Work Text:
Bilbo waited just inside his smial door until he was sure that the pesky wizard had left the area. At that point, he stepped outside his smial again because he was certain that he had heard the wizard do something to his door. Sure enough, there was a glowing rune upon his freshly painted door!
“Well,” he huffed, “how very rude!” He didn’t know what the rune translated to, but he knew that it would no doubt lead to an adventure of some sort. Had he been even a decade younger, then perhaps he would have been willing to let Gandalf’s plans play out. Unfortunately for the wizard, Bilbo Baggins had a great many responsibilities that he could not just up and leave. That would make him the rude one! He did occasionally go as far as Rivendell to visit with Lord Elrond and peruse his magnificent library, but even that was planned months in advance. He huffed again. “Oh bother, this won’t do at all!” He made his way to the Gamgee smial next door, and politely rapped his knuckles upon it. It opened to young Hamfast Gamgee.
“Good morning laddie, is your father in?” The fauntling nodded his head enthusiastically.
“Yes, Master Baggins! He’s just out back if you wish to join him for a smoke.” Bilbo smiled at the child.
“Thank you, Hamfast. Would you be a dear and gently remove my front door from its hinges with a friend or two? I need it done quickly, and I shall pay you and up to two friends of yours well for it.” The fauntlings face lit up and he bounced on his toes.
“Oh yes sir, Master Baggins! We’ll get right on it! Madam Proudfoot is selling her famous pies in the market this afternoon, I’ll finally be able to buy one for myself!” And with that, the child ran off to collect a friend or two. It was good to be rich, got things done quicker. Bilbo made his way round to the back of the Gamgee smial, where he found Porro Gamgee smoking a pipe on a bench. He took a moment to admire the garden, the Gamgee’s were always quite skilled at landscaping.
“Bilbo, old friend! Good morning! What brings you here this morning?” called out a cheerful Porro whilst patting the bench beside him. Bilbo smiled in return and said as he sat,
“Good morning, Porro! I would like to procure your assistance in getting me a new smial door within the next few hours. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy today, it simply needs to be solid and sturdy.” Porro frowned a bit and blew out a puff of smoke.
“Whatever happened to your current door? Didn’t you just put a new coat of paint on it a week ago? I’ve never known you to mishandle your belongings, surely it didn’t get gouged by anything or fall off its hinges and break.” Bilbo sighed, and tried not to turn it into a groan. Porro became visibly concerned.
“That wizard with the fireworks is back in the Shire.” He paused a moment to let that sink in for his good friend. He saw the moment it did, as Porro’s hand tightened on his pipe. It was not that Gandalf was hated by the hobbits of the Shire, it was simply that he always managed to cause trouble and disturb the peace. And every so many years, Gandalf would show up to take a hobbit on an adventure. Most returned, but some didn’t (though the Tooks and those closely related to them were often up for an adventure regardless).
“No,” Porro gasped out in horror, also realizing that it was around the time for Gandalf to return for another adventuring hobbit. Bilbo nodded in aggravation.
“Were I younger and with less responsibilities, perhaps I would go on one of his adventures. In honour of my dear mother if nothing else. But his adventures rarely last for less than a year, and I can’t be gone even half that long right now!” Porro hummed in agreement and took another puff of pipeweed.
“But what has that to do with your smial door?” he questioned Bilbo, who did groan in frustration this time.
“That pest marked my door with a glowing rune before he left, and I’ve no idea what it could mean. What I do know, is that it’s likely to be a way marker for someone else. I have no idea how many someone else’s, but it is terribly rude to spring company on a person without first asking!” Porro winced and patted Bilbos shoulder in sympathy.
“Alrighty, I’ll finish this pipe and then get you that door. Shouldn’t be too hard, your smial door is the standard size. The woodworkers no doubt have some simple smial doors ready to go in the back of their workshop. Will you need any help to do so?” Bilbo smiled at his friend in thanks,
“Thank you kindly, Porro. I’ve asked your son to find a couple of friends and take the door off of its hinges in exchange for pay. They are reportedly looking forwards to buying a pie or two from Madam Proudfoot’s market stall this afternoon.” Porro finished his pipeweed and set it on the bench to cool off. They both stood.
“Very good, Bilbo. What are you going to do in the meantime?” Bilbo gave him a mischievous look.
“Why, I shall be taking a stroll through the market of course. I’m sure that someone will be heading to Tuckburough shortly, or that someone will at least be willing to do so once they hear that I am willing to pay them.”
“Pay them for what?” Porro asked in slight bewilderment, thought there was an anticipatory note to his voice as well.
“To cart the marked door and a letter to my Took cousins as quickly as they can, of course!” Bilbo spoke with good cheer. “Dear old Isumbras can decide what to do with the door from there. I care not if someone else wishes to stick it on there smial or not, so long as it is no longer on mine. It simply must be done by dinner though, as I’ve no idea when Gandalf’s current bout of mischief will turn up.” Porro laughed as Bilbo handed him a pouch of coins containing the cost for a smial door and coin for Porro’s labour.
“Then I wish you good luck with that, and I shall see you within the next few hours. Where would you like your old door in the meantime?”
“Oh, just on the ground beside my front bench will be fine. It will be easier to get into a cart from there.” The only reason Bilbo was willing to leave his smial without a front door for up to a few hours, was because that dratted Lobelia was off in east Farthing visiting her Sackville kin right then. Else he’d have needed to pay the lads to guard his smial too!
——-
As Bilbo made his way around Hobbiton, he made sure to make it clear that any out of place visitors in the next week who were looking for Bag End should be directed to Tuckborough instead. He knew that word would spread quickly and felt satisfied about that. It didn’t take him long to find some hobbits willing to take the door to his uncle in Tuckborough at all, and soon enough twins Tomba and Tabitha Brockhouse were on their way south with the marked door. If the roads stayed clear then they should make it in time for a slightly late dinner. In payment, he had provided them with enough food for the remaining six meals of the day (it was not quite time for second breakfast by the time they set out), and money to purchase food for the return trip. He internally grinned like a mad hobbit, Gandalf would not be pulling one over on him, no sir.
Bilbo picked up a can of soft red paint for his new door. He would prefer to paint it green again, but he thought it best to wait until he had received word that whatever adventure Gandalf was going on was completed. He also decided to treat himself come dinner, and picked out some of his favourite cheeses to go with the meal. He was a very happy hobbit indeed.
When he returned home to Bag End, he was pleased to see that the new door was laying out on a work table, ready to be painted. He quickly brought his food purchases inside and then put some coins into a purse for Hamfast and his friends, whom were waiting patiently in the Gamgee yard. Well, patiently if it meant watching the road for him like a trio of hungry hawks! He chuckled as they scurried off to the market after he handed Hamfast the pouch. Silly lads, Madam Proudfoot’s stall wouldn’t be open until after luncheon. Hopefully they would be able to restrain themselves from spending all of their well earned coin before then.
——-
It did not take Bilbo long to paint his new temporary door, and soon enough it was drying in the sun. He had even felt creative and painted some leafy swirls around the edges with a tin of black paint from his shed.
After elevenses, the door was completely dry from the late spring sun. Porro came over again and helped Bilbo hinge it into his doorway, and then Bilbo and Porro sat in the Gamgee garden smoking their pipes and reminiscing. Bilbo enjoyed afternoon tea with Porro and Porro’s wife, Goldilocks, before heading back to his own smial.
Bilbo spent the rest of the day between meals going through some paperwork regarding his businesses and rental properties. He was feeling very peaceful and relaxed, quite the opposite of the early morning.
——-
Bilbo had finished the washing up after supper, and was reading a book by the hearth in his den, sipping on tea. He had already changed into his nightclothes, and was considering heading to bed early that night.
And then there was a knock on his door.
Bilbo got up and put on his robe, hopefully it was just some fauntlings playing a late night prank and not an emergency. He opened the door and blinked at the sight of a clearly irritated Gandalf. Had his father not raised him with proper manners, Bilbo would have slammed his door shut right then and there. Thankfully, for Gandalf, Bilbo had been raised as a gentlehobbit.
“Good evening,” he said to the wizard as brusquely as a hobbit could. “Is there something you need, Gandalf? I dare say that I did not expect to see you again today.” It was a polite lie, as he had actually been slightly worried about Gandalf popping up again since early afternoon. Bilbo stood in the doorway, holding onto the door in a way that would hopefully keep the wizard from rudely barging in.
“Whatever happened to your door?” Gandalf asked him. “It is certainly not the same one that you had this morning!” Bilbo raised a brow at him.
“Doors get replaced sometimes, it happens. Is there a reason I should not have proceeded with my plans this morning?” Bilbo asked the wizard, as though replacing his smial door today had been planned in advance rather than last minute. The wizard huffed,
“However is the company supposed to find your house without the marking?” Bilbo played at being offended at the thought, which wasn’t difficult since he was rather put out that Gandalf had marked up his previously unblemished door.
“Excuse me? What marking? My previous door had no markings on it, what on earth are you talking about? And what do you mean by “the company”? I certainly never invited anyone over today, and certainly never at this time of night. Did my mother never tell you how rude it is to invite others into someone else’s smial?” Bilbo rapid fire demanded of the wizard. Said wizard raised himself up to tower over Bilbo,
“Bilbo Baggins! Where are the dwarves?” Bilbo frowned,
“However would you expect me to know where any dwarves are, Gandalf? I have never even met a dwarf before. I would assume that they are in the mountains somewhere, where I have read that they live.” He tapped a finger against his chin as though he was thinking. “Come to think of it, I did hear around the market today that some strangers were being directed to Tuckborough, perhaps those strangers were your dwarves.” He smiled genially up at Gandalf.
“Now, if there is nothing else that you need, I must be getting to my rest. I am sure that you remember where the inn is?” He waited for Gandalf to give him a shocked nod before continuing. “Then I bid you a good evening, and wish you a pleasant rest. This door had best remain unmarked.” So saying, Bilbo gently shut and locked his smial door. He continued his nighttime routine from there, refusing to let the wizard disrupt him any further.