Work Text:
*Knock knock*
“Dave! Get the door!”
“You’re right there. Get it youself.”
“Can’t!”
“Why the fuck not, Bro?”
“Playing Mad Snax, Yo: Extreme Edition. Door. Get it.”
You groan in annoyance, but expected no less from Bro. You haul yourself off your bed and walk to the door as whoever’s at the door knocks again.
You can’t help but wonder who could possibly be at the door. It ain’t Tavros, he’d never make it up the stairs, even with his new, shiny legwear. Vantas wouldn’t bother even knockin’ politely even if he did go out of his way to visit. He’d be poundin’ and swearin’ his way up the stairs because, well, he’d be goin’ up the fuckin’ stairs.
You’re brought up short by the goofy lookin’ kid in a dress shirt. Because he’s wearin’ dress pants, dress shoes, dress shirt AND a tie. In TEXAS. How was he not sweatin’ balls in that getup? You figure you should say somethin’ instead of staring indiscriminately at the teeth, which are not tucked neatky in his mouth like his momma’s favorite kid at bedtime. And really, those square frames on his face ain’t really helpin’ any.
So you give him your standard, “Yo. Sup?”
Then says the dreaded, for most, introduction; with the biggest, most fuckin’ sincere lookin’, teeth blindin’ smile that you can’t even believe someone of his type can give. So it was time to play.
“Hello; my name is elder Egbert, and I would like to share with you the most amazing book—“
“Whoa, hold your horses, dude.” You, very sincerely, place you right hand over your heart. “First of all; I’m deeply flattered that you walked up 15 stories, just to see me. I know because the elevator’s broken.” You hold up two fingers as the kid’s smile seemed to just get even larger.
“Secondly, I apologize in advance, but I can’t just let any poor sap into my room on a whim. Haven’t you ever heard of the three-date rule?” You shrug and watch him blink slowly in confusion. “I mean, sweet Mary and Joseph, we haven’t even reach first base yet.”
He pales and you scratch the back of your head.
“T-that’s not my intention at all!” He squeaks out, gripping what you assume is his Bible or whatever. He takes a deep breath and sighs, almost immediately calms down. You’ll just have to try harder. Or not, cause you don’t need to try. You’re a strider.
“I’ll have you know that I am a Mormon, and it’s my mission to spread the word of God!” He gestures with the book.
“Oh.” You stare at the ground for a second; the kid just keeps quiet. When you look at him again, you can tell he’s hesitant to hear you speak again. You ignore that. “In that case, is it true that you guys wear that weird scratchy underwear all the time,” You lean closer to him and whisper, “Or do I have to find out myself?”
“I’m…” He was sweating, and his face was slowly goin’ red. Man, to be a fly on the wall of his brain right now. “I’m just going to leave now, sir…”
You pull a card out of your back pocket that just happens to have your number on it. It’s a business card, and no, you don’t just put your name and phone number on cards just to give them out to people you hit on. Though that would be hella Ironic.
“Well, if you’ll be stickin’ ‘round these parts, here’s my number.” He takes the card, probably outta politeness. “Also, I hope ya don’t mind if I take this.” You swipe the book out of his hands and step back to your door.
“See ya ‘round, Egbert.” You slide your sunglasses down just enough to let him see you wink, then close the door to your apartment.
“Who was it?” Bro asked, not lookin’ away from the screen.
“Jahova’s witnesses again.”
“Oh.”
“Here. I got you a free book.” You toss it at Bro and it hits the back of his head.
“OW! What the fuck Dave!”