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The sight of Jin crying… it broke Shiki's heart in the worst possible way. As soon as he heard the commotion from the distance he dashed closer, ready to rescue, but the moment he saw his tears roll down his cheeks, nothing but pure rage boiled inside of him.
Who dares make Kougasaki cry…
…
After quite a long fight where everyone collaborated in bringing peace back to Matsumoto, all the problems in town seemed to be solved, except for Jin’s… He still looked affected, as if his mind was still spiraling around the fatidical encounter with his father.
They all went to their rooms as soon as they could to have their well deserved rest after such a good job protecting civilians and onis, even Mudano was heading straight to his room, annoyed that things had to twist like this everytime they made a move.
But unlike them, Shiki's mind was elsewhere, and he couldn't help himself from spacing out for a moment on the way to his shared room with Kougasaki as his mind was trying to come up with ways to make Jin happy again, how could he lift his mood.
He turned around and without anyone's notice, he left the building before somebody could stop him and went straight to the only open store in town.
While he walked to the store, Kougasaki’s crying face kept haunting his mind as if it had been the most soulcrashing sight he’d ever seen, it churned up his heart like few things do. He didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve anything like the horrors that he lived… The world has already been too cruel with him.
When he arrived at the store, he told himself to focus and wandered around the aisles trying to get inspired with all the different options until he found one of Kougasaki's favorite sweet treats. He knew he'd love it even if he'd never say it out loud. Hell, he probably won't even eat it in front of him, and even if he did, he'd act like he didn't even care about it being his favorite, keeping his sweet tooth a secret for everyone but Shiki, who knew him all too well to not notice how obvious it was.
He grabbed a few, and of course picked something to drink too, a few sodas and iced tea for him and for Kougasaki. He knew that after crying a lot one inevitably gets a headache because of dehydration, so it was important to drink a lot during times like these.
He had quite the experience with bawling his eyes out, he was an emotional guy in all the senses of the word and his old man used to take care of him whenever he needed, so he wanted to be that kind of comfort person to Kougasaki too, even if he knew that it’d be incredibly difficult with how short-tempered that little bastard was.
He went to pay and left the store with a bag. The night was really peaceful and quiet now that the horrors were all fought, the chill air hitting his skin and making him shiver slightly.
It felt nice, to be able to know his friend and help him.
Well… friend.
That wasn't the right label.
He wasn't his friend, not in the same way he was friends with the rest of his classmates, no.
Kougasaki and him… they had quite a different type of friendship. The type of friendship that could hold hands, touch each other, cuddle and maybe even kiss…
He knew that doing that stuff should be reserved only to romantic partners, he had been craving a girlfriend to do those things with, but at the same time, it only felt right with Kougasaki and he couldn’t even picture himself doing that with somebody else.
He was quite sure it was no longer just a friendship, but both were too scared to say the other word, to upgrade whatever relationship they had, so they just remained ‘friends’.
Before he could realize, he reached the place where they were staying for the night. He took off his shoes and walked over to Kougasaki’s bedroom. He knocked the door quietly, and opened it without waiting for an answer, after all it was also his room.
Shiki froze in place as he closed the door behind him, Kougasaki was sitting on his bed with tears dampening on his shirt and making his face all glistening under the dim light of the nightstand lamp. Jin was desperately trying to wipe off his tears as quickly as he could while looking away from Shiki, hating the fact that he caught him crying for the second time in the same day.
Shiki immediately closed the distance, leaving the bag on a small coffee table.
“Jin.” He mumbled with worry, using his name, something only he could. He sat next to him on the edge of the bed while Kougasaki was still trying to turn around to turn his back at him but Shiki was already at him, forcing him to face him as he grabbed Jin’s shoulders to stop him.
“Stop hiding. It's okay if you cry, y'know that, right?” His hands slid up to hold Jin’s face between his gentle hands, his thumbs gently rubbing those damped and flustered cheeks.
“Shut up, leave me alone.” Kougasaki resisted, trying to struggle to push away, but his eyes were still watery, it was evident how emotional he still was.
“I won't. I won't leave you alone, what kind of friend would that make me?” Shiki's voice also got weaker, seeing him cry was tugging at all of his heartstrings, threatening to make him cry too.
Without thinking it twice, he hugged Kougasaki, placing his hand on the back of his head, to hold him and silently tell him that he was there, offering his shoulder so he could cry and lean on.
“Just cry, okay? Don't hold anything back, I'm here for you… and even tho I know I joked about making fun of your crying face, I swear it was just a stupid joke… I would never actually judge you… even less for being vulnerable… I promise.” Shiki whispered gently. He kind of regretted joking about that earlier, but he couldn’t help it, that was just the type of teasing they have with each other and what they use in public to not be too suspicious about what really happens between them in private.
“Fuck…” Kougasaki let out a quiet sob and despite how tense he was, how clenched his fists were, he actually leaned into Shiki's embrace.
He mumbled something incoherent against Shiki's shoulder, annoyed that he actually was allowing this to happen, showing himself vulnerable in front of him like this, it was so humiliating.
Shiki held him close, his fingers gently threading Kougasaki's soft hair, offering whatever kind of comfort he could give.
Ah… it was crazy to think that after all they went through together, their relationship had evolved into this. If someone would've told him that he'd be holding the annoying mask weirdo with this much gentleness while he was crying without any filter like that, he wouldn't have believed them, not in a million years.
But he was grateful for it. He really wouldn't have it any other way.
He did love Kougasaki, it was stupid to still try to deny it.
He wanted the best for him, he wanted to protect him and encourage him at every chance he could.
Shiki sighed and nuzzled his face closer to Kougasaki's neck, leaving a soft and brief kiss on the warm skin there, just above his scar.
Jin couldn't stop crying, he kept trying to remain calm and not start sobbing, but he couldn't do it, the tears just kept falling from his eyes uncontrollably. Every time the mental image of the shithead of his father came back to his mind he felt an immense pain tug in his chest, as if someone was repeatedly stabbing his heart over and over again.
At this point, he wasn't just crying because of his dead mother and sister, he was also crying because he couldn't believe how weak he still was. Even after all this time, after all the intensive training, he still had no chance against his father, making him wonder why was he even alive.
He suddenly got pulled out of his thoughts when he felt Shiki’s hand on his back, rubbing it up and down in a slow and gentle caress. Kougasaki’s lips tugged at the corners on a small, almost unnoticeable smile.
His focus slowly shifted from his haunting memories and thoughts to what was happening in the present. How gently Shiki was still combing his hair with one hand while the other caressed his back, how he could feel his small shaky breaths hitting against the skin of his neck, as if he was trying his hardest to hold it in for Kougasaki’s sake.
The aching pain in his chest was now something dangerously close to genuine love because of how secretly grateful he was with Shiki. That annoying idiot was his anchor, the one person that kept on bringing him back to reality, that kept on showing him that life was worth living and that human relationships were something precious that he no longer wanted to live without.
Kougasaki's arms wrapped around Shiki and his hands creeped up to clench around his t-shirt, unable to step away from him and silently reciprocating his feelings and accepting his acts of love.
“Jin…” Shiki whispered again, his heart breaking with Kougasaki's, their heartbeats matching against their pressed ribcages.
Shiki didn't want to push him into talking about his feelings or thoughts, but he really wanted to know what was troubling him this much. Of course he knew it had something to do with his father, but he didn't know exactly what was about it that bothered him so much but either way, he just wanted to be supportive and seeing how Kougasaki was accepting it already made it all worth it.
They remained there in silence for a few minutes, waiting for Kougasaki to let it all out.
…
When Kougasaki finally felt better, he slowly pushed away, a bit reluctantly in Shiki's opinion.
Shiki quickly tried to make eye contact with him, searching for his eyes and when they met, Kougasaki couldn't help but frown in confusion.
Shiki's eyes were all red too.
“Were you crying too?” He asked with a soft but raspy voice as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
“Maybe, but that's not the issue here.” Shiki rolled his eyes, trying to act all casual about it, but it really broke his heart to see his Jin so affected by something, the soft sound of his crying was the worst sound for his heart, he couldn't ever handle it. He also wiped his tears and runny nose, wanting to look as unaffected as he could under Jin’s gaze.
“You're such an idiot.” Jin mumbled, his eyes drifting downwards and the smallest smile appeared in his lips, which made Shiki absolutely beam with joy.
“And you're so cute.” He said softly before leaning in to kiss Kougasaki's cheek.
“Huh-? Shut up, I'm not. Get off me.” Kougasaki resisted, pulling his face away from Shiki's lips, trying to dodge his kisses. Shiki chuckled quietly and stared at him with a small, warm smile. Seeing Jin act like this was a good sign, it meant that he was back to normal.
“Thank you…” Kougasaki whispered so softly it was almost inaudible, but this time Shiki caught it.
“You don't have to thank me, y'know? I'll always be here for you.” Shiki said with a gentle smile and leaned to press a little peck on Jin's lips, then quickly pulled away, his hands leaving his body too.
“You're getting way too comfortable with this.” Kougasaki complained in a grumpy mumble with a frown on his face as he saw Shiki standing up from the bed just to turn around and crouch to grab the bag with groceries from the coffee table.
“I bought something.” He said proudly, ignoring Jin’s words completely as he came back with the bag in his hand. He sat on the bed and with his free hand he grabbed Kougasaki's arm and tugged at it to encourage him to move closer to him.
“I hope you like it.” He added while handing Jin the bag. He was looking at the guy next to him with an excitement comparable to a puppy's.
Kougasaki looked at him with suspicion, but then opened the bag to reveal a few sweet treats and some drinks. He recognized his favorite sweets there, but didn't say anything, he just grabbed one without a word and handed the bag back to open the wrapper and eat it while turning his face away from Shiki.
Shiki felt incredibly proud. Just seeing how Kougasaki didn’t even waste a second thinking which one to choose, meant that Shiki had chosen the right snack for him. He absolutely knew he hit the right spot with that one. He smiled and took out one of the soda cans, opening it with one hand and giving it to him.
“Here, drink some.” He said and Jin just silently complied. Meanwhile Shiki opened his own can and took a long sip of it before sighing with relief. “Ahh… so good.”
Both shared drinks and snacks together, barely talking, just enjoying each other's company in a comfortable silence.
…
The food didn't last long, and neither did the drinks. In just a few minutes it was all gone, and now they both were there, just sitting on the edge of Kougasaki's lower bunk bed in silence.
Shiki looked over at him, trying to decipher what he felt. It was quite late at night and Shiki hadn't taken a shower yet, so, reluctantly, he stood up and stretched.
“I'm gonna take a shower.” He announced, feeling a bit guilty for leaving him alone as he gave him a quick glance before walking over to their bathroom.
Jin followed him with his eyes until the bathroom door shut behind Shiki. He sighed as he was now alone with his thoughts again and wasted no time in getting in his bed, after all, he had already taken a shower and changed into his pajamas while Shiki was out buying the snacks.
It didn't take Shiki long before he was already all showered, stepping out of the shower and changing himself into his pajamas too.
When he walked in their bedroom again rubbing the back of his neck with the towel, he couldn't help but stare at Kougasaki's back as he was laying on his bed.
Many thoughts crossed his mind in just a second.
He didn't want to leave Kougasaki alone, even less after a night like this. But he also didn't want to cross boundaries, and maybe Kougasaki was already asleep.
Aw but he looked so cuddly like that.
What could be the worst thing that could happen? that he'd push him away? it's not like it's something he wasn't already used to, so…
He placed his towel somewhere (he didn’t even pay attention to it, his whole focus was on Kougasaki) and approached him as stealthy as he could, like a ninja (in his mind he was doing it just right).
Once he was close enough, he climbed Kougasaki's bed and got under the covers, and as soon as he did, he wasted no time in wrapping his hand around Jin's body, pressing it against his belly, making his back squeeze against Shiki's chest.
“What the fuck are you doing, you creep?” Kougasaki groaned quietly, reluctantly opening his eyes again.
“You looked all lonely… I couldn't leave you like that.” He muttered as his hand insisted on pushing him closer, molding their bodies together like two pieces of the same puzzle.
“I can't believe you.” Kougasaki was just complaining to complain, because feeling Shiki's arms embrace him like that, feeling his chest against his back and the comfortable warmth of his body was nothing like what he ever felt before. “We're not gonna sleep like this, you know that, right?”
“Why not? It's quite comfortable, isn't it?” Shiki said quietly with a hint of playful tease, feeling all happy and proud about how he could do almost everything with Jin and he'd eventually accept it.
“It's not.” Kougasaki's voice sounded so severe that Shiki’s heart almost dropped, his body remained still, almost as if he had been turned into stone.
“H-huh? really…?” His voice sounded hurt and disappointed, which immediately made Kougasaki feel his heartstrings tug inside his chest. “… do you really want me to leave?”
Shiki didn’t want to, but if he really wanted him off his bed, he’d respect his choice and comply, even if it hurt not to be able to cuddle him.
Kougasaki remained quiet for a few seconds but then clicked his tongue in feigned annoyance.
“Just don't wake me up in the middle of the night.” He mumbled, shifting slightly on the bed, getting himself comfortable… and just slightly pressing himself closer to Shiki.
Shiki instantly smiled and leaned his face to press a kiss on the back of Kougasaki's neck as a silent thanks. He felt so content and hoped that Jin would too. The way Jin willingly shifted and rubbed against him like that just to mold their bodies together even more, not leaving a single inch of space between them, it was absolutely making him dizzy from overjoy.
He couldn't help himself from casually caressing Jin's abs, his fingertips barely touching but it was enough to feel and map it. He was so damn tempted to slide his hand under Jin's t-shirt and feel the skin to skin contact, but he controlled himself, telling himself that this was already more than enough, he didn't need more than this, just being under the blankets as he spooned Kougasaki in his bed was better than hitting the jackpot.
Shiki wanted to wait until Kougasaki would fall asleep, but he was so comfortable that before he could realize, he was already asleep while holding tightly onto Jin, almost as if he was afraid that he'd eventually pull away.
But even if he had his eyes closed, Kougasaki remained awake a few minutes more, just taking in the intimate moment he was sharing with his roommate, secretly basking in every detail that made his heart feel warmer as if Shiki’s kishin powers had an effect on his own frozen heart.
Shiki's slow breathing hit Jin's nape gently, and the raising and falling of his chest against his back definitely brought him the peace that he needed. His gentle caresses also helped him ground himself and focus on something other than what happened between him and his father, which made him feel glad that his annoying idiot was there for him and didn't even question anything.
It didn't take much time until Kougasaki also drifted off and fell asleep in Shiki's arms, finally finding some peace and comfort in his embrace. Something he would’ve never imagined would happen to him.