Chapter Text
(appearances and inspiration are based off of the 2026 LOTF BBC series)
Simon couldn’t sleep. It was dark and crowded, and uncomfortable in the little hut where he lay. Where he lay next to the rhythmic breathing of Ralph as he slept. Ralph felt so close to him yet so far away. May it have been some impulse or more of a need for affection, he scooted closer. As close as he could get making minimal physical contact with Ralph and he faced him, but only for a second. His heart beat fast and in the wrong way, and he suddenly became conscious of his breathing. So he scooted away from him, still in close proximity to Ralph, but not as close as before.
***
Sun peaked through the leaf roof of the hut and hit Simon’s face, the light making his hair look golden. The softness of the warmth felt nice on his skin so he stayed laying with his eyes shut for a moment. He felt a soft rustle of the leaves underneath him and he opened his eyes. Ralph had moved to face him and he lay on his propped up elbow, he was awake. Somehow, this made Simon relieved. The closeness and such little distance between them didn’t seem to bother Ralph.
“Simon, are you awake?” Ralph said in a soft voice as to not wake the others. Simon’s eyes were open but he still hadn’t moved. He slowly nodded his head and sat up onto his elbows. When he finally looked Ralph in the eyes he smiled at Simon.
“I suppose you are then.” Ralph concurred and giggled softly as he smiled. In response, Simon half-smiled back.
“I think I’m going to get a drink.” Simon muttered as he crawled out of the hut.
***
Simon sauntered over to a nearby pond and bent down to scoop water into his hands to drink it. He heard the swaying of grass behind him. He gasped and turned his torso quickly to face the noise. It was just Jack.
“There you are. What are you still doing over here in Ralph’s tribe Simon.” Jack barked out less of a question, more of a judgement walking leading himself with a spear. Simon just sighed and turned back around to gently sip more of the water in his hands.
“So you’re ignoring me now? I guess you really are Ralph’s dog now.” He scoffed and prodded Simon’s back with the dull end of his spear. Simon let the water fall out of his hands back into the pond and put his hands on his knees.
“What do you want Jack, why did you come find me?” Simon asked, staring back at himself at the reflection in the water. He heard Jack shift behind him.
“Well I don’t know, I just thought you would’ve come back to me by now.” Jack now spoke kinder looking down though Simon was unable to see him. Simon sighed once more before standing up to face Jack.
“Back to you? Jack, I don't belong to you. I chose to stay with Ralph because he’s different. He doesn’t think that he owns me.” Simon said, gritting his teeth in an attempt to control his anger. He unclenched his jaw and swallowed.
“This is about Ralph then isn’t it.” Jack accused with a blank face, anger festering deep within him. “I knew you were queer, I always knew. Also I never said that I owned you Simon.” Tears pricked at Jack’s eyes as the pace of his breathing picked up. He wiped his eyes with his free hand smearing around the clay on his face.
Simon’s stomach dropped. He felt dizzy like his body would give out under him any moment. That word, queer. The one his father and the other boys in choir had often used to describe him when they thought he wasn’t listening. He hated it, and himself. Because he knew that they were right. He didn’t want them to be. He prayed every night that it would go away. But it never did.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Jack.” Simon squeaked out feeling embarrassed, tears pricking at his eyes just the same as Jack’s did. Simon shoved past Jack and ran as tears fell down his face
***
As Simon ran he tripped over a small rock and fell on his knees. His tears felt like boulders rolling off of his face and his head was pounding. His sobs made him feel like he couldn’t breathe. He knelt there hoping Jack hadn’t followed him, hoping Ralph wouldn't find him like this, hoping that he would stop crying. But it all hurt him so much.
Jack had been his biggest problem for ages. He was just 12 but as long as he had known what love was Jack had always been in his mind. Only just a few months back had he come to the crushing realization that that’s what it was. He felt so guilty and so wrong after he had spent time with Jack. But not in the moment, in the moment he was happy. It was all wrong. The many nights Simon heard his parents fighting over him and the awful sinner that they had created the more wrong it had all become to him.
After a few minutes he sat back and looked at his dirtied and bruised knees with tear stains covering his face. His whole body ached. His mind had betrayed him and Jack saw right through it. It was about Ralph. Simon thought Ralph was the kindest person he’d ever met. Ralph listened to him talk about his parents. When they had first met he was the one to ask Simon what his name was. He was the one to pick Simon to go explore the island with him. He was the one to continue building huts with him when everyone else had gone to do something else. And more over, Simon thought he was really handsome. He wanted to reach up and run his hands through his brown curly hair and stare into his beautiful brown eyes for as long as he could. Simon finally got up from the spot where he fell brushing off his dirty shorts and started on his way back to the huts on the beach.