Work Text:
Dear Mr. Milverton,
In the long years I spent in your service, it crossed my mind several times to write this letter to you. Then I remembered who you are and this dissuaded me from the matter. I am there when you read the love letters you end up using as blackmail material, I am there when you humiliate your victims in those negotiations. It makes me happy that I can see your smile in response to the suffering. I live for your joy and it is the purpose of my life to keep it.
But because of this, it felt ridiculous to write a letter about my feelings to the King of Blackmail. Then I realized that you are not only that, sir; not for me.
You are much, much more.
So I decided to write this letter to you at last and tell you what I would never be able to tell you face to face. The feelings you make me feel. How you make my heart beat faster and the blush spread on my cheeks when you look at me. How I feel warmth in my soul even if I only think of you.
I can thank you a lot of things, Mr. Milverton. I am who I am now only because of you, because you gave me a chance on that day years ago, to show that I am not only the class where I was born into. You encouraged me when I felt down, to develop my skills and be even more useful to you. You never stopped making me feel valued, that I have worth, just like any other person. Ever since I was in your service, the despise I felt for myself disappeared. I know that I am enough. And I know that you would never make me doubt that, even if you would never return my feelings.
You don't need to. My life is content because you live in it. I am content because I love you.
You didn't need to do it, but you always managed to cheer me up with a few kind words if I had a bad day. You paid attention to my needs and never let me lack anything. You never forgot to compliment me for my work. You might be cruel to society, to everyone else - but never to me. You let me into your life and into your trust, you shared everything with me that you enjoy and let me partake in your hobbies. Even if I am your subordinate, you treated me with respect like I was your equal. I can never thank you enough for all these gifts. Your gifts.
I would love you even without them, sir. I would be devoted to you even if you treated me like I was a dog. But letting me see the soft side of you, what you hide from everyone else turned my obsession towards you into something else. True love.
I love you, Mr. Milverton, and I will love you even after my last breath, I don't doubt that even in the afterlife. I will follow you to the end of the world, to the depths of hell. Wherever you are, it turns into paradise for me. You are the only thing in my life that matters.
I will never leave you. How can I? You are my air, my blood, my soul, my heartbeat. Without you, I am nothing - I don't even want to be. This will never change. It doesn't matter what you tell me after you read this letter. If that's your will, you can showcase it, expose me in front of the entire country. I sometimes even wish that you do so. I don't want to hide the truth.
That my heart only beats for you.
Your most loyal servant who worships you with all he has,
Ruskin.
Ruskin finished the letter and read it through again. Then he put it away into an envelope with a gentle smile on his face. The light of the flames dancing in the fireplace was like the glowing reflection of what he kept inside hidden for years. Yes, it used to be hidden - but now, it was free, written down on this paper.
This letter contained his soul.