Chapter Text
RATEMYPROFESSOR
MAX VERSTAPPEN
Professor in the Psychology Department at FIA INSTITUTE
58% would take again. Difficulty: 4.89
For credit: Yes. Attendance: Not mandatory. Textbook: No.
user1: max is brill i hate his guts. everyone should take this class once just to see what hell will be like when the depths rise up to meet us. he once spent an hour talking about the byzantine empire instead of freud and when we asked about it he told us to make shit up, “it’s what freud would do”. he is so intelligent and such a wealth of all knowledge and he’s fantastic at explaining things. that said he’s also the worst
CHARLES LECLERC
Professor in the English Literature Department at FIA INSTITUTE
98.9% would take again. Difficulty: 1.8
For credit: Yes. Attendance: Mandatory. Textbook: No.
user2: Prof Leclerc is actually fantastic, he just gets his students. He’s a lovely guy and the university should really give him a raise, he’s one of the best professors I’ve ever had. He is the kind of man that makes Lit worth studying. Lot of students are auditors, though. And he does NOT play about his rat of a dog and do NOT call his dog a rat to his face.
“Great job today, guys, you know my office hours if you need them!” Charles says as he folds a copy of the complete works of William Shakespeare into a cavity in his bookcase. His students file out, smiling and groaning and heaving towards the exits like a fragmented horde. Finally, he is left alone, and he sinks into a chair as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Rough day?” Carlos asks. Carlos is another English teacher, and someone who Charles has grown to adore over the years. He glances up at the guy, who is stood in his doorway with a hand running up the frame.
“Yeah. You could say that. Max is complaining to the higher ups about the number of auditors of my class.”
“You know why you have so many auditors, right?” Carlos asks. Carlos is the only other teacher at FIA with a similar number of students that audit the class, and there’s one reason for that.
“Course. I’m not stupid, but what if there are people that actually want to just… audit it? Max needs to mind his own. Maybe if he didn’t drive so many students to tears-”
“Hey. Max is a good guy and he cares about his kids.” Carlos says. He has always been level-headed, mostly, but he will defend Max to the ends of the earth just because they shared their first year teaching at FIA together. It doesn’t seem to matter to Carlos that Max only had to half-complete a PGCE before FIA hired him. The slew of shitty nicknames the students give him don’t seem to shake Carlos’s confidence, even with the rise of Mad Max among the staff. Then again, that one’s been a thing since before Charles joined FIA.
“Yeah. I’m sure he does.” Charles says with the confidence of a man who is not, in fact, sure that Max cares at all. He cares about his precious research, and the kids are a distraction from what he could be doing. Max loves studying victims of abuse and neglect, all sorts of awful stuff that makes Charles wonder what drives someone to be so sick that they like surrounding themself with that kind of inhumanity on a day to day basis. Carlos shakes his head.
“You don’t understand Max.”
“I’m sure I don’t.” Charles says, because he isn’t sure what exactly about Mad Max Verstappen has inspired such loyalty in one of his best friends. “Arthur was asking about you.”
“Yeah? How is little Leclerc?”
“Little Leclerc is a dog.” Charles grins reflexively, as he usually does when talking about baby Leo. “But Arthur’s okay, the racing thing’s going well for him.”
“I watched him in, F2 it must be now!” Carlos grins, and they’re back to their easy conversations and their easy routines.
RE: Professor Leclerc’s auditors.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Hi.
I have copied in Prof Leclerc as requested. I am concerned that students are wasting time auditing classes they have no inclination to take as a result of Professor Leclerc’s distracting nature. I propose that we at least attempt to reduce Professor Leclerc’s auditors so that students can better focus on the classes that actually contribute to their degrees. I am hearing lots about burnout and stress from students that are overstretching themselves, and I don’t see what a Shakespeare module has to do with students going for a Psychology degree.
Thanks.
Max Verstappen.
RE: Professor Leclerc’s auditors.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Hi all.
I am sorry to hear of Max’s concerns, but I have been hearing much less about burnout from my own students, irrespective of the amount of classes they are auditing. Given that Professor Verstappen’s course load is seemingly very strenuous, if he is gravely worried regarding the mental health of the students entrusted to him, perhaps he should revise the content of his modules. Furthermore, I query why Professor Verstappen is so concerned over a minority of his students that choose to audit my class in their own time, and I remind him that Shakespeare forms a backbone of our civilisation. The Bard’s work is crucial for all of us, even in our day to day life, but those who have not been taught to appreciate it may not be able to see it.
Thank you
Charles Leclerc.
RE: Professor Leclerc’s auditors.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Hi.
My course load is fine. If they find it strenuous, then Psychology may not be the degree for them. It is obviously a bit dark so it makes sense that some of them may not like it or engage with it as fully as they may lighter topics like the Tempest. The issue is, as you are well aware, many students do not know what is best for them and seem to enjoy looking at Mr Leclerc when they should really be engaging in studies more effectively. And the Bard is someone they can enjoy in their own time if they feel so strongly about it, but I am not confident any of those auditing Mr Leclerc’s class would be able to pass a pub quiz about Shakespeare, much less be finding any real relation to their daily lives within his prose.
Thanks
Max Verstappen.
RE: Professor Leclerc’s auditors.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Hi all.
My correct title is Professor Leclerc, and lots of us put much effort into earning our qualifications, so I would appreciate it if mine were respected especially in formal channels of communication. Professor Verstappen seems to believe both that his students can be trusted to know what is best from them when engaging in severe and upsetting topics, but not while enjoying Shakespeare, which he believes is “light”. While I cannot expect my colleagues to appreciate the greatest mind in English literature, I can expect the basics of common courtesy and decency from them. I suggest that Professor Verstappen reviews his argument and determines his genuine views on the matter before we all read another series of emails that are mostly without merit.
Thank you.
Charles Leclerc.
RE: Professor Leclerc’s auditors.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected], [email protected]
Hello.
It seems as though there is discontent here. I have no time to meet with you when the matter you are arguing over is somewhat trivial in my view. Students are adults and should choose to spend their time how they see fit when it is in line with university regulations.
Thanks,
MBS.
“It is bullshit.” Max says to Daniel Ricciardo, a professor of Psychology. Daniel is a good psychologist, but his crowning achievement is likely that he is of the few people ever to truly understand the inner workings of Max Verstappen. Instead of making a joke about Mad Max, therefore, Daniel just laughs easily.
“Yeah, mate. Charles Leclerc, the final boss of integrity and mental health, is the evil that preys on students.”
“Well, why does he defend his right to auditors this much? Surely he knows they’re all there for his- for his, y’know!”
“What was it you said? Sculpted nose, chiselled jawline, the spark in his eyes, his dedication and commitment to everything-”
“Yes, that!” Max snaps. Daniel laughs again, and this one feels very mocking, actually. “What? If I can’t ignore him to get on with my work, how can I expect the students to?”
“Well, they find his class very easy.”
“So he isn’t challenging them?”
“Or he has pitched the class incredibly well to the level of his teaching and his students.” Daniel argues.
“Why do you like the guy so much?”
“Because when you figure out why you hate him so much, I want to be there with an I told you so.” Daniel grins.
“Whatever. I have a class to teach.”
“Yeah, yeah, Romeo.”
“What the fuck is a Romeo, Daniel, I am Dutch-”
The door shuts behind a retreating Daniel Ricciardo. Max groans and begins to set up his whiteboard for Abuse on the Psyche, along with a list of content warnings (even though he already warned them in person last lesson, and via the school communication channel). His students gradually file through, mostly chatting to their friends without sparing him a glance. Kimi’s talking to Isack, and Kimi definitely has yet to pick a real degree. He signed up for finance but has spent more time in Max’s psych modules than in George’s accounting seminars, so that’s probably going to bite him later. Isack, meanwhile, had to make new friends in his flat after Liam left halls and- Jesus, Kimi’s been talking to him too much. Max can’t help but indulge the kid, he loves psychology and he listens well and asks the right kind of questions. Isack does not give a fuck about Max and that suits Max, too, but he keeps waiting for Kimi as the kid chats to Max.
At about five minutes after his lesson is scheduled to begin, he starts teaching. He doesn’t believe in PowerPoints, much to his students’ chagrin, but he’ll put a summary up afterwards for the kids who don’t turn up. He’s not their mum, he’s not going to mandate them coming to every class or hold their grade over their head about it. Charles Leclerc hates it, he always has a full class, but Charles also has an easier subject to teach. Charles always has, like, a thousand kids easily learning about gender dynamics, but Max is getting the kids who want to learn about the long-term effects of childhood abuse and neglect. He’s not going to be crueller to them than the world has been already.
He starts lecturing and he doesn’t stop, as per usual. He always wings his lectures with a hope and a dream and then comes to an hour later having taught what he intended to most of the time. The Byzantine Empire lecture was an outlier. As was the time he flashed through flags and grew increasingly irritated by his students failing to name them correctly. He still has a framed, “It’s the Seychelles, HOW are you not getting this?” in his office from one of the kids that year. Daniel thinks his style is funny as a concept, but he can’t replicate it to save his life.
He’s wrapping up class and Kimi is sidling up to his desk, making himself at home as usual. “Max?” He asks, Italian accent prominent against the final letter.
“Hi.” Max says, erasing his whiteboard. He doesn’t have a class next, so he’s planning on stopping to get a meal deal or steal some of Daniel’s food. “You know Ollie?” Kimi asks, and Max could actually cry.
Ollie Bearman. Charles Leclerc’s little prodigy of a poet, and Kimi Antonelli’s little crush. Max hates the idea of the guy, but that’s neither here nor there, Daniel says he seems like a sweet kid from the faculty mixers that Max flatly refuses to attend. Charles usually brings Ollie, no doubt a reminder from when Sebastian Vettel brought Charles.
“Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept.” Max says.
“So, he’s talking to Gabi- Bortoleto, right? And it’s like, do you even care about me?”
Once more, Max could cry. He wants to care about Kimi’s teenage drama, but unfortunately, it keeps involving the wrong people. Gabi is getting a degree in Psych, too, and Max adores the kid. Max was a name on his references after they met repeatedly in Psychology lectures throughout the country, and Gabi still shows up to Max’s office hours to bother him, to get advice and to generally be one of his favourite nuisances.
“I’m sure Leclerc’s boy actually cares about you, Kimi, but Daniel would maybe say you should communicate clearly about what you want.”
“But that’s scary.”
“Yep. I think that’s love, kid.” Max says, instead of thinking about anything relevant to his own life.
Communication is less than Daniel cracks it up to be - communicating never really helped him dodge blows from his dad. What helped there was shutting up, internalising everything and showing up to be better than before, but Daniel doesn’t get it. Daniel got into psychology to help people, and into teaching because helping people is a job where there are very limited employment opportunities. Max got into psychology to help himself. It means Max usually butts heads with Daniel’s problem solving nature. Kimi doesn’t seem to agree with Daniel, either, but doesn’t voice it.
“See you, Max!” He says instead, chirped over shoulder as he leaves the room to where Isack is no doubt waiting. Max picks up his bag, waits a moment and then exits the hall, flicking the light switch as he goes.
The staff room is, as is typical, dead. The beige walls house shadows from a light that’s far too yellow to not cause intense drowsiness from unsuspecting souls seeking their lunch. Max sneaks to the fridge and grabs out a tub that is Daniel’s, picking at the pasta. Dan doesn’t normally go for pasta, more of a couscous and salad guy, but he’s a good enough chef. This pasta, however, is beautiful, and Max makes a note to nose at the recipe until Daniel, once more, gives in.
max
mate what is this pasta recipe it’s actually fire
daniel
pasta recipe?
max
from the lunch im not stealing???
daniel
max. i didn’t bring pasta.
max
ah. fuck.
it’s your tub tho??? ive stolen enough food to know???
daniel
… me and charles go to the same chinese.
that’s where i get all my tubs
max
no.
no charles can NOT make pasta this good don’t be silly
daniel
mate. you’ve stolen the guys lunch im cryinggggg
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Hi,
Wanted to extend a profound apology I thought your lunch was Daniel’s (aka mine to have). Have eaten it. Let me know how to make this up to you, I am genuinely sorry.
Thanks
Max Verstappen
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Hi,
This news is quite distressing to me, not going to lie. You’re welcome to get me lunch today in order to begin the atonement for your careless actions. Choose well, Max.
Thank you
Charles Leclerc
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Hi,
Your benevolence is appreciated. Any preferences over food? Side note, if you’re willing to share your pasta recipe that is very much welcome.
Thanks,
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Hi,
I’m interested to see what you come up with when left to your own devices. Within reason, I will not demand further recompense if I just don’t like your selection.
Thank you
Charles
PS if you can pry the recipe out of my maman’s hands you’re welcome to it. I haven’t managed and I’m her favourite son.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Hi,
Your challenge will be risen to, monsieur. I will get you your lunch.
Thanks
Max
PS your maman won’t know what hit her, i am getting this recipe so I can butcher it.
max
what do you get a guy for lunch if you know nothing about him
daniel
ive been instructed not to provide aid.
max
BY WHO????
operation lestappening
daniel
crynggggg max took charless lunch thinking its mine pls god let this hppen
carlos
we can work with this!
george
still dont know why im here btw
daniel
shut up GEORGE youre invested
george
I LIKE DRAMA THAT’S NOT A CRIME
I DONT WANT TO BE PART OF THE DRAMA
carlos
NOBODY MOVE LESTAPPEN IS HAPPENINGGGG
george
WHAT
daniel
mr nonchalant btw <3
george
stfu carlos is typing
carlos
charles is making max get him lunch
ew my brothers are getting together #incest
daniel
why would u say that NOW
okay whats max getting him
carlos
idk charles didnt say
CHARLES DIDNT TELL HIM WHAT TO GET IM CRYING
daniel
he knows max is the kind of guy to wear an fia hoodie everyday right
he knows amx doesnt fine dine
he knows max also cannot cook for his life right
HE KNOWS HELL BE DISAPPOINTED RIGHT
carlos
yes dont help him this is gonna be funny
Max is not freaking out. Shut up.
He and Charles are of course not friends and he hates Charles, but he has genuinely done wrong here. He should attempt at least to genuinely fix this.
“Sir? Do you need help?” The woman at the counter asks. He’s definitely been stood there too long debating.
“Look, I’m- I stole my colleague’s lunch by accident and now I’m trying to fix it but he’s not being helpful and I think he’s using this as like, a learning opportunity?”
“Oh. Professor Leclerc?”
“How did you know?” Max groans.
“You’re stood in a place ten minutes from campus in an FIA hoodie.” She deadpans, wrinkling her nose as she sets to work. “Look, this is a fuckass order, okay? But he loves it dearly, so you shouldn’t point out the fact it’s weird as fuck.”
“What is it?” Max asks, peering over the counter at her work.
“Sausage sandwich with onion chutney.”
“Ew.”
“It’s honestly not as bad as it sounds.” She says. “I tried it once, since the guy swears by it.”
“Agree to disagree.” Max says judgmentally. She snickers, handing him a card machine with a total already loaded up. He pays it without really looking. “Thanks. You’re a life-saver.”
“You would’ve stood at those boards all day, huh?”
“Yeah.” Max says glumly.
“Look, Professor, while you’re here… could my friend get extra-credit, it’s just-”
“Do I look like I care about an excuse?”
“No, sir, sorry, sir, just her mum-”
“She can have it. Obviously. Just tell her to write me an essay on something she found genuinely interesting, please.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”
“And please, everyone calls me Max.”
Sandwich in hand, Max heads back towards campus. Mission one complete. He gives Carlos the sandwich to give to Charles so that the guy doesn’t have to see him and Max can get back to work.
He has marking to do and a lesson to bullshit, after all.
charles
he got my order :(
carlos
none of us helped
maybe he just paid attention?
charles
hes never seen me eat :(
carlos
why are you so upset about this
charles
because he CHEATED
i wanted to see what he would guess :(
carlos
…why
charles
idk man
carlos
is it perhaps because you have a huge crush on mr “i give my students content warnings like 5 months in advance”
charles
I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON MAX
carlos
not on mr “kimi antonelli adores me”?
charles
its not my concern what ollies bf does
carlos
not on mr “handsome and supports everyone’s dreams”?
charles
NO why ru so insistent on this
carlos
IVE HAD TO BE IN A ROOM WITH BOTH OF YOU
charles
he is not a good teacher! who would do that as a subject and specialty
carlos
okay you need to stop now
i know youre denying for fun and all because u know ur big brother carlos knows ur full of shit
but max is a good teacher and he cares and I think you’d agree with him more than u know
charles
I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM
carlos
just ask him on a date! it’s not that hard
charles
absolutely not
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Max,
Did you cheat to get this? :(
Where is your sense of whimsy?
Thanks,
Charles
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Charles,
I was unaware there were rules to getting your colleague lunch. In future, precision would be appreciated in the setup of a premise before you declare that I have cheated in some way.
Thanks
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Max,
If you could obey the spirit of the premise and not the letter I think we will both agree that you cheated.
Thanks,
Charles
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Charles,
We cannot both agree on that. Enjoy your lunch. What’s your maman’s email btw I’m getting that recipe.
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Max,
I can’t just give you maman’s email. You’ll have to attend family dinner if you even want to BEGIN communicating with maman. And, again, she’s guarded that recipe with her life, there’s no way you’re getting it.
Charles
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Agree to disagree, but I can’t force myself into family dinner. Let’s not be silly here. What would your family even think?
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
I don’t know, my family are off the walls. Someone isn’t getting the recipe this way, is all.
Charles
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
FINE. What will we tell them?
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Tell them we’re dating or something, justifies you being there, but you HAVE to give me the recipe if we do this.
Charles
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
This is ridiculous. Your maman’s pasta might just be worth it though. I believe the phrase is, fuck it we ball.
Max.
RE: iou
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
Excellent! I’ll see you there.
Charles
charles
carlos remind me never to make a joke again
ive got a fucking date with max verstappen.