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“Are you sure it’s okay?” Hayden questions, opening the door to Shane and Ilya and quickly inviting them in. The house was already chaotic, loud but happy, and it automatically made the boys smile.
“Is okay, Pike. We do it for your wife, mainly.” The Russian replies, shutting the door behind him and toeing off his shoes. “Where is your better half and kids? The cool uncle is here!”
“Arthur decided to spill paint over his shirt, so Jackie is just getting him changed; it shouldn’t be too long.”
Shane heads further into the living room, looking around at the mess of toys everywhere and breakfast still out on the kitchen island. The mess was probably the hardest thing about babysitting, but he’d never let it bother him to the point of not being able to see his quote on quote nieces and nephew. He’d have to clean their own kitchen within an inch of its life when they got home.
“Uncle Shane!” Ruby and Jade Pike barrel into his knees, engulfing him in tiny hugs and giggles. “Did you come to play?”
“I told you already, girls, Uncle Shane and Uncle Ilya are babysitting you while Dad and I go out. You’ll have the whole afternoon and tomorrow morning with them,” Jackie Pike tells them, holding Arthur on her hip and her purse in the other hand as she comes down the stairs. “We were just grabbing the last of everything before the little man had an accident; we thought we were set.”
“Is not too late to run away, you know,” Ilya takes the second youngest Pike gremlin away from her arms and swaddles him against his chest, his lips connecting to the child’s forehead briefly. “Leave Pike to look after kids, and we have threesome.”
“Rozanov, stop trying to steal my wife!”
Jackie laughs, shouldering her bag. “I think I’ll be okay, but thank you, I’ll keep it in the back of my mind.”
“What do you guys have planned for tonight? Anything fun?” Shane was planted on the floor, with both twins surrounding him and excitedly trying to get his attention. “I hope you’re planning on getting protection, you already have 4 kids.”
“Fuck off, we just wanna have some fun, okay?”
(“Swear jar!”)
“Shane is serious, we won’t babysit anymore if there’s suddenly Pike child number five.” Ilya looked as serious as he could get, bouncing Arthur and giving Hayden a look.
“To answer your question, I’m taking my wife to dinner, and then I’ve booked a hotel that she’s always wanted to visit. We have a late check out, so we’ll probably explore a little without sticky hands and whiny voices and come home, if that’s alright.”
Shane immediately nods, accepting a drawing that Ruby thrusts into his lap, “Of course, it’s okay. You guys go have fun, we’ve got it from here.”
“Amber is still napping. I checked on her while I was upstairs, and she’s fine, but she’ll be waking up soon,” Jackie informs them, grabbing her own keys to shove into her purse. “The kids are fed and- alright, the guest room is set up and feel free to have anything in the kitchen. You know where towels, toiletries and such are, and you have our numbers-“
“Jacks, honey, it’s time to go,” her husband gently prodded. “They’re experts at this, we trust them, right?”
Soon, the Pikes had left, and it was just Ilya, Shane, and 3 out of 4 of the kids.
“Do you still have that meeting?” Rozanov speaks up, settling down next to his husband on the living room floor. “I will look after them while you take it,”
“Are you sure? I was gonna reschedule.”
“Moya lyubov’,” he sighs. “I handle four children by myself perfectly, I have more stress babysitting the team.”
Shane nods at that, letting out a breathy chuckle. “Alright, but shout me if you need me.”
“Da, will do.”
-
The meeting lasted an hour, and Shane was drained. It was late evening now, and it was suspiciously quiet downstairs. He didn’t go down straight away; instead, he answered some urgent emails and messaged some of the team about practice later this week before finally deciding to go and help.
“Ah, Mr Hollander finally graces us with his presence!” Ilya was lying on the couch, a Pike child at each side of him and little Amber Pike on his lap. “How was the meeting? Good?”
“It went fine. I spoke to the team, and they’re good to have practice later in the day on Friday, rather than in the early morning; it’ll be a good rest.”
“Good, now sit. The twins wanted to introduce me to a Disney movie, Tangled? Doesn’t sound very Disney to me.”
“You think everything sounds wrong,” he says, taking the invitation, though, and immediately Ruby is cuddling against him. “When did Amber wake up?”
“Half hour after you went up, you did not hear?” He smirks at Shane’s shake of his head. “Hearing is getting worse.”
The movie night started innocently enough, but Shane should’ve known that Ilya, in all his confused Russian glory, would ruin it.
“Why does the lizard not talk? I thought all Disney animals talk? Maybe they were too cheap,”
“Hair is impractical, too long, bleh”
“Why does she not wear shoes and wear the same dress every day? Has she not heard of style?”
“Uncle Ilya, you’re ruining the movie,” Ruby complains after his last comment. “It’s a love story!”
“Is unrealistic, what do your parents let you watch? Actually, no, I trust Jackie, but other Pike? Net,”
“Eugene saves the long-lost princess! It’s romantic!”
Shane watches as his husband shakes his head, rolling his eyes, but ultimately keeps his mouth shut.
Which is something that lasts all but five seconds.
“Okay, boat scene was pretty, but how did they not fall when she scrambled up? Shane and I tried once, very adventurous, and we couldn’t even do missionary effectively-“
“Okay! I think it’s time to put on pyjamas!” Shane announces quickly, sending a glare at the Russian and lifting a sleepy Ruby. “Then we can continue the movie and bedtime.”
“Wha’ is mission- mission- what is that?” Jade questions, staring up at the two adults.
“Something to ask your father, ideally when Shane and I are far away from here.”
-
“I can’t believe you,”
“Tongue slipped!”
“Mentioning a sex position to a bunch of children? I swear you’re trying to send me to an early grave.”
“Is truthful, was being honest.” He argues, “The rocking was fun, but ineffective.”
“Who even taught you that word?”
“Someone but that is not the point. The children must learn sometime,”
“Ilya-“
“Shane.”
They stare for a couple more seconds until Shane groans and turns away, shutting off the light on the bedside table. “Just go to sleep and pray that they don’t mention it again.”
“Da, my fingers are crossed.”
-
They managed to get away safely without the mere mention of the previous night, handing the kids back to their parents quickly, and it seemed that the twins had forgotten about it
Or so they thought
Hayden: Hey, so why did my daughter just come up and ask me about a missionary?
Ilya: She knows such big word?
Hayden: Fuck off, answer the question
Shane: Maybe she watched something that she shouldn’t have seen
Hayden:….I know it was you fuckers, but I just cannot prove it
Ilya: Swear jar, twice. (:
Hayden: Fuck off
Ilya: Three