Chapter Text
“I pledge my fealty to you.”
The words echoed in the throne room, and all Lu Guang could do was watch as Cheng Xiaoshi knelt in front of him, separating them forever.
Lu Guang swallowed thickly, spoke the corresponding words, and watched as Cheng Xiaoshi took the vow to protect his life at any cost.
He doesn’t want this. I don’t want this. Why would he do this?
Cheng Xiaoshi was studiously avoiding his eyes, and all Lu Guang wanted to do was scream. His chest tightened as Cheng Xiaoshi stood, bowed, and walked away without a second look.
Walked away from his promises, walked away from their memories, walked away from him. Lu Guang’s fist curled up from where it sat on his lap.
He wanted to run after him, to question him harshly, to run his hands through his hair one last time. He wished, oh how he wished.
Alas, he was King. A position that came with the weight of those long gone, with implicit expectations, and the ever-present shackles of his duty to his country.
He watched as the only person he ever loved walked away from him headfirst into a war. And all he could do was sit, perched on a throne, head held high.
5 YEARS LATER
The time had finally come, when the war was over. It was a joyous period for both sides, who had been locked in a struggle for centuries. It was finally broken with the treaty between the two great nations.
One of the nations, Sur, where Cheng Xiaoshi had been sent to fight in the war, finally bent under the weight of centennials of battle.
They graciously accepted the agreement posed to them from the leader of the other great nation, Nott, King Lu Guang.
In return, though, he was obliged to marry the Princess who just recently came of age: Qiao Ling.
He had no choice but to accept, no matter how hard his heart rebelled at the very thought.
He might not even be alive, his traitorous mind whispered. His chest ached dully. A bruise hardened over time.
Lu Guang had spent many a night wondering what came of his beloved. Eventually it became too much to handle, so he started to drug himself just to find sleep.
He’d heard the servants whispering of his descent, and couldn’t bring himself to care.
Let them think what they want to think. It didn’t matter if Cheng Xiaoshi really was dead.
He still kept up with his kingly duties, so what did it matter how he felt? They didn’t have the right to criticize their King.
Hah. I’ve been captured by the ghost of ages past. Since when did I look down on others like that? …This grief isn’t doing anything for me. I need to let him go.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was starting to realize the truth of those words, though. Even if it hurt like a motherfucker.
“Ah! Such vulgar language from you, Your Highness! What would your mother think?”
A memory popped into Lu Guang’s head, unbidden. One of the precious few when his mother was still alive. One with Cheng Xiaoshi…
That was enough.
He would tear his heart out if he could, if only to staunch the never ending flow of sorrow.
At that moment, one of his servants interrupted his reverie, speaking hesitantly. “Your Highness, the envoy from Sur has arrived.”
Lu Guang snapped back to attention, instinctively placing back the mask of royalty. He straightened and banished any useless, remaining thoughts.
—
The meeting went well, all things considered. The two opposing leaders were perfectly diplomatic to each other. They fully outlined their treaty. Still, there was a lingering sense of distrust.
Of course, that is to be expected after centuries of war.
Qiao Ling seemed like a perfectly nice girl, though she had seemed quite nervous. Lu Guang had went through all the motions expected of him, complimenting her appearance and beauty.
Although, however hard they had tried, there was a barrier blocking a true sense of comfort between them. They hadn’t let it show.
At the end of the meeting, the leader of Sur, King Qiao Haoran, had bid that his daughter stay here to get acclimatized for the wedding. It was accepted.
—
Later, when he was directing the Princess to her chambers, she asked an unexpected question at the entrance as she was about to go in.
“Why do you look so miserable?”
Lu Guang blinked in surprise. How direct. He got a hold of himself after a few seconds and dodged the question.
“That’s not how you’re supposed to address a king.” He tried to intimidate her with his frosty expression. It had worked before, but apparently not now.
Qiao Ling crossed her arms and stared into his eyes without fear. “If we’re to be married, you’d better get used to my personality now.”
Lu Guang cracked an unexpected smile at her snark. “Apparently. Respect doesn’t come easily from you, huh?”
Qiao Ling smirked. “You catch on quick.”
He considered waffling for a few more moments but eventually gave in to just telling her.
“Well, if this relationship is meant to be built on mutual respect, I suppose I can answer your earlier question.” Lu Guang checked his surroundings for any nosy interlopers.
He opened his mouth, not quite knowing what to say. Although, at times like this, maybe it was better for the full truth.
If this marriage was really happening, he needed to tell her why he couldn’t commit to her.
He laid out the full tale, outlining his love for his best friend and how it evolved to where they were five years ago. He spared her details of his heartbreak.
It was cruel to burden his fiancée with this, but he had carried it for so long without anyone to tell. It felt freeing.
Qiao Ling listened attentively, a strange gleam in her eyes. Lu Guang started to get slightly worried. What is she assuming about me?
Old insecurities resurfaced, along with memories of his father. The way he sometimes spoke of his and Cheng Xiaoshi’s relationship… no, not going down there.
He questioned her directly. “Well?”
Qiao Ling’s eyes snapped to his, with a touch of confusion. “Well, what?”
“Aren’t you going to condemn me?” Lu Guang shook his head bitterly. “It’s treason to love a man after all.”
Qiao Ling looked disgusted. “I’m not so narrow-minded as you think I am.”
Lu Guang was taken aback. A sense of wonder started blooming within him. He had finally found someone who didn’t care. It was a pleasant feeling.
“In fact,” she continued, “I support you.” A fervent expression appeared on her face. “I think everyone should have the freedom to love whomever they may want.”
“In that respect,” Lu Guang spoke dryly,“you are very much alone in this kingdom.”
He remembered the many conversations in the months leading up to his father’s death where he’d outlined what he expected of Lu Guang. Each one cemented the fact that Lu Guang was alone with his feelings. He could not expect any support from anyone.
Except for Cheng Xiaoshi. But that was ruined now.
“Would you be ok with this unorthodox marriage?” It was the question that was weighing on Lu Guang. She had so much power in this moment. The scales were either his ruin or salvation.
She offered a gentle smile. “I actually-,”she cleared her throat. “I didn’t want to get married either.”
Relief filled the depths of Lu Guang’s soul. Even so, residual doubts remained.
“It would be a relief to share this union with a friend, I think.” Qiao Ling grinned at him.
The doubts dispelled as if they had never existed. He grinned back at her.
“I think so, too.”
—
After this encounter, the air between them lightened with the comfort of friendship. They were now close and it became second nature to seek each other out.
Unfortunately, this was noticed by his court and people. They tittered around about how their king had finally found love and purpose. It had ‘revived’ him.
What a load of rubbish. I had love and purpose before. But it was fake, apparently.
Months passed, and Lu Guang finally began to move on, in a way. Qiao Ling filled most of the holes in his heart with her overwhelming kindness. He valued her presence in his day-to-day life. She made things easier.
They often had picnics in the Royal Garden, complaining about some stuffy noble or another. He felt as if he had known her his whole life.
My sister. She feels like my sister, which is weird because I’ve never had a sibling. Though, I suppose it’s only natural to develop such a strong attachment to my only friend other than… well, you know.
His thoughts only incentivized him to question how over Cheng Xiaoshi he really was, which was a huge no-no zone.
He shook his head harshly, clearing the cobwebs. He needed to focus on his work. The wedding was approaching.
—
The fateful day finally arrived, along with the arrival of the soldiers returning from the war. Lu Guang had avoided hearing any news about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
He didn’t know whether knowing or being willfully ignorant was the right path. It still hurt, though, and that was what kept him away from the records.
At the moment, he was being outfitted into wedding attire, one from Sur culture, and it was surprisingly comfortable. It was gray as to not clash with his white hair.
He had no inkling as to what Qiao Ling wore but was confident she would pull it off. She had an air about her that sparkled with poise and assurance in whatever she did. It was one of the things he admired about her.
The bells clanged melodiously, symbolizing the start of the wedding. Lu Guang’s heart sped up, roiling with a mix of complicated emotion. He had wanted to share this ceremony with someone else once upon a time…
He took a deep breath and walked out from behind the curtain. In Sur culture, the groom walked down the aisle. It was strange but not unwelcome.
He could feel the eyes on him and his skin crawled. Contrary to popular belief, he didn’t enjoy attention affixed on himself. Some people assumed since he was king that he would. It was far from reality.
His hands shook slightly, but he kept walking. His head was spinning as he strode down the aisle. He forcefully suppressed any feelings trying to voice their dissent to the present situation and placed the mask back on.
He was right: Qiao Ling looked regal in her southern outfit. It suited her wonderfully. If he were anything other than what he was, he would have actually looked forward to this wedding.
The rest of the wedding passed smoothly.
He and Qiao Ling spoke their vows solemnly, though kept their true inclinations silent. Lu Guang found his true feelings reflected back at him, so he tried to comfort them both. He smiled and whispered, “Don’t worry, it will be over soon.” He read the gratitude in her eyes as she gazed back at him.
The time came for the kiss that marked the binding of the vows. Lu Guang made sure to look for consent in Qiao Ling’s expression and gave a peck that lasted about five seconds. He hoped it was enough.
He registered the outburst of excitement a few seconds later, although he could feel an aberration in the air. He couldn’t tell where it was coming from, though.
Whatever, it’s probably not important. (…)
Just then, a dark-haired figure slipped quietly away.
—
At long last, Lu Guang and Qiao Ling were left alone in their wedding chamber. It had been hours upon hours of countless well-wishers and nobility coming up to them wanting to congratulate or subtly insult their union. It was exhausting.
Of course, they would now have to sleep in the same bed, or at least until the excitement of their marriage died down. They both hoped it would be soon.
They settled down to bed and tried to stifle the awkwardness in the air as best they could without talking. It didn’t work.
Lu Guang cleared his throat, shattering the silence. “Good night, Qiao Ling.”
“Good night.”
—
After the wedding, things got easier. Time passed and people slowly started not to care about it. Qiao Ling could now sleep in her own room as long as it stayed inconspicuous.
Although, she began to notice someone hovering in the background wherever she went. It was a boy around her age, with a decently attractive appearance and dark hair.
Eventually, she got fed up with the stalking and confronted him. It was pretty easy to guess who it was after hearing Lu Guang’s story.
Her anger boiled over one day, when Qiao Ling was strolling in the garden, overly conscious of her stalker, so she suddenly swerved and sprinted in the direction where she sensed him.
Unfortunately, he was taller than her and quickly ran away before she could catch up.
Qiao Ling let out some choice words that would have horrified Lu Guang if he had been there. That little bastard…
No matter, she would only try as many times as she needed to catch that rat. Then would come time for questioning.
No one hurt her friends like that, and she would get down to the bottom of it if it killed her.
—
The next occasion she saw the jerk, he was crouching behind some bushes, spying on Lu Guang as he sat outside.
It appeared Lu Guang did not notice. Weird.
She snuck up to Cheng Xiaoshi slowly and dragged him off to the deeper part of the garden.
He struggled and almost clubbed her over the head with his arms, but she had him in a death grip. She covered his mouth lest he gave her away to Lu Guang who was a few feet away.
Lu Guang seemed asleep, actually. Wow. That’s a real talent: falling asleep upright.
She shook her head and focused on the rat she held hostage.
“Alright. You’re going to answer all of my questions or I’m going to tell Lu Guang you’re here.”
His eyes widened imperceptibly, though Qiao Ling caught it since she was so close. However, he appeared to be confused, as though he didn’t know why he knew the name.
A cold feeling sunk into Qiao Ling’s stomach. Something was entirely wrong here.
He looked up, eyes wide with confusion. “Why do I know that name?”