Work Text:
The sun had set, the beach sparsely populated. Keonho watched as Martin hoisted Juhoon up his back, Juhoon's deep laughter resonating throughout the area, igniting a flame inside Keonho's heart.
Summer had just begun, but the air was cool, wind blowing past the sand, almost snuffing out the barbecue James had been working on for the past half hour, the guy insisting on doing it alone 'cause he thought highly of his culinary skills.
Martin was racing around now, yelling something Keonho couldn't decipher. Juhoon held on, clutching Martin hard enough, his wide grin pressed against Martin's tan skin. Keonho kept on watching, observing the lines of Juhoon's smile, the crinkle of his eyes—how he and Martin just seemed to fit.
A hard lump wedged itself down Keonho's throat. He adjusted his position on the lounge chair, uncomfortable, disoriented. Even downed the rest of his coke so he'd have something else to focus on.
All to no avail.
Keonho could still smell the salt on his skin. Hours earlier as the descending sun warmed their backs, Keonho had taken a dive in the sea, wanting to swim 'cause it was the one thing he excelled at since childhood. Juhoon had been reading under the beach umbrella, these big sunglasses perched over his eyes, while Seonghyeon, Martin and James had been messily slapping sand castles together, getting tipsy in the process.
Keonho was sort of used to orbiting his friends, witnessing how effortlessly they got along. Supportive of it, even. So he'd been more than okay with facing the sea on his own, the whisper of the waves, the birds cackling overhead, and his friends' laughter a welcomed background noise.
Then Juhoon showed up. All of a sudden, they were face to face, submerged all the way to their shoulders.
"Hi," Juhoon had said, probably because Keonho had been caught watching him for far too long. The light strands of his hair had gleamed beneath the sunlight, a surreal gold. Keonho quickly felt his throat close up.
"Hi. You're making this awkward," Keonho told him, his heart hammering at his ribcage. Juhoon had just snorted in response, drifting away, and Keonho had wondered if he had always been that easy to read.
Now, Juhoon lingered at Martin's side, Martin staring out into the darkened seashore, while Juhoon stared at him.
Nausea bubbled up Keonho’s throat. Juhoon looked just like he did.
"Yo."
Keonho snapped out of it, eyes falling on Seonghyeon. As always, he looked like he was in a hurry, balancing a drink in one hand and a sparkler in the other, his cap pulled low.
"What's up?" He asked as he plopped down next to Keonho, tossing him the can. "Don't worry, it's just soda. We know you're the one driving tonight."
It was a long story. Keonho had lost a dare last week, but he didn't mind as he got his driver's license a month ago and needed all the help he could get, wanting to prove himself.
Keonho's gaze then fell on Juhoon, who swirled something in the sand with a stick, his smile soft as he tucked wayward strands of hair behind his ears.
Seonghyeon cleared his throat. Their eyes met, Seonghyeon's quietly curious face illuminated by his sparkler. Keonho didn't like what he saw—how inscrutable Seonghyeon could get at times.
"It's nothing," Keonho said, well aware he just made himself a hundred times more suspicious.
Seonghyeon's expression remained passive, until something sour tugged at the corner of his mouth. It lasted half a second, Keonho wondering if he'd imagined it.
"Yeah, right," Seonghyeon said, finally.
The air grew warmer, both from the chicken roasting on James' grill, and Keonho's embarrassment.
Seonghyeon noticed. Keonho could try to hide, pretend he was okay, but Seonghyeon had known Keonho the longest. Maybe that was why he was only his gentlest self with Keonho.
"It's fine." Seonghyeon patted Keonho's back, only hesitating for a brief moment. "C'mon, drink up. You look like you’re gonna barf."
Keonho drank, thankful he did because minutes later, nearly hidden within the shadows, Juhoon and Martin held hands.
Juhoon didn't want to leave the car, mumbling something about dancing sea lions. Martin and Seonghyeon were still hyper, but James had also gotten knocked out in the backseat. He didn't look as graceful as Juhoon, though. No one could, really.
Keonho paused, watching how Juhoon's hair fell above his shut eyes, the slow rise and fall of his chest. He reached out, slowly, about to unclasp Juhoon's seatbelt when the back door clicked open, Martin sliding out.
He got to Juhoon in no time, dragging him out of the front seat. "Alright, let's get you inside."
The full moon dazzled, yet Martin led the way to the porch with his phone's flashlight, while Juhoon's arms found Martin's waist like they belonged there.
Keonho averted his gaze. A sharp ache seized him, holding his heart hostage.
Seonghyeon studied him through the rearview mirror. Without his cap, his shaggy hair messily framed his face, dark eyes alert.
Keonho's throat constricted. He suddenly couldn't bear how exposed he felt right then under Seonghyeon's attention.
"You like him," Seonghyeon said.
"It doesn't matter." The words felt like jagged glass, scarring Keonho’s soul.
A pause. Keonho stared at Juhoon's house, knowing deep down Martin would probably spend the night there.
"Juhoon would be lucky to date you, y'know." Seonghyeon's words caught Keonho by surprise. "Anyone would."
Keonho held his breath, unable to come up with a response. Seconds passed, the atmosphere thick with tension. Seonghyeon just shook his head and called shotgun, making himself comfortable.
Keonho watched him.
"I'm the next stop, aren't I?" Seonghyeon smiled, brittle, appearing fragile for the first time in his life.
"Right." Keonho cleared his throat. "You are."
Seonghyeon's mom called him on the way, his lockscreen a picture of Nari inside her tank. Three months ago, Keonho had gotten the goldfish only to discover he couldn't take care of something to save his life. So Seonghyeon had volunteered to 'adopt' her, and looked after the fish better than Keonho ever could've done.
"Nari looks great," Keonho attempted to make conversation, not knowing why he was overthinking so much.
"Oh, well." Seonghyeon shrugged, seemingly having the same problem. James abruptly snored out loud, and they both laughed, easing up.
Keonho spared Seonghyeon a glance a moment later, noticing how Seonghyeon stared out of the window, his smile softening his face.
Keonho soon stopped at Seonghyeon's house, remembering the countless sleepovers he'd had in that place. Seonghyeon's gaze stopped him in his tracks.
Keonho's heart thrummed. "Yeah?"
"Nothing." Seonghyeon turned to leave, then froze. "We're graduating soon." His eyes bore into Keonho's, intense, piercing right through him.
Static rang in Keonho's ears. The silence dragged, and Seonghyeon leaned in, searching his face, eyes bright.
"Keonho—"
Keonho's breath hitched, and he pulled back like he'd been stung. Heat swarmed his chest, and when Seonghyeon's face fell, he felt like he'd suffocate.
"Seonghyeon, wait."
"Nah." Seonghyeon turned away from Keonho, the dullness of his voice making Keonho's heart clench. "There really isn't anything to talk about, is there?"
Keonho could have said a lot of things, but didn’t. Couldn’t. Seonghyeon got his answer. He couldn’t get out fast enough, the door slamming as he strode off.
Everyone used to call them twins when they were younger, when they'd been attached at the hip. Now, Keonho's heart sank with the realization that things would never return to what they once were.