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Haymitch’s role in the wedding planning was listening to Effie do the bulk of it, since his own knowledge of Capitol trends, fashions, and customs was limited to the annual ritual murder of children and didn’t extend much beyond that. Effie had a much better sense of what a Capitol wedding looked like, and what would please their guests and audience, so their planning phone calls were mostly Effie making suggestions and Haymitch evaluating how much of that particular brand of the Capitol’s extravagance and opulent indulgence Katniss could be convinced to tolerate.
Occasionally, though, Effie sought more substantial input from him.
“Do you want to give Katniss away?” she asked, earnestly.
Haymitch processed the question for a moment. Then snorted.
“Sure,” he said, “She’s a pain to deal with. Feel free to come take her off my hands, the sooner the better. I miss when I only had to deal with teenagers for a week at a time.”
Effie didn’t even bother to call him out on that blatant lie. “I was speaking of walking her down the aisle during the wedding,” she said with a huff, as though he needed that explained to him. “Traditionally it’s the bride’s father, or another older male relative, but all Katniss has is that cousin of hers and he’s much too close in age.”
Yeah, Haymitch could just imagine that disaster of awkward tension of having Gale Hawthorne give Katniss away at her wedding.
He half thought about suggesting that Effie ask Gale anyway, just because the looks on both Gale and Katniss’s faces at the idea would be hilarious. But the call had been dragging on long enough and Haymitch found himself overdue for a drink, so he refrained.
“Yeah, alright. I’ll do it,” he said. The cameras would love it, and that was what mattered here, wasn’t it? It wasn’t as though it was real, and even if it had been, the Capitol’s big show still wouldn’t be the wedding Katniss cared about. Walking down the aisle wasn’t a tradition that she (or that Burdock would have, for that matter) put much importance on, so Haymitch doubted that he’d be overstepping by taking that on.
And if he had, well, he and Katniss could just toss insults at each other until she felt comfortable with how things stood between them again.
“Great!” Effie said, sounding genuinely enthusiastic about it. “I think it’ll look wonderful, you giving away one of your victors to the other. You could even cry a little about it, if you want to.”
He would not be doing that. Effie might be right, it could appeal to the audience, the silly drunk rascal having an emotional side, but Katniss would glare at him and that wouldn’t play very well with the cameras at all.
That day’s call finally ended, and Haymitch, exhausted, looked around for a bottle. Taking a swig, he slumped into his chair.
Wedding planning. At least it was better than the usual funeral planning.