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"You like Pete." Fei had said coldly, putting down the cup of tea that clicked on the porcelain saucer. Niran knew that she could read him like an open book, considering she had known him since he was a kid. Still, the words leaving her mouth sounded weird, like she was speaking a foreign language Niran couldn't grasp.
Niran chuckled nervously from across the table. "I don't. I mean I do, but as a friend. Actually I don't even like him that much, what the hell?"
"You smiled when Pete came in today. I've never seen smile like that with anyone."
Niran opened his mouth to defend himself, but Fei spoke again.
"Remember when you were with Sira?"
"Hm. I wish I didn't." Niran rolled his eyes.
"You always wore a frown when you were with him, even if you said you liked him."
"And what's with that?"
Fei grabbed her cup of tea again to take another sip. "If you smile like that around Pete, you must like him way more than you liked Sira. And Sira was your boyfriend." Fei hid a sly smirk behind the cup of tea.
"That doesn't make any sense!" Niran gestured dramatically. He suddenly felt restless and didn't know why. "Pete is nothing like Sira."
"How so?"
"Sira is an annoying know-it-all who only knows how to follow orders and thinks I'm less than him. Pete is annoying too, but at least he's supportive. At least he… makes me feel good. Of course I smile with him. That doesn't have to mean anything. That doesn't mean anything."
Fei sighed. And that was a long, disappointed sigh. "Do you even listen to yourself?"
Niran didn't like Pete.
Fei was overthinking it.
Niran was overthinking it too.
He was overthinking the way he felt that strong push to stay close to Pete, to touch him and push the strands of his damp hair away from Pete's beautiful face.
That's what he thought as Pete had just come out of the shower. Pete was distractedly rubbing a towel on his head, oddly quiet. Niran couldn't even catch a glimpse of Pete's usual smile. Without caring to dry his hair further, Pete tossed the towel away and hopped on his bed, turning his back to Niran.
Clearly, something was wrong. Since living with him, Niran had started to pick on Pete's little signals. Niran laid on his futon, then stretched this arm to turn off the lights.
Maybe silence and rest was what Pete needed.
Niran tossed and turned under the covers.
He was torn between saying something or keeping his mouth shut. But the flashbacks of a night came to his mind, a night in which Pete had sobbed himself to sleep after opening his heart to Niran. That night Niran just kept still. He just kept silent. Only when Pete was long asleep, he had been able to whisper: "It wasn't your fault." and "I'm here with you."
Now, voice shaking and hid in the dark, Niran found the courage to speak. "Are you nervous for tomorrow?"
Pete sounded surprised to hear Niran's voice. He hesitated. "I'm scared." He eventually said.
"Of what?"
"Losing control." Pete murmured, like it was something to be ashamed of. "You say I can keep it under control, but I can still feel it. The demon. Do you have any idea of how it feels?"
Niran really thought about it. Even though he had been encountered yao, possessed people and demons frequently, he could eventually shake off and disconnect from the evil sources. Sometimes it took time, but he could eventually come back to peace. He couldn't imagine how it would be like not to be able to turn that switch off.
"Now that the seal is broken, I can feel it more clearly. It's like a whisper in my ear. Sometimes it gets louder. It's strong and restless. And it's waiting for me to lose focus. If I slip, it-"
"Pete. I'll be there tomorrow. I'll ground you." Niran cut him off, surprising himself by the gentleness of his voice.
"How?"
"I'll touch you. Talk to you. Remind you who you are. Just like last time."
"Can you do that right now?"
Niran blinked dumbly. "What?"
"Ground me. Come here." Pete asked, voice sleepy, but that restless kind of sleepy that doesn't give you peace. And Pete deserved peace.
Niran's body moved on his own when he stood up. He had to cross the yellow line in the middle of the room to sit on Pete's bed. Pete's back was still to him, his chest raising up and down in restless breaths. So Niran placed a hand on Pete's shoulder.
Pete's hand reached for Niran's. Pete's fingers felt so cold against his. It was only natural their fingers intertwined.
Niran held Pete's hand tight and squeezed, his thumb slowly brushed along Pete's little finger.
"It'll be ok." Niran whispered, like it was a secret he was scared to admit. But he believed it wholeheartedly. He would drag Pete out of hell himself if that was the only way to save him. Niran had promised himself he would protect him, no matter what.
"You're the only one that can calm me down, you know?" Pete said and he suddenly sounded so small, even if he used to be a fighter. Pete was more fragile than he liked to admit. They both were.
"I'm not doing any ritual right now." Niran admitted, because it was true. No evil source was being sucked out, no demon was being exorcised.
"I know. It's not about you being a Wu. It's about you being you."
A flame ignited right in the middle of Niran's chest, burning like never before.
Silence filled the room for long minutes.
"Can I come closer?" Niran eventually asked, suddenly breathless. Pete nodded.
Not letting go of Pete's hand, Niran laid on his side. He wrapped an arm around Pete's waist. Then he kept still, scared that any sudden movement could pop the bubble they were in and push Pete away.
"Tomorrow, or every time you feel like you're losing control, remember how calm you feel right now. Focus on high vibrating emotions." Niran whispered.
"Like what? What's the highest of them all?"
Niran hesitated. He knew exactly why he did.
"…Love."
Pete let out a quiet chuckle, as his body grew warmer by the minute. "Hm. That will do it."
As Pete drifted asleep and his breathing slowed down, Niran's lips curved in a small smile.
Niran buried his head in Pete's back, inhaling the smell of Pete's cheap bodywash like it was the most sophisticated scent he would ever come across.
Fei was actually wrong that time.
Niran didn't like Pete.
He was way past that.