Chapter Text
Now, Telamon was no joke — the god of SFOTH, master of limbo. He even houses ghosts and cares for them. What the Player was trying to say was that Telamon 𝘐𝘚𝘕'𝘛 dumb. But apparently, even gods make stupid mistakes.
In the middle of the Trinity Council room, Telamon had used the wrong command. He was supposed to heal the Trinity’s injuries after they realized the Player was helping. Unfortunately… it didn’t do the exact opposite, per se, but it was still 𝘕𝘖𝘛 the correct command.
Player stared at the three babies now standing — no, sitting — before him and Cassie. High Scholar Azuri, High Councilman Robur, and Elite Commander Reginald — all babies. Their armor and clothing seemed oversized compared to their small frames.
He stared at the tiny Trinity Council, dumbfounded. Telamon laughed nervously beside him, and Cassie blinked slowly. Neither Player nor Cassie had any words.
Telamon put away his admin GUI and glanced at Player, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. He was 𝘕𝘖𝘛 about to admit this was his mistake. “Haha… Hey, Jonn,” he began.
Player turned to him in confusion. Tilting their head, a question mark appeared above it. None of the others commented on it because… well, they couldn’t see it. Only Telamon did. He could break the fourth wall, anyway. “...?”
Telamon scratched his head nervously. “Why don’t you find a 𝘾𝙐𝙍𝙀 for these lads? I’m too busy in the manor, and this is the only day I could get a break!”
Player stared at Telamon with profound disappointment. Their hand hovered over two options:
Option 1: “No, do it yourself, you #########ing chud. why are you always leaving me to do the work you ######### #########”
Option 2: ”ok”
He wanted so 𝘣𝘢𝘥𝘭𝘺 to press option one that he actually did. But the option didn’t register. Telamon’s smile wavered as he reached through the menu and forcibly made Player choose option two. Player nodded. “ok.” They gave a thumbs up, 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 that the game had forced them into it.
He thought back to the hand that had made him change the options. It was yellow, and the only yellow person other than himself was… 𝘛𝘌𝘓𝘈𝘔𝘖𝘕. He imagined punching Telamon repeatedly, and it calmed him down.
Telamon smiled gratefully — though it twitched when he heard what Player was thinking — and folded his hands behind his back. “Good. Of course, I will aid you in your quest. You’ll need... 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭, two 𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘢𝘶𝘤𝘦𝘴, three 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘉𝘳𝘦𝘸, two 𝘎𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴, and three 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘥𝘴. After retrieving it, you’ll have to talk to the 𝘒𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘞𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘥 so he can cook it. Got it?”
Player nodded, acting like he understood. All that for a cure to turn the Trinity back to normal? “Why couldn’t Telamon do this himself?” he thought, but didn’t say it out loud. Telamon had already said he was too busy being... Telamon. Cassie tilted her head and stared at him. ".. The who now?"
“Kitchen Wizard!" Telamon chirped. "He's the chef in my manor. I have to gather a few ingredients myself, so I'll see myself out." Telamon smiled mysteriously, as if he already knew what Player was thinking.
Cassie was about to speak — as if to question him further — but Telamon swiftly turned around and left the room. Her eye twitched as she stared at the Trinity babies.
Reginald was already trying to fight Robur; Robur was doing the same thing, and baby Azuri was... staring at them — like she knew what happened. “... Damn,” she mumbled. "This sucks."
“...What?” Cassie asked. She slowly bent down and poked Azuri’s cheek. She was just getting ready to be queen, not motherhood. “Did... baby Azuri just speak?”
Baby Azuri stared at the spot where Telamon used to be, saying nothing. She silently sucked on her thumb like a pacifier, her gaze intense and focused. Meanwhile, Player only shrugged and spoke again. “Hey, Cassie, can you take care of them for a little? I’ll get the ingredients as fast as I can, I swear.”
Cassie turned to Player with a frown. She was still fairly young — she’d just turned eighteen when her father had died. “But— I’m not… good with children either…” she admitted softly, looking away in embarrassment. Then her eyes suddenly lit up. “I’ll go with you! Just let the knights handle them!”
Player scratched his head. “...The knights can babysit?” he asked, tilting their head. Cassie nodded and grabbed his hand. “Please, Jonn. I absolutely can𝘕𝘖𝘛 handle crying babies.”
Player sighed helplessly, then reluctantly nodded. “Well, go call the knights over now! I’ll stay here and watch over them.”
Cassie nodded and let go of Player’s hand, almost 𝘥𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 outside. Player fell backward and landed on his butt from the force. “Yeesh-!” He winced, before turning toward the babies.
He sighed. He wasn’t good with children, either. He gently separated baby Robur and baby Reginald from each other. Baby Azuri was trying to grab the weapons. “Hey — no,” Player chided, taking the weapons away. He dumped them all in one spot… behind a pillar. At least it was far enough so it’d take ages for one of them to crawl over and grab one.
Baby Azuri stared longingly at her staff before making a sound that suspiciously resembled a sigh. Baby Robur giggled, crawled over to baby Azuri, and tried to chew on her hat, earning a yelp from her.
Player pinched the bridge of his nose and grabbed baby Robur by the scruff of his neck, bringing him close to their face. “Bad Robur… baby. Don’t eat other people’s hat.” They pointed at Baby Azuri’s hat.
Baby Robur sniffled, looking like he was about to cry. Player panicked and hugged him. “No — no crying, baby, okay? You’re — noooo…” He patted his back soothingly. Well, as soothingly as a person with tamed emotions could do. “Shh, shh. No cry. No cry..”
Meanwhile, outside…
Cassie frantically waved over a group of knights—two groups, actually: Redcliff and Emerald. “Help! Please!!” she shouted.
The Redcliff knights looked alarmed and rushed over, along with the Emerald knights. “What is it, your majesty?!” one knight yelled. The Redcliff knights nodded in unison. A few Emerald knights glanced at them, uneasy at how perfectly in-sync they were.
“The Trinity— we need your help! Please! I’ll explain once we’re inside!” Cassie gestured for them to follow, then hurried back in.
The knights nodded and followed. The Redcliff knights marched in a perfectly synced line—what you get when Reginald is the commander, I suppose. The Emerald knights moved more like a cluster, no line at all, but they were rushing too.
The door 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘵 open as several knights piled in, with Cassie leading the charge. Player, baby Robur, and baby Reginald tensed, but baby Azuri kept sucking on her thumb like a pacifier. She didn’t even look bothered.
Cassie reached Player, who was sitting near the babies, and crouched down. “They’re okay, right?” Player responded with a nod. She breathed a sigh of relief and gestured for the knights to come closer.
The first few knights stared at the Trinity babies in horror. Then chaos erupted—choruses of panicked, shouting voices.
”𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘏 𝘚𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘓𝘈𝘙 𝘈𝘡𝘜𝘙𝘐?! 𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘏 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘊𝘐𝘓𝘔𝘈𝘕 𝘙𝘖𝘉𝘜𝘙?!”
”𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙀 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍 𝙍𝙀𝙂𝙄𝙉𝘼𝙇𝘿!!! 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘏𝘈𝘝𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘠 𝘋𝘖𝘕𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘠𝘖𝘜!?!?”
”𝘞𝘏𝘠 𝘈𝘙𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘠 𝘚𝘖 𝘚𝘔𝘈𝘓𝘓!??!”
“𝘐𝘛 𝘔𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘉𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘎𝘜𝘠𝘚 𝘍𝘈𝘜𝘓𝘛!” a Redcliff knight shouted, pointing at Player. Clearly, they were the leader. Player stared incredulously, raising a brow and pointing at himself. “𝘠𝘌𝘚, 𝘠𝘖𝘜! 𝘔𝘌𝘕! 𝑪𝑯𝑨-”
Cassie held up a hand to stop them. She shot the knight a glare. “No. This isn’t his fault. I 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘥 you to stand down,” she said firmly. The Redcliff knights grumbled in displeasure at the lack of a fight. “As your queen, I order you to… 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺!”
Player snorted, then quickly covered it with a cough. The Redcliff knights looked horrified; the Emerald knights… they were just there. The Redcliff leader gasped, looking between Cassie and the baby Trinity. “But, your majesty, we—”
“NO BUTS!” Cassie crossed her arms. “That is an 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳.”
“Yes, your majesty…” The Redcliff leader deflated with a sigh. They turned to the Redcliff knights and gestured for the Emerald knights to join the group. The group did so, reluctantly. “We have been given a new mission, and that is to… 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺.”
An Emerald knight raised their hand. “For how long?” they asked, tilting their head.
“For however long it takes, until we get the cure!” Cassie replied, lifting her chin and trying to look “mighty.” She was mimicking how Kleos always made the knights stand down.
The group of knights nodded slowly and said, “𝘠𝘌𝘚, 𝘔𝘈'𝘈𝘔!”
Cassie turned to Player smugly. She smirked and gestured at the group now trying to care for the Trinity babies, as if to say, 𝘚𝘦𝘦? 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵. Player nodded slowly and applauded her in silence.
Player checked the menu. Cassie couldn’t see it, but for the adventure, they decided not to use fast travel — even if it was much faster. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 2 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴! He added thoughtfully. Thank you, Jonn. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘦𝘩𝘦.