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I don't really know how Pat and I got into this mess. When this whole “mission” thing started, I barely knew him. I’ve forgotten why we’re trapped here. I haven’t been keeping track of the weeks I've been in this loop. Apparently, we were supposed to for some reason, but me nor Pat really kept count. Worse case scenario, it ends up being important and we just count all the scars on Patrick.
Patrick frequently gets hurt. He's a lot clumsier than I am. Of all the people I could be trapped with, Patrick was definitely not going to be anywhere close to my first choice. He’s gotten us in trouble? Before. Patrick has more weaknesses than strengths. A lot of the levels we’ve done before have involved being quiet, something he's insanely bad at. He’s not stealthy whatsoever and is way too trusting of people who, 9 out of 10 times, end up being entities.
Sometimes the narrator tells us about the level, sometimes the narrator doesn't. Sometimes there's something chasing us and sometimes we’re alone. Hell sometimes we’re on a fucking vaction there is no way of knowing what comes next.
You eventually stop counting the weeks because it's not worth it. Patrick likes to carry a journal around with him tracking the weeks as they go by. It's the only thing he's held on to since the very beginning of, whatever this is.
I don’t know if I can carry on with this any longer. Each week we’re in life of death scenarios we barely survive. At this point, I don’t even consider life worth living anymore. But then I remember that I'm a part of a team. Me dying would significantly affect Patrick, and he's someone who wants to keep living.
I don’t care about getting home anymore, I've forgotten what home even is. I don’t know who I was or why I'm like this. I don’t remember if I had a family or a partner or friends before all this. But Patrick does. He's always on about what he’ll do when he gets home. I haven’t had the heart to tell him that I don’t think we’re ever gonna get home.
Patrick always talks about what he did before this. Apparently, he and I used to go to the same university. He said he was a film major, and was barely passing that class but loved it anyway. He also said he "doesn't quite remember” what I did but it was important. He said he has a cousin and I have a sister.
I don’t remember what my sister was like, or who she is. Patrick said she was insanely kind and always had a smile on her face. I wish I remembered her. Patrick writes names he remembers in his journal. He's only recalled three but that's more than I could think of. After all, I only know his.
I hope we get out of here some day, I really do.
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Week: ??? I thought it was 376 but tanya insist its 789 based off how many scars I have
Names:
Fiona
Penelope
Tanya(just incase she forgets this to)
This week, we’re at a vacation level. The narrator said that there are no entities on board with us and we should just relax for the next seven days.
I'm sad I don’t remember more of my friends. I still have the feeling of missing them even though I'm not quite sure who they are. I miss Fiona a lot though, I really hope she's doing well. Sometimes I wonder if the memories I have are real, or if my mind is making up things to stay sane.
Since it's a vacation level, I figured that I should celebrate my birthday. Im not sure what day it is, and im positive that ist not my real birthday today. But I think celebrating it would be a good use of the time Tanya and I have here. This level lets us basically get anything we want, i wish the levels were always like this.
Tanya is convinced the narrator is lying to us and that we’re somehow not alone. Everytime she sees me she asks me weird ass questions that apparently “only the real Patrick would know.” She's done that 16 times today and it's only the first day of the week. I don’t know much about why we’re here, I just know the narrator seems to be the only thing that never lies.
I don’t know why she's convinced I'm fake all the time. Almost every level we never split up for a second, it's been over a year you’d think she’d know who I am by now. I don’t think Tanya ever wants to get back. Every day is a bad day for Tanya. She doesn't remember anything about herself anymore. The only thing she knows is her name(sometimes).
I hope that one day she’ll wake up and remember everything before this. She forgot that she has a whole ass sister waiting for her. She doesn't bother keeping track of the days or weeks anymore, sometimes she doesn't even remember there's a narrator. The only thing that she always seems to remember is that she knows me for some weird reason.
I hope one day we break out of here. I really do.
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This week, Patrick and I got a "vacation" level. Every, maybe i’d said around 100 weeks the narrator blesses us with a vacation week. I prefer trails that test strength,honestly. I feel like everytime we get a break I go more and more insane.
This week, me and Patrick were placed on a cruise ship and told we could do and get whatever we wanted. I don’t buy these “fun shits and giggles” levels. I'm convinced that it's always a trap, even though logically I know it's not.
Patricks convinced im “going insane” from all this. He’s not wrong but hearing him tell me that hurts for some reason. I'm convinced every single time I see him and need to triple check to make sure it's really him and not some "entity." So far, every one of my 17 times seemed to be Patrick, which is good. Patrick told me that I should spend less time patrolling the place and more time sleeping.
Patrick said we should “celebrate our birthdays” this week because we usually don’t get off weeks like this. I might as well, there's nothing else here to do. Sometimes I think about why I do this. Why I just keep going through the weeks and weeks? Why don't I just end it all. The only reason I can think of right now is Patrick.
Patrick always says what he's gonna do when he gets back. He talks about all the musical theatre performances him and his cousin are gonna see. I wish I remembered my sister. Patrick gives me information on her as he remembers it. He said she was”Just like you! But shorter, without glasses, nicer, honestly she wasn't like you at all but you looked kinda similar”! He says her name was Penny and she worked at a coffee shop. I really wish one day I will remember who she is.
He tells me I was always fighting with this girl named “Scarlet” all the time. He said it seemed “pretty gay.” He said that he remembered that I was important. I don’t know how I was important, I just knew I was. He said that I was always seen either yelling or writing all the time, always focussed on my studies. I want to miss who I was back then, but I'm not sure who I was.
I'm not quite sure how time passes here. It's at least 2 years and Patrick looks no older than he was when we first started this mess. We don’t know what time it could possibly be on most levels. Sometimes the clocks are lying, so I've learned not to rely on them.
Sometimes the levels have weird rules the narrator tells us. The rules and levels are always very specific. Me and Patrick always think we’ve seen it all, but every week we are surprised with what we get placed in next. We’ve been to places ranging from Ikea, to an amusement park, to the fukcing Backrooms. Our stuff almost always gets reset. The only things we’ve managed to keep track of since the beginning are my glasses and his journal.
Some levels are nicer than others. Usually we’re provided a week worth of food, a week worth of water, and the narrators weird ass rules. We’ve done everything from playing rock paper scissors for food to running away from a clown. I'm convinced whoever's making these levels just puts us through the first idea they think of. There's a lot of questions I have about the world, but i’ve learned that looking for clues increases the risk of death. The only consent objective is to survive the week.
Last week, Pat and I were placed in a bright white room with the objective of “don't go insane.” The week before that, we were in a submarine where the only way to get more food was to swim all the way deep deep down in the water and pray you’d make it up in time. There are almost always entities on levels, varying in difficulty and what they do. Some of them try to get inside, others just make random noises to kill your sanity.
Patrick seems to view these entities as “friends.” I really wish I was joking but he trusts almost anyone or thing that knocks at our door. That's part of why I'm always so hesitant to sleep. Patrick is so unreliable that I can’t trust him too, not even to open the door to strangers. I don't know why I'm stuck with him specifically, or why we’re stuck here, but after the first 100 weeks I gave up trying to find answers.
The levels that scare me the most are ones that require two to do. My mentality is, that if I could do it alone, I could do it with Patrick. But levels that require both people to work are the ones that frighten me. The ones that require constant attention and hyperspecific rules are the ones Patrick struggles with the most, the only levels harder for him being the ones where silence is required.
Still, I don’t think I'd wanna be going through these with anyone else. After all, I don't remember anyone that could be a better partner. I use Patrick as a way to track time. Every level he either finds a way to accumulate a new scar, or we manually add one. Self harm is awful, but we’re both aware it's the only way to be at least 70% certain about what week it is.
Sometimes I think Patrick believes I only care about him as an item, but that's not true. He is the only thing left for me to care about. Over time I saw him less as a burden and more as a younger sibling in a way. He’s not entirely wrong though. I’ve harmed him before for my own time tracking benefit. I do use him as an “object” sometimes. But I know without him, I would’ve gone insane a long time ago. He's the only one left to understand me.
I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
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