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The void was no place for a human, so it made sense the real exit had been there all along. With Caine gone, there was no actual risk of getting caught by going into the void, but being there had a catch: whoever went in wouldn't be able to get out on their own. Zooble and Kinger had figured this out when he slipped in and, while he could move, a way out always seemed too far to reach, like Zooble was drawing further away the more Kinger tried to approach them. It wasn't until Zooble attached a couple of arm spares to themselves that they could help Kinger get out. So the problem persisted, withouth Caine there to help them there was only one way to get out of the void, and no real guarantee on how to reach the exit. The only clue they had was the minuscule glimpse of a black rectangle far too deep into the void for anyone to dare investigate it.
The circus was crumbling around them, very few areas were safe to use at this point, and if they didn't come up with a plan they'd all be doomed. Kinger was lucid enough thanks to the bucket on his head, but kept saying that leaving the circus was not an option for him, or Queenie, or Scratch. Every single one of his friends and colleagues has abstracted before the solution to an exit came around. So he had no idea if that black space at the far "end"— the void had no end but it became easier to call it that— of the void would save them or condemn them.
Gangle suggested attaching someone to a long rope and letting them venture into the void until they reached the black rectangle. Not a bad idea, but if it turned out to be a black hole of some sorts, whoever was holding the rope would instantly get sucked in along the other person. So not an option.
Pomni felt her head heavy, her arms tired and her feet were burning from running around so much with everyone else. Time was running out, either they found a path towards an exit or they'd have to make one. The sensible thing to do, and the only clue they'd gotten, was to see what that black thing in the void was about and create a way out with it. As far she knew she hadn't come up with that, unlike the other exit door, nor had anyone else.
She felt it, the tight knot in her stomach that came with probably the most important decision she'd have to make since coming around the circus. But they had no choice, and she desperately wanted to give Zooble and Gangle the happiness they deserved, to give Ragatha the chance to start again in her own terms, give Kinger the opportunity to live a peaceful life… To give Jax another day, another chance to let him talk to someone, even if that someone was no longer her.
"If one of us has to 'die' or something, let me do it," Jax said abruptly.
Everyone turned their head around.
"Now, Jax, let's not get ahead of ourselves—" Kinger began.
"No. This will save everyone. You all want a way out, I'm the only one who's unsure, I… I know you guys know that when I pressed the button it was Caine making me do it, yes, but it was also me being selfish, so I let him get to my head. I said it didn't matter, and it probably didn't, but none of us knew that back then. And I'm sorry," Jax started walking towards a piece of floor that had broken off, the void looming and blinding white below that. He didn't even once glance at the others while he talked.
"Jax, wait," Pomni walked towards him but stopped along the way, not wanting to startle him.
"Let it go, Pompom, it was over a long time ago anyways," Jax took a step forward and fell. Pomni yelled and lunged forward to take his hand, everyone else did the same for Pomni. Gangle was able to grab her last second.
Pomni held one of Jax's hands tightly with both of hers, Gangle only held onto Pomni from one of her feet, everyone else was holding Gangle so she didn't slip as well.
"Jax, don't. Don't be like this, not now; not to me," Pomni's voice was strained, but full of intent.
"God, you're pushy. Don't you get it? I'm going to abstract anyway, me disappearing in there isn't going to matter," Jax narrowed his eyes and tried saying it in a nonchalant way, but the secret was out now.
The revelation didn't come as a full surprise to everyone, especially Zooble who'd noticed the weird way Jax was acting since a while ago, but it still stung. No matter how annoying or impossible or downright infuriating Jax was, he was still one of them, no one wanted to actually leave him behind.
"No! I can't- I can't leave you here!" Pomni shook her head violently, Gangle's grip on her faltered but remained.
"Do you really think preventing me from saving you all is the right thing to do?! You're not being cool, Pomni, you're just avoiding the truth!"
"Well, you try giving away what you want most in life and maybe we'll be even in looking pathetic in front of everyone!" Pomni's eyes started to well with tears, heavy and very real ones; it was hard to believe they were digital.
"I already am! It's you, dumbfuck, it's you!" Jax yelled at the top of his lungs.
Another confession that didn't come off as a surprise, though only for Zooble. Kinger, Ragatha and Gangle gasped so loudly it might have ruined the atmosphere had it not been for the very dire situation at hand.
"Whether luck or fate or whatever, we weren't meant to… Pft. No point in saying it now, is it?" Jax tried to smile, he failed miserably.
"What if you're wrong? What if it's me who should go in there? We don't even know what you're gonna find, please don't make me let go!" Pomni's voice grew more raw, her usual demeanor completely lost.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Pomni."
"It does! It does because I still haven't heard you say it!"
"And you're not gonna! Not like I could show it. Think about it, Pompom, if I loved you as you deserved I couldn't own to it, so it's a lost cause!" Jax's eyes were starting to fill with tears as well.
"No! Say it properly!" Pomni tightened her grip on Jax's hand.
"Pomni, this is the only way I can say it. I want to save you, I want you to get out there and live a better life than I did. So let go, now!" He started to move so Pomni's hold could sooner or later give away.
"Stop saying my name, stop it!"
"Not a chance!" he retorted.
"You're not being funny and you're not cool!"
"But you are smarter than this, Pompom, I know you are," he said, he hoped only she heard him.
"Don't do it," she begged. If she could've, she'd drop on her knees and take his place anytime. Jax only shook his head, he could feel her grip growing weaker, he'd be free soon.
He gave himself permission to stare at her teary faced, even when panicked she looked as mesmerizing as ever. If he were braver, he'd muster up the strength to hug her and kiss her one last time. But Jax had always been a coward and he wanted to die a coward.
"Pomni, if things were different… If we were human, would you let me say it properly?" Jax looked into her pinwheel eyes and managed to draw a smile, the only warm smile he'd allow himself to give her.
Pomni started sobbing.
"As many times as you want," she assured him. That's all he needed to know.
"So let me go," he asked. Her expression became rougher, pained, and wrinkly from all the sorrow.
"Say my name one more time," she pleaded, her voice a thin line.
"Pomni," he obliged with a teary smile.
She let go. Gangle and everyone else pulled Pomni up, but she just lay with her knees to the floor, sobbing and shaking. Jax was being rapidly absorbed by the void, he thought that was how skydiving must have felt, the black rectangle in the distance growing bigger as he came closer to it. He closed his eyes, he only thought about how Pomni's hands felt around his.
They'd see each other again, someday, when their bodies were made of flesh and their fates different from this one. His name a human one, her name different, human too, but lovely all over again. And it would work because the black thing was an exit, only a threatening looking one. Nevertheless, right now, he could only fall.