Work Text:
“I.. Never really.. Liked you..
Okay that sounded HORRIBLE let me restart.. this .. uhm..
I was never a fan of your… existence? I guess..
You’ve always been different, not in a good way. Everyone has something that makes them different and stand out, heck even Roboty! But I still.. Don’t know what it is.
But, that’s not the point, we all have something in common… We know we aren’t safe and never will be. I’ve been here for all my life, my first words, my first steps, book, uhh.. My head hurts.. I’ve been here for as long as Pencil has existed.. Even though you are a few years younger than me, I expect you to know how this system works, you know how Fourner acts yet you risk it all..
For what? I mean.. I simply do not see the point in all you do! You are the 5th student, I expect more from you. Well, no one really expects anything from you. I just simply lied. You are more childish than the literal child we currently have in this classroom.
You lay on your stomach, doodling a girl who only lives in your fantasy, while kicking your feet in the air giggling. Oh, how it creeps me out. The way you try making your long skirt shorter, your two crooked ponytails, the gap between your teeth that isn’t even perfectly centered, OH does it bother me!
Yet I still don’t care about you.
After what happened today, I feel bad. LIKE I MEAN.. You deserved it! But I still feel bad. You were humiliated, embarrassed, in front of all the other student. By The Fourner itself.. Must hurt. I felt bad but I knew what makes me incredibly more superior to you is that.. I learned to never lower myself the way you do. You are all happy till someone questions you, then it all falls down.. Doesn’t it? Why won’t you admit that? All Fourner did was judge you on your idolism!
You worshiped a woman who did not even exist, even if she did, I don’t think she would love you the way you love her. Icy, wasn’t it the name you gave her? Why? Like, simply why?
I’ll let you self reflect, m’kay? I hope it doesn’t stress you out any further.
You were stupidly doodling that ice girl during the meeting about the importance of the numerical leaders. It caught you.
You weren’t supposed to be drawing. It snatched it away from you, it LAUGHED at you!
Any punishment would have been less worse than that. Heck even death, just thinking about it gives me second hand embarrassment. It went on and on about how you were created to show what happens when you let yourself go, not just on your mind but physically too.
It laughed at any part of you it could bite, and it bit you whole.
Talk about loss of dignity!
AND.. Liy giggled first! It was a chain reaction, you can blame me, you never can! I would never ever.. DO what you did. It’s foolish, I have to admit. So I do want to apologize that, sorry to admit, a little crack formed in my usual dull expression, something you’ll never maintain.
I guess that’s what happens when you lived in the nurses office all your life but that doesn’t give you the excuse to be so disrespectful. Heck, you’re reading this right now but you probably don’t care at all!
Uh, I know we aren’t living good lives, especially you, you’ll die at any time and I guess that is how it will always be. But you never expressed worry over it, I’ll admit, makes it jealous. But not really? Its… confusing, real confusing. I hope you don’t hate me at all, not that I care, but I do.”
-With Deep Regrets, Pencil