else was he supposed to say?
“I was just trying to say that I feel better here. You know… when I’m with you.” Now it seemed like Roxas’s turn to be uncomfortable. “I mean, almost with you. It feels… I don’t know.” Sora couldn’t feel it, but he could see the other boy’s face begin to flush.
“Oh.” Sora was truly in top form.
After several seconds of awkward silence and mutually avoiding eye contact, Roxas cleared his throat. “Anyway,” he started again, “what are you doing here? Did something happen?”
For a moment, Sora was thankful for the change in subject. But as he thought of the answer to Roxas’s question, he felt that dread—dread, that was what that feeling was!—eat at him once more. “Oh, um…” He nervously rubbed his arm, stalling the words that felt increasingly hard to say. “Right,” he tried, but it didn’t feel right at all. He chanced a look at Roxas’s face and found him looking right back.
“Hey, are you okay?” Roxas’s aloof attitude from before was gone, replaced, humiliatingly, with genuine concern. He slowly reached out and placed a hand on Sora’s shoulder, stepping closer. “I know this might not mean much, but…” He ducked his head to meet Sora’s gaze, which had drifted off again. “It’s just me.”
Feeling paradoxically overwhelmed and comforted by Roxas’s hand on him, Sora bit his lip and sighed pathetically. “I… still haven’t figured out the Power of Waking,” he admitted.
“Okay,” Roxas replied, and it sounded like he meant it. “That’s fine. I don’t think anyone expects you to figure it out right away.” Sora shrugged sadly, prompting a private eye-roll from Roxas. “Look, I know I just said I was lonely, but time works differently in here.” He gave Sora’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I can be patie—whoa.”
Roxas swayed slightly on his feet, like he’d gotten hit by an unexpected wave. Idly, Sora recognized that there was a feedback loop between Roxas feeling his emotions and his own embarrassment at the whole thing, but it didn’t seem like there was much he could do about any of it. What is the matter with me?
“Sora, seriously. Tell me what’s going on.” Roxas shook him gently, his tone leaving no room for argument. Sora’s arm felt like lead as he raised it to brush Roxas’s hand off his shoulder. He took a step back, too, for good measure.
“A friend of mine told me there might be another way to bring you back,” Sora confessed in a murmur. He raised his eyes to the pitch black sky and sighed. “A way that doesn’t involve the Power of Waking,” he finished, slightly louder.
Roxas frowned. “Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“It is a good thing,” Sora said, then raised a hand to rub the back of his neck. “I mean, it might be. I don’t know if it’ll even work.”
“So what is it? Can you give it a try?” For as patient as Roxas claimed to be, his eagerness betrayed him as he spoke more quickly.
“It’s uh… well, you see…” She made it sound so easy… so why can’t I even say it? “it’s kind of a long shot, but it might be the best we’ve got, so…” Sora cringed and looked at Roxas, who was starting to look irritated. “I hope you’re not offended by me suggesting it…”
“Sora!”
The two spent a moment looking at each other, Sora’s gaze desperately embarrassed, Roxas’s desperately exasperated.
Eventually, Roxas shrugged tiredly. “Just… say it.”
Sora took a deep breath and looked away once again. “She told me she was brought back to life once with True Love’s Kiss.” As soon as the words were between them, he felt the need to keep adding more. “Apparently, it’s the most powerful thing in… well, in at least two worlds.” He shrugged. “She said it might be worth a try. Since, y’know..”
A few seconds passed before Roxas said softly, “Why did you think I’d be offended?”
That’s the part he’s focused on? Sora looked up at him, stunned. Roxas didn’t look frustrated or annoyed anymore. He looked… lost, maybe. Certainly confused.
“Oh, uh. I don’t know,” Sora said smartly. “I guess it wasn’t clear if the true love had to be mutual or not, and I didn’t want to assume…” He trailed off, not sure exactly how he was planning to finish that thought.
“Are you serious?” Sora wanted to hear it as a snarky jab, but there was no mistaking the hurt in Roxas’s quiet tone. Sora felt a sharp pang in his heart, and while he couldn’t be sure who it was coming from, Roxas reacted to it, placing a hand on his own chest.
“What?” Sora felt like an idiot for even asking.
“I had no idea what was going to happen to me once I rejoined your heart, Sora. I thought I might disappear forever.” Roxas held up a hand when he saw Sora’s mouth open to protest, cutting him off. “And again, I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, or guilty, or whatever. But, come on, Sora.”
Roxas held out a hand, palm facing up. Slowly, cautiously, Sora reached out to put his hand in the other boy’s. He saw Roxas’s tear fall just as he felt it roll down his own cheek.
“Why would I do that for someone if I didn’t love them?”
Sora sniffed and looked down at their joined hands. “Is it… true love, though?”
Roxas looked confused. “What are you talking about?” Sora looked back up at him, wary. “Is there any other kind?”
Finally, Sora felt some of the tension leave his chest. He felt a genuine, if small, smile tug at his lips. “No,” he agreed. “I guess not.”
Roxas smiled back, no doubt feeling Sora’s relief by proxy. “Okay,” he squeezed Sora’s hand, the leather of his glove warm against Sora’s skin. “Then let’s try it.”
Sora felt his inhibitions drop away as he looked into Roxas’s eyes. My eyes, he noticed as he took in the familiar specks and hues. Our eyes, a voice gently corrected from the back of his mind.
Enticed by the pleasant contact (and curious if he’d go for it), Sora held out his other hand for Roxas to take. “You think it’ll work?”
Roxas shrugged as he took Sora’s other hand in his. “Unless you want to leave and keep hunting down some secret special power, why not try? Right? There are crazier things out there than a magic kiss.”
Sora took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and pursed his lips. After a moment he noticed he wasn’t actually moving forward at all, still frozen with nerves. Just as he started to reopen his eyes, however, he felt Roxas’s lips on his. And Roxas’s breath on his cheek, and Roxas’s hair on his nose, and—
***
Sora pulled back, gasping like a fish out of water. When his eyes flew open, after adjusting to the dark, he realized that he wasn’t on his Station of Awakening anymore. The dim corners of his bedroom in the tower were a far cry from the inky blackness of the void around his heart, the light from the glass floor replaced with the moonlight filtering in through the window.
He sat up, breathing heavily as his hands found the keyblade still lying across his lap. He looked to his left, then across the room and over to his right. He sighed when he saw that he was alone again. Maybe True Love’s Kiss really didn’t work in every world. Or it couldn’t solve every problem between two hearts.
Dismissing Kingdom Key, he flopped back onto his pillow with a huff. This time around, he might actually be exhausted enough to fall asleep without a magic spell. Just listening to the clock on the wall tick out of time with the frogs outside his window, he felt his eyelids getting heavier…
“Falling back asleep already?” A familiar voice was accompanied by the otherworldly sound of a portal opening. Sora sat up in bed to see—yes! It was really Roxas walking through the dark corridor that currently loomed ominously in the center of the room. “Have a little more faith than that, geez.”
“Roxas!” Sora shouted as he shot out of bed and ran to wrap the other boy in a bone-crushing hug. He felt Roxas’s laugh reverberate in his own chest as he returned his hold even tighter. “I can’t believe that worked! I owe Giselle big time, you have no idea.”
Roxas, needing to apply some force, pulled himself apart from Sora just enough to see his face. “I told you I—” He raised an eyebrow and raised a hand to cup Sora’s cheek. His thumb swiped under his eye, smearing a tear. “Are you crying?” he teased, but his eyes and smile were nothing but fond.
Sora ignored his question, figuring his quivering lip was confirmation enough. “What happened? Where were you when you woke up?”
Roxas looked away, looking a little guilty. “Well actually…”
Footsteps outside the door pounded ever-louder against the stairs as a pair of shouting voices rang out from the hall.
“Sora! Wake up! It’s an emergency!”
“They found Roxas! Er—well, they lost Roxas!”
Roxas looked toward the door, mouth agape in surprise. “What the—How did they find out so fast? I woke up like, two minutes ago!”
Sora shrugged sheepishly, not quite up to explaining the concept of a Gummiphone (not that he could even if he wanted to). “Grapevine’s pretty short these days,” he chuckled.
Roxas sighed and looked away from their impending interruption back at Sora. “So much for a private reunion…”
“You spent like… I don’t even know how long stuck in my heart. I kinda thought you’d be sick of me, by now.” Sora was joking, but despite his smirk, Roxas looked serious.
“Is it weird that I’m not?” Roxas tilted his head just so, bringing their faces just an inch closer. His gaze drifted down to Sora’s mouth, then back up to meet his eyes. Well, at least he’s direct, Sora thought, cheeks burning from the attention and the warmth of Roxas’s palm.
“Yeah, a little.” Oh, what the heck. “But I like weird.” He closed the distance between them, and somehow it felt closer than when they were together inside his heart. There was something so wonderfully real about the press of their lips, the weight of Roxas’s hand on his back, the actual, living, breathing heartbeat pounding against his chest. He could have stood there, content in his arms for years, he thought. Except…
“Sora, Ienzo just called and—!”
The door flew open noisily and they both jumped, Sora instinctively pushing away in embarrassment, Roxas instinctively holding Sora even closer to himself. They froze, Sora’s hands on Roxas’s shoulders and Roxas’s face smooshed against Sora’s neck, staring at the intruding dog and duck at the door, both stopped in their tracks, shocked.
The two boys exchanged a frantic look that said everything and nothing at the same time.
“Uh, we can explain?”
“I can’t.”
“You better explain!!”
“Maybe we oughta go call those guys back…”