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Today marked 3 months since I burned down the bistro I worked in.
My ear – well, what’s left of it – has been holding up pretty well. I can’t believe I had to lie to the doctors and claim I got into a nasty fight that ended up with someone biting my ear off. It’s just a stub now. I suppress the urge to gag when I catch glimpses of it in mirrors or the reflection of store windows.
To think of what Vincent has done has made me more sick than losing my ear. He cooked up my ex girlfriend and expected me to eat it… I can’t even fathom how someone would do that.
Without a job, I sit alone in my messy apartment, waiting for a job opportunity to appear.
Ring… Ring…
I pick up the phone and hold it against my ear.
“Rody.”
I drop the phone and jolt back. Holy shit…
Vincent!?
—
“Wha… Huh? I—” I splutter out. “I don’t understand… Why would you—”
“I wanted to reach out… to reconcile.”
“Why?” My eyes widened.
“Why not?” I could almost feel the air in the room get colder.
“Uh…” I attempted to think of a good excuse. “My goldfish drowned. Gotta go, bye!”
I dropped the handle and immediately walked out my apartment with no shoes on. I had to get out of there to clear my thoughts. I didn’t care about the gritty, grainy texture of the ground under my thin socks. I needed time. Time to process. Time to think. Time to run.
I acquired at least 20 looks on the tiny walk I was on. Not that I cared, I just wanted the thought of Vincent out of my mind. I hate him. I hate what he did to me. Biting off my ear. Killing my girlfriend. Now he wants to see me after all this time? What kind of toxic relationship have I spiralled into?
But why does the thought of seeing him again… excite me?
Not excite-excite, but… There’s something about him. Something mysterious? Something intriguing… It’s almost like a puzzle needing to be solved. I loved and hated that about him.
No, what do I mean I loved something about him? The only person I loved was Manon, and he killed her. I shouldn’t even start to have those thoughts about Vincent. Then again, I did basically call him attractive to his face… THEN AGAIN, an ugly personality destroys a pretty face.
Why am I calling him pretty!?
I shook my head, attempting to get rid of these growing thoughts as my pace started to speed up. I barged past people, jumped over little kids, and ran until my feet grew numb until I didn’t know where I was; it was somewhere on the outskirts of town I wouldn’t have dared to visit.
I was officially and stupidly lost.
For the first time in months, it felt like I gained a little security.
—
The sun was slowly starting to set and I was still walking around. Honestly, I should’ve grabbed my wallet. One day here and I have no money. Damn, Rody, why do you work on impulse?
I started to walk timidly around the area, trying to get used to my new surroundings. If I had money, I’d actually have something to get, but I’m not really the type to steal. Unless I’m THAT desperate, but I’m not. I looked around the buildings, seeing if anyone was hiring because, well, I was quite hungry. My stomach explained it to me. I groaned to myself. How could I have been so impulsive and careless?
“Fancy seeing you here.”
I whipped my head around so quickly that I felt something click. Fucking Vincent. Of course he managed to figure out where I’d be. I sighed and looked at him.
“Fancy seeing you here.” I repeated, shoving my hands into my pockets.
“I’m just shopping on the outskirts of town.” Vincent’s eyes flicked over me. Why am I getting flushed just looking at him? “What about you? Did you get lost or something?”
“I…” I scratched the back of my neck. “Yes, actually…”
“Do you want me to walk you home?” He extended his hand out. I reluctantly took it, not daring to look at his face. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”
—
My palms were sweaty in his hands, but for someone so prim and proper, he didn’t pull away. I swear I saw him look away every now and then when we caught each other’s eyes. I couldn’t help but to wonder what he was thinking, and why he was so quick to look away. I debated asking him, like “hey, why do you find the ground so interesting when I look at you?” but that thought itself gave me the answer I was looking for.
I was… ugly.
Vincent thought I was ugly.
I feel stupid for not realising sooner. He’s always had this tone with me that he doesn’t have with anyone else. A certain rise and fall to his typically monochrome voice when he speaks to me. Only guys who don’t like me would do that. Plus, we’re completely different from each other, like two poles of a magnet. Ugh, why am I getting these feelings about him when he killed Manon… Why am I even getting these feelings at all?
“Rody?” Vincent’s soothing voice drew me back to reality and made me realise I was gripping his hand. I immediately loosened it. I didn’t want to cause harm to Vincent, even if it was as minor as holding his hands too tightly— OH MY GOD WE’RE HOLDING HANDS?? “Is… Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, just…” I sighed, not bothering to think of an excuse. “There’s a lot on my mind.”
“Would you want to…” I felt Vincent shrug. “Talk?”
Now I had to find an excuse. “The, uh, the landlord’s coming over. Rent. Fun. Broke. As shit.”
“I see… Well, I suppose I could have you over at mine for a while.” I could hear the smile on his lips. I short-circuited completely and forgot how to walk, standing paralysed in front of this man.
I heard a strange sound. Was he… no, he couldn’t be… Was he giggling?! THE Vincent Charbonneau, giggling! I couldn’t help myself; I had to join in gigging from the sheer shock he was capable of making such a beautiful sound.
“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed a couple of nights.” The endearing man continued. “I did call you to reconcile, didn’t I?”
“Oh— Oh, yeah you did!” I smiled. Vincent was really contagious when he was in a good mood. “Where’d I sleep anyways?”
“Well, for starters, I wouldn’t want you on my sofa. You’d crease it.”
“Right…”
“However, I wouldn’t mind you sleeping in my bed.”
My brain short circuited again before I carelessly muttered out, “Y-Yeah… That’s… That would be great!”
Well, not carelessly… I was just shocked the words came out of my mouth before I had time to process them. I couldn’t reject it now that I’ve already said yes. Plus, I was kind of curious to see what his apartment looked like. I know he probably lost everything in the fire. I wonder who was to blame there…
“Are those… two gay men?”
I heard a whisper coming from behind me.
“I’ll pray for them in church…”
Another voice said.
“Well one certainly dresses like he does drag; the one in black, see?”
“Those poor men…”
“Dominique, look away. I wouldn’t want you catching la maladie des pédés at a young age…”
I could tell that Vincent also felt uneasy by the way his posture shifted. His hand gripped tighter on mine and he started leading us to his apartment. I can’t believe society can easily discriminate against people like Vincent and I. One second we were giggling about sharing the same bed, now we’re… We’re getting chased by a bunch of Christians?
Vincent managed to lead me to his apartment with ease. Not because he lived there but because he managed to get the crowd away flawlessly. I was shocked just watching him do it. At least it’s done and over with. I couldn’t really imagine what would’ve happened if they followed us to his apartment. What would they do? Burn us like witches? Splash us with “holy water?”
Anyways, when I walked into his apartment I was STUNNED. I’d never seen a room so tidy, so clean, so… Vincent. The red accents scattered around the place contrasted perfectly with the dark furniture. It was actually kind of cute, but in a Vincent kind of way—
OH MY GOD I’M CALLING HIM CUTE AGAIN. I swear I was on the verge of finding his kitchen, grabbing a knife and stabbing myself. I’ve never actually had thoughts about guys in this way. I mean I’ve known I’ve liked guys – I’ve always known – but I didn’t know I’d get these feelings for my former boss.
Now I’m sleeping in the same bed as him because I’m too scared to go and sort out my own problems.
Oh, jeez.
Same bed.
Me.
Him.
I’m not surviving tonight.
—
“So, uh…” I smiled weakly, making my way to the bed inside his… bedroom. “Your bed is… big.”
“So I’m told.”
“And long.”
“Uh… huh?”
“And… firm—”
“Are you still talking about my bed?”
“Yeah, what else would I be talking about?” I looked up at him and only then did I realise the silliness of my words. “O-Oh… I’m talking about your bed… still.”
Vincent only bit his lip in response and walked over to his kitchen, leaving me on his bed. I couldn’t resist the temptation of flopping back onto it and it just felt like a dream. The duvet was incredibly soft and my head had never known a place safer. No place and no one could beat the sense of euphoria I was in. “I could get used to this…” I said, putting my hands behind my head.
I heard footsteps approach the room, but they stopped at what seemed to be the doorframe. I could only assume it was Vincent. Well, obviously, who else would be in his house.
“Comfy?” Vincent crossed his arms and leaned on the doorframe. I swear I saw him checking me out for like a split second. Maybe it's because he still hates me, and wants to size me up.
“Yeah, suuuuper comfy.” I responded, practically melting into his bed.
“... Good.” He said simply. “Would you help me with something?”
“Yeah? What is it?” I sat up, groaning as I did so.
“The whole reason I was shopping was because I had a dinner party to host. Would you want to—”
“Help serve the guests? Sure!” I beamed and stood up. Vincent immediately walked over to his bed, smoothing out the creases I left.
“I’m not having a repeat of what happened when I did this last time.” He pointed down the hallway. “The bathroom is there.”
“Okay!” I smiled in response. “What time are your friends coming here anyways?”
He checked his watch. “About 15 minutes, but I’d have to change.”
“Right.”
“Would you find somewhere else to stand instead of the doorway?”
“Okay…”
I walked to where his living room would be and made myself comfortable on his sofa. I fiddled with my shirt while I waited for him, but after about 5 minutes I made the revolutionary decision that I had to piss. I got up and made sure I didn’t “crease” his sofa, which, in all fairness, I didn’t. I don’t know why he wants to sleep in the same bed as him… Wait, could Vincent’s feelings for me be completely different?
Oh god… Why can I just imagine him— Mmpfh!
—
After pissing and doing… other duties in Vincent’s bathroom, I thought he’d be finished with getting dressed so I decided “why not bother him?” I walked to his bedroom with the assumption he’s finished and opened the door.
“Hey, Vince–”
“DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO KNOCK!?”
Well. He was shirtless.
God, he looked good.
I attempted to shove down those thoughts, but I was already looking at him up and down, taking everything in like a sponge soaking up water. The red patches and burn marks almost looked unreal… I just wanted to run my hands over them. I had this… this urge – almost hunger – to tackle him and take him on the spot. I could never. I would never. He still used to be my boss and he still killed my ex-girlfriend. Why am I so attracted to him? Why am I having… all of these strange fantasies? Why do I want to act on them? Rody, snap out of it.
“ARE YOU GONNA CLOSE THE DOOR OR WHAT!?”
I immediately slammed the door.
—
Overall, the dinner party went pretty smoothly. I helped to serve Vincent’s friends while they talked about their life. It was kinda boring but I had to stay purely for the sake of sleeping with Vincent.
NOT IN THAT WAY!
We’re just two men who conveniently like men sleeping in the same bed together. I think that makes sense. Vaguely.
Ugh, why am I letting myself move on from Manon so quickly? I genuinely loved her and I was ready to sacrifice anything for her, but that’s why she left me; I was too focused on giving her everything she wanted. Now look at me. I’m so poor that I’ve had to sleep with my boss to not confront my landlord of all people… STILL I don’t mean it in that way. We. Are. Just. Sharing. A. Bed. Why am I overthinking this!?
Vincent grabbed my wrist and dragged me to his bedroom. Could a cold, secluded man be this forward? Whatever he was doing, I liked it. I wanted him to continue. I couldn’t say that though. He’d probably just look at me funny.
When we reached his bedroom, he explained that I’d probably have to wear the same clothes I had on because I had a more “robust form” than him, which was fair. I shouldn’t have spoken impulsively.
“You’ll take them off me though, right?”
I have never wanted to crawl up and die as violently as I wanted to now.
“Is that an offer?”
My face went from white to red instantly. I can’t deny I’ve wanted him since I met him – I mean, the guy is sexy. He hovered his hands over my shoulders for about a second before pushing me onto the soft bed with my head hitting the pillow. I immediately sat up, leaning my hands against the duvet. Vincent didn’t waste a second by taking off the jacket I had on. I fiddled with taking off my belt while he took off his shirt.
I had a good, long look at this man. His body, his scars— No, everything about him made my thoughts grow more desperate by the second. I needed to feel this man inside me, even though I have no experience with letting someone else lead.
Vincent straddled my thighs and leaned in, grabbing my wrists and holding them above my head. “Are you sure?” He asked.
I begged and I pleaded with him, practically squirming under his touch. I felt him slide into me and oh my god, it was amazing to be on the receiving end. My back arched and I let out a sound I never knew I could make. Vincent only smiled back at me and started thrusting in and out of me, drawing more frantic and desperate cries from me.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m getting railed stupid by my old boss. I can’t believe I’m actually enjoying it. Every inch of my body was in ecstasy, reacting with every movement Vincent made. As he started to gain a pace, the bed softly hit against the wall a couple of times. I had no doubt Vincent would be a bit pissed at that after we were finished, but I knew he wouldn’t be right now. He hooked my legs over his shoulders, burying himself deeper into me. I threw my head back in pleasure. My body was squirming and Vincent was enjoying me in this position judging from the smirk he had on his face. Every now and then he’d whisper things like “you’re taking me so nicely,” or “you’re doing so good.” I couldn't even make actual words so when he talked to me, I just moaned in response.
“I’m–”
—
We showered together and I just collapsed on Vincent’s bed again, completely spent from what we had just done. He joined me, except he actually went into his bed instead of collapsing. He extended his arm out and I impulsively crawled over to him, resting my head on his chest. Vincent ran his hands through my hair and I heard him quietly commenting “your hair is so soft.”
I could only make a weak sound in response. My body was overwhelmed with feelings and sensations that had no names. I couldn’t find the words in my throat to respond to him so sounds were the best things I have. I melted into his touch, completely forgetting the fact that this man was a cannibal. He looks like he eats ears for BREAKFAST.
Still, I was in the heat of the moment, exhausted, and looking for someone to cling on to. I closed my eyes, leaning into the touch he was graciously offering me. He was surprisingly good at after care. Usually, when people hook up, they just leave and go back to whatever life they had before. Not Vincent. We just existed together, no words except for our breaths mixed together.
I looked up at Vincent and he looked down at me in response. He smiled, still brushing my hair with his hand. I smiled back. He’s so beautiful to look at. I just wanted to kiss the bags under his eyes. I just wanted to kiss him.
—
It was the next morning and I was obviously dressed in the same clothes I was wearing yesterday. Vincent was in the kitchen with what seemed to be comfortable clothes for him. I really couldn’t help myself. I walked up from behind and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Whatcha making—”
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST— Rody you scared me!” Vincent sighed, glaring at me before going back to cooking.
I shrugged and rested my head on his shoulder. “Can I still know what you’re making?”
“If you insist…” Vincent sighed, placing the knife down. “Pain perdu.”
“So just… toast?”
“Yes?”
“Yum!” I replied. “Mind if I have a bit?”
“Not at all…” Vincent bent over the counter slightly, grabbing something that was pushed back. Unfortunately for me, that meant I had to release my hands from his waist. I immediately wrapped them around him again. “Are you usually like… this in the mornings?”
“Only if there’s someone to be like this with.”
“Right…” Vincent returned to cutting fruits. “I forgot you’re single…”
Even from where my head was resting, I saw his eyebrows furrow like he was in deep thought or something. Why would he do that after remembering I’m single? I copied his action, confused on why he would do that.
“Do you wanna change that or something?” I jokingly asked.
“What if I told you I wanted to?”
I looked at him.
He put his knife down.
He turned around, wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow, shocked by Vincent’s forwardness.
“Did you think this was just going to be a one time thing?”
“Uhhh… No?”
“Good answer.”
What happened next was something I’d never expected.
—
Next thing I knew, I had managed to pin him against the counter and we were sharing a kiss. A passionate one at the least. His hands laced through my hair, moaning softly into my mouth. I tightened my grip on his waist, responding to his sounds. His lips moved against mine with an urgency I had never seen in this man before. I loved it.
I gently pulled my lips away but he pulled me in by my shirt. I was completely and utterly devoted to keeping this man happy. It was disgusting. I loved him. I craved for more like a starved man— I was ready to take off his clothes and fuck him on the kitchen floor… but it’s Vincent. He’s a clean freak. He’d probably scold me and tell me to “wait until we get to the bedroom.”
What I did is that I guided him to the doorway but he pushed me away like he had all the control in this relationship. I followed him back to the counter where he started to cut up fruit again? “Huh?” I made my thoughts vocal.
“Do you think I'm going to leave fruit rotting on my counter because you want to fuck me on my kitchen floor? Rody, have some kitchen etiquette.”
“Right, right…” I muttered.
“Anyways…” Vincent unpacked some strawberries cutting off the calyx. “I was wondering if you’d want to work for me again?”
I really considered this. If I had a job, I’d get money. With money, I could pay rent. With a bit more extra money, I could find someone who would help me move on from Manon… Shit! How in the world could I have forgotten Vincent was responsible for all of this! I still needed money though… I still needed a job.
“You won’t cook up my girlfriend this time, right?” I half-jokingly asked.
“There’s no girlfriend to cook up.”
“... I didn’t hear a yes.” I fiddled with my thumbs.
Vincent stopped chopping, his shoulders tightened. “I won’t cook your girlfriend.”
“Thank you!” I smiled. “I’ll take the job.”
“Well, you’re hired.”
—
My first day back as a waiter in a new building. I had arrived half an hour early so I could figure out what the new building looked like. It was basically the same, except some seats were rearranged a bit. I could easily do this, so then why did I come here so early?
“Rody?”
“Yes, Chef?”
“Call me Vincent.”
Huh? Why would he suddenly allow me to call him that? He’s always preferred his employees to call him chef. The only reason I’m calling him that is because I just want to be nice on my first day. Then again, it was really obvious to everyone that he was softer around me… Add the events from last night too…
“Could you come into my office?” He started walking and I eagerly followed him to his office.
Vincent’s office looked the same but just void of some pictures. I’m assuming they were also burned in the fire. I wonder what he’d do with the extra room on his walls. Maybe some more reviews? Maybe some photos of himself? I swear that man has an ego larger than his ass. Not that I look at his ass but… You know what, I’m just gonna stop thinking about his ass.
Vincent locked the door behind me, which is really unlike him. He’s never usually locked the door. Am I just that special?
He seemed to almost answer the question for me, biting and sucking my neck until there was a red mark just on top of my collarbone. “Vince, do you think we should be doing this—”
“Shh…” He pressed a finger against my lips, biting down on my neck again. I had to stifle a moan so that workers who were outside the room couldn’t hear us.
Why would he suddenly do this? Let alone in his office when there’s people in the building. I wasn’t gonna stop him. I was enjoying what he was doing to me. I loved how I could feel his teeth grazing on my skin, the warmth of his mouth sending me into an almost-daze.
I could definitely get used to this man.
—
Today was… something. Definitely something.
I made my way to the door and reached for the door handle, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me.
Vincent.
He held out a wad of cash, expecting me to take it. Instead I stood there in shock. I’ve only been back one day and he’s already giving me money?
“For the landlord,” he explained.
“Uhh…” I scratched the back of my neck. “So like… I lied?”
“You lied about the landlord? Why’d you do that?”
“I didn’t want to tell you that I—”
I stopped talking. I was caught in my own trap. I couldn’t tell Vincent “Prim and Proper” Charbonneau I caught feelings for him so early! I squinted my eyes, trying for the last time to squeeze an excuse out of myself. To be really honest, it’s not like we’ve already hooked up and kissed…
Except we totally have…
Ugh! Why does he make this so difficult for me? I can’t just say “I’m madly in love with you even though we’re both guys.” I literally can’t—
“You… what?”
Fuck.
“I… I said that out loud didn’t I?” I chuckled a bit.
“You did.” He replied plainly despite the look on his face giving away his true feelings.
“Rody, set the table for two.”