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My life or Our Life?

Summary:

What happens when someone reveals something Buck has been keeping a secret - but not so secret? How had Eddie not seen it before. Of course the team didn't know any better!

Notes:

HEY HEY this is chapter one and it won't be very long but I just wanted to get this out there! This was in honor of memorial day. I never really understood why people said "Thank you for your service" when most of the time people don't feel like their service is worth thanking? It's an interesting psychological thing.

Chapter 1: The woman

Chapter Text

B-shift slowly scrambled out of the fire house, some stragglers staying behind to get some well needed rest. It had been a long couple of days with bon-fires gone wrong to grandpa shooting himself with a firework. Memorial day was always busy before, during, and after the scheduled holiday. B-shift had gotten the dreaded sunday right before Memorial day this year, and A-shift got the holiday itself. They were all so excited… 

 

Chim: “Who wants to bet with me? 5 dollars on our first call being a fight or firework!” 

Hen: “Oh come on those are the two most likely calls if it's a small call. It’s basically a guaranteed win for you.” 

Chim shrugged Hen’s eyeroll away as he turned his head to Buck and Ravi who had been having their own side conversation. 

Chim: “What about you two?”

Ravi: “Hen’s got a point, those are the two most likely smaller calls, plus I bet you don’t even have a 5 dollar bill on you. You know I don’t use cashapp or anything like it.” 

Ravi crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the lockers and glared at Chimney, who had held up his pointer finger and went to defend himself, only to stop halfway through. 

Ravi: “Figures!” 

Chim: “Who keeps cash on them anymore!” 

Buck: “I do? You never know when the systems will go down and you won’t be able to use your card. Or if you’re at an oddity fair or something. Half the time they don’t take cards. “

Chim: “Aside from the encyclopedia.”

Buck: “Hey! It’s true!”

Hen and Eddie, who had already finished getting ready, both chuckled at Buck’s reaction to Chimney. Eddie just shrugged and gave Chimney a glance. 

Eddie: “I keep cash from time to time. It’s easier for places like the zoo or aquariums. It takes forever to get through the card lines.” 

Chim: “Okay but this is simple betting at work not a Zoo.” 

Eddie: “Zoo, firefighting, same thing.” 

 

They all get a good laugh out of that before Bobby is hovering in the doorway of the locker room and clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention.

 

Bobby: “Well team, as you all know it is going to be a busy day as it is a holiday. Any veterans are free to leave if you have been scheduled, however if you'd like to stay you're more than welcome to.”

 

Chim: “We all know Eddie is staying, dude never celebrates his service day.” 

Eddie: “I just don’t see much point in it. It’s just an excuse for people who have never served to drink.”

Buck: “Josh usually visits his service members' graves, he’s been sober 10 years now I believe.” 

 

The team gave Buck a glance, Bobby being slightly confused as well.

 

Ravi: “Oh is that why he isn’t here today?”

Buck: “Yeah he said he wasn’t coming, Him and Martha are going to an anniversary for his team and then they are stopping by with cookies. You know her, she always gets anxious around these types of days.”

Ravi: “With good reason..” 

Buck: “Hey. Don’t think like that he’s better now than he was then. People cope differently.” 

 

The team watched the two have their conversation even more confused now. 

 

Bobby: “Josh is our other paramedic. He was supposed to team up with Chimney but gave the position to Hen so he could work on our trucks and engines. He sometimes goes on larger calls with us but for the most part he does our mechanic work on our tools and equipment.” 

Chim: “Oh! Saw guy?”

Hen: “Saw guy?”
Hen looks over to Chimney with her disappointed, yet endearing look. 

Chim: “Yeah he always seems pissed off when I bring him the saw, I thought it was cause he hated the equipment or something-” 

Buck: “No it’s because every time you bring him the saw he knows he is going to spend a good 30 minutes sharpening it. “ 

Chim: “I like to be thorough with my work.”

 

Before Bobby can get a word in about Chimney giving coworkers demeaning nicknames the tones go off and everyone is in motion to get their gear on. Bobby grabs his radio and begins to conversate with dispatch about what to expect and who they may need. 

 

Bobby: “Okay team. A 5 story apartment fire, fourth and third floors are already lit and station 147 is there. We are coming in as backup to try and minimize the fire as long as we can to help 147 evacuate. Everyone is coming. Hen-Chimney ambulance, you can pick who drives. Buck-Eddie-Ravi in the engine. Steven you're driving.”

 

Team 1-1-8: “Yes Cap!” 

 

As the team rushes to their positions and gets going they make small conversation in the back of the engine. Ravi and Buck continue to talk about their conversation from before, Eddie asks questions here and there but stares out the window for the most part, his knee bumping with Buck’s as the ride continues. Buck is sitting middle next to Ravi and Eddie, looking at Ravi as they conversate about the most random topics now as they have completely forgotten what they were originally talking about. 

 

Ravi: “I greatly dislike ketchup. It’s not even a condiment, it’s just a thinned out smoothie.”

Buck: “What! Thinned out smoothie!?” 

Ravi: “Yeah! The sugar to tomato ratio is insane!”

Buck: “Okay but if ketchup is a smoothie because tomatoes are fruits then is tomato soup a fruit soup or vegetable soup? Are there fruits in soup? Has someone made fruit soup?”

Ravi: “You had better not text me about some recipe from the 1700’s at four in the morning because you go on an internet spiral about fruits in soups.”

Buck: “Not fruits in soup - fruit soup. Two different things!”

Ravi: “My statement still stands. Ketchup is not a condiment therefore should not be used as such.” 

Buck: “So then what do you use on your fries? Don’t tell me some bullshit health thing like garlic lemon sauce.” 

Ravi: “Bar-b-que sauce.” 

Buck: “That has more sugar in it than ketchup!” 

Ravi: “Yeah but it's not a fruit!” 

Buck: “That is not the argument you think it is.” 

Bobby: “Okay boys this does not have to be over the microphones. Now I was just informed the fire has been decently contained but they still have an unknown amount of occupants unaccounted for. When we touch down on the scene Buck-Eddie you two are going to speak with the captain of the 147 and see where he wants you, Ravi you’ll be helping station 166 with the hoses. Hen and Chim will be extras for the paramedics already on scene.” 

Eddie-Ravi-Buck: “Yes cap.” 

 

Once on scene they went their separate ways and were given their tasks. Ravi helped the 166-147 teams with keeping the fire from spreading as much as possible. Hen and Chimney helped with evaluations of the victims that were being evacuated. Buck and Eddie helped with evacuations and injuries as they came across them, following closely behind with the 147 team doing evacuations. Bobby helped the 147 captain with directing both victims and responders to their designated spaces, as well as relaying information to and from dispatch as it came in. 

 

With Buck and Eddie. 

 

Buck and Eddie had been together on the fourth floor with two other firefighters from station 147, as they were looking for residents to evacuate Buck and Eddie had been separated as well as the two from the 147. 

 

Buck: “Guess that means we keep moving forward.”

Andres: “What? I can’t just leave my partner back there and what about yours? What if something happens?”

Buck: “First scene kid?”

Andres: “Not exactly- I’ve been on a few scenes already-” 

Buck: “The best advice I can give you is that if you are to ever get separated from your team you keep moving, unless you are injured. We have our comms still if something happens and we still have a job to do. Besides, your partner and mine have each other to fall on if something happens. I have you and you got me. We still need to clear this floor and we can’t do that by standing here.” 

Andres: “But my captain says if we get separated to wait until the other can find us again?”

Buck: “Sure okay, if you were to do that how would the other find you? By your logic you are both waiting for the other to find you. If neither of you are moving how can you find each other?”

Andres: “That- that’s a good point. So then we finish clearing the floor and find a way out?” 

Buck: “Basically”

 

While the two were having their conversation they had been moving around the left section of the fourth floor, checking rooms and common areas as well as burning stairwells to make sure no one was left behind. When the four had gotten separated the roofing had fallen and covered their path back to Andres’s partner and Eddie. 

 

Woman's voice: “Help! If someone can hear me, please Help!!” 

 

Andres: “Did you hear that?” 

Buck: “I did, any chance you know which direction it’s coming from?” 

Andres: “West?” 

Buck: “Good call. Come on”

 

The two head west to try and find the person sending their distress signal. They come up to a blocked off apartment, debris has fallen in front of the door and trapped the individual inside the room. Andres and Buck slowly clear the doorway and get ready to break down the door. They can hear the individual asking for help and are able to briefly communicate before the person stopped responding.

 

Buck: “step back, WE’RE COMING IN!” 

 

Andres had moved back as Buck kicked the door open, the frame of the door popping with a loud thud, pieces of the door spreading from the abrupt force. Buck and Andres then moved into the apartment in search of the individual. Buck was the one to find the woman unconscious on the floor of her bedroom. She had tried to keep smoke from coming into the room by placing wet towels on the gap under the door and opening her window to allow smoke to exit instead of keeping it trapped, however over time she inhaled too much smoke and was now unconscious. Buck did a quick check over the individual to make sure there were no immediate injuries he had to be careful off, and followed by lifting her up. Andres had come to check on Buck after a few moments with a younger girl in tow. 

 

Andres: “Found her in the apartment next door, Woah- you found our mystery lady it seems.” 

Buck: “Glad you found the kid, let's head out, we checked all the possible locations and found two victims. I'm sure we can go ahead and head back down.” 

 

The girl covers her mouth as she begins to cough and hangs her head down. 

Buck sets the woman who is slowly gaining her consciousness on a couch nearby, He had previously given her his oxygen tank to help her, he asked for the mouth guard and the woman handed it back to him, he gave the oxygen to the little girl and took her jacket off to help shield her from the heat around them. Andres gave the woman a check over - Buck learned he was a training paramedic - and cleared her to be moved. Andres had already cleared the little girl as well, which Buck was glad to hear. 

Woman: “I can walk with her, I feel much more stable now. Thank you- Firefighter Buckley? And Winsten? I hope I’m saying those right.” 

Andres: “Yes Ma’am you got me correct” 

Buck: “No need to thank me ma’am just doing my job, and Buckley is correct but you can just call me Buck if it's easier.” 

Little girl: “Buck! I’m Lucy” 

Buck: “Nice to meet you Lucy! You wanna go ahead and get out of here?” 

Lucy: “Yes please..” 

 

The group begins to exit the apartment complex, being careful to avoid the hot spots throughout the complex and stay together as they make their way to the first floor and later the ambulances and engines. When they make it outside, Buck and Andres’s partner - Who Buck had learned was Elaine - are already there Eddie is speaking with Bobby and the 118 while Elaine is trying to get ahold of them over the comms. When Elaine sees the four of them she all but runs over her captain in hot pursuit. 

 

Elaine: “Winsten! What the he-ck man!! Why haven’t you been responding to your comms!?” 

Andres: “You’ve been talking on the comms? Nothing came through?” 

Buck: “That’s because your radio is busted, has been the whole time.” 

Andres: “WHAT! But you said if we had our comms we were fine! You knew!?” 

Buck: “You would still be in that building if I hadn’t lied about the comms.” 

Andres: “I- that’s besides the point!” 

Buck: “Regardless we need to give these two to the paramedics to be checked.” 

 

The 118 who had slowly made their way over were watching the conversation go down, Hen decided to step up and take the little girl - Lucy - and the woman, Buck learned her name is Marida, to the medical tents to be checked over. 

 

Buck: “Thank you Hen!” 

Hen: “No problem Buckaroo.” 

Elaine: “You know you two had me and Diaz there scared half to death! No communication, No knowledge of if you were injured or not, Nothing! Then when we did make it back to find you two neither of you were there!” 

Captain Troy: “You know protocol is to stay where you are until you're reunited with your partner Winsten.” 

Buck: “That’s a shitty protocol.”

Captain Troy: “Excuse me? You don’t get to tell me how to run my team Mr. Buckley.”

Buck: “Winsten here is alive because I told him to disobey your protocol. I’m assuming the reason Elaine is so worried is because 1. Winsten is a paramedic, that’s what he is being trained for so he isn’t supposed to be on these larger calls and in the fire themselves. 2. When she made it back to where we had been separated there was fallen debris where we would have been, right? The entire section there was unstable so if we had stayed we would have been crushed.” 

Elaine: “Protocol is to wait until you're reunited! Especially given that you both had no form of communication! What if something had happened? You don’t get to drag Winsten down with you Buckley! Don’t think I don’t know about your stunts.”

Eddie: “Woah, Hey. Don’t go around accusing my partner of foul play. He has already explained that he did everything he could to make sure they both made it back here. Buck’s right when we had made it back to the place we got separated there was fallen debris and Elaine assumed that meant one of you was hurt.”

Andres: “Even if one of us were, we both know basic medical treatments?” 

Elaine: “Regardless of what you know and don’t know you went against protocol.” 

Andres: “What’s the actual issue here? You’ve been like this all morning, worried and tightly wrapped ready to explode like you're doing now! The moment you heard the 118 was coming to help you’ve been insufferable!”

Elaine: "Because the last thing we need is someone getting hurt! Which tends to happen when the 118 is on scene.”

 

During this conversation Captain Troy had walked away with Captain Nash to speak about the issue at hand. Both could over hear the conversation Eddie, Andres, and Elaine were having but hadn’t stepped in yet. Buck had walked away from the argument to talk with Ravi about what happened aside from Eddie and Elaine, however he could hear everything being said. 

 

Eddie: “What is that supposed to mean? You think we purposely get hurt or something? We are firefighters. It's part of the job, you can’t protect Winsten from getting hurt on the job, you can't protect anyone from it.”

Elaine: “I can fucking try.”

Andres: “And then what? When I get hurt are you going to resent me? If I get hurt are you going to try and keep me from going on calls? Keep me from doing my job? Even after I’m better? That’s ridiculous.” 

Elaine: “Of course not, I'm just saying this could have been prevented if you had just stuck to protocol and not listened to Buckley.” 

Andres: “I would have been injured that way.”

 

Buck couldn’t help but laugh at how ironic that entire statement was. Keeping someone from work because you’re afraid of them being hurt, keeping people from experiencing life because you are afraid of them getting hurt. Life is painful, it always will be. Don’t keep people from going through pain because it's painful, without those experiences they will never learn. Eddie stayed silent after Winsten’s last comment, or concerns more like it. He glanced at Buck who seemed to not be listening, had he done that to him? After the bombing, had they all done that to him? They were so afraid of losing him that they almost did, but Buck doesn’t think he deserves anything good so he stayed. They were terrible to him and he stayed. Buck had turned and began walking back over to them so Eddie had turned his head back to the conversation going on. 

 

Elaine: “You can’t be sure of that”

Andres: “It was literally confirmed that there was a small collapse where we had been that probably would have killed at least one of us if not both.” 

Buck: “That’s enough from you both. I’m pretty sure everyone at dispatch would prefer not to continue hearing this conversation. Elaine, you're still on the radio with dispatch.”

 

Elaine reached up to switch her radio off, she had forgotten all about radioing to dispatch to see if they could get a hold of Winsten or Buckley. 

 

Buck: “We went against protocol, we made it out alive with no injuries and two victims. You both are trying to prove that you’re right when neither of you are. We were wrong for going against protocol but you are wrong for wanting us to follow protocol when it would have killed us. Now will you both go back to your team?”

 

Before anyone could respond the woman from before - Marida - had walked over with his turnout coat. 

 

Marida: “Lucy wanted to make sure this was returned, but she went back to her mother before she could get the chance to so I figured I would. Plus I promised I’d watch it to make sure it got back to you. Thank you for saving the two of us” 

 

Buck had taken the turnout coat from Marida and smiled at her before responding

 

Buck: “Like I said before, just doing my job ma’am. Thank you for returning my coat.” 

Andres: “Glad to hear Lucy made it back to her mom she felt so bad she had gotten separated from her. Apparently Lucy lives or lived on the fifth floor and when they were evacuating she couldn’t keep up and got separated.” 

Marida: “Yes her mother and her live on the fifth floor, the stairwell was packed with people that’s why she couldn’t get down there.”

Andres: “Is that why you couldn’t?” 

Marida: “Oh no, I’m deaf without my hearing aids and I don’t wear them when I’m home. I didn’t even know the fire was happening. No one had come by to tell me and if they had knocked I probably didn’t hear it to begin with.” 

Andres: “What apartment were you in?” 

Marida: “Oh, 409”

Andres: “Elaine you said 2-14 were clear on the fourth floor?” 

Elaine: “Me and Stewart had cleared it.”

Andres: “Right. Apparently not.”

Buck: “Regardless. I’m glad we got to you, how are you feeling?” 

Marida: “Spooked but fine, my chest no longer feels like it's on fire so that's a plus.” 

Buck: “Did you want to do a check up at the hospital, we highly recommend it since you inhaled quite a bit of smoke.” 

Marida: “No no, I’ll be fine. Hen assured me that it was minimal and if it got any worse to get checked out. Before I go I just wanted to thank you for your service. Working on memorial day must be hard for you.”

 

This time around before Buck got to respond Eddie glanced over and spoke up, which Buck had taken as an opportunity to leave and speak with Bobby about the issues with station 147. 

 

Eddie: “How did you know I had served?” 

Marida: “Oh! I was speaking to Mr. Buckley actually- I hadn’t known you served as well. Thank you for your service as well.”

Eddie: “Buck hasn’t served?” 

Marida: “He hasn’t? I just assumed with the trident tattoo he had. My apologies.” 


She gave him a simple smile as she left with an officer to talk about her original whereabouts and any information she could give on the fire. 

 

Eddie: “Trident tattoo? Buck doesn’t have a trident tattoo. Does he?” 

 

Eddie thought aloud to himself for a moment trying to figure out if there was ever a time he could remember where he had seen a trident tattoo on Buck before. I mean they changed next to each other in the locker room but Eddie never took that as an opportunity to check the man out, not that he would anyway.. I mean sure Buck has some impressive muscles everywhere-quite frankly. Buck had been working up his triceps for a while and it showed–obviously.. But there wasn’t any specific instance Eddie could recall that he paid extra attention to Buck’s tattoo’s. I guess now he could given that he has an excuse. I mean it wouldn’t be weird to be curious now. 

 

After the scene was handed over to police and the fire was taken care of the 118 returned to their station in one piece - which is unusual for them but at least no one was injured. Eddie had been silent the entire drive back to the station while Ravi and Buck spoke about the most random topics per usual. Once at the station they all one by one headed to the showers to rinse off and get out of their gear. Buck on the other hand had just changed real quick and gone upstairs, did he usually do that or was that different because of what happened earlier? Eddie couldn't remember for the life of him. 

 

Eddie: “Does Buck usually wait until we are all done showering?”
Hen: “The whole time he’s been here, yeah?”

Chim: “Surprised you hadn’t noticed that before. I mean you two are basically conjoined at the hips and you didn’t realise his presence has been gone this whole time?”

Eddie: “Okay well against popular belief I don’t watch his every movement and I don’t shower with him so I wouldn’t take note of it for any reason.”

Hen: “Then what makes today different?” 

Chim: “Yeah! Did something happen between you two?” 

Hen slaps chimney on the shoulder and chimney recoils slightly with a confused and maybe hurt expression. 

Eddie: “What? Nothing happened well, not exactly?” 

Hen: “What do you mean not exactly?” 

Hen and Chimney were now paying close attention as Eddie continued to untie his laces. 

 

Eddie: “Well the woman Buck had rescued with that new guy at station 147 had mentioned something that confused me. Have you guys seen a tattoo of a trident on Buck anywhere?” 

 

Anddd Hen and Chimney both sighed, Hen giving Eddie a big eyeroll and CHimney walking away to his locker. 

 

Hen: “You talking about the pitchfork on his collarbone? Never really asked about it but it’s not entirely hidden? Is there something significant about it?” 

Chim: “Did the woman say something in specific that got you thinking about the tattoo?” 

Eddie: “Are you sure it’s a pitchfork?” 

Hen: “I mean pretty sure? I think it had an anchor with it so maybe it’s a trident? I don’t analyze Buck’s tattoos”

Chim: “Now that you mention it, there’s a number under the tattoo too actually I think it said like COM 7 or something. Not too sure what that means though you’d have to ask Buck” 

Buck: “Ask me what?” 

The three of them whipped their heads to the doorway that Buck had popped his head into, Hen kept grabbing her things to change, Chimney and Ravi both looking between each other before grabbing their things, leaving just Eddie. 

 

Buck: “Well that’s one way to clear a room I guess.. Was it something I said?” 

Eddie: “No I think you just scared us all by appearing from thin air-”

Buck: “Oh, sorry, I just wanted to know what you guys would prefer to eat for dinner tonight. Me and Bobby were debating between Chilli or Lasagna. What were you guys talking about anyway?” 

Eddie: “I vote Lasagna, and I was mentioning the woman you had saved- she had said something that threw me for a loop. It's nothing, don't worry about it.” 

 

Eddie grabbed his things to shower and left the locker room, Buck went back upstairs to tell Bobby that lasagna was voted for.