Work Text:
Story by Chocolateislife04
Stage one:land a date.
Please note: since the weasleys are very nice people, this won’t be hard. (If you’re a prat, this will be. Extremely. They aren’t pushovers.) (pickup lines would be nice.) (be creative!)
“Percy!”
There was a hogsmeade weekend coming up, and i was determined to find a date.
(i blame the twins)
as soon as he looked up from his book,
i blurted out:
”You know, I spend most of my life riding broomsticks, but I’d get down and walk if it meant walking home with you.”
I groaned internally.(again, i blame the twins)
“Well…?” I prompted, despite the fact that I was dying of embarrassment.
To my surprise, he went completely red, only managing to get a word out:
”sure?”
it came out more like a question than an answer, but I honestly couldn’t care less.
“Nice.” I muttered to myself after a meltdown in the middle of the common room.
(“Very uncaptain like, captain. ”- fred weasley)
(Not the nicest role model, hmm? - george weasley)
(“shut up!”-oliver wood)
Stage two: confess
Please note: this depends on the weasley you’re trying to land. Each may differ.
Stage three: they accept
Please note: combined with stage 2!!
“So…be my boyfriend?”
“Well, yes, oliver, that’s what people usually are after they kiss.”
“Yeah! great! So, tomorrow, 2 o’clock, sound good?”
“Yes, idiot, of course. ”
Stage four: they tell their family
Please note: usually a large group of people, and their siblings will 100% threaten you. You may or may not be alive after this.
“So, Wood, you’re dating our brother?”
I was staying at the burrow that summer for two weeks, so percy warned me about this beforehand, but, as any normal being would be, i was nervous.
I gave a small nod of confirmation, waiting for instructions.
“Right. follow me.” with that, charlie turned and walked away.
I gulped, seeing no choice but to do so.
“Welcome, to the Room of the Boyfriends™.” He said dramatically.
I laughed a bit inwardly, seeing where the twins got their flair of dramatics from.
As I pushed the door open, I saw six familiar faces looking back at me.
“So,” started ron “i hope you know that I’m dating the most powerful witch this century, and I know a few spells myself. ”
“Ron, always cutting directly to the point.” Bill chuckled, but his expression turned dark two milliseconds later.
“You do remember what we did to-” he paused for a bit, thinking. “What was his name again?”
Ginny groaned at her eldest brother. “Nott, theodore Nott.”
“Ah yes, teodoro.”
I did in fact, remember, I didn’t think anyone who saw it would.
(There were howlers exploding everyday at the slytherin table for two weeks. Also pranking to the level it felt evil. And bat bogey hexes every time Nott turned a corner.)
Ginny continued next, not giving me time to breathe.
“I hope that you know I won’t mind if I get sent to azkaban for murder. If they can catch me, that is.”
“I got your address from a friend, and i can and will send a dragon there.”
“Don’t worry.” Fred added, quite cheerfully, considering what he said next.
“We’ll tell them to keep you alive so you can test our products!”
“Which may or may not be dangerous.” finished George.
“Anyway, we’ll make your life living hell if you hurt percy.”ron concluded, shoving him out the door, echoes of confirmation coming behind him.
I shuddered. The weasley family were no joke.
Stage five: you get a weasley jumper
Please note: you will most likely receive this the following Christmas you tell the others. (If you don’t, you hadn’t gained their trust yet. )
“Oli! You’ve got a package!”
I looked towards my boyfriend, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
It was Christmas morning, but I was still so so tired.
(Is it so hard to get some more sleep?)
(Apparently, the answer is yes.)
As I groggily opened the package, I noticed that it looked… somehow familiar. Percy beat me to it though, bursting into a fit of giggles.
“Oh gosh, oli, you’ve got a Weasley jumper! ”
“Oh. Oh!” I said, finally processing what was going on. “Guess you’re officially part of the family now.” Percy laughed, kissing me on the cheek.
I was chuckling now, pulling the red jumper with a huge O on the front.
“Hmm, I guess I am.”
Stage six: their family walk in on you
Please note: since the burrow isn’t exactly a place of privacy, do the deeds at home.
It was a normal Sunday dinner at the burrow, and I was minding my own business,(read: making out with percy furiously)
when ron burst into the bedroom we were in :“hey oliver, wanna play- oh.”
We pulled away, percy’s face burning, mine with a smirk. “Nah, you guys go ahead. I have business here.”
Ron didn’t stay to hear the rest, instead running out the room, screaming about how “I need my eyes bleached where the hell do you keep it bill?!”
I chuckled, turning my attention back to my boyfriend. “Shall we continue?”
Stage seven: you get married
Please note: their family will most likely cry. You would probably cry too.
”Nooo I can’t do this.”
“Yes you can perce, it’s just the guy you’ve been pining for since your second year.” fred teased, he was at the with charlie in the groom’s room (maybe it was the bride’s room, fred wasn’t sure what they do when two men get married.)
charlie smacked him on his right shoulder, being careful to avoid the spot where the wall collapsed on him. Fred let out a small laugh, before leaving the room to “check on Oliver”, he said, but charlie suspected he was going to spike the drinks with who-knows-what with george.
It was the same scene at my room.
“What if i mess up? Oh my gosh I can’t do this what if-” I was shut up by angelina pinching me. on the neck. Angelina’s pinches were rather famous, she pinches someone, then twists her fingers to shut them up. (They were painful, I’m speaking from experience, I got a lot of those whenever i got into the girls’ dorm to wake them up.)
“Ouch” I complained rubbing the spot on my neck.
“you’ll be fine” she said, a bit impatiently. “He’s head over heels for you, and so are you.” Hmm. She wasn’t wrong, we were in love, but I couldn’t help but worry. “But-” I was shut up by another pinch. “Fine.”
It was time. Percy felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Relax, perce.”he heard charlie whisper. “I am relaxed charlie.”
”sure.” [i’m gonna skip to the part where they say the vows, ‘cause I don’t know what goes on at a wedding.]
“Do you, oliver wood, take percy weasley as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“Do you, percy weasley, take oliver wood as your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“Then i now pronounce you as husband and er…husband!”
Cheers rang out from the audience as the happy couple kissed, molly and arthur were sobbing while clapping, the twins and lee jordan were catcalling, bill and charlie were laughing their heads off for some unknown reason which the twins definitely did not participate in, hermione was also crying a bit,(shut up ron, I’m not!) ginny was yelling “pay up!” to harry, while he fished in his pockets for some galleons.
After the vows, it was time for the speeches. Molly tried to say something, but she was a bit busy with crying(read:extremely busy)so she didn’t. After a few more relatives, which I don’t want to bore you with the details, it was the twins’ turn. After george helping his twin up the stage,(“curse dolohov, really.”)(“don’t worry, I killed him.”) (huh. I didn’t know that.)(you were too busy scaring me to death.)
fred started them off. ”first of all, we want to congratulate our dear brother for getting married.”
“We didn’t think perce would even have a boyfriend, really.”
“Hey!” My boyfriend husband protested. I giggled.
“Anyway,”George continued, ”we’d like to say one more thing.”
“You just got pranked!” They yelled, lee joining in.
Splutters of “what the-” and “ouch!” filled the room, the twins and lee guffawing in the center of it all.
I watched in horror as the room of people slowly started spouting long beards, hair turning white. They were turning into…dumbledore?
“George!! Fred!!” They turned innocent eyes on percy. “Yes, brother dearest?”they said in unison.
Percy raised an eyebrow.
“They’re having fun!” fred protested. ”see?”
It was true. Once the audience got over their initial shock, they were laughing, pointing at each other’s beards and giggling at their own.
“We didn’t even prank you and oliver!”george added.
“Fine. I guess it’s a little funny.”percy grumbled.
I chuckled, pulling him into another kiss.
Ten years later
We’ve been married for ten years now, we’ve adopted a pair of siblings, an older sister and a brother. They were found on the side of a road, and I immediately knew they were for us.
Zoe was in her third year at hogwarts: gryffindor, her best subject being transfiguration.
Marco was a first year, also in gryffindor, though liking quidditch more than studies.
I like life now, me playing professional quidditch and percy being Head of the Department of Magical Transportation.
We both have a day off today, with zoe and marco both at hogwarts.
“What’s this?” He asked, a highly amused expression on his face.
“Oh!” I realized. It was the parchment I wrote on, ten years ago!
I made a lunge for it, but he was taller than me.
“I already read it anyway, you were so cute then.”
“Stop! That was ten years ago! I wrote it ‘cause I was bored.”
“Sure, sure.”he laughed.
“Say, the house is empty now, what do you think?”I proposed with a smirk.
“Sure. To the bedroom.”
After the…eventful night, i added this on the parchment.
Stage eight: be happy.
please note: this is extremely important, the one that matters the most.